Title: day four
Word Count: 1254
Prompts: 20. gaping chasm & 81. heartache & mental illness: 06. depression

Summary: Sakura receives a harsh blow from reality, from the man she least expects it from.

"You've been really pale recently, Sakura-chan."

There was no more boyish innocence in his voice, Sakura noted. The war had taken that from him, too. Sakura forced a smile onto her face. "Haven't had much time to work on my tan. I'll keep that in mind."

Naruto sighed. "You know what I mean. And stop changing the subject with your jokes every time I bring up the issue of your health."

"I've just been at the hospital a lot. Not much time left over for field work, hence my skin tone."

"It's not that kind of pale though…" Naruto squinted at his heart's sister. "You're too stressed, overworking yourself. Recently you've been looking so…hollow…so not you…I'm just worried…I mean, I just want you to be okay."

"Sorry for making you worry, Naruto. I'm fine though! Just been dealing with a particularly difficult patient lately."

"Who is he? I'll kick his ass! Someone I know?"

The yes was set to drop from her lips, but Sakura stopped herself. With sad eyes, she turned to Naruto. "No, sweetie. It's not someone either of us knows."

"Status today?"

"The usual, Sakura-sama. No improvements, but no episodes, either."

"That's good. Thanks, Shiyo-san. I'll take it from here today."

The relief on the nurse's face was palpable as she all but scrambled off in her haste to be relieved of her duty. When Sakura entered the room, Kakashi was sitting by the window in the stiff wooden chair, tattered Icha Icha in hand. He didn't look up when he entered, and didn't acknowledge her presence, even as she walked towards him. Sakura pulled up the other, identical chair and plopped down across him him.

"How're ya feeling today, Kakashi?"

No response. Sakura noticed though, that his lone eye moved as he traced the next line in his smut novel.

"I just had lunch with Naruto. He's grown up so much…he's lost all of his boyish innocence."

Again, Kakashi's only response was to move his eye to the next line of the book.

"What did you have for lunch?"

Surprising Sakura, Kakashi snapped the book shut, the paper making a muted boom. He turned the intensity of his stare onto her, but said nothing. Sakura wanted to pound something. All of this, everything she did, her daily visits…it was all for him to talk again. She was almost certain that once she broke down that barrier for good, he would return to her. The first step was always the hardest, though.

"Naruto and I had ramen. But I bet you guessed that already, right?"

Kakashi simply stared at her, making no sound. Sakura forced her most realistic smile back at him. It was her sunny nothing is wrong everything is normal smile. She had perfected that one throughout the years.

"I'm pretty tired today, though. Aren't you tired too? It's just about nap time…" As she said this she turned her face away from him and towards the window. The sun was shining brightly through the unhindered panes. Sakura let her face bathe in the afternoon sun, and she let out a lazy sigh. "Good night for now, Kakashi."

With her eyes closed and her guard down, Sakura dozed off in a few minutes. She wasn't fully asleep – she'd lost that ability long ago, as most vets did. But she was relaxed enough to be disengaged from her surroundings, her mind clear.

Because of that, she missed the flash of disappointed longing in Kakashi's exposed eye.

When Sakura awoke, Kakashi was no longer in the chair opposite her. He had moved to the living area, and was sitting rigidly upright on the couch. As soon as Sakura caught sight of his unmoving body, she knew that something was wrong. She flew over to his side in a heartbeat.

Kakashi was exactly like a statue, staring ahead unblinkingly. His fists were a dead giveaway, though. They were clenched so tightly together that not only were his knuckles ghostly white, Sakura could also see a thin trail of blood trickling from within his fist.

"Kakashi! Relax! You're hurting yourself."

She might as well have spoken to a statue, for all the response she received. She crouched down to be on the same eye level as Kakashi, and as soon as she did so, she understood what was happening.

Kakashi was remembering.

A more accurate term would be reliving, if the vacant, pained look in Kakashi's visible eye was any indicator. Whatever happened to him to make him like this…Kakashi was trapped in the memory of it. There was no escape, and watching him, Sakura's heart broke. There was nothing she could do for him when this happened. There was nothing she could do to take his pain away, nothing she could do to bring him back to reality. So Sakura did the only thing she could do. She plopped down onto the couch next to him and put her arms around him. She'd be damned if she didn't do her best to comfort him, even if she wasn't sure if he could feel it.

With steady hands she drew smoothing circles on his back, trying to calm the perturbed man down. Even though he didn't acknowledge her whatsoever and continued to stare ahead blankly, trapped in his other reality, his body relaxed somewhat.

Against her will, a single tear fell from Sakura's eye.

Sakura didn't leave until much later, when it was already completely dark outside. When she reached her apartment, she was surprised to find that Naruto was there, waiting for her patiently.

"Naruto! What are you doing here? It's so late already. Are you hurt?"

"Sakura-chan. What you said earlier…" He trailed off, unable to continue. Sakura walked up to him and nudged him lightly. When he turned back to look at her, Sakura could see the concern and heartbreak in his eyes. "Sakura-chan. I'm really, really worried about you. You're…you're not okay."

"What do you mean, Naruto?"

"You've been consumed…this case, this patient, he's taking so much of your energy. You're not you anymore! You're not taking care of yourself at all…"

"I'm fine, Naruto. Really!"

"It's Kakashi-sensei, isn't it?"

Sakura froze. How-? But she shouldn't have been surprised. Naruto had always been more perceptive than anyone gave him credit for.

"I'm not at liberty to say, Naruto. It's classified."

"You don't have to say anything, Sakura-chan. Your face and actions say it all."

Sakura wanted to protest, but there was nothing she could say against his words. So she just looked down at her lap instead.

"I won't press you for information, Sakura-chan, but remember this. We all love you and care about you, a lot, okay? Everyone, not just me, is worried about you. Take care of yourself first and foremost, okay? Anything and anyone else come second," he paused, as if the next words choked him before leaving his mouth. "Even if that someone is Kakashi-sensei."

Sakura wanted to slap him and ask how could you even say that? but she knew it was true. She had been careless with her own health in her determination to bring the Kakashi they all knew back to them. But she couldn't help it. Giving up on Kakashi would be giving up on herself, on everything that held her together. Even the slightest sliver of hope that he would return kept her living sanely another day.

Without Kakashi, and without the hope of bringing him back to her, Sakura would shatter into a million, unsalvageable pieces.

tbc

Notes: Thanks for the read! Hope you all enjoyed the chapter. Reviews are always very, very appreciated!