Mello's POV
"Near! We're home!" I called stepping into the living room. "Hey, Near! Near!"
I walked into the living room scanning the area warily. I was the first in the house and the first to notice something was wrong. Very wrong. Usually Near would shuffle out from whatever hiding place he was using as camouflage and ask if we needed help or would ask if we felt okay, which usually got him a slap across the face or a hard kick. Maybe the little guy is scared we'll hurt him again. I thought looking at his bedroom door feeling terrible about Near hiding in fear of us. He shouldn't have to hide from us. I told myself feeling sympathetic towards the small albino who had always been loyal and caring towards Matt and me.
I knocked loudly on his door.
No answer.
I knocked once more, but there was still no reply.
I bit my bottom lip gently before I spoke. "Near? Near it's me…Mello…may I come in?"
No answer.
I knew it was a stupid question to ask. I came home drunk just about every day and abused him on more than one occasion. Me coming home sober...very suspicious. I knocked on his door two or so more times awaiting his voice to yell at me from the other side of the door.
Knocking as loud as I could I tried to speak with an honest tone, but the tone faltered and instead I shown fear, and concern. "Near? Near I'm not gonna hurt you, I swear! Please, open the door!"
Still no answer.
Around this point I was getting worried that something bad had happened to him. Did he pass out or faint or something? No, Near was too healthy for that or at least I thought that he was. The kid ate hardly, if at all any sugar and he didn't drink or smoke. So he was far healtheir than what Matt and I were.
I worried that he was hurting himself…or worse. Cutting his own flesh open with a knife, maybe? Scratching his own limbs and face until they bled freely…was he hurting himself in such horrible manners? These thoughts only made me feel uneasier. With a heavy sigh I decided to just enter. Turning the knob, I suspected that the door would be locked to keep unwanted visitors (Matt and me) out, but surprisingly it opened without any difficulty. I gasped seeing the room was clean.
Well…his room is always clean, but I mean it was clean.
His closet was empty…totally empty. His favorite mementoes were gone, too. I checked where he hid his money (a secret safe) he probably thought I had forgotten about it (we built it into the wall as kids, only L, Near and I knew of it) since it's been such a long time. It was abnormally easy cracking the combination, which was: 12, 13, 13, and 14.
It was the alphabetical order of our names. Near and I both liked it back then, so naturally he didn't want to change it. He was hooked on it like me.
Once it opened I saw that all of his cash was gone.
I was truly frightened. I'd heard and read of some people who-when depressed-became obsessed with tidying up their living conditions and be very easily angered. They'd fight and argue easily and would clean their homes or rooms before committing suicide. I'd also heard of some who broke all ties with friends and family before ending their lives. It was like they were refreshing what remaining time they had left.
Like they were erasing their pasts.
Near seemed like the depressed sort lately and Matt told me of the fight they had, needless to say I became frantic, and started searching for a suicide note or some evidence that my chilling assumption was true.
I found nothing so I calmed down.
For like two seconds after going back to the living room.
"Mello!" Matt shouted from the kitchen sounding panicked. "Mello!"
"What is it, Matty?" I asked sounding confused.
"Come look! This is bad!" He yelled.
"What's bad?" I demanded.
"Hurry! Come see! It's terrible, Mels!" He shouted as I stood my ground.
"Matt, you better not be screwing with me."
"Why would I want to screw you?" he shot back.
"Shut up!" I snapped (blushing slightly) entering the kitchen. I saw Matt holding what I suspected to be a note of some sorts. "Let me see!" I shouted upon seeing it. Making a grab for it Matt shook his head refusing to hand it over, as I had demanded. Once we were both tired of wrestling over it we sat at the table and calmed ourselves. Then Matt looked at the note, whilst I watched him as he looked at the note.
"Dearest Mello and Sincere Matt," Matt started to read in a soft, calm voice. " You should probably know that I've decided, no that I am and have left you. I do not know where I shall go or whom I shall meet while traveling, but I have decided to leave this atrocious life I currently live, as nothing has been right, since I murdered L."
"He didn't murder L! Matt, it's all our fault he thinks that!" I blurted out caught between anger and sadness. Matt continued reading becoming tenser and tenser as he read.
"I would ask for your forgiveness, but shall not as I know that you both despise me and curse the day I was born. Probably even curse the day L adopted me and saved me from freezing to death. You may even want to spit in my face now, but do not bother feeling that way as I have gone, forever. I have made no plans to return. Please, don't worry, this is not a lie it is the truth. I have made no plans to return."
"What?! He's leaving?" I blurted out again making Matt pause for a few moments. "No! He's left us?!"
"Hopefully, I will lead a better, happier life than what has so far been offered to me. If not a happier life, then maybe, with a lot of luck and some mercy on fate's behalf, death shall claim my soul. And you both may dance upon my grave, if you so wish it."
"Does he really think we hate him that much?!" I blurted out again in disbelief.
"Yes, I know my actions are rash, and my words are cruel, but this is how I feel and besides that, you both leave me no choice. I can't take the beatings anymore. I can't take the smell of alcohol on your breaths and being told false promises and stories that destroy my feelings more and more. I can't survive in such a hostile environment, anymore. I wish to be freed from your lies and alcoholic ways."
"Matt! This is our entire fault! Our entire fault!" I exclaimed as fear and sadness over took my emotions. "What else does it say?" I asked noticing that Matt had once more paused so I could speak.
"And I shall no longer burden either of you ever, ever, ever, ever, ever again. Someday when we've all passed on to the next life perhaps we shall meet again. Perhaps that meeting will be filled with peace and happiness. I know that what I'm doing is the right thing. Farewell forever my brothers, Near/Nate Rivers."
I felt a huge pang of guilt wash over me and I could tell how Matt felt just by looking at his face. We both swallowed hard before standing and moving to the living room. Matt fell on the floor.
Sprawled looking up at me with dazed half lidded, green eyes Matt gave a deep sob he'd been holding in and attempted to calm himself before speaking; he probably didn't want to seem weak or overly emotional in front of me. Like I'd care at that point, since I was forcing myself from tearing up. He saw this and didn't speak.
He sat up (two seconds or maybe minutes later…I'd lost track of all time in my sadness) holding his knees against his chest, sniffling he looked up to me sadly.
"What's our game plan, now?" he muttered.
I was hesitant to answer. I glued my icy blue eyes to the ceiling. I thought of all the trouble a little distraught albino could get into and I shuddered. Death was the most likely thing. And I didn't want that to happen. I didn't want Near to die.
Giving Matt a stern look I moved quickly and made my way into our room. I swung the closet door open and I scanned the crowded closet for a certain box, which contained numerous discarded items Matt and I once owned, but have shunned.
Once spotted I grabbed the box of discarded items, which Matt and I had locked away and vowed not to touch, ever again, unless something important came up and action was needed. I sighed looking through the box with half lidded eyes.
"Time for action." I muttered.
Finally, I found what I'd been looking for and pulled it out.
I held the rosary in front of my face…I don't know why L ever gave me a rosary, sure I was catholic but I wasn't exactly the most religious person around. I guess he always saw me as the (since I'm the oldest) ringleader of Near and Matt. The ringleader needs a symbol…so why not a religious symbol? It made sense, right?
I was brought out of my thoughts as I heard Matt behind me.
"Mello…are you gonna wear it again?" Matt asked standing in the doorway of our bedroom with a blank expression. "L got that for you when you turned twelve."
"Yeah, he did…Matty, I'm gonna wear it…and your gonna wear these." I said tossing him his Orange, tinted goggles. "Remember, L got those for you when you were three?"
"Yeah, thanks. I've been missing them"
"Now, let's start acting like genius sleuths and find our albino. He couldn't have gotten far. You check all the bus routes and I'll see about the train station. We'll forget about ships or planes, because let's face it, Near doesn't have that much cash."
"Aye-aye boss!" Matt said with a respectful salute. "We should check out the trains first, though, since he'd probably want to get away from us as quick as possible."
"Good idea. Then we'll check out the…buses." I said feeling rather confused what was it that bothered me so much about the buses?
"What's wrong?" Matt asked seeing through me as always. "You seem to be bothered by something. Is it the search?"
"No, but…I feel like I'm missing a piece to this puzzle or whatever...just forget about it I'm just being…paranoid, I think."
There was a heart crushing silence that I was quick to break.
"Anyways, we should get started on this search, meet me back here at eleven thirty tonight we'll rest up for a while before starting our search again, kay? Is that acceptable?"
"Ya bet! I'll see ya at eleven thirty!" Matt yelled as he ran from the room excited.
I followed slowly stopping in front of Near's room. I peered into the empty room and felt a tear sting my cheek as it fell from my eye. I may have acted strong at this point, but I was falling apart on the inside and no matter how much I wanted to deny it, it was because Near, no matter how annoying or how much I pretended to hate him, had left.
I swallowed hard feeling Matt's reassuring hand on my shoulder.
"What if we don't get him back, Matty?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper and coated heavily by guilt. "What if we fail to find him? What if he dies or gets beaten into a coma before we can save him? What if he...what if he...what if he...what if we can't get him back, Matt? What will we do if we fail to get him back? What will we do if he joins L and leaves us? It'll be our fault that he died...it'd be our entire fault."
"We will get him back." He whispered in my ear. "He won't die, Mels. We will get that albino back and we will atone for all the horrible treatment we've given him. We will, at least, speak with him, I promise you that Mello. We will at least apologize and hope he comes back. Near can't hate our guts forever, can he?"
"Yes. He'll hate us for the rest of our lives, Matt." I replied sullenly. "We might as well kill ourselves here."
"Hey! That isn't Mello talk! Stop worrying Mels! Act like my boss and be Mello! Remember? Whenever I got sad as a kid L would say that I should act more like a Matt, so I'd lie around for hours playing a game not moving for nothing! And whenever Near was sad L told him to act like Near and Near always clung to L. And when you were sad L would tell you to be Mello and you'd-"
"Kick him in his shin or kneecap!" I laughed. "Yeah, I'd yell and brak stuff and I'd ask him how mellow that was! He always cleaned the mess up with Near's and my help. You were always occupied by your games."
"That's my Mello! Laughing at somebody else's pain! Good to have you back!"
"Yeah, whatever, let's get this search started." I said with a forced smile.
"Great! But...will we take like, forever to find Near or...will we choose a timelimit to stop? Because I think we should take forever. What do you think? Do ya think we should take forever."
"You bet!" I agreed giving Matt a high-five.
"Mello, never lose hope." Matt said before running off towards the front door.
I could only nod, before I followed Matt out the front door I promised myself that if we find Near I'd never do anything to hurt him (emotionally, without a very good reason) ever, ever again. I could tell Matt was regretting the argument that they'd had and every word was cutting into him now, more than they had after they were first spoken.
We then left ready to start our search.