Chapter 4

It was past dinner time when Valerie woke up. Snape had been waiting and reading a book for all those hours, somewhat enjoying not needing to be out invisible and following a girl's every step. He had left her bedroom door open and heard movement in there. Valerie was sitting quietly on the bed.

"Welcome back", he said by the doorframe and she didn't look at him. "How do you feel?"

She took a few seconds to answer, still looking down. "Did you see it?"

He noticed that she sounded weird, as if having some trouble to speak. "Of course."

"I didn't… I'm sorry, I hoped you wouldn't get to see any of those."

"You have nothing to be sorry about. How do you feel?", he repeated

"I'm okay… Just a little dizzy, but that's normal. And my tongue… I think I bit it."

"Yes, there was blood. I can help you with that, if you wish."

"How?"

"A simple spell can heal the wound, if you'd let me."

"Sure. It's swollen and hurts", she said getting up. Snape saw her tired face, but was relieved to see that she could now talk and stand up.

He took his wand and came close to her, asked her to open her mouth and make some quick movements. In a few seconds she felt no pain, and when she spoke again, she sounded normal.

"Thank you…", she looked away from him and walked out the room. When he followed her, she asked, "Did I see Edward?"

"Yes", he said sitting back on his chair, "He met you outside just before it happened and took you home."

"Did he stay during the seizure?"

"All the time", Snape answered now looking again at his book, although he didn't start reading.

"Crap."

He looked at her, who was sitting on the counter bench, and raised an eyebrow. "Crap?"

"Yeah, I just broke up with him and he keeps helping me. It's not fair."

"He didn't seem to care. But all the same, he left you alone right after it"

"Oh, it's okay… He probably knew it was over and that there was nothing else he could do once I was asleep. He got pretty used to it."

Snape lowered his book, "How often does it happen?"

"Every four or five weeks, it's virtually under control now with the medication. I used to have it every week for a while until my doctor found the right combination of drugs. I think it's as good as it can get now."

Snape didn't answer and Valerie got into the kitchen. As a Potions Master he had some knowledge in human health, but not deep enough to understand her problem. He only knew that some diseases had no cure even in the magical world, like cancer and epilepsy, but they were controllable with the right potions to each case. Snape made a mental note to think about it later. Maybe he could try something, although she seemed to be doing just fine with the muggle drugs.

His thoughts were interrupted by the music of her cell phone ringing inside her purse. She left the kitchen with a glass of milk and looked for it, answering right away. Snape tried to focus on his reading again, but couldn't help but listening to her side of the conversation.

"Hey Ed – I'm okay, I just woke up. – Just dizzy as usual. – Yeah, I bit it… But it's fine. – Hey, thank you… For being with me. – You didn't have to. – No, you didn't, Ed. It was very kind. – Ed… You don't have to do it anymore. We don't… – I can deal with it. – I'll be away for a long time, I'll have people watching over for me. – You know I can take care of myself. – Yes, I can. It happened loads of times when I was alone at home. – Listen, I am very grateful for how kind you were to me all this time, for how you learned how to deal with it, and even more for today, really, I appreciate that, but I really can take care of myself. – That's not what I mean. – I can't depend on no one, Edward! I just can't, you were great while we were together, but I don't need you, I can't need you or anyone. – You should know that's not what I mean. – I thought you would understand. You know how I never depended on anyone my whole life, I wouldn't change now. – It was two months, Edward, I've been epileptic for about thirty years, and I think I can handle it. – I already told you how grateful I am for the times you've helped me, and for today, I really am, bit I need you to understand… - My couch? What do you… - There's nobody sleeping on my couch. – It's just a blanket, what does it have to do with… – Edward, you don't sound like yourself. I don't think I can keep having this conversation, you know how tired I am right now. – No, don't. Don't come over. – We don't have anything else to talk about. – Thank you for everything and… Goodbye."

The apartment was silent for a really long time after she hung up. Snape didn't look up from the book, that had been a very private conversation, but the apartment was too small for him to move away. When he finally looked at her, she was sitting on the couch across the room, lost in thought.

"Where are we staying?", she asked

"In a safe house where some members of the Order are currently living in."

"When can we go?"

"At any moment."

"How are we going?"

"Via Portkey."

"What's that?"

"Magic"

She fell silent once again and spoke after a few minutes. "I don't think I have anything else to do here. We're going as soon as I find someone to keep the apartment."

With that, she got up and entered the bathroom for a shower.

For the rest of the week she packed her things in suitcases and cardboard boxes, and contacted everyone who had showed interest in renting her apartment. Some people went for a visit and Snape had to hide once again, keeping a very careful eye on them. She found someone quickly, arranged the price and was ready to go.

The last day of work came quickly and Valerie looked sad when she left home in the morning. She didn't speak much with Snape when they had breakfast and her mind seemed distant. In the morning staff meeting, she gave last minute instructions, but there was nothing much left to say. Snape saw her colleagues hug her affectionately and wish her the best, hoping she'd be back soon. Valerie carefully didn't say when she was coming back.

At the end of each class of the day her students said their goodbyes. Some girls cried and Valerie was on the verge of doing the same. After the last lesson, one of the students took her by the hand and walked her away without a word. Snape followed worriedly, wand in hand, but understood what was going on when they entered a big room where all her colleagues and lots of students and community members where waiting for a surprise farewell party. Valerie cried when the choir she had created and trained sang a farewell song for her.

After that they asked her to sing for them for the last time and the crowd stood in front of her when she sat in a chair with a guitar in hands. On a corner of the room, Snape watched her like the other ones. She chose a song about friendship he had never heard, even though he had some culture in muggle songs. In the silence of the room, all eyes were turned to her and Snape felt that even if he wanted or needed to look away, he couldn't.

And I never thought I'd feel this way

And as far as I'm concerned

I'm glad I got the chance to say

That I do believe I love you

And if I should ever go away

Well, then close your eyes and try

To feel the way we do today

And then if you can remember

Keep smiling, keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

For good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

Well, you came in loving me

And now there's so much more I see

And so by the way

I thank you

Oh and then for the times when we're apart

Well, then close your eyes and know

these words are coming from my heart

and then if you can remember

Keep smiling and keep shining

Knowing you can always count on me, for sure

That's what friends are for

In good times and bad times

I'll be on your side forever more

That's what friends are for

The living room was full of bags and boxes. Valerie had just closed the last one, checked on her purse for documents and money and was now staring at the pile. She had thrown away or donated a lot of things there were not of use anymore, and anyways there was a lot of things to take. By the window, cases of musical instruments – her guitar, violin, two different types of flutes – were by her clothes bags, the most important packs.

"Quick question", she said to Snape as he left the bathroom, "how are we supposed to take all of this if we are travelling with that Portkey thing?"

"Is everything there?", he asked in response

"Yep. That's all I have".

"Then let me", he said withdrawing his wand from a pocket Valerie didn't even see. He pointed at each of the boxes and they shrank to a match box's size. She gasped with the sight and he did the same with the suitcases and the instruments.

"That's how we take them", he said with a smirk.

Still amazed, Valerie went to the kitchen were a few empty shoe boxes were scattered to be thrown away later, and filled one of them with the tiny objects. Closing the box, she held it under her arm.

"Would you look at that. I'm carrying all my life under my arms in a shoe box!"

Snape smirked again, unable to stop himself, and looked around. "Are you ready to go?"

Valerie looked around as well. Everything was empty, her furniture looking now huge on the tiny space of her apartment. It looked very impersonal. Snape withdrew to the window and gave her some space. He knew how well she had understood that she might stay away for a very long time, most likely more than just the one year she had informed her friends, and probably that so many things could change in that time that she might not even come back at all.

"I bought this apartment when I was nineteen", she started after a while in silence. "I had been living for four years with the Grangers in Middlesbrough. I've been here for nearly thirteen years now. Never thought I'd rent it to someone else, I believe I'd just stay here until… Well, maybe forever. I know I might come back, but… I know I might not come back. Feels weird."

Silent again, she approached the window where Snape stood and looked outside. "It's thirteen years in this apartment, but I've actually been born in this housing. See that other block?", she asked pointing out. Snape looked at one of the other buildings. "The window on the fourth floor with the lights on, see?", she asked and he nodded, and Valerie lowered her hand, still looking at that window. "That's where we lived. My parents and I, I mean, before they… Before the Grangers got my custody". She took a deep breath and looked inside again, leaning against the parapet. "I don't even know why I bought my own apartment in this same housing. I could have gone anywhere, but instead I just came back to where it all happened".

Snape was silent, not understanding what she was talking about, but actually taking the hint. He looked at her and at the faraway window again. "What happened?" he asked after a while, feeling she was somehow open to tell things now. Maybe he could understand a little more about her.

She took a deep breath again and stared at the ceiling. "My father", she started and paused. "He was not a very kind man. He had the same sort of problem lots of people in this community have: drugs. I can't remember when it started, maybe it was even before I was born, 'cause I don't recall ever seeing him really in his mind. I feared him, tried to stay out of the was as most as possible. And she… My mother just wouldn't leave. She was not safe, her little daughter was not safe, but she wouldn't leave. I'd give my right arm to just understand that. I won't…", she paused again. "I don't wanna talk about the… Specifics. But it all came to a night when it was suddenly over. She was arguing with him about something, and he was enraged, completely out of his mind, and he… He had a gun. I was shot first, on my shoulder, and she just went mad and threw herself on him. It was the first and only time I have ever seen her defend me. I was down, almost passed out, but I saw her—", she took another deep breath and turned again to look outside the window, to the same point where Snape had been staring. "The neighbors heard it all and invaded the apartment; they stopped him before he could do anything else. It was too late, though. I passed out from shock and she was already gone."

They stood in silence for a long time. Snape felt his throat painfully closed and didn't have to try to understand the feeling. Her story… The familiarity on the story, save from a few small details, had taken him aback. He tried to say something for several times, until he mentally shouted at himself to get a grip and act like a man.

"There's something about our roots", he started, "that makes us come back. You didn't keep the same apartment, but you came back to where you can look at it through your window. You feel connected to your history, somehow, even if it is a history of suffering and darkness. Moving on is harder than most people believe it to be. Especially when there are still unanswered questions, why did it happen, what made my history go on like this, whose fault was it? Answers too hard and maybe impossible to answer keeps us close to where the doomed moment took place."

Valerie looked up at him as it she was seeing him for the first time. Snape knew she was looking but didn't take his eyes from the window.

"How?", she asked almost in a whisper

"I still live in my parent's house. Can't move away."

"What happened there?"

"I could repeat your story, a few details changed. It was alcohol instead of drugs. He shot himself when he realized what he had done. I was hiding on the basement."

He looked at her. She was gaping at him, her eyes wet, wordless.

"How old were you?", he asked

"Fifteen. You?"

"Sixteen."

They fell silent again, unsure of what to say next. Valerie felt her heart pound in her chest, her mouth dry. She didn't understand why she had started telling those things in the first place, but now she thought if there had been some kind of connection or a meant-to-be situation, for he had the same story. He had been the same age. He had felt everything that she had, and he still felt just like she did. Nobody could ever completely understand. People who knew the story were sympathetic to her, but most of them hadn't lived that, hadn't been through it. But he had. That stranger, who was living in her apartment all those days, the distant, formal sulky man, shared her story. He understood.

"Let's go". She barely heard him and he touched her shoulder. "It's time".

Somehow numb, Valerie took her purse and the shoebox and looked at him. He had pulled out a small porcelain object from his pocket and was now pointing his wand at it. The object shone in blue for a few seconds.

"When you touch it, hold it firmly and don't let go until I tell you to. Let me take the box. Just hold on tight and we will be there in a few seconds", he said and seeing the frightened look in her eyes, he completed, "Don't worry. I'll be right by your side".

She nodded and grabbed her purse tighter. When he said "Now!", she held the cold porcelain he was holding, their finger touching on top of it. Everything spun around her, her stomach turned and everything went dark.