Dismal Angel 2010 - Episode 7
Chapter 4: Closure
Rogue staggered into the small office opposite the hospital wing, her head was still swimming from the alcohol. She was looking for something – anything – that belonged to Remy LeBeau. She knew they had to have brought him in with some belongings, even something he'd been wearing would be adequate enough for the closure she needed. She crept in quietly, and closed the door behind herself, she turned the light on hoping it wouldn't disturb anyone.
No, its one am, they're all asleep, she assured herself positively, she tripped over her own foot and fell with a thud to the floor, she hoped no one heard. Remy was only in the next room, and she'd always known his hearing to be exceptionally acute.
Rogue shook her head at herself. It's not Remy, she thought at herself angrily, Remy's hearing was good because he was a THIEF, it's part of his training, listening. She pulled herself up and continued across the room, there was a box on the floor near the corner by the window, she hurried over and knelt by it, glancing in she found what she was looking for.
In the box, were a number of small objects all in a large thick clear plastic zip lock bag, a leather wallet caught her eye, she opened the bag, picked the wallet out, unzipped the sides and opened it up. Lockpicking tools, the tools of his trade, something he never went anywhere with out. A pack of cards, which she counted, there were fifteen cards missing from the deck. An elastic band, which she noted had a number of hairs still attached to it. And then something caught her eye. A black cotton case, wrapped around something rectangular shaped, she reached in and took the case, pulling the draw string top open and reaching in. She pulled out a silver case, an engraved ace of spades was at the very bottom left hand corner of the top. It was a tobacco case, she'd given it to him one Christmas.
Tears sprang to her eyes, but before she could realise she was crying, she was brought back from her memories.
"Rogue…what's taking you so long," came a low whisper, Rogue spun around, Bobby Drake had been waiting for her, she'd almost forgotten. "C'mon, it's getting really windy out there, we should do this now before it gets worse," Bobby said, he noticed she was crying again, but didn't press on it.
"Okay," Rogue sniffled, she dried her face on her sleeve realising she had felt the tears streaming down her face once again, she put everything back into the plastic bag once again. "I got the stuff, this is all his," she stated.
"Good, it'll do," Bobby took the bag from her, "you're sure this is his stuff and not Hank's?"
"A lockpicking kit and a silver tobacco case?" Rogue breathed, "unless Hank took up some other life we know nothing about, then this is Remy's…besides, I recognise the tobacco case, I gave it to Remy one Christmas…our first Christmas together," Rogue explained softly.
"Come on," Bobby said, ignoring her reminiscing, they wove through the halls of the mansion and left through the back entrance into the gardens. The gardens were immaculate, although the flowers had long since wilted from the current winter, and soon the flowers would bloom again boasting the oncoming spring.
Bobby stopped at a small shed near the back of the gardens, to pick up a shovel, and some flashlights, and then they continued to walk and walk, until they passed the gardens into a field that was part of the estate, but unused, most of the field had become overgrown with weeds and long grass that tickled Rogue's bare knees beneath her denim skirt.
The grass rippled in the wind like waves of a treacherous ocean around them, Rogue's ponytail kept whipping around and swatting her in the face, Bobby's eyes were squinted as the breeze assailed his eyes.
"Why so far?" Rogue asked, she continued to let Bobby lead the way through the darkness, she could barely make anything out at all in the light that came only from a low hanging moon and the weak beams from their large flashlights. Rogue glanced over her shoulder, the Mansion standing in the distance, a few dim street lamps lit the area around the mansion so that it was still visible, and behind one window, a lonely light burned. Kitty's room, Rogue thought dully as she caught up with Bobby who was still walking.
"Because that way no one can find and dig the stuff up," Bobby explained, he stopped abruptly, a small patch where the grass wasn't so thick or the weeds weren't so tangled, he pushed the shovel into the ground, and pressed his foot down upon the spade edge to give it momentum so it thrust into the hard slightly damp earth, "here should do."
Rogue watched Bobby dig a small hole. All the while her mind was throwing questions at her, she kept asking herself if this would really help. What other alternatives were there? None…nothing that would help her get over Remy. Bobby was right, he had to believe. After all, he was her friend, she had no reason to doubt him, no matter how crazy this idea had seemed.
Bobby dropped the plastic bag with all of Remy's belongings into the hole, "do you want to say anything?" he asked.
Rogue wasn't sure what Bobby meant, "Uhm…what'd you mean?"
"Like a eulogy or whatever," Bobby said, "or a final goodbye…"
"It's not like he can HEAR," Rogue sighed, "its not like he's a spirit and will hear it."
"Whatever, look…do you want to say anything or not?" Bobby asked.
Rogue paused for a moment, she had several things she wanted to say, but she didn't think she could say them in front of Bobby Drake. "Could…you give me a few moments alone?" she asked hopefully.
"Okay," Bobby sighed, "I'll be over there," he gestured to another stretch of the field, "be quick though, the wind is picking up," he added, then he headed off into the area he'd pointed out, leaving Rogue standing at the hole in the ground.
Rogue shone her flashlight upon the hole, sighing, she wasn't sure where to begin in saying how she felt, and she believed herself rather foolish standing here staring at a hole pretending it was Remy LeBeau's buried remains. "I don't know what to say, Remy," she sighed, she sat down on the slightly damp grass, "How can I say in two minutes what it took me eight years to come to terms with?" she sighed, "and how can I just act like you're dead when you're really in that hospital wing with no idea who I am or what we were to each other…"
She waited, as if she expected to hear Remy's voice, instead, only the rustle of the long grass in the wind broke her silence.
"I love you," she kept her voice low, feeling incredibly silly, "I wish say that to your face instead of this stupid hole in the ground," she muttered, "I wish I could tell you how I wish I left with you that night you said we should run away together – I keep thinking if we had maybe you'd have never hurt Jared accidentally and everything would be fine…" shivered, the cold damp grass chilling her bare legs, "I just hope you can forgive me for wanting closure on 'us'," she murmured to the hole, she pulled herself up off the ground, "and that you can forgive me for saying goodbye, Remy…" she bit her lip to stop herself from crying, she turned, hearing Bobby approaching.
"You done then, Rogue?" Bobby asked, hands in the pockets of his faded bottle green jacket, his hair ruffling in the wind, his eyes boring into her.
"I think so," Rogue dusted a few stray blades of loose grass off of the back of her skirt, "I think I got all the closure I can out of this," she gave one last look to the bag of contents, and pursed her lips together tightly.
Bobby thrust the shovel in the pile of loose earth he'd dug up, and he began to fill the hole, his breath misting in the cold air as he did. Rogue watched as Bobby buried the only items Remy LeBeau had carried with him, she felt no relief once the hole was completely filled, and Bobby was stomping down on the soil to firm it.
They made their way back to the mansion in complete silence, Rogue would not let herself cry in front of Bobby again, she'd let herself cry too much in front of her closest friends in the past week and she was beginning to feel far too overemotional and pitiable that it made her flush with embarrassment every time she felt the familiar tension in her head just before the tears came.
She parted from Bobby with a simple goodnight, and headed on upstairs. Instead of heading towards her own bedroom, she made a beeline for Kitty's room, and knocked on the door. Having seen the light still on as she'd been approaching the mansion, it seemed more than likely her friend was still awake.
The door opened, Kitty peered out from between the small gap.
"Just thought I'd come have a chat," Rogue smiled feebly, hugging her jacket around her, still feeling the chill.
Kitty stepped away from the door, allowing entry, and Rogue strode in. The room was warm, inviting, but there an air of sadness hovering around it that Rogue couldn't place. Maybe it was from the photos of Kitty's parents on the nightstand, or maybe it was just that sad and distant expression on Kitty's face.
"Kitty…be honest…do you think the Professor and Jean are wrong?" Rogue asked, she'd barely known she was going to say this until it was blurted out. Rogue sat on the edge of Kitty's bed.
"I don't know what to think," Kitty sat down near the dresser, she picked up a brush and began to run it through her short silky brown hair, "I guess they could be."
"Why?" Rogue asked quietly, she glanced around the room, admiring its feminine charm.
"Because its like you said…if Remy's mind was wind totally clean, he wouldn't be able to talk or walk or think…" Kitty stared at Rogue's reflection in her mirror, "there's something they're missing, Rogue…they went in and out of his mind but didn't find anything, no memories of HOW he learned to talk or walk or think the way he does? Maybe there's a section of his mind that's invisible to them, or maybe they just aren't as powerful as they thought," Kitty put the hairbrush down.
"You really believe that?" Rogue felt tears brimming but refused to let them go.
"What do you believe?" Kitty turned around in her seat, giving her a meaningful look.
Rogue paused, she began to think, frowning. What did she believe? She wasn't sure.
"Think long and heart, Rogue…in your mind, in your soul, in your HEART, what do you believe?" Kitty asked.
"That it can't be the end," Rogue sighed, looking over at her.
Kitty nodded, "yeah, that's what I feel too," she said, "it just doesn't seem right, doesn't feel right…"
"I want to believe it, it seems like it is real but…it just can't be," Rogue shook her head, "If Remy were incurable then why does he still have some knowledge? It doesn't make sense."
"Right…that's why I'm not giving up hope," Kitty looked at her, "and you shouldn't either," she added. "Right now…that's all we've got. Hope."