The cough I gave was rattling like deep from the chest and came with a shutter immediately afterward. Mine and Belinda's room felt slightly warmer then it ought and my hands slightly cold. We were getting ready for the ball; the girls in one room and the boys in another. Our room was an array of underskirts and corsets that were to go under dresses of the finest greens and reds, minus mother who was wearing a gown golden as a church bell.

It was fair to reason that dad; being the party of Cratchit in the establishment of "Scrooge & Cratchit" was already at the counting house waiting to greet the early guests with Mr. Scrooge. But make no mistake that mum had a better handle on the household on her own than a captain had over his ship.

"Now!" she started. "I want you all to be on your best behaviors, it's a full shop tonight and there will be a lot of clients of your father's and sister and I want them all to see that this family is in shipshape." She then proceeded to stick pins in her mouth as she saw to putting up Belinda's hair as Lucy helped fasten the buttons under the lace of my sleeves.

"Did you hear that Mr. Scrooge went to see the jeweler a week ago?" Belinda started fueling mum with new gossip as ribbons were being woven into her braids. "That's not surprising." I say. "He was probably inquiring after a necklace for his niece Joan. that's all."

"That would be so, if the jeweler's wife had not told me first hand that he was seeking out an engagement ring and left with one in his pocket!" she announced and mum and Lucy gasped. Mum started to go on then. "That's all we need is another banker's wife gallivanting around and kicking her nickers up! Flaunting money!"

Lucy crawled to the edge of the bed and tugged at my dress excitedly. "You know Mr. S well Martha, who do you think it is?"

I let a small smile tug at my lips despite I felt another heated chill coming on. "It will be for Nora Ashton." I say contently thinking of the lady as our fire crackles in the room. "He has been in pursuit of her since a week before he purchased the milliner shop." I then take to sitting down on the bed myself as my legs begun to buckle, yet I continued. "She is a friend of his former love Belle, I have made her acquaintance several times; she is remarkably beautiful and remarkably kind." There was another involuntary shutter.

At this mum turned and slowly walked over to cup my face. "You do not look well." She stated. "I am simply tired." I reply looking up into her concerned eyes. "I have worked long hours lately, I think it has caught up to me."

Belinda turned in her seat too. "Is it any wonder." She scoff. "You ardly ever stop! Are you sure you should go tonight?"

"Yes." I pause to think as my head lolled to rest on the bed post a thought comes racing to my mind, how would Mr. Scrooge having a wife effect my time with him? My dearest friend. Our luncheons would lessen and his suppers spent in our home decreased. He would have a wife to talk to now and I was pretty stable in my business. The thought made me happy and very sad; he had become to me as second nature as my own heartbeat, as if another limb to my body, I would miss him, he would come to see Tim, but I was prone to think that our relationship would change somehow and I would miss him. "Yes, I must go. I wouldn't miss this ball for anything." My lips parted slightly, I then shake my head to snap myself out of my daze. "Besides, My dear Tom is coming! I will bring my shawl and my fan. These are simply bouts of heat and chill." I then reach my hand out to ruffle Lucy's hair. "Nothing that a Cratchit cannot handle."

And with that Peter, Mathew and Tim knocked and entered. They remarked on our gowns before offering their arms to the sister that mum had paired them with. Peter was not happy that he had been paired with me instead of chaperoning St. Clare and having to wait until we got to the ball to see her, I had to remind him that he could leave me as soon as we entered the counting house because my own date was meeting me there as well. A handsome cab was sent for us.

When we arrived the counting house was simply glowing, even from outside in the cold snow. It was already alive inside everything that could be wrapped in garland was and a towering tree sparkled in the corner, guests begun to mingle and dance, radiating such warmth that it automatically touched the onlookers who passed, even the airy music seemed to drift like spirits through the walls. And there was Mr. Scrooge in the middle of it all. What a happy man! He seemed to feed off of the joy of others and looked younger and younger with it. He held his glass up high in toast with a broad smile; he was not handsome, except when he smiled. My dad strutting down the steps to meet the coach without stretched arms pulled my eyes away. "Here they are! Here are my darlings!" he cried, kissing each child on the head as he helped them out of the cab. Tim was the first to try and bolt in but dad had to call him back holding up his crutch as a reminder. "Try not to tire to quickly me boy!"

"I won't"

I kept my eyes trained on the dancers inside, even as father kissed me hello, I had the strangest feeling that I had seen this scene before, heard this song; as if in a dream. No not a dream, the dream.

"Fezziwig." I whispered to the icy winds.

Just then, another cab carrying two ladies came in behind us and one of them sang out to us "Yoo-woo Cratchits! What ho! Yoo-hoo!" It was Mrs. Belle and Mrs. Nora Ashton. Their driver helped them down. Mrs. Belle and Mrs. Nora were perhaps two of the most beautiful women in London. They both had settled into their 40s flawlessly. Mrs. Belle had a heart-shaped face with hauntingly blue, round eyes and gold locks that had hints of silver, but its value no less decreased as when it was solid gold when my friend had loved her so. She was a wife and mother now to many children who bared her exquisite likeness. And Mrs. Nora! She was exotic; pale and lovely and very European. She had hair black as soot that was put up very fashionably, framing her creamy face and small lips. Her gown was elegant and dripping with jewels; her first two husbands had been creditors and bankers also. Mrs. Belle ran happily to meet us and I was glad to receive her. she and I had tea a few times when I was first learning how to keep books and I loved her company. 'Here is the protégé now! In Mr. Scrooge's own words the girl with a head for business and a heart for a family! You know that he nearly wanted to put your father in a milliner shop and hired you on as clerk." Mrs. Belle laughed, but seeing the slight disappointment of my father rubbed his arm. "Oh Mr. Cratchit you know I only tease, dear Ebenezer would not trade clerks for the world!"

Then I greeted Mrs. Ashton next. When her lips met my cheek she drew back in surprise and felt my forehead. "Heavens girl, you are as warm as can be. Are you ill?"

"No, no I'm fine." I say through a smile though I felt worse and worse by the minute. "No matter!" she returned linking my arm in hers. "We will walk in as sisters! I must say I am quite nervous tonight." She begun to lead me inside. My heart skipped a beat. "He asked you then? Mr. Scrooge I mean."

"Yes! This afternoon!" she twittered. "I was quite set upon!"

"What did you say?" I asked rather more animatedly than I had meant, my heart suddenly in my throat.

"My dear girl, Mr. Scrooge was so insistent that I say yes, that it would have been rude to say no."

I do not know what I was expecting but my heart fell back into its place heavily. Why hadn't he told me first hand? Or Tim? We told each other everything. And why was I so upset and heavy hearted, when I should be rejoicing that such a man had found someone he deemed worthy of his heart. "I am so glad for you." I said, just as Mr. Scrooge approached us after greeting Mrs. Belle and her husband. "Shouldn't you be atop the tree Mrs. Ashton?" he asked and she giggled. Then he turned to me. "And you my little pixie, let me look at you!" he took my hands and spun me round examining the red velvet gown and my brooch of course pinned in view. When we were eye to eye again he held my hands close to him. "My God Martha, you are exquisite!" he kissed my hand. Something like a pang shot across my heart. Why hadn't he told me?

I was about to say something when a voice called me away. It was Edna and to my surprise Nan and her new baby son who I had not yet met. Mr. Scrooge nodded to me and I knew he had invited her to especially surprise me. with half a laugh I went over to them and fond over the new babe. I take him eagerly when Nan offers and play with his little hands as his mother and I babble to catch up with lost time. "I had such a time prying him away from Mr. S I did. He was so natural with little Toby. A born father that one and who ave thought. Just a year ago we was wishing wicked Mrs. Hogan on him!"

A lot can transpire in a year… when I looked back behind me Nora Ashton had swept our host under the mistletoe and was kissing him tenderly. I wished desperately that Tom were at my side…

Hours went by. And I had become so feverishly ill that I swore I could feel the earth turn round. My cheeks were heated and my gown felt twice its weight. I felt pale and felt like fainting. And I felt alone as Nora and Mr. Scrooge led the dances as top couple and Tom was nowhere to be found. I felt seasick as colors seemed to blur my sight. I sat on the window seat, trying to chat with Joan Milark, trying to look alert. It was only when I saw one of the performers from the tavern braving the weather outside that I stirred and went out.

;

"Not coming?" I questioned, gripping the baluster. "But he promised me!"

The performer only drew heavily on his pipe and then gagged. "Sorry love, he says to tell you maybe, New Years but not tonight, awfully busy." I could almost feel the lie that laced the last remark.

"Then I will go to him-"

"No, no your lot is ere he says!" retorts the man before turning to go, while I might add scratching his rump. "Appy Christmas."

"Happy." I repeated silently, sitting upon the railing. There had been nothing happy about this day. My lot? How could this be my lot when I had been so torn this past year between two very different worlds and neither seemed to fit me. Suddenly I was numb to the cold and I watched almost dazed as the snow seemed to dance in swirls,, the warm candlelight from the window reflecting their waltz. I held fast to the baluster as my lip trembled, by now, almost delusional from illness and pain. I could hear the rattle of chains, horrible, horrible chains…

"Martha?" I gasped at the voice who had suddenly put life back into me and turned my head. He stood there, looking at me with soft blue-grey eyes shutting the door behind him. He smiled at me which made him handsome. "Ebenezer." The word comes out without my even knowing it, I am still very dazed.

"I thought you had left." He says this coming outside, looking relieved. "Joan had told me you had." His voice is soft, sweet like a melting candle. The drifts of snow catch my eye again. "Look at the snow Ebenezer." I muse absentmindedly, in my right mind I would have never addressed him so informal. "Look how white it is, like little ghosts.…Spirits." My lips part again. I feel as if I am going to faint but he catches me, gently, round the waist. When I adjust myself I find him looking into my eyes and something wet rolling down my cheek, as he touches my hair that hangs on my cheek. "Friendly spirits.…"

"Oh my darling, you are shivering." He then presses his cheek to mine and presses me close. "And you are so very warm." I put him back with all my strength which was very little at all. "I know about the engagement. Mrs. Nora Ashton told me-"

He looks almost disappointed at this. "Did she?" he asked. "I had hoped I would have been the one to-" he abandons the thoughts shaking his head. "Oh never mind. I suppose now that it is out all that matters is what you think of it?"

I manage a smile. "I think it is wonderful. I could not be happier!" I had been lolling my head forward so much that my forehead almost rests against his chest, I could almost feel his heartbeat, my fists gently clutching to his coat.

"Oh Emma! Martha!" he sighs and I can feel his chin against my hair. "I will burst from happiness-"

"And you bought the ring- you bought the ring a week ago? That is- that is what Belinda said." I struggle to look up and mark a look of tenderness before I turn my head and begin to cough violently as my body almost crumbles beneath me. He is the only thing holding me up. "We need to get you inside. We can discuss this later love."

I cup his face in my hands half crying and half laughing as he brings us slowly to the ground, cradling me like a child. "No-no-no." then I smile. "No, I wish to talk about it now. Right now. You have changed so much Ebenezer-so much…" I then look over his shoulder and see a woman in white, all white glowing, hovering there and staring at me, she does not speak but I know that hers is the voice from my dreams. She is beautiful. Without words she tells me that her name is Fan. And she tells me to close my heavy eyes. I begin to obey, coughing again. "Martha! Martha! Dear God do not leave me! Martha!" he shakes me hard and I speak again. "She is so proud of you. Fan is so proud of you."

He then scoops me up as if I weigh nothing at all and hurries me inside, the lady in white drifting behind us, silently, calmly, patiently. "Bob! Emily! Come quick!" Mr. Scrooge announces followed by an array of gasps. "Clear away everyone! Fred fetch a doctor quickly!"

"Martha!" I hear Tim wail fighting to get to me. Everything is commotion. Everything is ruckus and noise, except for the lady in white…except for Fan. I study her and study her. "The time has come to leave with me, Ms. Cratchit." She says, so hushed, so still, so welcoming.

"Martha stay with me! My God! Stay with me don't leave me!" the words become fainter and fainter, until…

Nothingness. Oblivion.

I know this is sad but I have a point to this I swear! I want Fan as a main player to show what has happened in the last year to lead up to this point. : if you have seen Jane Austin's Sense and Sensibility you will mark a similarity between Marianne and Martha. Also Colonel Brandon who is played movingly by Alan Rickman who I think would be a great Scrooge also Man this is a whole new world to me in writting...going backwards

this clip is not that version but it sums up what sort of things you can expect
/5Re5CNBq8vA

and yes she did hear Marley's chains too

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