For disclaimers and Author's Notes, see Chapter 1. AK :)

"Chakotay, please, don't leave me."

Her words hang in the silence, stretching the tension between them further. Chakotay keeps his gaze fixed to the floor, knowing that looking into her deep blue eyes would be his undoing right now. If he looks at her any resolve he has will crumble.

I can't let this happen.

"Chakotay... please..."

He doesn't move, his eyes still focused on the gray carpet at his feet.

I can't stay. If I stay now she will simply push me away again in the morning. If I stay now I will only be a source of comfort for tonight. I can't settle for that.

She grips his hand tighter, her knuckles turning white as she tries to shift his attention back to her face.

Kathryn doesn't need me. She just-

"I...I need you, Chakotay," he hears her voice buckle as she whispers his name, and against his better judgment, looks up into her stormy blue eyes. "Please."

He can't refuse her now.

"Ok. I'll stay."

"Promise?" There is no tone of authority in her voice at all. This isn't the captain, this isn't even Janeway. This is simply Kathryn.

Nothing more, nothing less.

He has never seen her look so fragile, so utterly defenseless. It scares him a little to know that even Kathryn can be broken. Especially to this degree. He has seen her vulnerable before, in the past few weeks far more than he would have liked to admit to her. He knows that the loss of Mark affected her deeply. It meant that the one thing she had been hoping for when she got home was gone, torn away from her like a nacelle in a fire fight.

She wants him to stay, she needs him to stay.

Right now, that is all that she knows. She knows that she wants him to hold her, to stay with her, even if he can only stay with her one night to ease her current burden.

She feels him run his thumb over the third finger of her left hand and notices that it doesn't feel empty when he holds it. She loosens her grip slightly, expecting him to leave, to go away.

I've pushed him away for far too long- something, somewhere had to give eventually.

She can see it in his eyes. He won't stay. He can't.

Kathryn releases his hand, and let's her own fall into her lap. I can't make him stay. That wouldn't be fair on him.

"Kathryn, I can't."

Now she's the one that has to look to the floor.

"I know." She can feel the tears gathering again. How can I still cry? Surely I'm cried out by now. "I'm sorry, Chakotay. This wasn't fair on you."

He almost takes a step back as he senses her trying to hide behind the barriers she has built up over the years once more.

She hangs her head slightly and takes a deep, steadying breath.

"Kathryn-"

"It's fine. I understand." Her tone is firm, far more even and measured than she would have expected right now. But it's the right thing to do, isn't it?

There is a moment of pause between them, the silence far more dense now than it was on the bridge earlier that day.

"Goodnight, Com-" she closes her eyes and stops herself before she can use his full title. "Goodnight."

I'll see you on the bridge, she thinks as he turns to leave. I'm sorry.

She swallows again as she hears the doors to her quarters hiss open quietly. She can feel his gaze as he turns around and glances back at her once more.

"Goodnight, Kathryn."

She blinks back the tears as the sound of the doors sliding closed echoes throughout her quarters.

"Computer, lights out," she murmurs, and the lights dim, leaving her alone in the darkness once more.

I pull the covers over myself and lie my head back onto the pillow. If I close my eyes I can still feel his arms around me, the heat coming off his skin as he holds me.

Chakotay. The one man I have loved far more than any other. The one man I long to be next to. The one man that has always stood by me in public.

The one man I could never stand beside in private. There is too much at stake. There is too much at risk.

Tonight I wanted to risk everything for him.

Tonight I wanted to pull him to me rather than push him away.

Tonight he pushed me away instead.

I wish it didn't hurt.

It hurt with Justin. It hurt with Mark. But I will most likely never see either of them again.

Justin died. Mark was lost.

Chakotay...

Chakotay.

Chakotay I will have to face for the rest of my time as captain of Voyager.

Just out of reach.

I close my eyes and try to get comfortable. The mattress shifts beneath me as I wriggle into a more satisfying position.

But it's no use. The covers are too constricting, despite the fact that his arms were wrapped around me tightly not too long ago. Holding me. Comforting me. Keeping me safe.

I'm too hot. Far too hot. I move again, but something stops me.

A strong arm is wrapped around my waist and I freeze.

"Kathryn, if you don't stop moving you will never get to sleep."

I gasp at the sound of his voice. Chakotay's voice.

He's here.

He presses himself against my back, his heat rolling over me like lazy waves over a sand bank at sunset. I turn in his arms, and my eyes are met by the kind gaze of deep dark brown irises and my breath catches for a moment.

I regard him carefully, resting my right hand on his upper left arm. I watch as my thumb begins to slowly trace random patterns over his rich, bronze skin.

"Stay?" my question is not even a whisper, but a small breath that hangs in the space between us.

His hand reaches up and lifts my chin until I'm looking at his face again, his handsome features lit by the faint light of the stars that streak by overhead.

"Just for tonight," he replies quietly, stroking my cheek and I briefly wonder if I am simply imagining the hint of regret in his voice.

I nod, not daring to speak for fear that my voice might betray me.

I snuggle into him further, burying my head against the smooth expanse of his warm chest and I feel his arms envelop me once again.

I am pulled into sleep by the deep sound of his steady breathing, the feel of his strong arms around me and the knowledge that he will be here when I wake up.