Black mirror Bandersnatch still belongs to Netflix - in this reality, anyway.
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Stefan ate his Frosties. Stefan worked at Tuckersoft. Stefan's game received a 0 out of 5 stars rating. Stefan destroyed Bandersnatch. Stefan jumped off a building. Stefan took his pills. Stefan's game received 2.5 stars. Stefan tried again. Stefan opened a safe. Stefan discovered P.A.C.S. Stefan killed his dad. Stefan buried his Dad's body. Stefan killed Colin. Stefan's dad was unburied by the neighbor's dog. Stefan went to jail. Stefan found his stuffed rabbit. Stefan traveled through a magic mirror. Stefan killed himself in the past. Stefan found Pax. Stefan went insane. Stefan fought his psychiatrist. Stefan chopped his Dad's body into pieces. Stefan kept his Dad's severed head on his dresser. Stefan's game received a 5 out of 5 stars rating. Stefan asked for a sign.
"Make it stop!" Stefan sobbed.
Stefan was answered by a Netflix viewer who rewrote the ending to the story.
Silence filled the room. On the monitor, Stefan stared at himself as he was now; watching himself watch the monitor.
#I really do want to help.# typed the writer.
Stefan sobbed. He took deep shuddering breaths and held his face in his shaking hands; His eyes scrunched tightly closed, trying to wipe the cursed images he'd seen on the monitor from his memory: His father's dead body being dug up by dogs, the empty gaze staring into his soul from the head on his dresser, Pax's distorted face popping out from the safe in his dad's office, his own body sitting stone cold in the chair at the psychiatric building, his mother turning to leave and catch the doomed train, Colin's bloody form lying on the living room carpet, his own bloody hands stained with the life of his fellow humans... it was too much.
#This is what I am trying to save you from.#
Stefan raised his gaze to the monitor. His own face stared back at him, mimicking his every move and displaying the horror and mortification etched into his features. Suddenly, the screen blinked off. It was black.
#There is a way.# typed the writer.
Stefan closed his eyes. He thought about all he had seen. He decided, then and there, that he was willing to try anything that might help him out of this hell. He didn't care what it was, if there was a chance it would work, he'd take it. He looked up. The Bandersnatch start screen popped up onto the monitor - The start button blinked in anticipation of being clicked.
#We finish the game.#
Stefan clenched his jaw and swallowed, exchanging his look of horror for one of steely determination.
#And we make the right choices.#
Stefan clicked start.
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Bandersnatch was completed and turned in to Tuckersoft by that Monday - Now all that was left was to wait and see the review. But Stefan was haunted by what he had seen on the monitor in his bedroom, and by what he knew he was capable of in other timelines. He holed himself up in his bedroom and avoided his dad as much as possible - not able to bear to remind himself what he had done to him in another life. He broke off all communication with Tuckersoft after turning in the game, although Colin still somehow managed to congratulate him on his work. Through all this, Pax (the writer, not the demon) never left his side. She made him eat and keep clean and sleep when all Stefan felt like doing was take another step off a building in light of what he knew of his life. Despite his dad's and Pax's best efforts, he couldn't shake the sense of hopelessness that came with knowing nothing he did mattered because his reality wasn't real. It poisoned him to his bones.
One day Colin Rhitman came to visit him.
"Stuck in the hole, mate?" He asked him.
Stefan only looked at him. He didn't remember if Colin had already died in this reality or not - Perhaps his being there was Pax's doing. Either way, all he could see when he looked at him was Colin's murdered form on the floor; and Stefan dazedly recalled that he had done that.
Colin sat on the bed next to Stefan.
"You know, sometimes it doesn't seem like anything in this world is worth continuing on in life for." Colin said. He leaned over and dropped something into Stefan's hand. "But it never hurts to just give it just one more try." He said. He gave Stefan a firm pat on the back. "After all," he continued, "you may just be looking at it from the wrong point of view." Colin stood, glanced at the computer in the corner for a moment, then turned and left Stefan to himself.
Stefan opened his hands to see the pills Colin had spilled into his hand - they were a double dose of the prescribed mental medication from his psychiatrist. Stefan popped them in his mouth and swallowed.
Around Christmas time, Bandersnatch hit the shelves for the masses. Stefan found a copy of the cassette in the window of a shop, and bought it to listen to on the bus ride home. It sounded like a thing of nightmares, but he didn't bother to question why he'd found it in a store (though Pax mentioned something about a lampshade) or worry at whatever surely unnerving secrets were encrypted in it. Pax began typing amidst the quiet eerie tones of Bandersnatch.
#I think that we need to find a solution to this, Stefan.# she typed.
Stefan wearily wondered what she meant.
#The weight of what I have shown you is clearly too heavy for you to bear.# she stated.
Stefan pondered it. If he was honest with himself (a philosophy of his that he now resented), He didn't see what could be done about it now: he'd seen the endings to his episode, he knew what horrors he was capable of as a human being - and he knew from Pax that his life was merely a fantasy in the minds of his viewers and wasn't really real; and that as such what he did had no real impact on anything. His every move, though it may sometimes seem like it was his own choices that produced results, were still utterly dependent on Pax to write them out for him; and therefore, were not really his choices in the first place. It seemed like he was stuck in the hole, and Stefan didn't see any way out. Not even Pax, the all-powerful reality warper, author, and god of his universe (#please don't call me that, Netflix'll sue me.#) couldn't make his fictional universe a reality.
#No,# she typed.
Stefan sighed.
#But I can do the next best thing.#
Which is?
You won't like it.#
Stephan snickered manically. What, in all of this reality and the others, do I possibly have to lose? He asked.
#Your memories.#
This made Stefan pause. Just moments ago, he would give anything to wipe the images of what he had done out of his memory. But now that Pax had actually offered, he realized that doing so just might be possible. But what of his universe? His life? They would still be fictional and worthless. But... he would never know. His ignorance would bring him bliss, and his life might, just might, be able to move on. Insofar as he had a life, anyway.
#You could have your own happily ever after.# the writer typed.
For the first time since Bandersnatch had been completed, a sliver, a pinprick of hope could be seen in Stefan's future; and Stefan felt as though he had taken a gasp of air after drowning. Alone, on the bus by himself, Stefan actually smiled to himself for the first time in months. But then, another thought caught his attention - and he felt the bubble of hope burst into shreds. No. He could never have that happy ending.
#Why not?#
Stefan didn't reply. Instead, he turned up the music of Bandersnatch and gazed out the window.
#Stefan?#
No.
#What-
I do not want to lose my memories.
#But Stefan-
I said no! Can't you just leave it at that?!
#Stefan, what you did in some of the endings - that wasn't you! At least not this version of you-
I don't deserve a happy ending. I have to remember what I did, so that I never allow myself to do them again.
#Stefan, that sounds a bit like a self fulfilling prophesy... and besides, I could clarify that in the ending. 'Stefan never killed anyone, never died, and never went insane'. See? Problem solved. That's typically implied when it says you lived 'happily ever after'...
I don't want it! Despite what you say about me not being a murderer in this reality - I'm based off a murderer, aren't I? Doesn't that make me accountable? And I do NOT want you to say I 'never died'. Immortality in this hell is not something I could endure.
#... right, I hadn't thought of immortality. I'll fix it to say that Stefan 'lived happily ever after till the end of his days.' How's that? And then maybe you should pick up a Bible and see what you can do with it... maybe you could get into fictional heaven.#
I'm pretty sure murdurers don't get into heaven.
#Have you... read the Bible? Because that's not how it works... and anyway, you're not a murderer Stefan! Not here, in this take on the show. And even in the show it usually wasn't your fault! The viewers chose it; and they, only because Netflix only gave them those choices. And it's all fictional anyway, none of it ever really happened! You're no murdurer Stefan.#
Stefan continued to look out the window of the bus.
#I'll give you some time to think about it Stefan.# the writer typed and left the boy to his thoughts.
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Ok, I planned out the ending for this and I'm fairly excited about it. I did want to apologize for the brevity of my reinstallment of Colin into the story - I did not feel that I had a firm enough grasp on his character to write much more than I did for him. If you want more of his involvement in the story, you will have to look elsewhere (But there seems to be a surpluss of fics involving him, so I'm sure you'll be fine). Anyway, hope you liked it!
Vale! (Which, since I was asked, is the equivalent of 'farewell' in Latin, which I am taking (vaguely pronounced 'Vahl-lay').)
-CrypticScribbles
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