It has been too long. And I am so sorry, seriously. The whole baby thing gave me an idea and I have been writing a book ever since. So I decided, at one in the morning, to write this. I can't sleep so I'll give you a chapter and then sleep. Enjoy.
Someone to Love
A whole different feeling
It must have been the high school, the collage, premed...med, intern, surgeries, the Derek thing, the Addison thing, the bomb thing, the Finn thing, then Prom of course the drowning thing...what else. Oh yes, then Rose. All of this happening must have put a huge pause on a womens maternal clock. Meredith was just so rapped up in all of that, to see the bigger picture. She didn't have time to think about babies, and being a mother. She's never felt that desire. But Lyra. That sweet, innocent and homeless child has no one. And suddenly Meredith finds herself, yet again in a supply closet sitting on the floor with tears running down her face. this is a whole new feeling. something entirely different then her normal, usually messed up, dark and twisty, Meredith self.
Her body is now feeling this need. this need so strong she doesn't know what to do. and frankly even her own body, even as it's feeling this, feels so raw and exposed, it doesn't know how to react. So it weeps, and shakes, and sobs. So Meredith is sobbing in a closet. One minute she was scrubbing in on a surgery with Dr. Bailey, the next, tears a running down her cheeks. What else is Meredith to do but run to the nearest room, in this case, the very supply closet she hyper ventilated in a long time ago.
Meredith can feel her body shaking, and another wave of sobs comes over her. She can feel herself starting to panic and can't get herself to calm down. She lays down flat on the floor, her face flush with the cold tile. Now her tears are pooling the the floor, and soaking the front of her scrubs. The coolness on her face only seems to delay the fever she's worked herself into, but she's finding it harder to breath, the longer that happens, the more she freaks out, and the worse it gets.
It's almost the end of Lyra's stay at the hospital, perhaps unconsciously, Meredith has been wishing the day would never come. But frankly, what can she do? She's an intern, soon to be a resident. She doesn't have time to raise a baby, let alone by herself. Plus she's isn't capable of it. she can't even take care of herself...well she can, but she thinks she can't, because she's always dark and twisty Meredith. And has Derek puts it, can't breath for herself. If she can't do that, how is she going to be able to commit to a small child, someone who will need her more?
Meredith doesn't think of those things. All she's thought about is Lyra. Not in the sense of adoption, and yes unconsciously, but she's not aware of these feelings. Deep down she might possibly know that she's falling in love with this baby. This beautiful little being who brightens her day the second she sees her, and makes her smile uncontrollably every time Lyra blows bubbles with her tiny mouth, or smiles at her, and grabs her finger with her tiny ineffectual fists.
It's the first time ever that Meredith has felt that way. And she has been around allot of babies. Christina as outwardly expressed her opinion on this matter. She rolls her eyes every time and makes a remark about being Izzie. She's once out right said, that the only reason Meredith has an attachment to this baby, is because they are the same. Something about her mommy and daddy abandonment issues.
Who cares. Who cares if Meredith has those problems, who cares if that's why she has this attachment. Who freaken cares, seriously? What she does need to care about is getting her breathing under control; she's in a supply closet all by herself and she's elevating into another hyperventilation. Or maybe this is an anxiety attach? either way, she has no one.
"Meredith?" A bang on the door, "Are you in there?...Mere, i saw you go in there..." Silence. Meredith is loosing control now, that voice has now pushed her over the edge.
She's hardly thought about him all this week. It's almost like she's trained herself to believe he's not there, even if she passes him in the hallway, or he's standing there behind her in the elevator like always. All her friends see a change in her, and it seems that the only one sticking up for her is Izzie. Christina has taken some weird dislike to all this. But Meredith doesn't seem to care. Especially now with this whole different feeling leaping upon her like some weird dream. She's a women, she should be used to this, but she just hasn't had the time, which is odd when your thinking of a clock ticking.
Of course it's him, and of course he's opening the door, realizing she's freaking out. Yep, and he's kneeling down and grabbing a hold of her. And now he's being McDreamy. And just like that last time, such a very long time ago, he hands her a paper bag to breath into, which is helping her breath, which hypothetically, he is helping her breath.
Short but you get my point right?