Not sure if I managed to get this installment on paper the way I saw it in my head. I sure hope you guys like this. Thank you so much for the positive reviews!
The first night without Sammy was a hard one. Two minutes after the door slammed shut with Sammy on the other side of it, their father had come out of the small apartment and said only, "Get your stuff, we have other places to be." Both Dean and Hannah had taken one last lingering look at the stairs that had led Sammy away from his older siblings and taken him to what he hoped and believed was a better place. Both older siblings looked at each other, sadness evident in both sets of eyes. Dean put an arm around his little sister and gave a squeeze. Putting his hand on her back he gave her a gentle nudge back inside the apartment to gather up their meager belongings.
It was almost a blessing that the siblings were riding in the Impala alone together; because their father was so angry with Sam for leaving that he took it out on the two remaining children. He screamed at Hannah to "move faster" and "answer me when I'm talking to you", which wasn't something anyone had ever really expected of the blonde. He rode Dean harder telling him that now since Sammy was away it was going to be impossible to watch over him. He had even accused Dean of instigating the whole situation. Dean had been taken aback by that accusation. The last thing in the world he would ever do would be to encourage Sammy to go away. He needed the younger man around more than anyone knew. Sam was his life. It truly showed how little his father understood his eldest son.
By the time they reached the car, Hannah had tears in her eyes and Dean had a wide eyed frightened look. They were driving to the next state. John had said that there was a haunting there. Dean didn't care what the hell was there; he just knew that his father wanted as much distance from the apartment where it all went wrong as possible.
About two hundred miles into the trip, Dean turned off the blaring AC/DC and turned to his sister who was watching the scenery fly by her window.
"You think Sammy's okay?" she looked at him and her mournful blue eyes said that she did in fact think he was okay.
"Of course Sammy's okay. He's a grown man. He can do what he wants. He doesn't need me to protect him anymore." Dean continued to watch the road albeit is features were a little more strained after his last declaration. "I'm proud of him," he muttered quietly. Hannah touched his hand gently and rested her head on his shoulder for the rest of the drive.
Once they arrive at the dingy motel they asked for the same room arrangement they had had since Hannah had become a young woman. Dean set his bag down and immediately went and took a shower. He had been driving for 9 hours straight and he was road weary and exhausted. After his shower, he didn't even bother to flip through the channels. He just got into the bed closest to the door and tried to sleep. Falling asleep wasn't much of a problem, however, staying asleep was. His mind raced with worry for Sam, sadness for himself, and fears that his father would never be happy with just him around. Dean had known for the last couple of years that Sam was worth more to their father than he ever would be. That was the reason that he had always trained harder, learned more weapons and followed every order their father laid down. Dean wanted to be noticed, wanted to be loved.
There were few things in this world that Dean Winchester knew. One was that Sammy loved him. However that had all changed this afternoon. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure Sammy loved him. It had been way too easy for Sam to just leave without saying good bye. In fact, the last words out of his mouth had been "Who would want to be like Dean?" Maybe Dean hadn't done such a good job after all. Pressing his hands to his eyes he tried to clear his head of the unwanted thoughts and feelings. His mind worried at the question, "am I worth anything to anyone?' like a dog worries at a bone.
He turned on his side trying to find a more comfortable position and the empty bed beside him starred at him. He hadn't slept alone since he was four. He was used to the sounds Sam made when he slept; the deep rhythmic breathing, the snoring, the drooling. However, tonight the only sound that could be had was the sound of the crickets in the distance singing their love song. He was just used to Sam. He turned back onto his back and rubbed his face with his hands and tried to fall back asleep. Sleep eluded him, however, he felt edgy and uncomfortable and short of Sam walking through that door, he didn't think there would be a way to fix the situation.
A knock on the door startled him. He pulled his knife out from under his pillow and slowly went to the door. The knock turned into three knocks with a finger tap and he knew that it was Hannah. He opened the door and there she stood in her duck jammy pants, that Sam had bought her for Christmas, Dean's old Led Zeppelin tee shirt, and white socks. She looked down at the knife and then back to her brother's eyes. She stepped inside when he moved away and she turned down the unmade bed as he closed and locked the door. By the time he was at his own bed she was inside the covers.
"I know I'm not Sam," she mumbled as she turned on her side and curled up into a ball.
Dean sat down on his bed and realized that she knew exactly how he felt. No she wasn't Sam and there was no way she could ever replace him, she knew that. But she could at least allow him to protect her-- to love her. She knew that was his purpose in life, to protect his family and without Sammy around to protect, he was lost. Hannah had decided that she would do her best to nudge him out of the darkness and back into the light. He was thankful. He asked God to protect Sammy, the first prayer he had given in a long time, rolled over onto his side, and was finally able to go to sleep.