SW: Hey there! Here's the next chapter...
Xigbar: At long last.
Roxas: It's been ages since you put a chapter up... Why is Crash Bandicoot here?
SW: Dunno. I don't own Kingdom Hearts, commit it to memory.
Xigbar had an e-mail:
Axel punched me.
Demyx.
Xigbar just stared, before receiving another e-mail:
Whatever Demyx said I did, I didn't do it.
Axel.
And another:
He did.
Roxas.
Then even more:
No I didn't.
Axel.
Yeah, you did.
Roxas.
My stomach hurts.
Demyx.
Shut the hell up Roxas.
Axel.
No, you shut up.
Roxas.
I wonder why my stomach hurts?
Demyx.
Nice comeback blondie.
Axel.
Shut up, pyrohead!
Roxas.
Now, either my stomach hurts because Axel punched me in the stomach…
Demyx.
Shut up!
Axel.
No, you shut up.
Got it memorised?
Roxas.
Or because of all the sugar I just ate.
Demyx.
YOU DID NOT JUST USE MY CATCHPHRASE!?
Axel.
Yeah, I did, Pyro!
Roxas.
Axel.
I like sugar.
Demyx.
"Oh, I'm Axel, I'm happy when Larxene slaps me!"
Roxas.
CAN IT!
Axel.
SUGAR RUSH TIIIIMMMMEEEE!!
Demyx.
That's it!
Roxas.
Western Style Showdown in the garden?
Axel.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!
Demyx.
You're on!
Roxas.
Xigbar read this for a while, trying to wrap his head around what was going on. Then there was a series of yells from the garden:
"BURN BABY!"
"CAN IT!"
"My money's on Roxas."
"Nah, I think Axel will scoop it."
"20 Munny?"
"You're on."
Xigbar stuck his head out of the window.
"Please do not kill each other!"
"Oh, why?"
"Yeah, Xigbar! It's not like he's important!"
"CAN IT!"
The door flung open, and an angry Larxene stood in the doorway.
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!! FIRST I KEEP GETTING HIT ON BY AXEL!! THEN, I FIND THIS" She held up a hung-over Marluxia, "IN MY WARDROPE! AND THEN FINALLY, DEMYX FLOODS MY ROOM BECAUSE HES HIGH ON SUGER!!"
"Demyx did WHAT!?"
"Not so louuuudddddd…" Moaned Marluxia, pulling out of Larxene's grasp and curling up on the floor.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!" Demyx screamed, sprinting into the room.
"Oh crap."
"LET'S SING A SONG!"
"Demyyyyyxxxxxxx… Shut uuuuuuuppppppp!"
"I'M REALLY SPECIAL 'CAUSE THERES ONLY ONE OF ME!"
"Not this one."
"LOOK AT MY SMILE I'M SO DAMM HAPPY OTHER PEOPLE ARE JELOUS OF ME!"
"CAN IT!"
"Roxas, Axel, what are you doing here?"
"We got bored of trying to kill each other."
"WHEN I'M SAD AND LONELY I LIKE TO SING THIS SONG!"
"We're just ignoring each other now!"
"…Good for you?"
"Thanks!"
"IT CHEERS ME UP AND SHOWS ME THAT I WON'T BE SAD FOR LONG!"
"Is he high?"
"Yes."
"I'M SO HAPPY I CAN HARDLY BREATHE!!"
"On sugar."
"Who gave him sugar?"
"PUPPY DOGS AND SUGER FROGS AND KITTENS BABY TEETH!"
"He found it on his own."
"Mails here!" Yelled Lexaeus from downstairs. (He can YELL?!)
"FWEEEEEEEE!! MAIL!!"
"At least that distracted him."
"ROXAS!! COME HELP ME GET THE MAIL!!"
"Do you need help?"
"YES!"
"Let me think about it. I've thought about it. NO!"
"WAAA!!"
"Roxas! As your superior, I order you to help Demyx."
"F you."
"Roxas!"
"All right!"
"YAY!! LET'S SING ROXAS!!"
"No." Growled Roxas, storming out of the room.
"DON'T YOU WANT TO SING!?"
"No."
"I HATE YOU ROXAS!"
"ARGH! DEMYX! DON'T HIT ME WITH THAT… What is that?"
"SUGER JAR!"
Xigbar breathed out.
"Right. This is what we are going to do. Axel, you are going to drain out Larxene's room."
"YAY!"
"Larxene, you are going to lock Marluxia up somewhere that is dark and quiet, and shove some sleeping pills down his throat. Who else is in here?"
"No idea."
"Well, whoever else is in here, GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!!"
"MAIL CALL!!"
"Oh joy."
"WEGOTTAPOSTCARDFROMMANSEXTWOLETTERSFROMTHECONUCIL
ZEXIONSFREETHINKERMAGIZINEANDAREALLYBORINGLOOKINGLETTER!"
"Wow, Demyx. That was very clear and to the point." Groaned Saïx, who was standing in the doorway.
"He said we have got: A postcard from Mansex…" Roxas began.
"Don't call him that." Snapped Saïx.
"FINE! We got a postcard from Saïx's boyfriend…"
"WHAT WAS THAT?" Bellowed Saïx, who had go into full berserker mode.
"I have to run for my life now."
"Good luck with that." Offered Larxene, as Roxas ran out of the room quickly followed by Saïx, who was yelling out his vocal cords.
"Right," Xigbar picked up the pile of mail that Roxas had dropped, "We have got a postcard from Xemnas. It says:
'I'm here. Glad you aren't.'"
A slight pause followed.
"Well, we also have a 2 letters from the council. One's for Saïx, and one's for Axel."
"That'll be about me burning down the kid's playground in Twilight Town."
"Do we want to know?" Asked Larxene.
"No. Gimme." Replied Axel, grabbing the letter.
"My heeeeeaaaaaaaddddddddd!"
"Was this a plan to impress me gone horribly wrong?"
"Depends. Are you impressed?"
"No."
"It was a total accident."
"LIAR!" Screamed Roxas.
"Aren't you meant to be running for your life?"
"Oh. That's why Saïx is stabbing me. See ya."
"Yuck. Oh Saïx, there's a letter from Radiant Gardens council. Something about mass assault."
"F that Squal-I'm mean Leon." Snarled Saïx.
"My name's Xigbar you retard."
"I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU!"
"And here's Zexion Nerdy/emo magazine. And this… What the hell is that?"
"Open it!"
"Yeah Xiggy! Open open open!!"
"Shhhuuuuuuuutttttt uuuuuupppppp!!" Moaned Marluxia from the floor.
"SOMBODYS HUNG-OVER!" Sang Demyx sugar-sweetly.
"Well let me read this… OH MY GOD! HOLY S!!"
"What is it Xigbar?" asked everyone at the same time. But Xigbar couldn't answer.
He had fainted.