Chapter 4

Lee Crane paced anxiously about the hotel room he'd rented a few days ago as he waited for Chip to pick him up. Angry, hurt and wanting nothing more than to get lost in a bottle of booze, he'd chosen the first hotel he'd come to, paid for a week and headed to the small oceanfront room. Without even looking out on the beautiful view outside his room, he'd collapsed in a heap on his bed and slept for almost 24 hours straight. The exhaustion of the mission and all that had transpired with Nelson…his best friend…had finally caught up to him.

When he'd finally awakened, his eyes gritty and bloodshot, the memory of his argument…hell, his fight…with the admiral came back to him and he'd felt guilt flow through him at the things he'd said to the man. He knew the argument and its intensity had been heard by at least two other people. Chip had made sure he knew that when he'd caught up to him outside the Administration Building and before he could escape. He fervently prayed that not everything they'd said had been overheard.

The memory of his words to Nelson came back to haunt him again and he groaned. Opening the sliding door to his room, he stepped out onto the small balcony and gazed down at the beach that was spotted here and there with joggers or people strolling, some hand in hand, down the beach. On the waves beyond, he saw surfers, wet suits glistening in the early morning sun, catching their first waves of the day.

Leaning on the balcony's railing, he tore his gaze from the vacationers enjoying their morning and thought about Nelson. Where had he gone and why hadn't he returned yet? He knew there were several possible reasons but the only ones he was thinking of involved ominous scenarios. Someone had taken him, his boat had sunk, he…Lee shook himself and smacked his hand on the balcony railing. There was nothing to be gained by imagining the worst. Nelson was the best. He was the best sailor, scientist, inventor…friend. He was fine. He had to be.

Glancing at his watch, he realized he'd spent way too long indulging in worst case scenarios and he went back inside to finish packing his meager belongings. Wanting to escape as quickly as possible, he'd fled with the clothes he'd been wearing and had taken little up the small duffel bag, he perused the room quickly for any missed items and left, his heart in his throat as he allowed his worry for the admiral to settle inside him fully.

~O~

Almost as soon as the Flying Sub edged up against the pier at the sub base in San Diego, the tall, lanky form of Lee Crane, a blue duffel bag thrown over his shoulder, quickly appeared, entered the sub and seated himself in the co-pilot's seat quickly.

"Any word?" he asked breathlessly.

"None. The Coast Guard checked all of the off shore marinas and came up with nothing. No evidence the admiral was there or is there now. They've gone out on a couple distress calls from boats after that storm but they haven't received one from the admiral. Sharkey said he thought the admiral was headed south when he left so I thought we'd do a search from here. I radioed the Coast Guard where we were headed and they sent us a search grid. It's programmed into the computer."

"Good. Let's get going," Lee ordered in a carefully controlled voice as he buckled himself in. The feeling of responsibility for what had happened filled him and he struggled to control his thoughts. If he hadn't gone off on the admiral and had tried to listen to him, knowing the pressure he was under, this wouldn't have happened. Too much had taken place, during the last cruise and on the mission he'd undertaken right after the admiral's return to normalcy in Sick Bay. Way too much.

In retrospect, the admiral had been right when he'd said it wasn't a good time to be gone. The last cruise had taken a toll on everyone, the admiral mostly, and with the navy pressuring the admiral to step up the production times on his new sonar project, he should have been there to help, not off on another ONI mission, especially not right after all that had happened during that last blasted cruise.

If he were honest with himself, he'd begun to really hate the times away from Seaview. Each mission was harder and harder for him to recover from both physically and mentally. But he hadn't been able to admit that to the admiral. Instead, he'd heard the admiral questioning where his loyalties were, something he thought the admiral should know, and had ripped into him which only caused the admiral to blow up. In retrospect, it wasn't a surprise. The demands on Nelson were excessive, as was the pressure, and he'd acted in the only way he felt open to him.

Sitting back in his seat as Chip flew the small craft over the open ocean; Lee watched the water below pass by quickly, hoping for some sign. If only he hadn't left things the way he had. He'd never really had a chance to talk over in depth what had happened during the cruise. Putting himself in the admiral's shoes, he cringed as he thought of how he would feel if he had been the one that had been affected by the gas, knowing his orders had caused the death of one of his men. In retrospect, he couldn't help but feel he should have taken the time to make sure the admiral knew with absolute certainty that he didn't blame him for what had happened. Instead, he'd been ordered on another mission, a mission he probably shouldn't have undertaken, without taking the time to check in with Nelson. What if something had happened to the admiral? How was he going to live with the knowledge he quite possibly could have prevented it or even been there with him if he'd made a different choice?

"Lee? It's not your fault," Chip said softly as he turned his gaze from the water below to his friend, his feelings written plainly on his face.

"It feels like it is, Chip. I remember the look on his face when I said I quit. There was such pain, just for a split-second, then he quickly covered it up with that red-faced angry look that used to scare the heck out of me at the Academy."

"He did have a way of getting his point across with a simple glare, didn't he? It used to scare the shit out of me."

"I saw the same look the other day. I pushed him too far."

"Funny. I think he said the same thing."

"What?"

"I talked to Angie after our little discussion after you stormed out. She went into his office and found him staring out the window watching us. He told her he'd gone too far and maybe this was the one time you wouldn't come back for more."

Lee turned his eyes from Chip's to the ocean below. "I just wish there were some way to take it back. Some way to not say what I said."

"Look, he feels the same. When we find him, you both can apologize and get back to the way things should be."

"If we find him," Lee replied so softly Chip almost didn't hear him.

"We'll find him. The admiral's a sailor, Lee. He knows what he's doing out there. No storm's gonna take him out."

"Maybe not a storm but something more human might."

"You thinking someone took him?" Chip asked, a hard edge to his voice as he thought over the possibilities.

"I don't know what to think. I really don't."

With nothing more to say, the two Seaview officers returned their gazes to the gray ocean below, searching for their missing commanding officer in silence, both unable to quell the fear that rose in them when their hope began to fade. Long hours focused on their search ended when the light began to grow faint, the sea darkening to an inky blackness.

"We should head back, Lee. We can't see anything. We'll get back to it tomorrow morning."

A simple nod was all Lee could muster. Another night without knowing. Another night for the admiral out on the vast ocean. Alone.

~O~

Chip landed the Flying Sub by the surface dock at NIMR and shutdown all the systems. Unbuckling, the two slowly climbed to the dock in silence, neither officer feeling much like talking

"Skipper! Welcome back, Sir! Any word on the admiral?"

Lee looked up to see Lt. Bobby O'Brien coming down the pier towards them, Sharkey and Kowalski on his heels. Several of the crew waited behind them, hopeful looks in all their eyes.

"No, Bobby. There's no word," Crane answered simply as he slung his duffel over his shoulder and walked with slow steps to the waiting crew.

When they reached the group who stared at them in uneasiness, they stopped. Afraid he would see condemnation written on the men's faces, he was unable to look his men in the eyes, and simply waited for Chip to speak.

"We searched the area the Coast Guard assigned us and found nothing. Search planes are out but haven't spotted anything. Yet. We'll go back out tomorrow morning and keep searching. The navy is sending out planes, also. They're searching through the night with night vision. Hopefully, they'll find something."

Silence met the exec's words as the men, the admiral's handpicked crew, worried about what might have happened to their commanding officer.

"Sir, some of the crew wants to help in the search," Bobby said softly. "We thought we might take some boats and head out and look for him on our own. Also, there are a few of us that fly that want to be up there searching also."

"I think that would be a good idea, Bobby. I'll have Miss Wood contact the Coast Guard and have them give you search areas. She'll be in touch early tomorrow."

"Yes sir. Thank you, sir," Bobby answered, watching in silence as the two officers walked away, anxiety and worry dragging their steps.