Chapter 4

"Judge if you want, we are all going to die. I intend to deserve it." Disconcerted blue eyes darkened as they settled upon hers. Strong fingers jabbed at her throat again, releasing the pressure in her head. She fell forward onto her hands in a weakened daze. Just as she turned to look up at her, Xena brought her fist down and knocked her out.

A few hours had passed and Xena sat on the fallen log in front of the rekindled fire, deliberating what to do with the girl now. She ran her hand through her hair in frustration. The last person she wanted to call on was Ares, but after hours of contemplation, it seemed that he might be the only one that could possibly answer her questions about the girl. She bit her bottom lip ambivalently and took a small breath. Her lips parted but the name stuck in her throat as a familiar and very unpleasant sense of foreboding tingled through her. A last warning. Something was telling her that calling for Ares would bring about a chain of events she was not prepared for. She noticed the girl beginning to stir from the corner of her eye and let out a soft sigh of relief.

She slowly opened her eyes and was greeted by the twinkling stars of the expansive night sky. It seemed, the sun had retreated, only to leave her, once again, in the darkened silence of her thoughts and unrelenting waves of untamed emotions. She felt so volatile; So weak, vulnerable, and terrified. She hated it. Hated that she felt things and didn't know why. A soft pop diverged her attention to the sound of a crackling fire. She stiffened as her eyes met with glistening, crystal blue ones. There was a gentle curiosity mixed with sympathy that only served to ignite the fury within her. She let out a heavy sigh and tried to sit up only to find that her hands had been bound. A soft growl escaped her lips as she turned back to the woman.

Charged green eyes penetrated her from across the camp. Xena's breath caught in her throat under the knot that had formed there. She could see the maelstrom of emotions, surfacing, only to be drowned by another under the turbulence of her frail sentiments and she felt them, coursing through the girl; lapping at her in gentle, mounting, waves that threatened to overcome her. The confusion, the anger, the pain, the sadness; all under the influence of her desperation and insecurity.

"Why?" The girl asked, quietly. Her eyes shifted to look back up at the sky before they betrayed her anymore. The irritation in her voice was clear enough but there was also a hint of sorrowful defeat. Xena swallowed with difficulty to clear her throat.

"Why what?" she whispered, hoarsely. Incredulous green eyes shot up and glared at her.

"Why what?" She mocked, angrily, sitting up with effort. "Why am I bound? Why did you treat my wounds?" Her voice began to escalate. "Why didn't you walk away when you saw me? Why are you still here?!" She was shouting now. "Why do you care?! What, does it get you off to see me like this?" She growled through her teeth, raising her tied wrists. "So Impotent! So Powerless!" Her voice thickened and eyes glistened as it began to quiet down. She dropped her head. "Why?" she said softly into the silent night. Only the crickets and the crackling fire could be heard after her outburst. Xena remained silent for a bit, considering how to answer her, honestly. "Why can't I remember anything?" she managed to sussurate under the swelling knot in her throat. It was so quiet, only the warriors immaculate hearing picked it up and it shredded at her heart.

Xena took in a shaky breath, on the brink of crumbling with sorrow. She watched the girl with great curiosity and confusion as they simultaneously shed a tear. The emotions were so powerful they felt almost foreign, yet still her own. She couldn't remember the last time her emotions threatened to consume her like this. Ages perhaps. There were plenty of things in her life that had hardened her enough to forgo tears, not that she was impervious to them or the emotions they were caused by, but this was too much and it was eating away at her in a very dangerous way. This was not sympathy anymore.

"You don't see it because you don't remember anything, but I can see it in the way you move. The way you talk. The way you react….I've seen it before in the eyes of people who have seen too much. I care because you are too young to have gone through whatever it is you've gone through. I've been through it myself and…. I know, that when you regain your memories, you won't be okay. I've seen what happens to people when their minds can't accept the realities of war and death." The girl's mind immediately went to the wineskins and opium she had in her saddlebags. Could the woman be right? She frowned, contemplating as she thought back to the young man she had killed that morning. No, her mind was not in turmoil over his death or any of the other deaths she had caused. It was all second nature to her. Ultimately, the warrior's theory amused her.

"You think I'm weak of mind?" she glowered. "That I'm broken?" The girl turned to her with a humored grin that failed to reach her eyes.. "Let me tell you, I've afforded no second thoughts of remorse to any of those men I killed earlier. I'm at peace with my actions." Xena mulled over her words, astounded by her conceit despite the truth her words may have held.

"That may be so now, but it won't be so when your memories return." The girl paused in thought, noting the the warriors expression of distaste.

"Maybe…..but that's my problem, not yours." Xena sucked in her cheeks and clicked her tongue in exasperation. She looked over at the girl, nonplussed, as she began to chuckle softly. Their eyes met over the dancing flames once more, only this time, the green eyes seemed apologetic."Oh, I get your concern, believe me, I do," she said with sincerity. "But I can't accept your help and generosity."

"You act as if I offer you leprosy," Xena scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"You might as well," the girl chortled. She placed her bound hands on her knees, playing with the frayed ends of the rope. "These feelings…" Her face had dropped along with her voice and a curtain of ebon hair masked her countenance. The night seemed to still and become muted; It was as if the heavens themselves waited for a long overdue confession. Her voice was as soft as the rustling leaves on a gentle breeze but carried over clearly and unhindered; amplified by the deafening silence "I don't understand why but ….. It sickens me." There was a long heavy pause as the weight of the confession stunned them both. "When you try to help, I feel weak ….. and ….. this panic sets in ….. and….I feel anger and aggression. Anger with myself and aggression towards you. Just for trying to help …. and I don't understand these feelings because ….. I can't recall any experiences to explain them." Her eyes were lost in thought as she struggled to paraphrase her emotions. "So, if it's all the same to you, it'll be safer if you stop trying to help me."

Xena remained quiet for a long time as she processed her thoughts; hunched over with her elbows on her knees. She understood those feelings perfectly well. She had learned early on that to show weakness in any form could result in death; but then again that was when she was surrounded by ambitious warriors. It wasn't hard to imagine the girl at the head of an army. In fact she seemed a lot like herself in her youth and that wasn't exactly a good thing. It meant that she would be harder to get through to. The difference between the two teens she had mentored, and this girl, was that this girl wasn't looking for acceptance. From anyone. Tara wanted to be good and needed someone to believe in her. Amarice wanted to fit in and be a part of the Amazon sisterhood but this girl… she didn't seem to trust any sort of influence. This was a dangerous trait and it was one of those times Xena hoped she was wrong.

"So, uh….why am I bound?" The warrior looked up, her thoughts interrupted.

"Those men you killed," she gestured with a nod of her head to the pile of bodies near the tree she had been tied to. "They're likely from a village a few candlemarks north of here. We're taking them back to be identified and returned to their families and I'm turning you over to the authorities for trial." The girl scowled indignantly.

"I told you what happened," she snipped. "Besides, if you're as skilled a warrior as I think you are, you could read the ground and see the truth in my words." The warriors icy blue gaze met hers without lifting her head.

"I don't play judge, jury, and executioner," she answered coldly and returned her attention to the flames. The girl let out a heavy sigh and stared at her hands for a bit; the threat of boredom coming in strong. They both sat there, in silence, for a very long time; Xena, poking the fire, deep in thought. The girl, fidgeting angrily, as she sat cross legged. The trial was unnecessary in her opinion. Those thugs had it coming. Not only that but she now had a feeling the warrior was being a bit prejudice towards her because of her wardrobe. She looked around for Atlas to see if he would play a game of ex's and o's with her but it seemed he had fallen asleep. She let out another heavy sigh and stared at the warrior again. Nearly a full day in this woman's company and not even a name had been dropped. Perhaps she could fix this?

"Echidna. Lamia. Mormo…. No, biting doesn't seem to appeal to her," she mused to herself. "Mmmm….. Harpy. Medusa?" Xena listened curiously as the girl quietly listed off several mythological monsters, most of which seemed to be female. "Bitch-" Her head snapped up at the vulgar word.

"What are you doing?" She snipped. The girl tilted her head as if it was too heavy to hold up and looked at her with an infinitely bored expression.

"Trying to figure out what to call you since you, apparently, don't have a name. I guess we're alike in that aspect." She looked up at the stars for a moment. "You know I kinda like, Bitch. It has a nice ring to it and it suits you." She straightened up again to look at the warrior. "Echidna just doesn't flow out as well." Xena rolled her tongue around her teeth and stood up, making her way slowly over to the girl.

"If you don't want to know what I did to the last risky soul that decided to have a sharp tongue with me-" She paused for effect as she crouched before the girl. A dagger somehow mysteriously appeared in her hands as silvery-blue eyes wandered down to her lips and stared intently. "Lets just say, snakes don't have split tongues for no reason." Their gazes locked; blue on green, before the girls eyes dropped to her lap. She shuddered and wrapped her arms around her legs, placing her head on her knees. Xena straightened a bit. For a brief moment of uncertainty, she wondered if she had overplayed her threat but quickly recanted the thought. "Choose your words wisely next time you address me," she said over her shoulder as she headed back to the log. "And the name is Xena."

The close proximity of the warrior had the hairs on her neck standing on end; that, combined with the intensity of her threat, had her severely excited and itching for a fight. She had decided to concede by breaking eye contact but if this 'Xena' only knew the extent of her audacity, she would not make the same mistake twice. "Get some rest, we leave before dawn." The girl's snapped her head up as Xena laid on the bed rolls she had set up across the fire. "And don't even think about running away. Trust me you won't get far and if I have to chase you-"

"Let me guess, Satyrs were much like centaurs before one crossed you?" Xena locked her steely blue gaze on her and made as if to get up. "Whoa! Calm down, I'm just messing with ya!" The girl giggled with a mischievous grin. The older woman settled back down with a huff. "Such a stick in the mud," the girl mumbled to herself.

"I won't warn you again."

"Fine." The girl groaned as she carefully laid back, placing her tied hands under her head. She began to relax as she focused on the stars overhead and a strange familiarity overcame her. The more she stared at the stars the more prominent certain constellations became. She sat up as quickly as her ribs would allow as a thought struck her. Xena's attention snapped to the girl who was staring intently at the sky.

"Now what are you doing?"

"The stars," she said, suspiciously.

"What about them?" The girl glanced over at her hesitantly before looking back to the sky.

"I can't recall names, or people, or faces, but I can tell when something is significant. The stars are significant," she said quietly and pointed up. "Those. The one with the seven bright stars." Xena face softened as she recognized the constellation. "It's a bear," the girl said with a smile. She suddenly froze as the blood drained to her feet and a knot formed in her stomach. It couldn't be…. this was impossible! Yes, just a coincidence. She tried her luck though.

"A bear? Where do you see a bear? No, it looks more like a dipper." The girl laughed, rubbing her head as if it bothered her.

"You're thinking too small." Xena looked over at her with a completely baffled look.

"I've never been accused of that before." The girl snorted trying to stifle a laugh.

"It's all a part of the bigger picture. Your dipper would be it's tail."

"Bears don't have tails."

"This one does."

"It's not a bear."

"It's totally a bear," she said with a wide smile. Xena swallowed hard trying to force her racing mind to slow down. The girl turned to look at her with a questioning gaze after a long heavy silence. The warrior looked quite shaken.

"A dinar for for your thoughts?"

"How do you know about the bear?" The girl wrinkled her brow softly.

"Know? I know nothing warrior. Only that the stars are significant and those," she gestured at the constellation. "Look like a bear." Xena tried to relax and cracked a small smile but her thoughts were far away to that night she and Gabrielle had stayed up, staring at the stars, playfully arguing over what shapes they formed. There was no way the girl knew about that. It was a personal moment; never thought of or discussed. Just simply a fond memory. On a turn of thought, she began to wonder about the girl's memories and their triggers.

"What else is significant? She asked quietly, almost afraid of the answer.

"My clothing, my weapon…. and your round weapon too. I don't recognize any of it but….. I feel they mean something to me." Xena pulled up her chakram which she had laid beside her. The girl watched her silently as she lifted the weapon and stared at it for a very long time. It wasn't much longer before the pain and exhaustion of the day had her succumb to sleep. Xena listened as the girls breathing slowed to a soft peaceful state. She glanced at her chakram once more before laying it aside again to turn her gaze to the stars. She was beginning to get an inkling of the frustration her young charge was feeling. Oh, this was certainly going to be a long night.

AN: I am so sorry I wasn't able to post anything last week. Aside from a cold and having to buy a new keyboard, I basically scrapped chapter 4 and rewrote it. We're just getting to know each other and I don't wanna go too fast =P This one's a bit shorter than the others but I felt you deserved something by this point. Hopefully I'll post another chapter sooner than usual if I have it ready. Thanks for being patient and let me know what you think of this chapter!