The Void in Our Lives

Chapter IV: Are You Still There?

Total darkness. It was all Karah could see. The sounds, however, were those she would never forget: the horrifying screams, the crushing waves, Jean's unbearable goodbye. Slowly, all that chaos returned to her mind and she was there again, trying desperately to reach her, to save her.

"You'll be okay. I love you."

"Mom!" Karah cried.

"Karah," the Professor called, bringing her back to the present day.

"She was just here. I could really feel her."

The words didn't make sense, but she was so sure of what she saw…

"It was just a memory, Karah. You can control it, I know you can," he stated and she realized there was one thing Charles Xavier would never fully comprehend: the bond between mother and daughter.

"Why does it feel so real? It's… It's like I'm there again. If I can just get a little closer…" She felt frustrated. "I don't know… Is it possible she left something behind? Like a piece of her mind or…"

"Your minds were connected in such a way that is impossible to replace. That part of you is gone, but you can and you will survive without it. You need to adapt what is left of that connection, Karah. Only then you'll be able to move on."

The Professor made perfect sense and she really wanted to believe she was capable of overcoming the loss, but every day it seemed more and more out of her reach.

It was dark as night. She had been dreaming for so long but it was time to awaken the body. She had tried to reach out to her and tell her she would be safe now, but somehow her mind was broken and unable to respond. She had heard her, she was sure; she just hadn't realized she was not alone anymore.

A stir, a shiver. Then, a small flame. It ached and it felt like the first time, like she hadn't released the power when it was most needed. The cold then started to melt away, warmth finally consuming the flesh. Shortly after, she was ready. Oxygen and a spark and finally fire spread its wings.

Karah felt it again and it was stronger than ever before. Glancing at the clock on the nightstand, she realized it was 3 a.m., but she didn't think twice before jumping out of bed to find Kitty.

"Kit," she called, knocking impatiently on her friend's door.

"What happened?" Kitty was barely awake when she opened the door, worried.

"There's something wrong. I don't know what it is, but my dream just turned even creepier."

She was aware that she might sound like a lunatic, but there was no time to waste.

"I have to go back to Alkali Lake."

"What?! Why?!"

"I don't know, I just have to. There's… something there," Karah answered in an anxious state. Fortunately, Kitty did not need to be told twice when her help was requested.

"Okay, calm down. Let me get changed."

It was not the best gesture of gratitude, but Karah decided to borrow the Blackbird in the middle of the night without asking the Professor; she was certain he would forgive her later, regardless of what they found at the lake.

"I hope you're right about this," Kitty stated as she put the seatbelt on.

"Me too. Whatever it is," she replied.

Karah had only co-piloted for Ororo twice before, which was a total of two times more than Kitty had. Luckily, the girls could rely on autopilot, needing only to define the coordinates to Alkali Lake and do minimal actual piloting.

"You think you're going to find the answer there? About your dreams?" Kitty sounded worried for her friend, whose emotional state was already fragile.

"I feel… I know it sounds crazy, but it's like something's calling me there."

Kitty reached out and held Karah's hand.

"Maybe this is what you need to get closure… I mean, the way we left that day…"

"Yeah, maybe it is."

Karah was not convinced.

Nearly two hours later, they finally arrived at the lake. Turns out autopilot was extremely cautious, which meant extremely slow. Before leaving the plane, the young women armed themselves with flashlights to scout the area as it was impossible to see anything in the night outside.

The lake was still and silent, unlike what Karah remembered. Every memory about that day was both chaotic and clear to her; she knew why they had gone there in the first place, but the outcome made it look so absurd… She had to shake those memories away as she searched the shores for something, anything that could tell her why she was actually there.

"Did you find anything yet?" Kitty whispered after a while.

"No… Just pebbles everywhere."

They decided to split in different directions to cover more ground more quickly and soon lost sight of each other. Karah felt extremely uncomfortable in the dark that night, even though she usually felt at ease in it; the flashlight couldn't show her much of what was ahead, but apparently there wasn't much to be shown anyway. The place was deserted, just like it had been left year and a half before.

She soon lost track of time and the distance from the Blackbird and decided to walk closer to the lake shore to make her way back to the plane and call for Kitty. The waters were black and quietly menacing under the night, like a mythological monster was hiding just under the surface, waiting for unsuspecting victims. She kneeled down and got the knees of her jeans wet as she looked closer, unaware that she was holding her breath.

Then, she heard it.

"Sweetheart."