CHAPTER 4: Come Together...Right Now...Over Zombies.
Sorry for the crappy title of the chapter. I was trying to think of a good name for it, and for some reason, the Aerosmith song "Come Together" started playing in my head. It kind of fit, so I kept it, only adding the zombie part. Anyway, nothing is sacred as I parody, pay tribute to, or reenact even more great zombie movie scenes in this chapter. So read on and enjoy, and remember, If it's in here, I don't own it.
Zim paced back and forth across his living room, his arms folded behind his back. Gir still sat on the couch, watching a mexican soap opera.
"No, Fillipe," Gir sniffled. "Don't go out with Rolanda. Maria still luuuuvs youuuu."
"Gir!" Zim exclaimed. "Stop watching that mindless drabble! We need a plan. The zombies are doing their job too well. Soon, I won't have to worry about the stinking humans, but a world full of zombies is going to be ten times harder to conquer." He thought for a moment. "The humans are panicked. They're of no use to me. Hmmm...No! I will not go crawling to the Dib monkey for help! Never!"
"Awww..." Gir said dissapointedly. "But he's got a big head." Suddenly, the soap opera was interrupted by a news report. A red-headed man stood before the camera, holding a microphone.
"Hello. Hello, we rolling? This is Jhonen Vasquez here, with channel 4 news. Zombies!! I repeat, zombies! The dead live, man! The dead walk! Leave the cities! Evacuate!" He looked off screen. "Ahhhh! No! No!!! The dead! They're heeeere!" The screen went blank, followed by a "We're experiencing technical difficulties" screen.
"Ohhhh." Zim growled in irritation. "It looks like we have no choice. Come, Gir." He narrowed his eyes. "To...the Dib's."
"Yayyyy!" Gir exclaimed.
Bill drove through the streets, swerving to miss old, long overrun barricades, groups of zombies, and burning cars. Why were there always burning cars? He tuned the radio, looking for a signal.
"Civilian cellular communications have broken down..." One station stated stoically.
"Citizens are urged to seek shelter wherever possible. Again, evacuation has failed..." A woman reported said. Another station sounded like a talk show. Bill left it tuned in for a minute.
"Every dead body that's not exterminated becomes one of them! It gets up and kills! The people it kills get up and kill!" Bill sighed. He pulled the silver-plated .45 automatic from his belt, and laid it on the seat next to him. Cocoafang, pig demons, those were all something else altogether. Zombies? This was insane! But he had a job to do. He was mankind's lone protector against the forces of the supernatural. He had to get to Dib's house. Perhaps together, the paranormalists could figure something out. The radio droned on. "They kill for one reason, they kill for food. They eat their victims, do you understand that, Mr. Berman?" Bill switched off the radio. Up ahead, he saw a line of abandoned police cruisers, blocking the road. An armored Chevy Van that looked like something from "Mad Max" Was parked on the curb, and a figure was attempting to push one of the cars out of the way. Bill stopped his car beside the van. Tucking the pistol into his belt, he stepped from the car, his long trench coat falling around him like a cape. The figure turned.
"Hey," It called. "Don't just stand there like an idiot, give me a hand here." Bill grumbled at the insult, but walked toward the man. As he neared, Bill could see that the man was strongly built, and had a soldierly air to him. He wore dark grey BDU pants, laced over black combat boots. He wore a black tee-shirt, and had a shotgun slung over one shoulder. Bill moved to the other side of the car, and both men pushed, rolling the cruiser out of the way enough to fit their vehicles through. The stranger wiped his hands on his pants, and looked at Bill.
"Thanks." He said unemotionally. "Didn't think there was anyone left alive in this town." He ran a hand through his long, black hair. "Gotta move."
"Where are you headed?" Bill asked.
"I'm trying to find a "Dib"... S.E.N. Business." The man replied. Bill raised an eyebrow.
"You're with the network?" The man cocked his head. The only peoople who called it "the network" were members and ex-members.
"You?" The man asked.
"Was." Bill replied. "And I'm supposed to meet Dib as well. I guess we're partners in this. The man's eyes suddenly widened. He whipped the shotgun off of his shoulder, and fired it at Bill. Bill ducked fearfully, and drew his pistol, wondering if the man were psychotic, until he heard a thump behind him. Turning, he saw a zombie laying in a pool of black blood, the top of its head missing from the shotgun blast.
"The name's Romero." The man said.
"Bill." Bill said, still shaken from the incident.
"Allright, Bill," Romero said. "Let's get going."
Dib glanced nervously at his watch. It would be dark in about two hours. Where were they? He looked over at Tak, who had the minigun stipped down, and was cleaning and oiling the weapon, and inspecting the belt of ammunition. Gaz and Barbara were still playing "Silent Hill" on the video game, ignoring the other two occupants of the room. Dib looked again at Tak. He had liked her at one point. Maybe a crush never really goes away. He walked over, and sat next to Tak on the carpet. She didn't even look up as she held one of the gun's barrels up to the light, and peered into it.
"So, Tak." Db said. "What do you think about all of this?" Tak looked at him cynically.
"I think this planet ought to be handed to them on a silver platter." Tak said, then screwed the barrel back onto the gun. "Then again, if that happens, I don't get my revenge on Zim, and I'll never make it off this rock alive."
"Come on," Dib replied. "Don't you think there's anything on this world worth saving?" Tak sighed.
"You never got over me, did you?" She asked frankly. Dib blushed slightly.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Dib said defensively. "I mean, yeah, I did like you at one point, but that was only until you tried to destroy the human race, and fill the Earth full of snack food. It's hard to fall in love with someone once you've realized they're an evil, revenge bent, psycho alien invader." Tak smiled.
"That's the best compliment I've heard in a while." She said. Dib sighed. There was a knock at the door. Tak quickly reassembled the minigun, loaded the weapon, and took a position, covering the door. Dib moved to the door, and nodded to Tak. Tak nodded back in affirmation. Gaz and Barbara kept gaming. Dib threw open the door. Bill stood, with a mercenary looking gentleman behind him holding a shotgun leveled at the street. The two men entered the house, and Dib closed the door.
"Agent Mothman?" The tactically clad stranger asked. Dib nodded. "I'm Agent Romero. I've been instructed to follow your lead in this operation, but to also give tactical advice as well."
"I understand." Dib replied. "It's good to meet you. And Bill, it's good to see you made it here in one piece. You two carpool or something?" He chuckled at his own little joke, but neither of the two men broke a smile. "Okay, lets get down to..."
"Hellooo, Dolly!" Romero exclaimed, looking across the room. Dib followed his stare, and at first thought he was looking at Tak, until he continued. "What has the little miss got?" He asked, walking toward Tak, who looked prepared for a fight. Instead, Romero looked her minigun over, and whistled in appreciation. "Modified Vulcan .223. Electronic sighting, scaled down with four barrels instead of six, this was made for personal use. Nice piece of hardware you've got."
"Thank you." Tak said dryly.
"Wanna trade?" Romero asked, holding up his shotgun. Tak looked at it as if it were a dull rusty knife in comparison with her weapon.
"Uhhh...no."
"Why not?"
"Ahem, can we talk about the problem at hand?" Dib interrupted. Tak and the two men turned to Dib. "I was thinking, we should..." He was interrupted by a constant whir from outside. The group, excepting, of course Gaz and Barbara, ran to the widow, and threw open the curtain. A purple spacecraft had landed in Dib's front yard. Dib sighed. Zim. The cockpit bubble dissapeared, and Zim, minus his usual disguise, hopped out, with his small robot close behind. They watched as Zim looked at them staring at him, then snobbishly threw his head up, and marched to the front door. Immediately, there was a knock. Bill backed away from the window, pointing intently.
"An...an..." He stammered.
"Yes," Dib said dryly. "An alien. Where was this revelation last year?" He walked to the door, then turned to the group. The knocking began again, louder this time. "I know him, okay? His name is Zim, and he may be able to help, so try to refrain from freaking out, or killing him for now, okay?"
"Dib-stink!" Zim yelled from outside. "Open the door, the zombie stink humans are coming!" Dib grasped the knob, then turned, pointing a finger at Tak, who had leveled her minigun at the door.
"And Tak...no disintegrations." Tak mumbled something under her breath, and lowered the weapon a few inches. Dib opened the door, and Zim dove into the room holding Gir like a quarterback heading for the end zone. Dib slammed the door, literally in the faces of two zombies. Zim stood, releasing Gir, and dusted himself off. He looked around at the group staring at him.
"What?" He asked casually.
"Zim." Dib said angrily. "I hope you have a really good explaination for coming here."
"Perhaps I do, Dib. Perhaps I've come to help you with this little zombie problem. Perhaps I know all about them, and thought you may want to know."
"Spit it out, Zim!" Dib spat. "Do you know anything about them?"
"Of course I do." Zim said, smiling. "After all, I created them." There was a collection of gasps and throat clearing in the room. Romero leveled his shotgun at Zim, Tak raised her minigun, and Gaz dropped her controller to the floor, and walked around the couch, glowering at the Irken.
"You?" Dib said accusationally. "You created those things? You caused all of this?" Zim glanced around nervously at the weapons trained on him.
"I...It was an accident." Zim said. "Really. I didn't mean for this to happen."
"Then how did it happen, Zim?" Gaz asked furiously. Normally, she didn't give half a care about Zim's "evil" plans, but this time, he had crossed the line. A world run by zombies meant no new video games. No Bloaties Pizza Hog. No new music videos.
"Well," Zim began. "I created a few zombies in my lab, big deal. Then I opened the door to their containment room to train them, but they turned on me, the filthy mindless...things. So...I led them out of my base, and locked them out." Thinking this would solve everything, Zim smiled at his explaination. His excuse only resulted in the sound of cocking guns all around. "What? I said it wasn't my fault." Gaz stomped over. She grabbed Zim by the front of his shirt, and slammed him against the wall.
"This is your fault, idiot!" She hissed. "In fact, it's all your fault. You opened the door, you let them out!"
"I want to help!" Zim gasped fearfully. "I want to destroy them as bad as you do, and I think I might know how!" Gaz slowly released Zim, who slid down the wall to a sitting position on the carpet. Dib nodded to Tak and the two men, who reluctantly lowered their weapons.
"All right, Zim." Dib said. "We need all the help we can get, so I'm letting you go...this time. But you're going to help us, got it?" Zim nodded. "And I'm in charge of this little mission, which means you do exactly what I say, and if I'm not around, Romero's in charge." He pointed to Romero. "Am I understood? Well?"
"Yes, yes." Zim replied defeatedly.
"So what is this about knowing how to defeat them?" Dib asked. Zim sighed.
"They're made from a virus. A modified version of the earthen rabies virus, in fact. If we could find an antidote to the rabies virus, and modify it, we may be able to make a cure, or at least an innoculation."
"Good." Dib said, thinking. "We can engineer an antivirus that just may kill any zombie that comes into contact with it. Dad!" There was a sound of footsteps ascending a staircase, a door closing, and Professor Membrane entered the room. The scientist stood in an almost pose-like stance, looking at the people in the room.
"Son," Membrane said, waving a finger. "What have I said about throwing parties without asking?"
"This isn't a party." Dib replied. "These people and I think we have an answer to the whole zombie plague thing. They..." He glanced at Zim. "...seem...to be suffering from a viral disease similar to rabies, so if we get a rabies vaccine, do you think you could mutate it in your lab to make an antivirus?"
"Hmmm..." Said Membrane, rubbing his chin through the high collar of his lab coat. "That seems like a workable theory, son. I'm glad to see you're thinking in terms of real science! But, yes, if you can get me that vaccine, I just may be able to engineer something. You and your friend run along, and be careful." Gaz pulled on her coat, and retrieved a baseball bat from underneath the sofa. "And where do you think you're going, daughter?"
"I guess I'm gonna go help stop the zombies." Gas said cynically.
"Not dressed like that, you don't" The scientist said. He held up what looked like a black turtleneck sweater. "Take this." He said, tossing the sweater to Gaz. She held it up questioningly.
"A...sweater?" She asked.
"Oh, ho, not just any sweater. That sweater is engineered to be ten times stronger than kevlar, but as light as a cotton shirt. The infected won't be able to bite through that." Gaz took off her coat, and slid the sweater over her head. It fit perfectly, leaving her to wonder if her dad had been thinking of her specifically when he made it.
"Thanks, dad." She said, picking up her baseball bat. Dib stood next to the door.
"Okay, how do we want to do this?" Dib asked.
"There's room for two more in my voot." Zim said.
"But there's five of us, besides you." Romero argued. "My van is heavily reinforced and partially self-sufficient in case of breakdown."
"Okay," Did said. "Me and Tak will go with Zim and Gir in the ship. Romero, you take Gaz, Barbara and Bill in your van. We'll meet at the hospital."
"We need more guns." Romero stated. "The town's gonna be swarming with those things, and we're seriously under-armed." Dib thought for a moment.
"Okay." He said. We meet at the mall, hit the gun store, load the supplies into Romero's van, then go to the hospital, and find the antivirus. Sound like a plan?" Everyone nodded in agreement. They grouped up near Dib. He straightened his trench coat and nodded. "Okay, let's rock and roll. But be careful. Don't join the ranks of the walking dead." He threw open the door, and drew his pistols. The two .22 caliber handguns cracked as he shot the four zombies near the door. He exited the house, moving to the right, freeing Romero up to fire a blast from his shotgun that sent a zombie flying backwards. Tak left third, firing a burst into a nearby group of three zombies, cutting them nearly in half.
The group split up outside, Romero, Bill, Barbara and Gaz running to Romero's van. Bill fired three rounds into a zombie's head, then turned and fired two shots into another as Gaz thwacked a ghoul in the skull with her bat. The four fought their way into the van, which Romero started, and peeled out just as Bill closed the passenger door.
Zim hopped into the voot cruiser, with Gir close behind, laughing playfully. A zombie lumbered toward the ship. Tak emptied twenty rounds into its head, and it slumped to the ground with a mass of red jelly sitting atop its neck.
"Tak, go!" Dib yelled, firing at a zombie. Tak lay her gun into the ship, and hoisted herself in. Dib jumped in close behind, and Zim pushed a button, the pink-tinged force field of the windscreen appearing. Tak stuck her head between the front seats.
"Move over, Zim." She said. "I'm driving this shitbox." Zim sat, unmoving. Zombies closed in on the ship from all sides.
"No one drives this shitbox but me." He replied coldly. The sound of zombie hands banging against the voot's alloy body resonated throught the small ship. Still Zim sat, silent.
"Allright, allright." Tak said angrilly, dropping into the back cargo compartment with Dib. Zim started the ship, and took off, flying along the rooftops toward the mall.
Okay, lads and lassies. Lots of parodies and homages in this chapter. Where to begin? There was a special cameo by Invader Zim creator Jhonen Vasquez as an embedded reporter at the beginning of the chapter. The radio show Bill was listening to is actually the exact same one from the beginning of the original "Dawn of the Dead." The video game "Silent Hill" makes a cameo in this chapter as well. Though it's not from a zombie flick, the "no disintegrations" line comes from "The Empire Strikes Back", and was said to Boba Fett by Vader. I just wanted to throw it in to see if you would catch it. Of course, the "You opened the door, you let them out!" was a line delivered by Michelle Rodriguez in "Resident Evil", and "Let's rock and roll, but be careful. Don't join the ranks of the walking dead." Is from the rare gem, "Children of the Living Dead". The "Shitbox" dialogue in the voot once again pays homage to a scene in "UnDead". I'm beginning to love doing parodies and homages. It's quite fun, and I feel it complicates the writing of a story by having to find where to stick the homages, and how to make it work, and...god, I'm going to get sued. Anyway, I have more coming, so until then, cheerio.