iv. darling don't be afraid
Before Arawa left, she and Hermione exchanged addresses, as well as Muggle mailbox numbers just in case. Hermione made her promise to owl with a list of supplies the Pack Family needed, and at Ara's protests, she pointed out that with every new trusted friend came a network of loved ones with resources, and Hermione should be no different. In return, Ara made Hermione promise to bring the supplies to their little village herself. Just picturing herself doing this and seeing Remus's face turn pale with anger at her presumption made Hermione lightheaded. Arawa was as perceptive as Hermione had guessed, reaching out as they said their goodbyes and squeezing Hermione's shoulder.
"None of this has been easy. Just picture your photo book in reverse," she said. "The farther from the trauma we get, the more alive we all become."
A week later, Hermione's laundry room was full of blankets, long-johns, 5 heavy metal buckets, a number of hot water bottles, and a whole host of other items that were donated from the Order of the Phoenix. Arawa had said they liked to stock up on cold weather supplies early, as the fall moons were fierce and took a lot out of them. Hermione had been very stern to everyone that while there was a chance this pack of humans and werewolves may have news of Lupin, it was just as likely they did not. She felt a pang of guilt about lying to them, but given the high number of Gryffindors among them, she couldn't risk any of them venturing to find him. This would be a difficult, frustrating, and possibly fruitless quest she had taken on, and for once, she wanted to be fully responsible for its success or failure.
Teddy had been given a mini skateboard by one of his classmates' parents, who like Hermione was Muggle-born. The blue-haired imp was currently delighting himself by sliding back and forth on a strip of paper that led from Hermione's room, through the hall, across the living room, all the way to the doorway to the kitchen. Hermione had attached crayons to his fingers, wrists, elbows, and toes with magic and rubber bands after garnering a promise from Teddy that he wouldn't put a crayon in his mouth, too. She'd placed a repelling charm on all the surrounding surfaces; Molly had given her a hand-written book with all manner of charms, spells, and magical remedies on her first Christmas with Teddy, and it was one of Hermione's most prized possessions.
"Mummy, look!"
Hermione looked up with a smile to see Teddy pointing at the front window, where an owl was pecking softly.
"Thanks, Ted," Hermione said, opening the door. It was from Ara. Hermione held the scroll in her hand and took a deep breath, grabbing an owl treat at the last minute to hand over. When she turned back to sit down, Teddy threw his arms around her, crayons pointing in all directions.
"I color the steet now, Mummy," Teddy said, holding up an arm and tugging a crayon free. Hermione set the precious scroll down and picked up her wand instead, and before too long had divested her son of all the crayons. He ran to his room to get his Muggle toy cars (so designated as they only had pull-back machinery inside, rather than charmed movement) to play on his 'street.' Hermione set her wand back down and watched him pick a section of paper and lay on his belly to start drawing a family of wizards on brooms to fly over the cars. She knew they were on brooms because each wobbly stick figure had a brown 'skirt' that led to a stick in each round squiggle 'hand.'
She could tell they were wizards because they all had spiky black hair like his godfather.
Hermione unspooled the scroll only a small amount as she read, determined to prevent herself from reading ahead out of context.
Dear Hermione,
You'll be so proud of me: I found a half-dozen things for Remus to do before I gave him your letter. He was so exhausted from clearing scrub, stripping bark from a log we're turning into a bench the Muggle way (for Brianna, who is, as she describes herself, a Were-Squib), and splitting it, among other things, that when I handed it over, he didn't have enough energy to do much more than stare at it, scratching at his chin.
I asked him if he needed to hex me, and he sat and thought about it for a while.
I asked him again at dinner, and he pulled the note out of his 'new' donated coat, wrinkled and a bit smudgy, as though he'd read it a fair few times. He was clearly struggling for what to say, so I told him I met you in person, not just with a message.
He asked where you lived, and if you worked for the Ministry, and if Harry was an Auror yet. I told him I would ask you. Before he went to bed, he picked up an old Daily Prophet we keep in a box by the door to the common building.
I haven't seen him read anything since I met him, much less a newspaper.
Take heart!
Come with the donations in a few days? All the werewolves sleep the day after the full moon, so come on the 16th in the morning and you'll have no worries.
Ara
Wednesdays were Harry's day off from Auror training, and so he usually took Teddy on Wednesdays, starting after breakfast, shared between the three of them at #12 Grimmauld. Hermione was unsurprised to see Ginny leaving as the two of them arrived; she was dressed smartly for a publicity meeting with the Quidditch team she worked for. After a quick hug, Teddy and Hermione went inside and found Harry making pancakes. Half of them were even edible.
"Sprinkles are not a condiment," Hermione said twenty minutes and two pancakes later.
"House rules," Harry shrugged. Given whose house it was before Harry's, Hermione had to concede the point.
"So, do I look sufficiently nondescript, do you think?" Hermione asked him. She'd worn her hair braided and pinned as flat as was possible, along with a dull grey jumper and thick wool slacks. Even the boots she wore were simple and plain.
"It's not cold in Wales in August, Hermione," Harry pointed out.
"Oh, all right," she said, transfiguring her top into an austere grey shirt with three-quarter length sleeves. "I just want to be inconspicuous, you know?"
"Dressing the same color as the full moon?" Harry said, mildly.
Hermione looked horrified.
"Say, Teddy, what color should Mummy wear to her appointment?" Harry said, clearly trying to reassure her.
"Teddy hair blue!" Teddy said, predictably.
"There you go," Harry said, lifting his wand and an eyebrow, asking for permission.
"Please," Hermione said in a shaky voice. "Honestly, I don't know what I was thinking."
"You were thinking, what color would fade into the grey clouds of Wales." Harry swished and flicked, and Hermione was wearing the same clothes, now in a few shades darker than sky blue.
"Compromise?" Hermione asked. "I'm rarely ever this… bright." She waved her own wand and her pants changed back to black. Another complicated movement and her shirt became sleeveless. Hermione pulled a thin black and grey cardigan from Teddy's changing bag and pulled it on.
Teddy pouted.
"Here," Hermione said, crouching down beside him and saying the spell one final time. The grey stripes changed to a gradient, 'Teddy hair blue' near her hair shading down to the grey at her waist. This earned her a syrup kiss.
"Thanks, sweetheart," Hermione said, scritching Teddy's scalp lightly. "I'm off, have fun with your godfather." She tidied away her breakfast dishes and walked with Harry through the narrow hallway to the door.
"I have absolutely nothing useful to say," Harry admitted.
"Just tell me this isn't the stupidest thing I've ever done," Hermione said, pulling out the picture of Teddy with Harry she'd brought with her to show Remus. "Tell me he isn't going to find out I was there and run so far and so fast we'll have been better not to have ever tried?"
"Hermione," Harry said, giving her a tight hug. "I'd tell you that, but-I've already forgotten the first bit of what you said. I tried, but..." he flashed her a grin that sobered into a look of encouragement. "He needs us. He can pretend he doesn't, but locking himself up in an Azkaban of his own making won't change that."
As Hermione waved goodbye to Teddy and Apparated back to her cottage to gather up the donations, she chanted to herself. It was silly at first, but the more she spoke the phrase, the more powerful Harry's words felt, as encouragement and as a profound insight into Remus's state of mind.
"Expecto Patronum."