So I just watched Inception...I think?
I was planning out some chapters in the far distant future and well, I'm bumping this to M on the rating scale. Don't ask. It is for your own best interest at heart. Honest.
Thank you reviewers!
"About a week passed by. There wasn't anything out of the ordinary really, my life slightly returning to normal. Jonathan and I only communicated in class together, and I never brought up his black eye to him once, though I heard other making fun of him and the mark on his face. They of course, did not know it was from his own family member, but assumed some other kid in their grade punched him. I had to literally push my lips together tightly to restrain myself for saying anything to anyone who made fun of Jonathan. It was very conflicting, but I knew he wouldn't want the help. He most likely already felt weak as it was.
As for Cody, I had minimal interaction with him. He noticed my change in attitude with him of course, but I assumed he didn't remember why I was angered with him. I didn't care, and I ended up getting over him more quickly than I thought I would. Sure, when I saw him I could not deny his attractiveness, but I kept telling myself how much of a pig he was and all feelings seemed to wash away. Sometimes I'd think back to the speech Jonathan gave me about love and high school teenagers, and that would make it easier.
Again I would think about how much I'd miss our little, heart to heart sessions, or whatever one could classify them as. Talks, without judgment? Talks with a person who understood things, that even you yourself did not?"
Suddenly the door to the room opened, and Dr. Cinder poked her head in.
"Dr. Crawford, I've come to collect the patient, the hour is up." She smiled at Alexis, and then started to move her body slowly more into the room.
"The hour up already?" Alexis asked. "But, Dr. Cinder, I really must insist at least a half hour more. You don't understand I have made wonderful progress. Phil is starting to say words and sentences again. I believe I am in the middle of something that could help him in further sessions. Can I request just a tiny half hour longer?"
"Well, I'll just let the security guards know, I am sure they will understand Dr. Crawford." She smiled, and gave a wave to Phil who had just registered that someone else was in the room with them. A puddle of mucus run from his nose, and he sniffled it back up with a loud snorting noise.
Dr. Cinder gave a slight look of disgust, but did her best to hide it. "It really is a shame. Phil was such a wonderful doctor here, until..." She cut her sentence off, trying to compose herself. "I'll be back in a half hour."
Alexis turned back to gaze at Phil. He seemed between a mix of boredom and discomfort.
"I'm sorry if I am boring you Phil, I really am, but I need someone to tell my story to. I need to say all this out loud to at least figure out where I went wrong or where I should have discovered that-...and why I still want to-..." Her words were cut off as she went into a deep thought, distracted by it almost looking horrified. "Oh never mind. I won't get that far anyways with telling you everything. I'm still talking about when we were in High school together. I'll at least try to make it through college and then we can just have another session next week."
Phil began to fall asleep at this point.
"So anyways, that week was rather boring and we had kept the project at my house for safe keeping. With all my now free time away from working with Jonathan, I spent more hours practicing my dance or hanging out with Sarah. I was starting to even become less attached to Amy. Everything seemed to be changing in my life all at once.
Finally the day before our project was due came around, and I was seated outside of school on a bench waiting for my mother to pick me up as it was one of her days she got out of work early. I sat with a book open on my lap and found the words increasingly difficult to read from a distance. I hoped I didn't need glasses in the near future.
"Lex?" I heard the familiar voice say to me, breaking me from my thoughts.
I looked to my left to see Jonathan standing by the bench, a couple books in his hands.
"Hey Jonathan." I smiled at him, closing the book and placing it to my side. "What's up?"
"I just wanted to ask you, if everything was all set for tomorrow. Everything is in order and nothing became broken in the week it was left alone, right?" I could see he was a bit worried.
"Yes, everything is fine. I didn't touch it at all." I gave him two fingers in the air. "Scout's honor."
"Just how do you intend to bring it to school tomorrow? I don't want anything breaking." He still looked worried.
"The bus-...Oh." I saw the error. A bus ride. A crowded one at that with a large poster board with things only clinging to it by glue and a large clay brain were easy targets to be attacked by the vicious hands of teenagers or the pot hole lined streets that caused our bus to nearly tip over.
"Yeah, I was thinking about that at lunch today, and I had the very sad picture in my head of you showing up to class with a ruined project due to the bus ride." He frowned at the thought of all our hard work going right down the drain.
"I didn't actually think of that, good point you brought it up. What should we do?" I asked him, knowing he'd find a solution.
"Well, I could bring the project in. I have a car of my own so I can easily secure its well being." He said, quickly reaching in his pocket for his car keys as if to prove he wasn't joking or something.
"Well that's a good idea when do you wanna get the project?" I asked him, trying to think if he would come early in the morning for it or later tonight.
"Well, I could grab it in the morning before school and we could bring it to the science room for safe keeping as soon as we get there." He said, circling his keyring around his fingers idly.
It dawned on me, that he would be giving me a ride to school if we were to stick to this plan. That would prove to be a bit awkward and out of place, but it seemed reasonable for our project's sake. Since he was going to be at my house to get the project anyways, me taking up the spot of passenger seat didn't seem out of place after all, if I thought about it. Unless of course I had to sit in the trunk or something, because his cherished books were shot gun, and our project took up the back seats. Then I'd just take the bus.
"I mean if that doesn't work, you could get it now." I offered him.
"No I can't tonight, I am very busy and not allowed out of the house for a couple months, so that is out of the question."
I didn't ask him why or anything to do with his previous statement.
"Okay no problem, then I'll see you tomorrow bright and early." I gave him a thumbs up.
He nodded his head and walked in the opposite direction towards the school parking lot to get into his car.
It was going to be an odd morning, and the day that our week of hard work lead up too. I knew we would get nothing less than a perfect score, possibly even boring our teacher to death with our in depth analysis on each of the brain's functions and parts. He'd skim through our paper, just seeing our names together would cause the click in his head to give us the grade. I say that was a fine example of Jonathan's hate for teachers.
That night after my dance practice, I sat in my chair in my room and eyed our project once more making sure everything was in place. I read through our essay once more, and my mind began to wander off the words and into space when I started reading the part Jonathan wrote about emotions. Everything was so interesting, and yet dangerous. Messing with people's emotions or to create lack there of an emotion seemed unethical. But the good it could cause the world seemed to be a brilliant outcome. I wondered if anyone had thought of this before.
Morning came and after my daily routine to get ready was almost complete, I was ready to go. I rushed through straightening and damaging away my hair with the pressured heat, out of fear he would arrive before I was ready. I shoved a few snacks into my bag not intent on eating breakfast at home. I carried my project one at a time down the stairs and by a table by the front door. I peeked my head out the window occasionally checking for his car.
When my patience wore thin, I went to the kitchen and leaned on the table, taking out my phone and idly texting whoever I felt like at the time.
The chime of our doorbell rang and I scooted back to where I came from and answered the door. Jonathan gave a small half smile to acknowledge me and he entered my house, wearing his usual choice of dark and baggy clothing.
"Here you grab the poster, and I'll take the brain model and essay." He picked up the model brain carefully and placed the essay in his other hand. I picked up the poster and we went outside to his car, where his trunk was already open waiting for our belongings to fit inside.
He carefully set down the brain on cardboard pieces he put into the bottom of the trunk and placed various objects around it to keep it steady. He took the poster from my grasp and placed it inside as well. I went to the passenger door at this point, feeling as if there was nothing else for me to do and I climbed into his car. I buckled my seat belt and waited for him to enter the car as well.
Once he was in himself, he adjusted his glasses and pushed some of his hair behind his ears. He backed out of the driveway and we were off down the busy morning streets of Gotham.
"So, I'm very excited to present our project today. Let's go first so everyone realizes they can not top us." I joked to him, trying to create sound in the odd silence between us.
"No one else stands a chance, I was already aware." He snickered. "I overheard someone else talking about how their essay was only a page long and three paragraphs. I thought I was going to burst out laughing when I heard that."
"Wow, add ten to that and they'd have our amount. I'm sure two of the paragraphs in their essay are the opener and concluding, and they don't really count." I tired to picture someone with the serious intent of only turning in a page worth of writing.
"Well, at least that means their presentation is going to be short. I do not want to sit and listen to everyone try to explain to me things I already know and at that, things they will be saying wrong and pronouncing wrong." He readjusted his glasses once more, looking in his rear view mirror.
The car ride I realized wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be. It was just like normal talking in my room, only he was in control of a motor vehicle capable of killing us at sudden high impact. I didn't mind the ride, I only felt bad because I believed my house was the opposite direction of his and the school so it most likely took him a long and unnecessary drive to reach my house.
"Do you want money for gas? I realize you probably have had to travel a distance back and forth to my house for the past few weeks." I offered him.
"It's not needed. I don't mind getting out of the house, I rarely do, so I did not even have to fill up my tank once." He nodded.
By the time we reached the school, we were a bit later than I would normally arrive. He parked and we both went to the truck to retrieve our belongings. Out of the corner of my eye while I stood waiting for him to hand me our poster I caught a glimpse of Amy, Cody, and Jackson getting out of the car just diagonal to us and Jackson had this look on his face that I could just tell he was wanting to start something.
Before I could even think more about it I heard, "HEY! Alexis? Carpooling with that nerd now? What is he your boyfriend? You'd take him over this good looking man right here?" Jackson pointed himself up and down and shook his body back and forth in an inappropriate manner.
"Shut it Jackson, you look foolish sometimes you know that?" I tried to sound joking and happy, to avoid him making more comments towards Jonathan and to avoid him getting angered.
"Not as foolish as that geek you're standing next to. Ever think about a haircut buddy?" Jackson yelled to him.
"Ever think about reading a book, half wit?" Jonathan said just loud enough for Jackson to hear.
"What was that?" Jackson asked, the defensiveness in his tone rose.
"I said, have you ever considered reading a book, or are you too content with your future job in the fast food industry?" Jonathan smiled, and the look it had was almost menacing. It scared me slightly. From far away it would look as if he was merely smiling, but close up it was almost as if his eyes were trying to trap Jackson in a gaze of utter hate.
What scared me next was Jackson coming towards us with his face in a sneer and his fists clenched. It was as if I could see the steam rising out of his head and his face turning a bright pink color as his anger grew.
"Say it to my face, nerd. I dare ya." Jackson said, all the playfulness in his tone gone.
I decided now would be the best time to intervene.
"Okay, whoa. Both of you need to calm down." I put myself in between them, not wanting fists to start flying. I kept my back to Jonathan as I got very close to Jackson. I was close enough to feel his heavy breaths on my face, and for a brief moment my mind flashed to Cody. "Jackson, we were just carrying in our project nothing more. How about you go inside and go-...I don't know." I dropped my tone, keeping it out of Jonathan's earshot. "But please. Can you leave him alone? I don't want this to break out into a fight. Just think how much trouble you'll get in. You don't wanna have that on your record do you? All for one little nerd?" I tried to make it seem to him that I was agreeing with him. I felt bad for calling Jonathan a nerd, but he could not hear me so it wasn't too much of a guilt. I was just trying to convince him to not get physical.
"I guess your right. But hey-" Jackson got a little closer to me, which was making me a bit uncomfortable. "If he gives you any trouble, come talk to me. I can fix him up for you." He smiled at me, and I saw a slight lust in his eyes. I couldn't tell if it was for me or the idea of smashing Jonathan's head against a locker.
I saw him slightly look down to look at my cleavage.
Nope.
It was for me.
I mentally cringed.
Jackson taking fancy to me now? This was not what I needed. HE was not what I needed.
Jonathan must have noticed, because he cleared his throat rather loudly. "We have to get this stuff inside," He reminded me.
"I'll see you later then?" I half asked, half told Jackson.
He winked at me, and returned to the car he came from. I turned to Jonathan and took the poster from his hands. Things felt awkward again.
"I'm sorry about him." I told him as he retrieved the brain and essay from the back.
He seemed disinterested in that, "It doesn't really bother me, I'm done letting them say what they want to me. Let them hit me, go ahead. What good will it do them? They'll never amount to anything anyways. If I were you though-" He closed his trunk and we started indoors, "I'd watch out for him. He seems to be interested in your...form."
"My form?" I repeated, unable to believe out of all word choices, he chose that.
"When you walked back to me, I looked over at him and he was eyeing you in places you'd prefer him not to." He responded.
"He's so gross. I feel like when he hugs me, that I'm going to catch a sex related disease. It be easier to list the people he hasn't been with at this school." I shuddered.
He merely chuckled, agreeing with me.
A few periods into the day, and it was finally time to present out project. Jonathan was already in the classroom before I and he seemed anxious to present.
The teacher called at random of course, so a few people presented theirs, before ours. Most projects seemed half assed and as if they were done the night before. Only one was, slightly done well, but the 3D model, lacked effort as well as the poster.
Finally it was our turn and we both stood up and set up our materials in front of the class. We decided to split the essay in half and take turns reading. He went first, his voice seemed fine tuned to the information as he read. Every word that flowed off his tongue and out to the world was soothing and seemed like a musical note. Everything he said, made him seem smarter and smarter and yet no one cared.
While he spoke, all I did was look out at other people while I paid attention to his voice. Half the people were falling asleep and the other half even talking and whispering to one another, undoubtedly making fun of him.
I heard him pause, and then I looked to see his hand outstretched with the piece of paper. I took it from his grasp and he held his hands behind his back while he stood and watched me, waiting for me to begin.
I picked up where he had left off, not speaking nearly as well as him. I stumbled here and there, and I ended up losing my place a few times and had to backtrack. By the time I had finished he could have read the entire thing faster.
But I did notice, every so often as I was able to look up that Jonathan did not take his eye off of me. Unlike I, who watching people or stared at a spot on the back wall, he kept his eyes locked onto my face. His piercing blue eyes hidden by the glasses, were staring right through me, pinning me to my spot and beckoning me to speak more. It creeped me out a little and yet it motivated me to keep trying to read the essay better throughout my reading.
It was just odd, though.
I did not like to be stared at.
Once I finished reading, I looked up to see those blue eyes still staring at me. Only after a brief second of me returning the blank gaze did he begin explaining our poster and our brain model. It only took him another five minutes to wrap up. A few kids clapped, but more for the fact that we were finally over. Our teacher of course was very impressed by our in depth research and even asked for a copy of our essay to show the science board. Jonathan surprisingly declined though. He told me later that day it was because his ideas for his future were in it and if some wise guy got a hold of them, then they might as well make it themselves. He was very protective of his work, I understood that from that moment on.
The teacher told us we had the last five minutes of class to ourselves, and we all sat back and relaxed. I sipped some water from my bottle to ease my thirst and dry mouth from speaking so much.
"Do you want some?" I offered Jonathan.
"Germs." He responded, eyeing the top of the bottle where my lips had been placed.
"I'm not infectious."
"You did said you've been hugged by Jackson before."
"So-?" Starting to realize where he was going with that.
"It's just as you said, you probably have a disease." He snickered.
"Hmpt...Well whatever, but I must say good job partner. We did good." I smiled at him.
He slightly returned it, but not that much. I swear he never gave an honest smile. Every smile seemed to hold that sarcastic demeanor that clawed at your insides and made you uncomfortable.
"We did do good. It was a pleasure working with you...for the most part." He added in at the end.
"Gee thanks." I sarcastically returned the tone.
"No, you did good. You have many ideas that I wouldn't expect to come from someone like you."
"Someone like me?" I asked.
"The way you hold yourself to the public eye, does not give the impression of how much of a capable and mind savvy smarts you have locked up in your brain."
"I don't show it off." I smirked, staring him down seeing if he'd get the hint.
"You should. It's how I get noticed by colleges."
"Yeah, but you don't have to worry about that for another year."
"False."
"False?"
"Yes. Did I never tell you? I'm graduating early. This is technically my senior year." He said with an abundance of pride.
"No, you never told me. You never tell me anything. What did you double up on classes this year?" I asked.
"I have since my start freshmen year. I am just awaiting acceptance letters, but yes this is my last year here. I can not wait to leave this brain cell losing of an establishment."
"Wow." I said at a loss for words. "I'm happy for you."
It was a bit of a shock, and yet not that surprising. If anyone was to graduate early it would be him. It would be good for him to get out of Gotham as well. The people of Gotham were not accepting and not particularly nice to people it accepted anyways.
"Thank you." He said. "I've already won a few scholarships as well, so financially I am all set."
"Okay, okay. Don't have to rub it in." I scrunched my nose up.
He stiffed a laugh. "I'm not, I am merely stating, as you were the one to peg for answers to questions."
"Well you were never to give details of your life away before, I didn't expect you to say anything more without it being something your gloating about." I put a bit of a laugh in my tone to show him I was just joking around.
"Personal life information is pointless most of the time. What does it really cause another person to gain out of knowing something about your life and even at that, stuff that happened in your past?"
"I don't know...it allows a person to know everything about another being."
"And for what purpose?"
"Well, to gain trust and a friendship, or to be able to understand past events so they can relate it to present day events?" I sought for the proper wording.
"Both pointless unless a psychologist is asking the questions."
The bell then rang and we said our quick goodbyes.
Later that day I found out Jackson and a few others slashed all of Jonathan's tires, because of the incident earlier. Jackson did take my advice, no one would be able to tell he committed the crime. He would be record free.
I felt bad, picturing Jonathan returning to his car eager to leave the dump of a school only too see his tires slashed and unable to escape. I bet Jackson was near the car laughing in clear view, to show off subtly his crime.
The rest of the school year consisted of Jackson flirting with me to no ends, Amy and I getting in a huge friendship ending fight, Cody and Amy dating, Sarah and I getting very close, passing all my classes and getting the lead in a couple of our dance routines.
It also consisted of Jonathan and I talking more in our science class together. True, we never hung out outside of class whether it be because he didn't want too, he was afraid to ask me, or he saw no reason too, we just never hung out.
It didn't bug me though. I was content with our daily talk in science. The end of the year meant less work and that caused us to get in various discussions about emotions and even dreams. Sometimes I'd tell him dreams I had and he'd be able to tell me what his view of what it meant. He'd sometimes, rarely, tell me his dreams. I felt whenever he told me them though, they were watered down versions of them. I am sure he had dark dreams, but he tried to make light out of them.
The end of the year rolled around and it was the last day of our science class.
I felt sort of sad thinking I'd never see Jonathan again. I had a whole another year of high school fights, love, and classes, but he was already out and about to college. It was all surreal.
Earlier in the year he was accepted to Yale, and decided to go there.
"Well, I hope you enjoy Yale." I said towards the end of class.
"I hope you enjoy Gotham." He said with a hint of sarcasm.
"Oh I will. Waking up every morning and seeing a drug deal going on. Ahh-...It's the life for me." I smirked.
"At any rate-" He glanced at the clock seeing we had only a minute left. "-talking to you this year has been-...an experience."
"More like a roller coaster..." I mumbled, referring to his moods, my moods, and our disagreements.
"Enjoy life, while it's still worth living." He said, as the bell rang.
I didn't fully understand his comment, but I knew it wasn't sitting right at the bottom of my stomach. When was life not worth living?
His eyes left mine as he exited the room, and I very well thought that was going to be the last time I saw Jonathan Crane.
I'd expect nothing less though. No sappy goodbye, not even a long goodbye at that one. There was no purpose to. A hug even would have seemed too personal. I was fine with how it ended that day, but I could not push away that I would indeed miss him, and even our bickering. I had guessed I'd just have to bicker more with my brother to make up for it.
Summer was nothing less than looking for a new job, failing at looking for one, relaxing, swimming, beach trips, and finally getting a new job.
About a few weeks into summer I had gotten a job at a small gas station store, it wasn't that I didn't want to work at my mother's flower shop anymore, it was just the lack of hours meant lack of money. My mother was not very thrilled I was working there as those types of shops were the type that were robbed often. My father naturally wanted to give me a gun. I deferred their fears by stating the security there was top notch. My father still would talk to me about owning a gun everyday.
The third week in summer I tried getting a hold of my friends, whichever ones I kept close, but many were on family vacations that week. I was growing bored on my days off, so I decided to take a trip to the library.
It had been a while since I had free time enough to go there, so a nice pile of books would do the trick to entertain me.
I roamed the hallways of books looking for ones of interest and ones I hadn't read already. I started grabbing a few here and there and went over towards the tables and chairs meant for reading or using a laptop at.
Hidden behind a large book, only able to see the tops of his glasses and shaggy hair was none other than Jonathan. I felt a twinge of shock course through me. I had to look at him a few more times to confirm it was him. I went down a hallway of books and peeked out as best I could so I wouldn't be seen. I'm not sure why I was suddenly feeling awkward.
I didn't know what I should do. Go up to him, sit down, and say hi? Walk by him and see if he notices? Ignore him? I was never really good at those awkward times you see someone in public you know, but don't know how to respond to it. If we were closer friends it would have been easy.
And to top it all off, I wasn't sure that the entire time we talked if he honestly liked me as a friend.
I decided to muster up any ounce of confidence I had and go over to him.
I walked to to opposite side of the table he was at, and placed a book down on the table. "Jonathan Crane?"
He looked up from his book, and lowered it to the table upon recognition. "Lex, what a surprise to see you here."
"I thought you would have gone away to the hometown of your college by now." I smiled.
"No, no. I'm going there in the last week of summer." He readjusted his glasses that had fallen downward when he was reading.
I stood there awkwardly, trying to think of something to say, but an 'oh' was all that I could manage to come out.
He must of sensed this and pointed to the chair across from him. "Sit, what books do you have there?"
I sat down, still feeling odd. I spread my books out and listed the titles to him. "Genders and Emotions, Natural Environments, Human Instinct, and-.." I flipped the last book over. "Nothing important."
"Show me the last book." He looked amused, trying to crane over the table more to catch a glimpse at the back of the book.
I swiftly placed my hand over it to block him, "It doesn't fit with the other ones though."
Before I could say more my hand suddenly was pressing down on the table, as he had reached across the table and took the book out from underneath my hand.
He blinked a few times registering the title and picture on the book. His face broke out into a look of amusement.
"Burning Passion?" He snickered. "Romance novels, Lex?"
I snatched the book from his hand, making slight contact with his skin which again was surprisingly warm. The two times I had ever touched his hand, it had been warmer than his cold disposition.
"Your girlish side is showing." He said, as if it was something suppose to be hidden. "There's nothing wrong with reading those, unless you honestly believe them. If you believe that love and romance all have happy endings and love is perfect, then I'd say put the book down and walk away from it slowly."
"Oh, of course I don't believe the books. It just...yanno, gives a small hope that love out there is actually real."
He gave me a deadpan look. "You've already been affected by the books. You're a lost cause now."
I returned the stare, trying to seem serious. "Oh no, does that mean I'm incurable?"
"Yes, unless you burn all the romance books in the library. That will cut your addiction to it."
We both laughed slightly, I of course more than him.
"No but seriously," I said, "I don't believe these books as if it's my life following. To quote Shakespeare 'The course of true love never did run smooth.'"
"Midnight's Summer Dream, very good quote, but horrible book. Personally I never cared for Shakespeare. I think he's a conspiracy. He was not just one man. It was a group of writers."
"You don't like him? How could you not! He's brilliant and that idea of him being more than one person is false! There is strong evidence to suggest he and he alone was the only writer."
"The evidence is not strong. I spent my days reading Freud and Maxwell, reading about false things is a waste of time." He pointed to my romance book again.
"And were back to this book again." I joked, trying to put a seriously offended look on my face. "If this book is making you that uncomfortable, I can go put it back."
"But then it is still out in the open for the public eye. If you really want to please me...burn it." He folded his hands on the table and looked at me in a way I couldn't tell if he really wanted me to get up and lit the book on fire.
"The firm alarm would go off."
"If you explained the situation to the firemen, I'm sure they'd understand." He said calmly.
I stood up and walked over to the cart where you put books if you do not want them anymore. When I returned to my seat he had a sad look on his face. "I really thought you were going to burn it for a moment."
"Fire is not my style." I smiled. "Besides, I do not want to have to pay the $8.99 for a replacement copy. What books do you have on you?"
He showed me the titles, much more complex looking books than I had. One wasn't even in English.
"You know different languages?" I said opening the book to reveal it was in French.
"I'm not an expert, but I'm learning. There are words every so often on each page I have to look up. I want to know different languages so that I can read actual copies of thesis's and not the watered down English version of them. Our government gets rid of things during the translation process that has to do with government conspiracy and corruption. That is a known fact."
"I didn't know this known fact."
"Well now you do." He stated.
"That's messed up and insulting to the scientists who write down what they know."
"Exactly, so I want to learn other languages so I can read actual copies of these things." He smiled slightly, looking proud of himself once more.
We then began to compare our books, and even swapped them and silently read across from each other for a few hours. We'd talk about what we read, and every so often he'd make fun of the romance novel again, as he had a perfect view of it on the cart I placed it on. It felt like we were in our own study group or little school almost. He taught me new things and gave his insight on things, and I did the same to him. True, he taught me more than I taught him, but never the less it was a learning experience for both of us.
And it happened just about once a week. I'd go to the library and almost every time I would, he'd be there in the same spot.
Only once or twice he wasn't there, but I stayed and read myself. I didn't mind, but I missed having his thoughts on things I read, or having someone there to explain something I did not understand.
I asked him how often he went and he told me about once every day. It was his only escape from home I figured. The days he wasn't there, I really didn't tease him or ask him why he wasn't. The bruises on him were answer enough for me.
True I only went once a week, and sometimes I'd question if he even wanted me sitting with him and talking, but he seemed very interested in what I did and didn't know. He seemed to take pride in the fact he knew more than me still. If I had a question, he'd have this aura of pride and cockiness as he'd explain something to me. He loved that he knew mainly everything about everything.
Whenever we'd get on the topic of personal life though, it was always towards me and never towards him. He'd only give bits and pieces of his life.
He seemed to have this looks of analyzing me whenever something personal would come up. It was as if he was trying to be like a therapist or something. It creeped me out a little, but his stare could always get me to open my mouth. It was almost like a trance, and I felt as if I could trust him too. I couldn't explain it even if I wrote down my thought process entirely.
"Do you feel like you disappointed your father, with your choice of education when you go to college?" He asked me once, after I brought up how my father wanted me to become a cop just like him.
"No, at least I hope not. My mother and father have been very supportive of my choice to become a psychologist."
"Do you know which field yet?"
"I'm not sure, I was debating between child or criminal."
"Those are on the complete opposite side of the spectrum." He looked at me with that interested trancing look once more.
"Yes I know. I just-...I'm not sure those are just the two I am interested in, I just have to figure out which one has more jobs available."
"Criminal. I would know. It may very well be the field I am going into."
"Why criminal?"
"Not many want to take a dive into the murderous and psychotic minds. Many need psychologists of their own after exploring the mind of those who are not all there. It is a field you need to be strong in, because not many survive."
"I'm sure you could."
"I can't say the same to you."
I sighed feeling judged all the sudden. I could handle it, I was sure of it. That feeling of wanting to be better than him or shove duct tape all over his mouth so he'd stop talking, came back to me.
"I disagree. I can handle it. Criminals don't scare me." I tried to sound convincing.
"Because they are locked up in a secure environment. If bars and chains didn't separate you, you would not be able to handle it." He looked back down at his book, as if he was not interested in the subject anymore.
I kept it going though, "When would that happen? When would I honestly not be in a secure environment with an insane criminal?"
"What if they escape?" He looked at me quizzically.
"Then...I don't know." I shrugged, not sure where he was getting at.
"You must always be prepared if you go into that field."
"Note taken." And with that we continued reading away our summer.
When summer was finally coming to a close and I knew once again my 'study group sessions' with Jonathan would be coming to a end. This time for real.
I went to the library the second to last week of summer, knowing it would be his last. He didn't act any different that day though. I walked over to him with another pile of books. By this point, both of us were almost finished with all the books that piqued our interest in the entire library.
I was reading a book about people who believed themselves to have the ability to tell the future. It was very convincing but I still thought it was all a big hoax. People made millions of dollars reading people's futures. Most of them told them generic things that could happen or have more than one meaning to it. Still, they put up a very good mask, so I had to congratulate them for that.
Jonathan was reading about some criminal from Texas, who single handedly took down an entire city in the early 1900's by brain washing a group of teens into thinking the end of the world was coming.
Five o'clock was rolling around. The time that the library closed in summer. I had that same feeling I did the last day of science class, but it was greater this time, because I was almost positive at this point-...I could consider him a friend.
A friend.
It was odd.
Never in a million years, would I think to consider him that.
But it was an odd friendship, that could not be denied.
But that friendship was coming to an end.
"Well we better get going," I said looking up at the clock on the wall.
We returned our books to the cart and walked out to the parking lot together. I had received my license by now, and had a habit of parking next to his car.
"So I suppose this is the last time we will be meeting here." He said, surprisingly the one to break the ice as we walked towards our cars.
"Yes, your going to Yale in a few days aren't you?"
"Indeed. Finally getting away from this rut." He smiled, and it was a shock to me. His smile seemed sincere for once. It had no sarcasm in it. It had no double meaning. It was merely a set of lips curved in an upward manner to express the feeling of content.
"One more year and I'll be following in your footsteps." I thought about my one more year in high school and cringed.
"Well I wish you good luck in whatever you chose to study in."
I think he attempted to sound sincere.
"You as well, even though well-...you already know what you are studying. I mean- ugh...Good luck." I stumbled to find words, because the look he was giving me intimidated me. He had that analyzing look on again.
"Thank you. Well, enjoy your last week of summer."
This goodbye was turning awkward. I didn't know what to say or what to do. All I wanted was for him not to leave for such a far away place. I suddenly felt bad again, thinking about whatever he went through with his life. He was such a brilliant person, and was tainted by the abuse and teasing. It had affected him obviously, though he didn't show it that much to me anymore. But even just the way he acted in everyday life, just saying goodbye, was a big example of how everything in his life affected him. He was not the person he was meant to be when he was born.
I felt anger.
"I'll try to. And hey, Jonathan I just want to say thank you for-.."
"There is no need to thank you for anything, other than steering you away from romance novels."
I laughed. The whole romance novel thing had been our on going joke of the summer.
I didn't feel awkward anymore.
"Goodbye Jonathan." I smiled.
"Bye Lex."
We got into our cars and that was the last I saw of him.
Until of course I started working here.
My last year of high school, was a drag. I ended up getting glasses half way through the year even though I protested. I decided to get black rimmed slightly curved ones. I liked them a lot, but still I despised the fact I needed glasses to read now. I didn't wear them when I didn't need too, but found myself anyways since it was always such a bother to put them away, or in fact I forgot I was wearing them.
College was a big life changing experience for me. I chose to study criminal psychology. For the same reason I was motivated to become better than Jonathan. It was a drive in me to become the greatest.
My professors were all so fascinating to me of course. They knew many things I did not and many things I did thanks to Jonathan. It helped push me to be one of the top in my class.
I also changed my appearance drastically. I decided to stop damaging my hair with all the dye and straightening. I had to get a good six inches of dead hair cut off from what I had done to it. It was now by my shoulders, but I grew it out through my college life.
I decided to let my natural hair return and I used color remover to have my darker auburn hair out in the open once more. I grew slightly taller as well, finally not one of the shorter people in the school system, but I certainly did not tower over anyone.
I looked like a whole new person and I felt like a whole new person in college.
With college in the next state over from Gotham, I stayed in touch with only Sarah and another girl named Samantha. I saw them occasionally on vacations that I would return home to see family.
During college I had a few intimate affairs. My first was a guy named Drew, who I went out with for a couple of months. Nothing too intimate, but it was an eye opener for what I did and didn't want in a relationship.
I didn't want someone who was dumber than I was.
Unfortunately for me, the only ones who weren't dumber than me were my professors and that crossed so many lines.
The next guy I was with, we never dated but I had high hopes we were going too. He reminded me of Cody, which I should have realized was a red flag, but I was naive. He promised we would date, but said he didn't want to make anything official as he had just gotten out of a relationship a few months before and didn't want to make it seem like I was a rebound girl. Of course I believed him, and ended up losing my innocence to him. Of course, it wasn't anything amazing and it hurt so much I had him stop.
The next few weeks he grew distant from me, and I knew I had been used.
That made me hesitant towards guys and made me make the physical aspects of a relationship low on proprieties. I made a person wait to get intimate with me.
Which was why when I met Cameron, I thought I was in love. Emphasis thought.
He was perfect, other than he had no clue where he was going with his life. He was a sports jock and a bit of a partier, but yet he cared about my feelings.
We dated my last year of college. About a year and a half we were together. We had sex after six months, which I was amazed at that he waited for me. That was why I thought I loved him, because he cared about my feelings. But as the many more months passed I found myself falling out of love.
I questioned if I was even in love, or in love with the illusion of love. I thought at that point I remembered someone telling me about the illusion of love before, I forgot too. Oh Jonathan Crane.
That was the only time in four years of college he popped into my mind.
He had been right. I didn't love him.
I was in love with the thought of it. I thought I loved him, because he treated me so much better than my previous affairs, but even at that he wasn't the best boyfriend. The ignored calls, the drunk demeanor, the lack of education smarts, the lack of manners at points. I came to discover he was not my type.
I broke it off, a few weeks before graduation.
He took it better than I expected.
I was ready to start a new once more.
Ready to take on the world.
Ready to go into the field of study I was always meant too be in.
I researched places to work and found, unfortunately the best place to work was Arkham Asylum.
It was sort of a disappointment location wise.
I did not want to work in a place that I had escaped from for four years. I submitted my resume anyways, just in case. I got many rejection letters back from other places stating that my lack of experience held me from the job. State regulations had recently changed and two people had to be the criminal psychologists, as before most places were content with one person in that particular field.
A place like that has doctors, who care for the patients.
Regular psychologists who meet with patients regularly and talk to them trying to figure out things.
Criminal psychologists, who do the same thing as regular psychologists but also determine if a person is insane and should be admitted to a psyche ward or if they are not and should be admitted to jail.
That was what I was going to be doing.
After weeks of applying everywhere, the one place I was asked for an interview was at Arkham. The interview itself was not at Arkham though, which is why I did not see or know Jonathan was working there at that point.
The interview was at the police department offices, for reasons unknown to me.
They checked my background and took my picture though numerous times, so that is when I figured out why. They were trying to see if I was an honest citizen and if I had any ties to any patients.
Of course I didn't and I felt if the interview went great.
Apperently it did, because within the next few days I got a call saying I had the job.
Dr. Alexis Crawford was the new doctor in town.
Even though I had lived in Gotham half my life.
Well, with that I used the money I had saved up from my part time jobs and got myself an apartment. It was not in the Narrows, thank lord and I found it to be nice considering.
It was on the top floor on East Main Street. It had a kitchen and dining area. True the counters were not the white color that they were suppose to be, and turned slightly yellow for whatever reason. I tried scrubbing at it, but it was in vain. The dining room table was a simple fold up table, but it didn't bug me. My living room was a bit small, but my bathroom and bedroom made up for it. There was a small hallway near the entrance where I had two closest. One filled with food and the other with oddities I had to keep from my old house.
I sat on my couch eagerly at six am, on Monday. I was dressed in a white button up shirt and a black skirt; black heels to complete the look. I had my auburn hair tied up and my glasses on.
I was ready an hour before I had to be at Arkham for my first day.
I was a nervous wreak.
Little did I know how much more nervous I was going to be seeing the grown up, slightly less nice, better looking, a little more creepy, version of Jonathan Crane.
Little did I know I would be helping him with things I would regret...or do I regret? But I didn't realize I was doing anything. Just...research. Just paperwork.
Just me, falling under his-...
Just me, falling into no illusion...
Now he hides in-...
With-...
Assisting-...
I can't even finish my sentences Phil..."
Alexis wiped away the tears starting to form.
"I believe our session is over for today." She pulled herself together, pushing her glasses back on and putting on a straight face.
She looked at her clipboard and scanned through the paperwork.
Dr. Cinder came in as if on cue at this point. She walked over to Alexis.
"How'd it go?" She asked.
Alexis began to read off what she wrote. "Phillip Deering. Patient exhibiting some signs of acknowledgment to questions asked. Starting to form words and sentences. Starting to recover from Scarecrow's toxin slowly, but as the injection was before he formed the formula he used in the Narrows incident, it was a dangerous version dumbing down his mind and creating a new person. Brain cells killed and left side of brain still deformed. Verdict: Incurable."
Hi :) Review please? It gives me motivation to keep writing faster.
I must tell you, I am so excited for chapters to come. Honestly, excited. That says something.
The next chapter and the rest will be in third person. It will start with when she started working in Arkham and the story will go in order from then on. So technically its flashing back from when she is telling Phil this story. But that makes her telling Phil the story in the future right?
SO basically these four chapters have been one big huge prologue! Yay prologues.
Review review review and expect the next chapter in the next few weeks, hopefully sooner :)