Thanks again for all the lovely comments. I haven't really been writing with a plot in line so the chapters are pretty much just coming spontaneously. This chapter especially might seem a little sporadic but that's how I picture their relationship. Lots of up and downs ECT. Bear with me if you think it doesn't make sense. Thanks again x

Roundview College is looming. I can still remember when the weeks lay ahead of me invitingly. When I could sit back and breathe a sigh of relief because all I had to think about was the shape of Emily's face.

Now my mind is wandering down a much darker path. I'm thinking of gossip spreading like wildfire, of eyes that meet mine and then quickly look away, of the huge, massive statement just holding her hand in public is going to make.

You have to understand this isn't easy for me. I'm not supposed to need anyone. I'm not supposed to be in love. I'm supposed to be cold and snappy. I'm supposed to be a bitch. That was my security. My way of blocking the rest of the world out. Now I feel naked. Like love will somehow change the shape of my face or make me appear different in the eyes of others.

It's cold. My toes, I swear, have given in to frost bite. The roaring fire does little to dent the icy chill in the air and I begin to wonder whether it was such a good idea to come here. I feel irritated. My thoughts keep pestering me and I can tell that Emily feels as though I'm not really here. I try to focus on her, try to have fun. This is our last night after all, but it's no use I can sense an argument brewing.

Emily sighs, poking the fire with a stick. "What's wrong Naomi?" She asks.

"Nothing" I reply with a shrug, pushing my feet closer to the fire.

"Nothing?" She sounds dubious.

"That's right nothing" I can here the bite in my voice.

"Ok well I'll just sit here shall I? In the freezing cold, talking to myself. How are you? Pretty shitty actually. Oh really why? Well my girlfriend went catatonic about half an hour ago..."

"Piss off"

"No! Tell me what's wrong," She demands poking the stick into the fire for emphasis.

"Why do you have to know everything about me?"

"Because I love you and I don't want you to be unhappy"

I sigh loudly. "Your not supposed to use love as a weapon Emily. You can't just tell me you love me and expect me to spill all my feelings"

"So you are feeling something?"

I scowl at her. "It's nothing OK? I'm just a bit nervous about tomorrow that's all"

"Why?" The question is asked in a soft, hushed, voice which, rather than soothing me, only serves to irritate me.

"Why do you think?" I sound like the old me. I can see the same thought mirrored in her puppy dog eyes, which look, sad and wounded.

"I don't know" She replies looking into the fire.

"I'm not sure how I'm supposed to act," I admit with a sniff trying to sound like this isn't bothering me to the extent that it is.

She scrunches up her forehead. "What do you mean?"

"For fuck sake!" I rage standing up. "Isn't it obvious? I'm not the same Naomi anymore. I've got to be somebody else"

"So have I" She points out.

I turn away from her. "What are people going to say?" I ask aloud, partly to her and partly to myself.

"I thought you didn't care"

I shrug my shoulders. I feel myself shutting off from her.

My Mum told me once that I was lucky I had a nose left considering I cut it off to spite my face so often. I dig my heels in and stay put even if it means hurting myself in the long run because I can't accept that I might actually need help. Instead of telling her that I'm frightened and talking it through, I have to create an argument so that mentally I can tell myself I was right.

"Naomi!" She exclaims breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What?"

"Don't do this," She warns me.

"I'm not doing anything"

"Please don't ruin it," She urges me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "It's our last night"

When I turn around her face is framed with pain. Her eyes are wet with unshed tears and I feel myself crumble slightly. Part of me wants to hold her in my arms and forget everything but a bigger part of me feels angry that I need to be strong for her when I feel so painfully weak.

"Don't be angry," She pleads, slipping her arms around my reluctant neck. "It's going to be OK" She assures me nuzzling her face into my neck. I stiffen slightly at the contact despite the fact that it feels so good. If I just gave in and kissed her it could change everything.

"It's going to be ok?" I repeat. She nods her head looking up at me with a distant smile on her lips. "Do you promise?" I ask.

"Of course" She replies looking confused. I crush my lips to hers kissing her passionately. My fingers come to her hair and slip into the thick strands almost desperately. It feels like everything I'm feeling is being poured into the kiss. I nip at her bottom lip, taking her to the ground with me. "Naomi?" Emily gasps, no doubt confused by this sudden turn of events.

"Just shut up and kiss me," I tell her and I know that she will. I know that she'll do anything I tell her to because she loves me. She'd sacrifice her own happiness if it meant that I was OK.

I'm kissing her, my hands ripping at her clothes forcing there way under her shirt desperate to touch her naked skin. It's as though I can't control myself. This isn't the way things usually go and she knows it. Every so often I catch the surprise in her eyes when I bite at her neck or kiss her too harshly. My hands slip past the barrier of her waistband and I can see the mix of arousal and confusion on her face. Maybe she wants to ask me what's going on? I'm suddenly aware of the fact that she would continue even if she didn't want to. It brings to mind JJ and I stop suddenly, her kisses turning stale. I sit up.

"What's wrong? What is it?"

"Did you like that?" I ask her bitterly.

"Yeah. Why?" She's so confused.

Why can't I just take her face in my hands and kiss all the confusion away? But I can't. I feel sick.

"I need to get out of here," I announce standing up and brushing her off of me. Her mouth is agape and she's so shocked that for a moment she just watches me picking up my things.

"This is crazy!" She shouts hoping it will halt my actions but I walk away listening to her shout after me. She calls my name over and over again and the words feel like bombs exploding in my path.

'Go back' I keep telling myself, but I can't. I can't go back. My quick pace turns into a sprint and I run away choking on my own tears.