Basch: Are we there yet?
Larsa: No.
Basch: Are we there yet?
Larsa and Noah: No.
Basch: Are we there yet?
Larsa, Noah and Vossler: NO! SHUDDUFUCKUP ALREADY!
Basch: Sheesh, all you guys could have said was, No.
Larsa, Noah and Vossler slowly turn around.
Imperial: Sir!
Noah: What is it?
Basch: Back off! This is my ship!
Noah: Alright, Captiain Underpants.
Basch tightens his Supergirl briefs.
Basch: What is it, Seaman Stainz?
Imperial: Incoming transmission.
Vossler: Wait, wait. Your name is Semen Stains?
Imperial: Actually, my ranking is Seaman. My full name is Sticky White Stainz.
Vossler and Noah look at each other.
Larsa to himself: What kind of a fucking crew...
Basch: It's from the Heavy Cruiser Shiva-Shiva-Whoop-Whoop.
Vossler: Who the hell names all these ships?
Noah: I'll tell you who didn't name these ships. It was when I was still magister of the 9th Bureau!
Imperial: Your Honor! The Shiva-Shiva-Whoop-Whoop is under attack!
Basch: Oh, no! Judge Faggoth needs help!
Vossler and Noah: ... Faggoth...
Basch: Beast-master Bates, get yourself ready for battle!
Larsa, Noah and Vossler: ...
Basch: Seamen Stainz, get yourself- GET YOURSELF HARD AND READY! AND WHEN YOU'RE LOADED, MAKE AIM AND FIRE IN THE MOUTH OF THE ENEMY!
Vossler: What...
Noah: The...
Vossler: ... fuck...
Imperial: Incoming transmission!
Basch: Put it through, Judge Smalcox.
Judge Faggoth: Judge Gabranth, this Judge Magister Buttplug McCupcake Faggoth of the 11th Bureau! Requesting for assistance!
Basch: Right away. You, what's your name?
Imperial: Aihm Ghey.
Basch: Do me proud, and go save Judge Faggoth!
Judge Faggoth: Oph! They rammed me hard in the ass!
Imperial Aihm Ghey: I'm right on it!
Vossler: What happened to the Archadian Army?
Noah: Don't know. I turn around for one second and Basch becomes the next Gabranth.
Larsa: This is the gayest thing since Richard Simmons denied he was gay.
Phon Coast.
Balthier and Fran are relaxing at the beach, where a bunch of Bangaa would take a glimpse of Fran's enticing body until they notice Balthier's Fomalhaut besides him.
Balthier: Nothing to get yourself relaxed with.
Balthier pats his Fomalhaut while Fran adjusts herself.
Fran: Do you think the others would be okay? I mean, Salika Wood's not exactly an easy place to trek through. Especially with all the icky Malboros...
Balthier: Relax, darling. I'm sure they're fine. Besides, I hear Ashe is on a constant Berserk status. What could go wrong?
Fran: Still, if I hear a scream that sounds like Penelo or Ashe, I'm going into the woods.
Balthier: Fran. Ashe never screams.
Fran: Well, I never screamed. Except for that one time onboard Shiva. But I never scream, so who else could it be?
Balthier: Who else? Vaan.
Fran: Oooh.
Balthier: Relax, love. Stress isn't good for the baby.
Fran: Are you saying I'm going to get fat?!
Balthier gets up and tips his sunglasses downwards.
Balthier: ... No, I didn't.
Fran: What are you trying to say, then?! HUH?!
Balthier: ... I'm not trying to say anything...
Fran: It's because I'm pregnant, isn't it?!
Balthier: I don't think that has to do with...
Fran: ISN'T IT?!
Balthier: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT! Are you on Lithium?
Fran stops raging and squats in front of Balthier, making a sad puppy face.
Fran: Yes.
Balthier: Christ... remind me to kill Dr. Cid later. Why did he prescribe you Lithium?
Fran: So I won't be depressed.
Balthier: You're telling me...
Fran: WHAT?!
Fran grabs hold of a Dragon Whisker and the Zodiac Spear at the same time.
Balthier: Great...
Balthier grabs hold of his Fomalhaut with a Mud Shot and two Phoenix Downs.
Right in between Salika Wood and Mosphoran Highwaste.
Ashe: I don't wanna!
Ashe repetitively stomps the ground with her right food.
Mitsurugi: We meet Balthier and Fran if we don't go through here. Plus, Vaan somehow managed to fuck up and cook the Chocobos.
Vaan is chewing on a drumstick the size of a guitar.
Vaan: Hey, I was hungry.
Penelo: Yeah, Ashe. If we really want to see those guys, we'd have to through this place again.
Ashe: No, no, no! It's so dirty, and icky! And no one would even hold my hand! Did any of you think of holding my hand!
Seifer Almasy: How about me, babe?
Seifer smiles, lifting up his cloak with his hand as it swivels around his body with eloquency while he holds his gunblade Hyperion over his shoulders. For more vivid details, check Google.
The crowd begins to clap and cheer wildly for Seifer's appearance.
Vaan and Reks squeel: Homigosh! Seifer Almasy!
Seifer: What's happenin'?
Mitsurugi shrugs.
Mitsurugi: Not bad, not bad.
Penelo: There, he can hold your hand.
Ashe: Ew, no. Go away! I want Rassler! Waaah!
Vaan: Rassler's gay.
Ashe: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
Seifer: So I came here for nothing?
Jin Kazama: Yep.
Reks: What the hell...
Mitsurugi: Well, I can't take any more of Ashe's bitching.
Ashe: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Mitsurugi: And I'm not even in Final Fantasy.
Jin: Dude, you're not even in Square Enix.
Mitsurugi: Yeah... I'm off!
Mitsurugi and Jin leap through a portal.
Seifer: I'm not even in XII.
Seifer grabs hold of a Humbaba and begins riding it like a bull.
Ashe: No-hup-one-hup likes-hup me-hup-heee-eee!!
Penelo: It's okay, Ashe. I still like you. And if I remember, Vaan once told me back at Jahara, he used to masturbate about you. Oh, and he said when you guys met, he grabbed hold of your butt.
Vaan starts to choke on his Chocobo drumstick. Reks had to elbow him to get it out.
Ashe: Gross...
Ashe's eyes narrows at an embarrassed Vaan.
Ashe: And you're not even bothered by it?
Penelo: No. Remember, the longest thing Vaan's ever held was the Masamune.
Ashe: That is so true.
Ashe and Penelo giggles.
Vaan: Hey!
Reks: Tough luck, small fry. Come on, I'll lead the way.
Reks begins leading the pack into the forest.
Ashe: Oohh, a brave man.
Reks: Hey-hey! Don't get any thoughts. You're married.
Ashe: Widowed-divorced.
Reks: Still.
Ashe: Doesn't stop me from one-night-stands.
Ashe walks past Reks nonchalantly.
Reks to himself: She's been around...
Reks shakes his head.
Penelo: Come on, Vaan!
Vaan: I don't wanna!
Vaan stomps the ground with his foot.
AN: Sorry for the delay. I've been kept up with school and tests previously, and I was more focused on my ASVABs. But, I will try my best to entertain you and the other readers. Thank you for the reviews.