CHAPTER 4

Being accomplice doesn't mean caring. That's the truth Hisami-kun thought me soon after their first bombing. I had no idea how he was able to find me, but he did and talked to me like we were friends.

It was so confusing. He had such a warm smile and was so kind. It was hard to believe it was the same person that looked at me with malice few days before. He put bombs in government building one day and made fun of me in the café next. I couldn't understand what made him act like that. And I found myself wanting to know the reasons.

Hisami-kun had other plans. A the end he told me that being accomplice didn't mean anything. I shouldn't do anything stupid. Because in that case, he wouldn't hesitate to kill me.

He left and I went back to my own life. My life consisting shoes drifting on the water and cruel laugh echoing in school corridors. Those are two things I remember from high school the best.

I couldn't even bring myself to care. At that point – when this story was happening – I found that something normal. It was just an everyday thing, just a part of how Lisa Mishima was treated.

There was no reason to bring this to teachers. Or to mum. Never to her. She would not help, if anything, she would only make situation worse with her protectiveness… No, I shouldn't call it that – it was obsession.

"Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa," she said.

"Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa."

Over and over again.

"Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa. Lisa."

I was sick from hearing my name said in that voice. Voice full of reproach, sadness, desperation and anger. Like it wasn't enough I knew I'm broken. Like she had to remind me I wasn't good enough.

Not good enough daughter. Not good enough student. Not good enough to be anyone's friend.

I wanted to scream at her. I wanted to tell her that I know I was made wrong way and I'm sorry about that. I wanted to explain I never wanted to disappoint her. That I'm not happy with my, her, our lives too.

I miss him too, I thought when I saw her like that. He didn't leave you only. He abandoned me too. And it's hard, so stop behaving like you are the only one hurt. I want someone to save me, take me from this world.

But I couldn't make myself open my mouth. Words just wouldn't come out, I was a coward after all.

My thoughts went to Hisami-kun. Maybe they would help me. They wouldn't understand, I didn't understand myself, but they rescued me once. So I hoped. I hoped and tried calling, but he didn't pick up. I stopped trying.

I did the only thing cowards are good at – I run away.

I packed a bag with my clothes, took money and my phone. And left. She almost caught me when she heard door opening in the middle of the night, but I was faster. While I was leaving my home, my mother behind I tried not to think how much I was similar to my father.

I wasn't thinking clearly. I wanted to get away from her and her accusatory words. I spent first night on the streets. I found a quiet place on the back of some building and fell asleep on the staircase. It was anything but comfortable and I woke up confused and cold. I was hungry. I had nowhere to go and mum wouldn't stop calling. And I wasn't brave enough to speak to her.

But that didn't matter, she wouldn't listen. She never listened even if I decided to speak. It was always her feelings, her worries what was the most important. You understand, Lisa, don't you?

In the morning, when I was making my way through the streets, there was a broadcast. It was a report about police finding a bomb in the neighborhood of some shrine. It was the answer for Sphinx's riddle. I immediately thought about Hisami-kun and Arata-kun. It was their doing.

Are they safe? Didn't they succeed this time? I was asking myself and not realizing that I shouldn't care. They didn't and I had no reason to do it too.

I wasted time walking aimlessly around the city. I ate something at one place, sat on the bench for some time at another. I feared the night, police could catch me and bring me home. That would be the end for me, I tried not to think what would my mother do if I showed myself at the door with policemen on each side. She would probably lock me in my room for the rest of my life. I couldn't let that happen.

Then, Hisami-kun appeared. It was a surprise, I didn't expect to meet him now, after I escaped. Did he follow me? Or was it a coincidence? It didn't matter.

"You should go home," he said.

"Leave me alone," I replied. And it was like the tam broke. I said some things, angry things. About how cornered I felt, how alone I was.

Of course, I run away again. Now, when I think about it, that was the only thing I did during this story well. Running and following Twelve – I was very good at those two.

I run, because he had no right to tell me to go home. He knew nothing. It wasn't his father who left him for his mistress. It wasn't him living with obsessed mother. It wasn't him being bullied every day.

His childhood was so, so much worse than mine and he understood my feeling perfectly, but I learned that later. Too late, If I was to be honest.

Next thing I knew when I left Hisami-kun was the appearance of policemen. They tried to ask my name and where I was going. I was so scared, I didn't know what to do. And then, he showed himself again. Like a true hero, he rode a motorcycle straight toward us. He gestured for me to get on and I did with no hesitation.

We rode into the night with city lights around blurring. There was only road in front of us, lights glowing brightly on the sides, me hugging Hisami-kun tightly. Police car was chasing us, but it was too slow to match Hisami-kun's motorcycle.

"Are you going to destroy it?" I asked the question I wanted to ask since I found out their identities as terrorists.

Hisami-kun didn't hear, so I repeated.

"Are you going to destroy the whole world?" I tried to outshout the engine.

Hisami-kun laughed in answer. Laughed loudly and cheerfully, I could feel his body trembling with it. And I found myself laughing too. I couldn't help myself.

It was amazing, two strange teenagers escaping the police and laughing. For the first time in long time I felt nice.