Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi, and most of the dialogue is from Degrassi Goes Hollywood.

"For any girl that's unhappy

For any boy that is bad

Every mama gone missing

Every papa gone mad"

"Thank you, I'll be back in ten for my next set." Craig headed off the stage to greet Ellie.

"Hey! You came!" He had such a big smile on his face. "Where's, uh, Marco and Paige?"

"They wanted to come. They're...busy. But they send their love!"

"They're busy?" Craig said in a funny, joking, voice.

"Yeah, Paige had stuff to do and Marco and I kind of got into a fight." Please don't ask what the fight was about.

"Which you're not in the mood to talk about."

"Affirmative."

"Okay so what are you in the mood for?"

"Relaxing, which is practically impossible to do at Paige's mansion." It's hard to relax when you have a case full of blades in your room.

"You could always crash with me."

"With our track record, you really think that's a good idea?"

"Come on, we're both in different places now." If only Craig knew the truth. Ellie was exactly where they left off. "And my condo is right on the beach. And it's awesome. Total escape from everything."

There it was, Craig said the magic words. Total Escape. The deal was sealed, now all she had to do was go back to Paige's to pack her things. With any luck Marco and Paige would be out and she could slip away unnoticed.

Ellie was packing her things when Marco walked in. Of course she couldn't be lucky enough to stay alone.

"You're back."

"Not for long."

"You going home? To see your dad in the hospital?"

"I've decided to stay elsewhere."

"Where?"

"Craig's." She did not want to tell him this. Marco always becomes overprotective at the wrong time.

"Craig's?! Great idea El, replace one drama in your life with another one."

"There's no drama between Craig and me." Ellie was starting to raise her voice.

"Now. I still haven't forgiven him for the last round. Come on Ellie, this guy is bad news for girls. Especially you."

"I'm over him!" Now she was getting defensive. But that's what the bite of the blade does; it changes who you are. "And trust me. I know I don't need a relationship right now." Relationships mean sex, and sex means being naked. You can't be naked with fresh cuts.

"Then what do you need?"

"A friend who doesn't judge me." A friend who won't notice the pain.

"I promise. I won't mention your dad again. It' just – Ellie, I really think you're going to regret it if you don't go see him."

"Have fun with the movie crowd, Marco." Ellie was about to storm out.

Marco sighed and just turned his back. It was so easy for him to just walk away, let her go. He still had no idea his best friend was hurting herself again.

Ellie gathered her things and started to leave. In the kitchen she ran into Paige and Hayley, and Marco sulking in the corner. "If you need me I'll be at Craig's, trying to enjoy L.A."

"That's the spirit Eleanor!

"I still can't believe your ex slept with Caitlin." Craig was making tea while Ellie played guitar.

"I know, it's gross right?" Ellie felt bad, felt like she was intruding. And the urges were getting strong. She couldn't help but try to think of a way to get alone. That maybe going there was a mistake. "I should get out of your way, you probably have to get to the studio."

"No way, I've got the whole day planned out for us!"

"You do? You're not tired?" She was kind of hoping he was.

"No. But I got this song I want to play for you. I wrote it in rehab."

"I was switched off like a light

A fighter with no fight

Staring up at the stars

Giving into the dark

Burned out like a match

At the low end of the crash

The moon glowed like a scar

How did things go so far?

Somehow you saw someone worth saving

You pulled me back into the light

Now if ever I can rescue you

When you need two arms to fall into

You know exactly where I'll be

Just look for me

Oh look for me

When it seems like you have lost it all

Going deep into the blue

I will rescue you"

Ellie thought about the song all day while they walked on the beach. They chased the waves and skipped stones. They laughed until their stomachs hurt. Craig bought her a red balloon on the boardwalk because it matched her hair. It matched her passion. And he didn't know it, but it matched her thighs, her arms. But her wounds didn't matter because she was laughing a real laugh. She felt that maybe, just maybe, Craig could save her.

"So what happened with Ashley?" Ellie lost touch, so she didn't know Ash's side of the story. She was always jealous, but she couldn't let Ash know that.

"We went on tour in Europe. She stayed. And I came here."

"It's so peaceful out there. If I could swim, I'd wade out as far as I could go. Get away from everything." Maybe I wouldn't come back. "Thanks for the most amazing day. And for that song."

"I wrote it for you."

They walked the rest of the way to the condo with witty banter and flirty comments. When they got inside, they were talking about Johnny Depp because Ellie thought she saw him and Craig insisted he was in France. In the middle of their play fight Craig looks at her.

"God I missed you."

"Craig?" Both of their heads turned towards the voice. "There you are."

"Evette. You're back." He kissed his girlfriend reluctantly before continuing. "Uh, Ellie. This is Evette. My girlfriend. She was just in Maui for a modeling shoot."

"Oh. That's. That's awesome." The hurt was painfully evident on her face, but it didn't matter.

"So this is The Ellie. I've heard so much about you."

"Yeah? It's..it's great to meet you." Funny, because I never heard a word about you.

"Stay for dinner. I just ordered sushi and there's more than enough for all of us. Let me just go through some clothes on."

"Okay" Ellie laughed nervously. Scratch that, she wasn't nervous. She was pissed. "She seems nice. Very nice."

It was Craig's girlfriend. His girlfriend that she didn't know existed was standing in the room, in nothing but a towel, ruining the perfect moment she was about to share with the man she's loved since high school. How could she have let herself be as happy as she was hanging out with Craig on the beach? She should have known something was going to ruin it. Everything comes with a cost. She had to do something to feel better, and soon. She needed to hurt herself because she shouldn't have been stupid and naïve enough to believe that she could be happy. But she couldn't leave or Craig may suspect something. Instead she asked to use the bathroom.

Inside, she took her razor from the day's hiding place. Taped to the inside of her bra. She was thankful her dress stayed down enough to hide her thighs. She knew she didn't have all of her supplies; she had no bandaids or butterfly stitches. This would have to be shallow. Instead of one or two fairly deep cuts she made a small cluster. So many so close together almost looked like a scrape. She pressed toilet paper down until she stopped bleeding and threw the bloodied paper into the toilet. She watched as the water turned pink with her blood. Her pain. And then she flushed it down. Time to act like a normal, functional, person.