Phoenix Ashes Chapter 4

I ducked under the fence, and walked into the canopy of leaves. Outside of the fences of District Twelve, I normally thought, alone, away from everyone, everything. Away from the advice, sad and wary stares, or good intentions that characterize the time I spend with Haymitch, my mother, Prim, and occasionally Peeta. They all have good intentions, but I don't want that. I go to the forest to be free. But not today, today I have another reason. I have to talk to Gale.

Gale and I hadn't spoken. He was still down below the earth; working in the mines last night when I brought over the squirrels for his family, and that wasn't odd. I vaguely remembered miner's hours from when my father was still alive, even though it was painful to go into those memories. Their hours are very early mornings into late afternoons and early evenings. Their only day off when the mines were closed was Sunday, a long standing tradition going so far back that we didn't even remember why that was the day chosen anymore.

Gale would be in the woods on Sundays, hunting. I knew this not only because this was our designated day for hunting from before the Tour, but after the Games. I knew this because Gale needed meat for his family, not only to eat but to trade with, and Sunday was the only day he could get it himself. Before everything, we hunted whenever we could, be it before school in the wee morning hours, in the afternoon sun, or in whatever free time we had.

I grabbed my quiver of arrows and my bow from their designated places, and strode into the clearing where we had spent the morning of the reaping, half-expecting to see him there, but he wasn't. The clearing was obviously different, covered in a blanket of snow. Although it had just snowed last night, leaving a fresh new blanket of snow in its wake, animals had already left tracks. I leaned down, recognizing squirrel and rabbit tracks. The rabbit's looked promising; its tracks were relatively fresh in the packed snow. I took an arrow out of my quiver, and positioned it on the bow's string. I moved swiftly though the trees, trying to move alongside the rabbit's tracks as silently as possible. This is what felt natural to me. This is what I excelled in, hunting in the woods, finding game for my family. Even if this time it was for the Hawthornes, the other part of Gale and I's blended family unit.

I tracked the rabbit farther and farther into the woods. I knew that I should be looking for Gale, but I didn't expect him to be anywhere near the edge of the woods. He'd be checking and setting up snares, and attempting to hunt smaller game. And, I hoped that if I brought him a rabbit, it could be used as some sort of peace offering, as Gale wasn't one who hid his feelings, at all, under any circumstance. I just knew something was wrong. Gale wouldn't care if there was President Snow himself standing on that train station platform with a dozen peacekeepers, if he was happy with me and he missed me he would've embraced me after my family had.

Suddenly, the rabbit tracks stopped. There was a drop or two of blood on the white ground. Next to the crimson blood was a footprint in the snow. To be more specific, a distinctly male imprint of a boot, with slight traces of coal dust in the crevices. Gale was never as good at making clean kills. I lowered my bow so that it was pointing at the ground. So much for that peace offering, Gale had gotten to it first himself. I looked at Gale's footprints. They went north, and into a thick batch of trees. Looks like I'm tracking Gale now. I chuckled inside my head, because this was too much like the Hunger Games, tracking a teenage boy dealing with much bigger problems than he should have to.

I moved through the crop of trees, trying to be as silent as the wind. I followed the footprints, the coal in the crevices getting less and less dense as they went. I snapped a twig, silently cursing myself. I had to focus. What lay beyond the trees came into my line of sight. And in the little break between this crop of trees and the next was Gale.

I leaned on a tree trunk, letting the course bark dig into my back and fresh snowflakes that were now falling lightly from the sky land in my braid and on my face. Gale was sitting on a rock, more like a boulder. He ran his knife up and down the rabbit's fur, skinning it. Because the rabbit's fur was white at this time of year, he could probably trade it for something good. He stuck the skinned rabbit in his game bag, and I decided to make my presence known. I emerged from the trees, snapping a few twigs on purpose to alert him to my presence. His head snapped up, and there was a mixture of emotion evident in his eyes: betrayal, frustration, and was that a hint of anger?

"Hey Gale." I said, moving towards him, keeping my bow loaded as a force of habit.

"Hey Catnip." He mumbles, his eyes flashing, "Or should I begin calling you Mrs. Mellark? Just as practice, for now? The real thing can't be far off; you and Lover Boy can't keep your hands or mouths off each other."

I reeled back as though I had been hit. I had been on the receiving end of many of Gale's, but they weren't against me. I had merely been the sounding board, occasionally grunting or nodding until his anger had faded. The rants were mostly about the Capitol, their wealth and our abject poverty. But, this argument, this was uncharted territory for Gale and me.

"Well, I'm not sure if I'm going to be Mrs. Mellark, maybe something hyphenated will work better." I attempted to joke; sometimes Gale's argument ceased and he gave in to humor and laughs, dropping the subject.

"That's not the point!" He yelled, making some of the birds in the surrounding trees take flight, "You hang off his every word, simpering and then you coo back replies like a romantic idiot. That's not the Katniss I sent to those evil bastards. You've changed Katniss Everdeen, changed into a fool."

"Of course I changed Gale!" I screamed, seething with anger, "Of course I changed! I watched twenty two children kill each other in an arena! I've had to relive it after the games, and on the Victory Tour, not to mention every damn night! Rue was my friend! She was like Prim, reminded me of her! We were all children! Victors have to grow up fast, Gale."

"That doesn't change anything Katniss, not one thing. What happened to not having children? Remember, Katniss, you always said you never would? Marriage typically leads to children Katniss, and the way you and Lover Boy have been publically displaying your love, that's inevitable. You're exactly like them now Katniss, you should just move to the Capitol permanently. You belong there now, selfish, rich, obsessed with your appearance. You're just like them!"

"I'm not doing it for myself! I'm not doing it for Peeta; I'm doing it for you! Do you want Prim to get reaped next year, because I sure as Hell don't! Or do you want Rory in that Quarter Quell, my "cousin"? We can't volunteer for them anymore, Gale! All I can do except for mentor them to their deaths is this!"

"'This' Katniss, what is 'this?' All I've been witnessing after you won those Games is you and Peeta being in love. You're not even Katniss anymore! You're just some Capitol drone!"

"I'm marrying Peeta." I said, lowering my voice to a little below the volume of my normal speaking voice, "If we don't get married, there will be trouble. There'll be consequences Gale, and not only for Peeta and I, for everyone. This is the way it has to be."

"Where does that leave you and us then, huh?" Gale said, his voice seeping with anger, "You, a little housewife tucked away in District Twelve, happily married to your very much in love District partner who you won with, at the President's beck and call? Or, better yet, his little political toy, ready to catch a train to the Capitol every year to mentor tributes and take photos with him?"

I seethed in anger. Why was Gale doing this? He knew me too well, knew which points to discuss and how, with such accuracy that every sentence was like a jab in the stomach with a dull knife.

"And, more importantly, where does that leave us? You newlyweds will have to be seen all over television basically forever. At future reapings will we just be seen as your cousin? Katniss, everyone already believes that lie." Gale huffed.

"Gale, all I want from you is for you to be my friend." I replied softly, talking a tentative step towards him.

"Katniss, I can't be your friend when you're being this Katniss. She's the fake, brainless clone that came back from the Capitol." Gale said.

I watched, quietly, as he quickly picked up his game bag, filled about three fourths of the way, and strode back through the trees, from which I previously tracked him through. I sunk to the ground, wrapping my arms around my knees. How did this happen to Gale and me? One minute, we were friends, and the next moment, when I volunteered for my sister, everything changed. In that moment, either I was going to die in the arena, or return victorious. I returned, but Peeta returned with me. And, I was understandably different than I was before. Gale hated who I had to become in that arena. I now had the entire world on my shoulders, literally. The peace of the nation, and everything staying the way it is now rested on how I acted around Peeta.

I then stood up, wanting to be away from the scene of the argument. The air just felt too permeated with leftover anger and frustration, and I felt like I was going to cry out of anger. I stood up from my crouched position, jogging back past the trees, past the blood drops, running both with and against Gale's footprints in the snow. New snowflakes were falling softly around me, starting to make the rabbit's tracks less deep. Soon, they wouldn't be there at all.

I replaced my bow and arrow in their holes, knowing I would probably come back sometime later, to check the snares for Gale and his family. It was my responsibility, they depended on me to. I couldn't just stop doing it for them; they were my family too, now. I climbed back into District Twelve, putting on the Capitol's Katniss: perfect Victor and fiancée. I was heading towards my old home, my old life that was now an abandoned shell to put her clothes on, the fancy materials in vibrant shades come via train all the way from the Capitol. After changing, I walked out of the home that was no longer mine, down the streets in which I no longer belonged, towards the main part of the town, saddened by the thought of my falling out with Gale. The odds weren't in my favor today.