Disclaimer: The only things I own here are Cujo & Jack.
Song: The Emo Song
By: Adam & Andrew
Performer: Jack
Reason for picking song: Against his will.
Warning: More foul language that usual and possible emo bashing.
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Ch. 4: Only 42 of this Song is Correct
Cujo: Pleeeeeeeeeeease?
Jack: No.
Cujo: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?
Jack: No, Cujo!
Cujo: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-
Jack: Fine, whatever.
Cujo: Whoo-who-eeeeeeeeeeee...
Jack: ...uh, you can stop now.
Cujo: EeeeeeeeeeeWishIcouldbutIthinkI'mstuckeeeeeeee...
(After Cujo's "eeee" problem was solved, which involved a few quick whacks in the head with a bō staff, Jack is holding a mike as he starts to narrate)
Jack: Dear Diary: Mood: Apathetic
My life is spiraling downward
I couldn't get enough money to go to the
Blood Red Romance and Suffocate Me Dry concert.
It sucks 'cause they play some of my favorite songs
like "Stab My Heart Because I Love You" and
"Rip Apart My Soul" and of course,
"Stabby Rip Stab Stab".
And it doesn't help that I couldn't
get my hair to do the flippy thing either.
Like the guy from the band can do.
Some days ugh...
I'm an emo kid, non-conforming as can be
You'd be non-conforming too if you looked just like me
I have paint on my nails and make-up on my face
I'm almost emo enough to start shaving my legs
'Cause I feel real deep when I'm dressing in drag
I call it freedom of expression, most just call me a fag
'Cause our dudes look like chicks,
And our chicks look like dykes
'Cause emo is one step below transvestite!
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
I'm dark, and sensitive with low self-esteem
The way I dress makes every day feel like Halloween
I have no real problems but I like to make believe
I stole my sister's mascara now I'm grounded for a week.
Sulking and writing poetry are my hobbies
I can't get through a Hawthorne Heights album without sobbing
Girls keep breaking up with me,
It's never any fun.
They say they already have a pussy,
They don't need another one
Stop my breathing and slit my throat
I must be emo
I don't jump around when I go to shows
I must be emo
Dye in my hair and polish on my toes
I must be emo
I play guitar and write suicide notes
I must be emo
My life is just a black abyss,
You know, it's so dark.
And it's suffocating me.
Grabbing hold of me and tightening it's grip,
Tighter than a pair of my little sister's jeans...
Which look great on me by the way.
When I get depressed I cut my wrists in every direction
Hearing songs about getting dumped give me an erection
I write in a journal and wear thick rimmed glasses
I tell my friends I bleed black and cry during classes
I'm just a bad, cheap, imitation of goth,
You can read me "Catcher in the Rye", and watch me jack off.
I wear skin tight clothes while hating my life
If I said I like girls, I'd only be half right!
I look like I'm dead and dress like a homo
I must be emo
Screw XBox, I play old school Nintendo
I must be emo
I like to whine and hit my parental
I must be emo
Me and my friends all look like clones
My parents just don't get me, you know.
They think I'm gay just because
they saw me kiss a guy.
Well, a couple guys. But I mean, it's the 2000's.
Can't 2...or 4 dudes make-out with
each other without being gay?
I mean, chicks dig that kind of thing anyways.
I don't know diary,
sometimes I think you're the only one that gets me,
you're my best friend...
I feel like tacos...
(music ends)
Cujo: Thanks, bro. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm in the mood for tacos all of a sudden.
(Later...Jack is meditating when he hears video feed. He ninja poofs into the living room to see a video of him singing "The Emo Song." Cujo has the strange feeling that she's screwed for some reason as she turns to see Jack)
Cujo: Okay you are so lucky that my license to kill has expired.
Jack: (pulls out over-sized shuriken) Mine isn't.
Cujo: Eep! (runs off while Jack chases her)
Gwen: Hard to believe we're from the same gene pool, huh?
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A/N: For those of you who don't get it, Jack dresses emo and acts a little like it. Personally, I have nothing against emos; their actually kinda cool. Plus, he's part ninja which explains the poof and shuriken. P.S. I found my Harold & Duncan song thanks to Hgirl1884.
Next chapter: My favorite TDI crack pairing is revealed! Stay tuned!