You are my Heaven

by Swanqueenluv

Did Regina make the right choice? Is she too late? SWAN QUEEN with a hint of Emma and Hook and Regina and Robin Hood.

4. I Can't Live a Lie

Please stick it out. This is a SwanQueen story for sure, I know there are some worried about it. But trust me I am a HUGE SwanQueen fan myself. They will be together in this story. :) Thanks for the reviews I appreciate it.

REGINA'S POV

Lately nothing I do ever seems to please you
And maybe turning my back would be that much easier
Cause hurtful words are all that we exchange
But I can't watch you walk away

She's letting me in, this is it Regina you have one shot to convince Emma to not marry Hook, to convince her you made the biggest mistake of your life letting her go. I walk in and place my stuff on the edge of the couch while looking down I see a box of Kleenex and tissues scattered all over the floor. I watch Emma walk toward the couch and picking up the Kleenex.

Emma: Sorry I was watching a movie and well you know me I can be quite the sap

She is lying I know her all too well, she wasn't watching a movie but she is right about one thing she can be quite the sap. I go to say something but stop myself the last thing I want to do is upset her and have her throw me out of here.

Emma: So are you going to talk or just stare at me Regina. Don't know if you realize this but it is 1am and I am getting married tomorrow.

My stomach does a flip flop at the mention of her pending marriage tomorrow. I want to scream at her she is making a mistake that she can't marry that damn pirate. But I have to choose my words carefully, I know I am walking a very thin line right now. I can tell my her last statement that she is none to impressed with me and probably wishes me gone.

Can I forget about the way it feels to touchyou?
And all about the good timesthat we've been through
Could I wake up without you every day?
Would I let you walk away?

Regina: Yes I….sorry I didn't realize the time I just…..

Emma: You just what Gina

I caught the slip there and it took my breathe away she has only ever called me Gina as a term of endearment, only when we were together and only during intimate times.

Regina: You called me Gina

Emma: Regina can you get on with this please.

Regina: Don't get married tomorrow. Please don't marry Hook

No, I can't learn to live without
And I can't give up on us now

I blurted it out and that was not what or how I wanted to do it, but looking at her and hearing her call me Gina all the words came out wrong. I feel the burning in my eyes trying to fight back the tears, I want to beg her to not marry him, beg her to forgive me. I can tell by the look on her face and how her breathe caught in her throat at my statement.

Emma: Excuse me?

Regina: Don't get married

Emma: What business is it of yours if I get married or not? Last I checked things were over between us.

Regina: I know I know what I said and I know what I did, I was wrong Emma I was wrong. I love you and I have always loved you.

Oh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promisenot to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

I look at her and I heard the gasp come from her and the anger starting to rise. Yes I know Emma Swan quite well, the way her eye brow raises and her body tenses just before she is about to unleash on someone. But this was slightly different it wasn't just anger I was seeing, I was seeing pain mixed in there, as if my words were causing her pain. I can see her internal struggle she is fighting back the tears and fighting to yell and scream at me. I wish she would do something anything yell at me, hit me, cry anything just anything to show me something, to show me that she still loves me.

Emma: You love me really….HA I know when you're lying Regina and you weren't lying that night.

Regina: That was because I wanted you to believe me. I got scared Emma, everything I was feeling for you, that night was the most intimate I have ever been with someone. I have never made love to someone, I have never let someone see me at my most vulnerable state, then our magic binding and I….I….I'm…..

Could I forget the look that tells me that you want me?
And all the reasons that make loving you so easy
The kiss that always makes it hard to breathe
The way you know just what I mean

The tears are finally flowing from me now, I am struggling to breathe as I walk towards her I need her to look at me, I need to see her beautiful green eyes looking into mine. I take her face in my hands and look deeply into her eyes.

Regina: I'm so sorry Emma. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life my heart aches every day for you. Please Emma I'm not asking you to take me back, or to forget everything that happened. But I am asking you to please not marry Hook tomorrow, please let me prove to you that I can be your happy ending, that we can have a happy ending together. Please just don't marry him.

Emma: Fuck you Regina FUCK YOU. You don't get to come here the night before my wedding, where the hell have you been for the last 9 months huh? Where the hell have you been?

Regina: Emma I'm sorry please just listen to me

No, I can't learn to live without
Ohh, so don't you give up on us now

Emma: Listen to you. I have listened to you now you get to listen to me. I HATE YOU REGINA, I HATE YOU. I hate what you did to me, I hate that you were the one to start it all, you kissed me first, you made the first move, you asked me to give up Killian and I did. I told my mom about us and how much I loved you, that night our last night together I was so damn happy when I showed up at your door. I wanted to tell you no more hiding, no more secrets, I told my mom, I broke it off with Killian. I wanted to be your girlfriend, I wanted to be your everything. You left me Regina and where the hell have you been? Oh right fucking around with Robin Hood.

I couldn't take it anymore the sadness in her voice, the tears that were now falling freely from her face I take her in my arms and hold her. I couldn't believe everything I just heard, she told her mom about us, she ended it with Killian that night. God Regina you're a fucking idiot. I take her face in my hands and feather light kisses all over her face, trying to kiss the tears away, trying to kiss the pain that I have caused her away. I know now how deeply I have hurt her, I know now that this wasn't just a simple fix, that I really broke her heart. Now I am crying and I am shocked that she is allowing me to hold her as we both slide down to the ground, clutching onto one another afraid to let go.

Regina: I'm so sorry Emma. I didn't know. I'm sorry I hurt you I am so sorry. I am so sorry. Robin means nothing to me, I couldn't give him my heart when my heart belongs to you. I thought that maybe just maybe I could try and be with him, seeing you with Hook killed me and I realized that I lost you and I should move on. But god Emma I can't move on because all these months my heart has been empty, my heart has been gone because it is with you Emma. It's you and it will always be you so please Emma, please don't marry him tomorrow please.

EMMA'S POV

Hearing Regina tell me she loves me, apologizing and telling me she made a mistake letting me go is everything that I wanted to hear from her but now it is 9 months too late. I moved on I did what she asked and she moved on herself with that thief Robin Hood, I remember the first time I saw them together it felt like my heart had been crushed again. He had a son and he could give her everything she wanted, he could give her a happy ending he was her true love fucking Tinkerbell said so. God I am so confused I pull myself away from her and start pacing the living room running my hands through my hair. How dare she come here on the night before my wedding and do this. I was moving on I was finally going to get my happy ending. Damn her Damn her. Before I know it I am standing right in front of her and I crash my lips against hers, kissing her fiercely, a kiss that was full of anger, hatred, despair, longing, and love. My mind was telling me this was wrong but how could something that feels so right, that makes me feel so alive and whole be wrong. I feel her arms wrap around me pulling me against her body I feel her relax and hear her moan into the kiss. God I have missed this woman, I feel her mouth move from my lips and feather kisses along my jaw until they meet the spot that only she knows that causes me to tremble and my knees go weak as if on cue she grabs a hold of me tighter as my knees buckle when she gently sucks and nibbles on my neck.

Ohh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Ohh, and I don't wanna try

Emma: Gina oh god Gina we can't

Regina: Emma please I need you and I know you need me

Emma: We can't Gina

Regina: Let me make love to you

Her hand has roamed down my body and into my pants, I feel her fingers slide along my wet folds and in that moment all logic was thrown out the window, I grabbed her face and kissed her harder, before I knew it 2 fingers were plunged into me and I gasped at the contact. She continued to thrust her fingers into me as I feel my legs getting weaker and my orgasm building.

Emma: GINA OH GOD GINNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ohhhh, I know I could say we're through
And tell myself I'm over you
But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

I scream out her name not even caring that my mother is upstairs and grasp onto Regina as if I was never going to see her again. Once coming down from my high my lips crashed into hers again and my hands roamed her body as I gently pushed her down craving her, needing her, every inch of her. I slid her panties down smelling her sex I take my tongue and glide it along her wet folds and I feel her trembling and moaning louder and louder as my tongue continued to swirl around her. Finally I plunge two fingers deep into her and I felt her walls contract around me, she was getting there arching her back begging for more.

Regina: Oh god oh god oh EMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMA

I just can't live a lie

Once she reached her peak I pulled my fingers out of her and placed them in my own mouth licking them and tasting her. I leaned up and pulled her into a passionate kiss, then my mind flashed to Killian and my wedding, and I pulled back Panic written all over my face.

Emma: Oh my god what did I do? What did I do?

Regina: Emma honey

Emma: NO NO DON'T YOU CALL ME HONEY. DON'T YOU DARE. You came here and you said things and now you have messed everything up. Everything is such a mess. How could I do this to Killian. I'm getting married tomorrow and I just slept with you. Oh my god.

Regina: Your still going to marry him?

Emma: Of course I am going to marry him Regina. You have to leave. You have to leave now.

Regina: Emma no please you can't marry him. I know you want me as much as I want you. I know you love me.

Emma: No I did love you and I don't anymore I love Killian. Dammit Regina this was a mistake and shouldn't have happened. God why do you have this hold over me.

Regina: NO EMMA please

Emma: Regina go you need to go NOW

Regina: Emma tell me you don't love me, tell me you don't feel pain everytime we are in the same room. Tell me you don't long for me or your heart doesn't ache for me the way mine does for you. Tell me that what just happened didn't make you feel more alive than you ever have with Killian. You tell me that and I will leave you alone and I will walk out that door and you will never have to deal with any of this again. If you can look me in the eyes and tell me those things then I will step aside and let you be happy. If Killian is your True Love and the one you want then I will back off. But you have to tell me Emma.

I stare at Regina my heart is racing a mile a minute. All of this is so fucked up, how can she do this to me, tonight of all nights.

But even if I made a vow
I promise not to miss you now
And try to hide the truth inside
I'd fail cause I, I just can't live a lie

Emma: Regina it's too late, where was this 9 months ago? Hell even 3 months ago. Why now tonight the night before my wedding. I'm sorry Regina but no I don't love you anymore, my heart belongs to Killian now.

I stare at her and see the same look in her eyes as I had the night she did this to me. I want to scream at myself for lying to her, and I want to tell her I love her, but I can't it's too late. I'm moving on. I turn and walk away from her because I know if I don't I won't have the strength to stand my ground.

Regina: Very well Miss Swan but for the record he doesn't love you the way I do and he never will. I hope you will be very happy.

REGINA'S POV

I turn and walk out of Emma's apartment and lean against her door, I finally release the tears that I have been holding in when Emma told me it was too late. It took every fibre of my being to say that I hope she will be happy. I can't believe I screwed this up, I can't believe that I lost my own happy ending, this time it was my own damn fault. Finally I drag myself from her door placing my palm on the door.

Regina: I love you Emma and I always will

EMMA'S POV

I turn towards the door and start to run towards it after she shuts the door. I place my palm and head against the door. I hear her soft sobs and the words she said to me.

Emma: I love you too Gina and I always will.

Oh, I cant live a lie

I don't know how long I stood there, but eventually I heard her heels clacking down the hall and I finally allow myself to collapse to the floor. I didn't even hear my mother come down the stairs but I felt her arms around me.

Snow: Oh Emma what are you doing?

Emma: I can't mom I just can't it hurts too much

Snow: Love is supposed to hurt Emma, we always hurt the ones we love the most. Love isn't supposed to be easy.

Emma: What am I going to do?

Snow: You asking me?

Emma: What should I do?

Snow: I think you know what you should do.

Emma: I can't marry Killian

Oh, I cant live a lie

I sob even harder as my mother continued to hold me in her arms leaning against the apartment door. It felt like hours we sat there until she finally convinced me to get some sleep.

Emma: Mom

Snow: Yes Emma

Emma: Can you stay with me tonight?

Snow: Of course. I love you Emma.

Emma: I love you too.

I feel her crawl into bed beside me and grasp my hand, I feel her other hand running her hands through my hair and that was the last thing I felt before sleep took over.

Song: I Can't Live a Lie by Carrie Underwood