Disclaimer: The characters of Julian, Logan, Derek, and Joshua and related ideas belong to CP. Kurt, Blaine (who are mentioned during this story) and Glee belong to their designated copyright owners.

Chapter 4

It had 5 weeks since Julian had disappeared into his room feigning illness.

After the night a week ago, Logan had gotten up before Julian and left the room. Logan knew Julian wasn't actually ready to talk and he wasn't going to push him. He had just needed someone there that night to comfort him.

Logan had decided it was better if they didn't talk at all right now. Not until Julian was ready. But Logan kept spending all his free time on the floor opposite Julian's door. He would be there for Julian whenever he needed him, in whatever way he needed.

After a night spent just being there for Julian, holding him in his arms, feeling his heart beat in time with his own, Logan was certain of his feeling for the brunet actor. He loved Julian Larson-Armstrong… even if he was certain the feeling would never be returned.

So Logan still medicated. He couldn't deal with unrequited love for his straight best friend or the increased worry he felt about that friend's situation.

One night, Logan lay on the hallway floor, trying to fall asleep. His thought kept wandering to the boy on the other side of the door. In particular, to why Julian allowed Derek into his room but not Logan. Sure Logan had really stopped thinking himself these days, but the thought still came to him as his brain entered that place between consciousness and sleep. Logan already knew what made Julian different from Derek in his eyes. But in Julian's eyes, what made Derek different from him? Logan lay there, staring at the door, trying to see into the thoughts of the boy on the other side, the boy he was certain he loved, even if that boy was straight.

Thinking, Logan started to reminisce about the past three years and the adventures of the Stuart Trio. The day they had met at Freshman Orientation, the adventures they had over the course of freshman year, a lot of which seemed to revolve around fighting with the maniacs over in Windsor. Freshman year had been great.

Then sophomore year rolled around and everything began to change. Logan began chasing after crush after crush. First Blaine. Then Joshua. And countless other boys. Julian started to disappear far more often. Derek became more involved in sports after becoming captain, which took up most of his spare time. Everything they had built up over the previous year had started to fall apart.

Logan had been quietly talking to himself as he lay thinking in the hallway, knowing that whoever was still awake was probably too engrossed in school work to notice. Talking out loud helped him to think better.

From behind the door next to Logan, a busy Derek was up late finishing an essay. Upon hearing Logan whisper "Julian," he had become curious. Derek had moved so he was sitting against the door, ear pressed against the wood to hear what exactly Logan was mumbling about so early in the morning.

Tiny connections started to form between memories in Logan's head. Everything had been fine freshman year. Julian had left two or three times, only for a few days or a week at most, to do short guest star appearances, interviews, or photo shoots. It wasn't until sophomore year that Julian started to disappear for longer and longer periods, sometimes for months at a time… right around when Blaine and Logan started getting serious… and then again when the Joshua thing happened…

Logan was starting to notice a pattern. Julian would be around, acting as a wingman in Logan's various romantic escapades... until things got serious between him and the guy… and then Julian would leave… only to return when things inevitably crashed and burned… But what did that mean exactly? Did it even mean anything?

Then a thought flickered into Logan's mind. Was Julian jealous? He was always gone when Logan was with someone… No. It couldn't be. Julian was straight. But it all added up… Logan couldn't see any other reason why Julian would possibly leave every time Logan became romantically involved with someone.

But if Julian was jealous, that would mean he wasn't straight… but he was…

Then something else hit Logan. Unlike Logan, Julian had never stated which way he swung. And unlike Derek, who had also never verbalized it, Julian had never once gone on a date with a girl while at Dalton. Then Logan thought, had he every actually asked the guy directly which way he swung? No!

So,

1. Julian might not be as straight as Logan thought.

2. Derek, who was straight, was allowed into Julian's room, but Logan, who was gay, was not (Logan knew that this was not the sole reason for his exile from Julian's room, but he couldn't overlook the fact, no matter how pointless it seemed right now). And,

3. Julian was never around when Logan was with someone, as if he were jealous.

Then Logan began to remember all the little things that Julian use to do for him, still did for him. All those things that he had done while Logan's thoughts had been preoccupied with someone else. All those times Julian had helped his relationships when Derek hadn't. All those things Julian had done only for him and not for Derek.

Logan snapped up straight, the realization finally hit him full force. Everything fit together perfectly.

"Julian is in love with me!" Logan continued to stare at the door across the hall. The boy on the other side of the door was in love with him and he was in love with the boy… and he couldn't do anything about it. "And why do I keep having these epiphanies when I can't even do a freakin' thing about them?" Logan let out an aggravated sigh before slumping to the floor and quickly falling asleep, thoughts of the brunet actor still swimming in his mind.

"FINALLY!" Derek exclaimed from behind the door as quietly as possible so as not to catch the attention of the Prefect on the other side.