Seventeen
--
We're visiting my home planet on the way back from our last mission, one of our rare assignements together, this time with only Qui-Gon's Master, Yan Dooku, as a supervisor.
Qui-Gon didn't say a word he'd like to visit his own home, he let me visit mine. Sometimes I think he's too good a friend for me, he always steps back when the choice is between his and mine. I promised him next time it'd be his home, Force knows he deserves it.
My parents were so happy to see me again, after so many… how long has it been since I was home last time, four years? Yes, about four years. That's too long, far too long. At first it was a bit awkward, well, we don't keep in touch regularly, but after one day I was settled in and back at home, and at ease with my parents. I feel I'm still their child, and they feel the same, and I know I'll always be of their kin, and never a stranger here. Never. It feels so good.
I do wonder what Qui-Gon thinks. He's all smiles and kindness, and my parents are very fond of him, and I feel he likes them, but there's something on his mind. I know he misses his home. I know he did this for me, and I'm grateful, but that won't make him feel much better, no matter how hard he'd try to hide it. I always know his mood.
I met with my friends today in the morning, I haven't seen them for some time, too. They asked if Qui-Gon was my boyfriend – note I'm a Jedi and they know it! – and when I said that of course he's not, they laughed, as if they knew better. And of course they chattered about their boyfriends a lot, and they tried to explain to me what kissing is like – I have to admit I'm curious. They say it's like a honey chocolate, only better.
As I sit on the terrace, basking in the warm evening sun and laughing at our talk, Qui-Gon comes. He stares as me as I laugh, I really can't help laughing out loud when I think what Master Yan's reaction would be had he heard my talk with my friends.
'What's so funny?', Qui-Gon asks, sitting down next to me.
'Oh, just some gossip', I say, not knowing if I want to explain it all to him. I'm in a good mood today, ready to laugh merrily at everything. I can feel he's not quite in a likely mood, but he's trying to seems so.
'Come on, Tahl, do tell. I'd like to hear something funny', he beckons, with this little mischievious spark in his eyes.
'Nothing interesting, really. Girls tried to explain kissing to me' I tell him, hoping he'd give the matter up. My mistake, he never gives up.
'And? Learned something?', he laughs at me quietly.
'Very funny. Well, they claim it's like chocolates, only better', I explain reluctantly, suddenly feeling a strange urge to giggle.
He laughs again.
'Always learning new things, like a true Jedi.'
'Oh, shut up, Jinn!', I scorn him in mock anger.
'As you wish', he falls silent, but that mischievious look is still in his eyes, and I know he's in a mood for jokes now. Finally.
We sit in silence, but I can't endure more than five minutes.
'Qui-Gon, come on…'
He shakes his head in a 'no'.
'Qui-Gon Jinn!...'
He's still silent, only now he's smiling. And I can clearly see he knows he's annoying me and it's incredible fun. Suddenly an idea pops into my mind.
'I have an idea… But I'll tell you only after you speak to me again', I state.
'I'm all ears', he says, and I have to suppress a burst of laughter as my imagination goes over this phrase in literal-understanding mode.
'Well… since we're Jedi… and shall learn new things on every opportunity…', I begin, and then stagger, not knowing how to put it into words in the best way.
'I can see where that's going… So you suggest we try it?', he eyes me with an amused smile, clearly in a good mood now.
'Why not? It's always an experience', I note innocently.
'Deal.'
'Deal.'
He leans towards me and I turn my face upright, we both glancing sideways, and I'm sure I'll blush any moment, because it was a brilliant idea a minute ago, but now it's riddiculous. Finally our lips meet in a short kiss.
… That's all? Well, I can't see what's all the fuss about.
'I'd rather choose the chocolates', I announce seriously.
'Me too', Qui-Gon agrees.
Then we both burst into laughter. Sometimes we have really crazy ideas…
--
I can recall that moment clearly. I can bring back the warmth of the evening sun on my face, the cooling gentle wind, distant voices from the village somewhere in the background. What I can't recall is the feeling of his lips on mine.
I wonder what it would be like to kiss him now, now, when so much changed between us… I wonder how would his lips taste… Then it dawns on me they'd probably taste of tears. I know he would weep had he knew what I know and came to terms with already – that I won't make it. I've been among the Absolutes for a time long enough to know that after such a long time in… in this, after such a time I won't recover. I only hope I could meet him before… before it's over. I could feel his gaze on me. I silently wish I could kiss him once more. I know his lips would taste of tears, but I know they'd be sweeter than any chocolate, than anything, because both his lips and tears would taste of love.