so i couldn't help but write this chapter. It was stuck in my mind all day haha

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Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

Hanging by a Moment, Lifehouse

Chapter 3

My Muse

There was no doubt that I would feel extremely tired tonight. I would be what most people call a party pooper, but there was a good reason as to why I was so exhausted. I had Paul Alldredge on my mind. So of course I wasn't surprised when I woke up and found humungous bags under my eyes. I looked like I got punched in the face, but I could care less as to how I looked this morning so I just shrugged it off.

I walked down the stairs after I decided that it was a good time to come down from my little thinking space and actually come back to reality. Thankfully it was Saturday and my dad would be home with me so I wouldn't have to sit in this house alone with nothing to do but face the confusion in my life right now.

When I looked at the clock and realized that it was almost three already my eyes widened for a second. I didn't think I was up in my room doing nothing for that long, but apparently I was wrong. Once I managed to take my eyes off of the clock and look at my father, sitting at the kitchen table and reading the newspaper, I felt at ease and calm.

"Hey dad," I said.

He peered up from the article he was reading and grinned at me, "Sleeping in on the weekend?"

I thought for a moment before I answered his question, "Yeah, I feel so energized right now," I smiled and sat in the chair across from his, with one knee pulled close to my chest. It was stupid that I had to tell a fib about sleeping. I knew that I would probably just crash at Paul's house. It didn't matter if it was just us two, but with Jared there who knows what he'll do to me in my sleep.

He looked back down at his article, starting to whistle some song I didn't recognize. It didn't take long for my thoughts to drift off and think about the one person that I wanted to think about. But as soon as my dad stopped whistling I pushed the thoughts of love to the back of my mind.

I didn't notice until I looked at him that he was staring at me with his dark brown eyes and I stared back him with the same intense dark eyes, "You seem out of it Sam," he chuckled.

I closed my eyes for a minute, "Just thinking, that's all."

He raised a single brow, "Right, well what do you have planned today?" he asked.

"I'm going to Paul's house and we're watching movies, sleeping, and eating…the usual."

"You guys do that all the time; don't you think you should have a change of scenery?"

"And by that you mean?" I was a little confused by my dad's question. So what if I went to his house?

He shrugged, "It just seems like you two always do the same thing over and over again…"

I laughed at that statement, "We seem to find it fun."

He chuckled, "I'll never understand the two of you…"

"Not too many people do," I looked down at the table for a second, "But what can I say? I mean I really care about him. He's been there for me since day one and hasn't abandoned me once. He was there for me when mom died," I flinched, "And ever since I met him he's been by my side."

He scrunched his two big eyebrows together and I saw some worry lines start to form on his forehead, "I just hope when you go to your new school then you won't feel crushed about leaving him…" he glanced at his paper.

I closed my eyes, "Can we not talk about New York or leaving La Push right now? I want to keep my head clear today so that when I see him I won't feel like I have to make the moments last because I'll be leaving soon if I get in."

He nodded his head, "Paul understands though. I'm sure he'll be fine when we leave Sammy."

I opened my eyes again and stared up at the ceiling, "For some reason I feel like I won't be fine though," I whispered to myself, only loud enough so I could hear…

***

As I packed everything I would need for the night, including my saw movies, I let a mental of image of Paul consume my every thought. The one thing that I kept thinking of was his perfect face and his smile, his eyes that reminded me of the brownie he had given me when we first met, and last of all…the things he says to me in a perfect voice that makes my ears buzz after I hear it. Was I in love with him? Possibly…but at this point I was hoping that when I see him tonight I would be able to finally decode my true feelings for him.

I kept any thoughts of New York out of my mind. I wanted tonight to be enjoyable. If he brought it up…then I had no choice but to slap him or pinch him to make him stop talking about it. Or else I'd just yell until my lungs were sore. Both were optional at this point…

The last thing that I packed was just something in case some creative juices inside of me started flowing, my famous sketchbook filled with everything that I've ever drawn. This was basically going to be my portfolio once I turn it into the school next week. Who knows maybe I'd draw a brownie or something…

I quickly zipped up my backpack and flew down the stairs, "See you tomorrow dad!" I shouted as I put my converse on and opened the door.

"Bye Sammy! Have fun!" he screamed from the couch. Some football game was on so I figured I could just walk to his house. I've done it so many times before.

"I know I will," I muttered to myself as I closed the door behind me. Thankfully it wasn't raining. The ground was still wet and the fresh smell of dew filled the air, but I wasn't going to complain. I'm not some prissy little bitch who freaks out when her makeup runs.

I jumped into one of the huge puddles and started laughing to myself from how immature that just seemed...

I suddenly felt my phone start to vibrate in my pocket and I quickly took it out and opened it up, Don't forget your pads! You never know when you'll get those heavy flows! ;D

I rolled my eyes at Jared's dumb ass text, I didn't bring pads, I actually brought tampons. Have fun trying to get them out of your nose when I put them up there! Better watch your ass too…you never know what might end up in there either

I laughed to myself. Yeah we acted immature…and we weren't afraid to show it. I could care less about what other people think of me…

When I got another text from Jared I groaned and resisted to open it up, but I did for some insane reason, Wow Sammy, just…wow

I smiled at the fact that he couldn't even come up with a good comeback, YOU FAIL! See ya at Paul's Jared :]

Then I put my phone back into my pocket and continued to walk down the sidewalk at a steady pace.

It didn't take me too much longer to reach his block. And before I walked up his steps I adjusted my backpack that was slung over my shoulder and took an unnecessary deep breath. I was an idiot for letting three little words have this much of an effect on me.

I shook my head as I walked up the stairs and knocked on the wooden door.

"Coming!" I heard Paul shout and hearing him made me smile.

Soon enough he was there in front of me with a ridiculous grin on his face. I stared at him with my dark, curious eyes for a second before saying something, "I brought my saw movies and they're all the unrated version."

I walked through the door and threw my backpack onto the floor, taking out one of the DVDs so he could see for himself. As I stood up again I noticed that the whole time he was staring at me and it made me blush. What the hell is up with me? I've never blushed in front of him…ever…

"Nice," he commented with his eyebrows raised and a small smile on his face.

The smell of pizza lingered through the Alldredge house and I couldn't help but say something about it, "Hell yes!"

He rolled his eyes because he knew what I was talking about immediately, "Do you ever not think about food?"

I shrugged as I walked towards the kitchen, "When I'm sleeping," I muttered.

I heard him chuckle from behind me as he followed me into the kitchen. I smiled when I saw his mother pulling out two crisp brown cheese and pepperoni pizzas, Paul and my favorite, "Hey Ms. Alldredge," I greeted.

She turned around with a smug look on her face, "Just in time for food Sammy. Why don't you two grab a plate while I cut these? Is Jared having some too?"

Paul and I both looked at each other and answered, "No," in unison.

His mother eyed us in suspicion, "Ok…well have a seat Sammy. Paul, make you useful and grab a drink for her."

I chuckled. His mom was seriously the nicest woman in the world. It made me wish I had my mother around…

I shook the thought out of my head and sat at their table while Paul went to the fridge. He didn't have to ask me what kind of drink I wanted because he already knew what I wanted…we both drank the same thing anyways…

He soon came back and set down an orange crush in front of me, "Straws!" I told him.

He chuckled, "Geeze someone's demanding today."

I stuck my tongue out at him like a child and he got what I wanted and set it into my drink, "Thanks," I said.

"No problem," he looked down at me and half smiled and I couldn't help but stare back at him. Shit…what am I doing?

I heard his mother set the plates down in front of us and I stuck my finger in the pizza and smudged some red sauce on his cheek, again I was acting immature but it was just so I would distract myself and stop staring at him like a creep. The two of us laughed and he soon wiped it away with a napkin, nudging me after he finished.

We basically devoured one whole pizza and after that there was a second one left. I was a little disappointed when I realized that Jared was actually going to be able to eat, but that disappointment soon didn't matter to me anymore…

Paul and I sat on the couch in the living room. Paul with his back up against the back of the couch and me with my head in his lap and my legs sprawled all over the rest of the couch. I grabbed his hand and soon started to examine his palm, tracing my finger over each crease and crevice on it. His hands seemed extremely amazing to me for some odd reason.

"What are you staring at my hand for?" he soon asked.

I wasn't surprised when he said that, "It's an artist thing," I shrugged, "There's always something that amazes us or catches our eye. And for me that's you…and your hands."

He chuckled, "So what I'm your muse?"

"You could be, if you let me draw you once."

"No seductive poses though…I don't think Jared would like to walk into a house where I look like I'm ready to seduce someone…"

I laughed, "Aw man I thought I could get you to pose nude."

"Ha, very funny Sammy," he wiped away a piece of hair that was dangling in my face and I immediately smiled. I liked this…a lot.

"I'm too lazy to stand up right now," I moaned.

He rolled his eyes, "Story of my life."

I sat there for a couple of seconds and waited for him to say something, but he didn't, "Blah, fine I'll go get my sketchbook," I really didn't want to get up from where I was sitting, but I did just because I was anxious to get him in my sketchbook.

I quickly got the book out of my backpack and ran back to the couch, staring at it for a couple of minutes before an idea sparked in my head, "Just sit on that side of the couch in a relaxed sort of way."

He did as he was told with a smug expression on his face. I took my place on the opposite side of him and thought for another moment of what I wanted to do. What was the one part of him that I wanted to capture?

And then it came to me and I just bit my lip and stared at him, "Smile," I said.

He smiled widely and looked at me with the same joy that was radiating off of me right now. He looked exactly how I wanted him to look. And it was the thing that I loved most about him.

"Turn your head slightly to the left," I pointed in the direction and he started to turn, "Stop, that's perfect."

He chuckled, "You act like such a professional."

"I try," I half smiled, "Keep still though, I need to make sure that I don't mess you up. Don't want your nose looking retarded."

"No we wouldn't want that," and then he put his perfect smile back onto his face.

I took out my pencil and eraser and looked at him for a second before pressing the lead onto the paper and starting the outlining of his face. It was hard to think that anything I was doing was correct because it seemed as if I couldn't draw the perfection in front of me. If I messed up just a little then I was afraid that I wasn't even skilled enough to draw the one person that means the most to me. He's so perfect…

I glanced at him a couple of times before I approved the outlining that I did. Then once I decided that it was as good as it was going to get I started on his nose and eyes. I wanted his eyes to stand out because they're dark and mysterious and…beautiful. I shaded in the pupil of his eye and then I did the iris slightly lighter.

I looked up at him and took a break for a moment while he just smiled, "You're doing good so far," I reassured him before I put my head down again and started on his lips that formed his breathtaking smile. I couldn't mess up…especially now. As soon as I felt like I slightly messed them up I erased and I kept erasing until I was finally satisfied with the lips. The next thing was his teeth. They were as straight as can be and a radiating white shade.

As soon as I took my eyes off of my paper and set them on him I felt my heart jump. He really did have a huge effect on me. And I think right now more than ever did I realize that I wasn't just in love with him as a friend. Call me crazy, but I think I might just love him a lot more than a friend…

I finished up with the rest of his upper body and let the drawing fade into white at the bottom. Once I was finished with the easy part I got down to the shading and details. I made everything as perfect as I could from where his eyebrows ended, to where his hairline started. I even made sure that the wrinkles of his shirt were just right. I felt the need to not miss anything about him. I don't know why I felt this way, but it was like this sketch would mean something a lot more in the future.

I quickly signed my name at the bottom and put the date and the place where I was in the right hand corner, "Finished," I sighed and looked at him, "You can relax now."

His smile faded into a small grin as he inched towards me, his eyes burning with curiosity, "Let me see me."

I chuckled and handed him the sketchbook, "Don't get your hopes up too much; I really think I could've done better…"

I stared as he eyed the thing with no expression on his face. Did he like it? Did he hate it?

His eyes met mine and his eyebrows raised, "How could you have done any better?" he shook his head, maybe in disbelief? "Seriously, this is so freaking amazing Sammy. And I'm not just saying that," again, our eyes met, "You did a really great job. I don't know anyone who could've done any better than this."

I felt my cheeks starting to get red and I tried to understand why I was blushing around him…ugh I have to stop…even if I did love him I didn't have to blush like an idiot, "I never knew you were the mushy type Paul," my eyes narrowed.

He rolled his eyes sarcastically, "I can be as sentimental as I want to be…because you make me realize what I really want in life."

"Oh yeah?" I scooted closer to him and then I turned my body around and once again rested my head on his lap like before, staring up at his perfect face, "What is it that you want Paul?" I asked seriously.

He started to stroke my hair and a superior grin appeared on his face, "I want you Sammy."

I brought my hand up to his face and placed it onto his cheek, rubbing his soft skin with my thumb, "I want you too…" but then something hit me…hard and harder than I expected it to, "But it sucks because of this damn school. Why can't you just start finger painting? I'm sure they'll let you in if you showed them some Paul Alldredge originals."

He laughed, "Let me go get my washable paints right now."

I started to laugh along with him and I ended up burying my face into his chest, taking in his scent and never wanting to forget it. Once we both stopped laughing, there was just silence for a while. I was thinking about a lot of things and I'm pretty sure he was too. It didn't make sense that now we figured out how much further our love for each other went. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that I may be leaving.

"I hate life," I stared at his clean shirt as I said this.

He rubbed my back with his hand, "Don't Sam. There's nothing to hate about it. Yes, there are shitty times, but we get through them. And then comes the awesome times."

I beamed at his last statement, "Like right now."

"Exactly like right now," I felt his palm touch the side of my face and I felt as happy as ever.

A sudden knock on the door made me jump and I no longer felt as happy as I just was a second ago. Stupid Jared has to ruin the moment…

"Good timing…" Paul sighed.

"Ugh, can't we just ignore it."

"Don't be so bitter," he chuckled, "Jared can join in on our little cuddle fest."

I shot a furious glare at him, "Fuck no."

He cackled at my choice of words and I slowly got up. More pounding came from the door.

"Shut up you impatient pansy!" I shouted in anger.

Don't get me wrong, Jared is my friend. But he annoys the hell out of me sometimes. It's like he's always there when you don't want him to be.

"Ready to watch some saw?" he looked at me as we got closer to the door.

I half smiled, "Only if I get to hold your hand when I pretend to be scared."

He took my hand and squeezed it tight, "You can hold it the whole time."

"Don't make it obvious though, I really don't need Jared to freak out about this…"

"That's what blankets are for Sammy."

I chuckled, "Keep me all warm and fuzzy how sweet."

He shook his head and rolled his eyes, "Like you said, I'm the mushy type."

I didn't mind that either…the mushier the better.

don't worry i'm not done with this whole movie thing yet

the next chapter will be really good...if it comes out the way i think it'll come out

and thanks to everyone who's read this story so far ;]