They walked along the path in silence, hardly daring a sideways glance at one another. Ron's stomach churned constantly. He wondered what Harry must be thinking. Ron knew Harry, and this stoney silence wasn't good. Ron wouldn't be surprised if Harry avoided him after this. Ron tried to keep his mind clear of any sexual thoughs. Walking next to Harry, it was difficult. He decided his friendship with Harry was more important than some sudden lust he'd had. He decided he would talk to Harry tonight, to try and salvage their friendship. They reached the Burrow and went inside.
"Ah, boys, there you are!" Only his Mum and Dad were at the table. "Sit down, sit down!" she said, gesturing to the kitchen table. Harry and Ron sat across from each other instead of the usual side by side. It was a good thing his mother and father had business at Diagon Alley. They were busy talking amongst themselves and Harry and Ron had the chance to stare down and their plates in silence.
Ron felt immensely guilty for his emotions. He should never have acted upon Harry. Just try not to think about it, now. He thought to himself. After about five minutes, he was back in the bedroom last night, kissing Harry. He was now unable to stop thinking about it, as he had been unable after his dreams. He fealt his heart thudding in his chest. How could his mind even go there when his friendship with Harry was at risk? Yet, sadness washed over him. Realizing he had to part with the emotions he now felt for Harry made him ache. It was not what Ron wanted, but he rather be Harry's friend than nothing at all. Than chase him off with these homo-erotic fantacies. He forced himself to rationalize. It made the pain easier to bare.
"Well we best be off!" His father announced, oblivious, taking a sack of Floo Power out of his robe pocket. He gave a non-chalant wave as they stepped into the enormus fireplace exclusively used for travelling by Floo. In a burst of emerald flames they were gone and Harry and Ron were alone in the kitchen. Both boys sat still in their chairs, not looking at each other. As Ron tried to gather up the courage to say something, he felt his heart pounding in his chest. Just relax, Ron tried to tell himself.
"Harry..." Ron began and Harry's head snapped up, looking expectantly at each other, "I..." he paused, swallowed and continued. "I'm... sorry." he sad finally. "It wont happen again." His eyes fell to Harry's face now, which was difficult to read. Harry took a while to respond. When he did, he just stood, red faced, and left the kitchen. Ron felt shattered. This is it. He thought, sick, as he heard Harry up in his room, clammering around. I've done it. I've lost my best friend. He sat in the kitchen, chills racked his body. He felt so helpess. No, he told himself, I have to do something.
Ron sent his chair in the kitchen flying sideways as he ran toward the stairs. He ran into his bedroom and slammed the door shut behind him. He saw Harry, throwing his things into his trunk and raised his hands, trying to stop him. "Harry! Harry, please, I'm sorry!" He cried. His best friend returned his plea with a glare, and he dropped his trunk with a thud. "Look just tell me what I can do, and I'll do it!" Ron said, choked up. He backed toward the door, trying to leave no exit for Harry. He had to save their friendship. Now.
"I don't want to hear it, Ron!" Harry shouted, angry. "I don't understand!" he gestured wildly with his hands. "I just don't know! Last night..." he trailed off, thinking. "I don't know why you did it!" he said, with his right foot, he kicked his trunk into the wall. Ron was overwhelmed with guilt, but was starting to get upset, "I don't know why, either!" he said, raising his voice. Actually, he did know. It was the dreams. Harry seemed to be focusing on Hedwig's empty cage. Ron wanted to tell him everything. How bad he wanted him, how strong the emotions that he was feeling were. But he didn't know how, or if he even should. Harry was clearly still pissed off, when he said, "For fuck's sake, Ron..."
"Do..." Harry began, "Do you know... what I've been... what..." He was stammering. Harry gulped and Ron saw his face flush and finished firmly, "What you've done to me!"
Harry didn't look at Ron the entire time they walked along the path. Harry was afraid that he would get hard. He was so aware of Ron, of his every move. He could smell Ron from the distance at which he walked beside him. His mind raced with the thought of what happened last night and found himself controlling his urges. He wanted to reach out to Ron. He wanted to touch him. The Burrow had come into sight and Harry would not. He last thing he needed was for someone to see them. That would be the end.
They entered through the front door to the kitchen and sat down. Harry said, "Hello," to Mr. Weasley, trying to sound as normal as possible. "Ah boys, there you are!" Mrs Weasley said with a smile. "You're just in time, Arthur and I are going to Diagon Alley, we should be gone all afternoon... " Mrs Weasley continued detailing their entire to-do list as Harry stared down at his sandwhich without an appetite. Occasionally he smiled and nodded to be polite. He peeked up over his glasses at Ron who was also staring off into space. Harry bit his lip and tore his eyes away. The sight of Ron made him squirm. He found himself unbelieveably attracted to him. Looking at Ron, he was soo... beautiful. Harry took his glasses off and rubbed his forehead, shutting out the dream he had when he dozed off at this very table, trying to turn off these weird thoughts. He couldn't come to terms with it.
He needed to know why. He needed to know if it was a spell, a potion, a hoax. Why had Ron done this? Why would he do this, after six years! What changed? What had Harry done so differently?
"Well we best be off!" Mr Weasley announced. Harry forced out a casual, "Bye, have a good time." Even the burst of vivid green magic couldn't change his mood. And with that, they were alone in the Burrow. This left Harry and Ron at the table, atmosphere thick with tension. Harry averted his eyes, trying to think of what to say, or if he should say anything. He wondered if he would have to suffer this way. No, he could not live like this, with this bottled up.
"Harry... " Ron began, taking Harry, whose head snapped up, by surprise. "I'm sorry... It won't happen again." Ron had caught Harry off guard for the second time. Despair washed over him. Still in denial about his feelings, the words, 'It won't happen again,' cut through him. He was then filled with anger, frozen with it. It won't happen again... Harry thought to himself. Biting back enraged tears, he stood up and left Ron in the kitchen. He climbed the stairs and blew through the door to Ron's room. Harry opened the lid of his trunk open and decided he was going to the Leaky Cauldron.
He could not be around Ron, he knew that. Harry felt the pain, he felt rejected. He was angry. Why! Why did Ron do this to him! For no reason! Just make him feel all these things and then say, It wont happen again. He heard Ron coming up the stairs, and quickened his pace. Harry had to get away from the Burrow and away from Ron.
Ron entered the room, slamming the door shut behind him. He raised his hands defensively. Harry saw fear and sadness in Ron's eyes and his heart softened. Ron would not have done this just to mess with Harry, he was his best friend and this was serious. There must be something more. Still, he was hurt by Ron's words. It won't happen again. His thoughts flashed to the kiss and Harry had to steady himself. The room was spinning as the full on pleasure of it came back to him and then the despair. Damn, RON! With that he dropped the armfull of stuff he was carrying into his trunk. "Harry! Harry, please, I'm sorry!" Ron cried. Harry mustered up the deepest glare he could manage, and he dropped his trunk with a thud. "Look just tell me what I can do, and I'll do it!"
"I don't want to hear it, Ron!" Harry shouted, angry. "I don't understand!" he threw his hands into the air. "I just don't know! Last night..." he trailed off, thinking. "I don't know why you did it!" he said, with no other means by which to release his pent up tension, he kicked his trunk into the wall. "I don't know why, either!" Ron said, raising his voice. Harry gazed at Hedwigs cage, just for a place to look other than at Ron. Harry wanted to tell him everything. How bad he wanted him, how strong the emotions that he was feeling were. But he didn't know how, or if he even should. Harry was still pissed off, when he said, "For fuck's sake, Ron..."
"Do..." Harry began, "Do you know... what I've been... what..." He stammered, unable to find the right words until he finally ground out, "Do you know what you've done to me!"