"Katie insisted on planting those roses. She never asks for anything so of course I couldn't tell her they'd never survive. And then it was the coldest spring we'd had in a hundred years. But those roses survived! I couldn't believe it. I don't know. Sometimes the most fragile things are really strong - only it's all hidden where you can't see it." Adam McFadden, Sr.
Near the lower pasture, was an old oak tree that had been split by lightning. Hannah McFadden loved to watch the sun sink as she leaned against its worn remains. Now, she sat feeling that it wasn't just the sun that was sinking, but her heart.
The family was fractured. Adam off, trying to bury new hurts on top of that old ones. Crane was devastated even as he struggled to comfort his younger brothers; two sets of emotional twins - Daniel and Evan united in rage and Ford and Guthrie, tender hearted and swallowed up in grief. Everything inside her commanded she return to the house and help restore order, but she felt empty and exhausted; she felt utterly alone.
She was startled when a hand dropped a coat around her shoulders, and turning expected to see Crane or Guthrie. But her eyes blurred with tears as the rested on the only face that could truly restore her.
"Adam!" She managed to choke out, as stepping over the broken oak, he sat down beside her.
***7***
Brian McFadden turned the corner on the outskirts of Sacramento, and parked. Climbing out, he adjusted his hat and stepped inside the small building.
"'Bout damn time you got here!" A man said rising from where he sat behind a desk. "Bill said you were on your way two hours ago! I'm Able." He stretched out a hand toward Brian. "You must be Carlos?"
"Actually," Brian said, shaking Able's hand. "I'm Brian. Travis, over at the diner said you were short-handed. I may not be Carlos and I don't know Bill, but I'm here and ready for work."
"You know anything about construction?" Able asked.
"I've spent the last twelve years of my life keeping shit together, mister. Construction is the only thing I've ever done.
"Looks like Carlos, just lost his job." Able grinned.
***7***
Daniel felt like he was in an old time western. He climbed off Ignacio, the only horse calm enough to ride and tied his reins to a post just outside the small store. He hadn't taken the jeep - wanting to leave the remaining car at the ranch. He hadn't wanted to go at all but was desperate. Brian was gone and Adam might as well have disappeared with him. The younger boys were really upset - Ford and Guthrie's faces mirrors of worry and sadness. Evan was barely suppressing a smoldering fury - at the sky, at his older brothers, and at himself. Crane was the one who really worried him, though. He sat in a chair in the livingroom, motionless - his face blank of expression. Normally, he would do his best draw his older brother out, but Crane had only glanced his ways and said nothing in response. He would recruit Hannah, but standing on the porch, he could see her in the far distance, walking to the old split oak. He had been horrified to see the way Brian's words seemed to have pierced her - and now she was depleted of hope. He recognized that it was a dangerous time for the Circle Bar 7 - for the boys of Adam and Katie McFadden.
Perhaps, they had finally reached their breaking point; finally met a challenge that couldn't be overcome with optimism, courage, brotherhood, and music.
He pushed open the door to the cafe, and glanced around. Marie was behind the counter, talking to one of her servers, but seeing his expression, she stepped out and walked to him with open arms.
"Daniel! I am so sorry! How is everyone? I tried to call but there was no answer! Is Hannah with you?" She hugged him, and glanced around looking for at least one other McFadden.
"No, she's . . ." He stepped back, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. "Listen, Marie, I . . . we . . ."
She studied his face, and reaching out squeezed his hand. "Go sit down. I'll have Colleen fix you some food." He opened his mouth to protest; to explain. "No. I understand. It's going to take me a little time to get the Counsel here, okay? You sit down and eat while I round everyone up."
***7***
"You'd think I'd learn." Adam said at last.
Hannah glanced at him. "Well," She said sliding her arms into his jacket. "It's only been about thirty-six hours, so that's progress, I guess."
"Always looking on the upside." He shook his head, and turning toward her, reached out and began rolling the ends of the sleeves. "Mrs. Mc Fadden, I don't know how you manage."
"Coffee." She explained with a shrug. "Coffee and love."
He finished rolling the sleeves, and ran his rough hand over her small one. He nodded his head, swallowing down tears and then leaning forward kissed her forehead.
"Warm?" He asked, his voice husky with tears.
She nodded and reached out rubbing the side of his face with her hand. "Brian's gone, and I think Crane is in pretty bad shape. I haven't even . . . I should check on the kids."
"Uh, uh." He said, reaching for her hand and kissing her palm. "I saw Brian drive off." He sighed. "We got ourselves a pretty big disaster, sweetheart. We can't rebuild that barn. I think everything is about to change, and I'm sorry I won't be able to give you . . ." He paused unable to continue. "I wanted to keep the earth solid beneath your feet."
"Adam . . ." She whispered softly. "It will be okay. We can figure it out."
"It will be okay. I am okay. Because of you." His jaw clenched tightly. "But I think we are gonna have to sell darlin' and I don't know what that means for you, for the boys, and," He paused reaching out a hand and running over her stomach. "And for our little secret."
She smiled down at his hand, she placed her hand on top of his, clinging to his strong fingers. "Our Little Secret only needs you and me," She told him. "And a pack of wild uncles to lead him down the wrong path."
He nodded his head again, his dark eyes bright with tears. "Her." He corrected. He wrapped an arm over her shoulder, and turned to face the hills that stretched out beyond them. "Girl, you got any wisdom for a broken-down rancher? I could use some of that Moss optimism."
"I'm a McFadden." She told him. "We've got optimism and grit. We are strong on those mountains over there." She turned to face him. "But, we get beat up from time to time."
"Lord, don't we!" He kissed her cheek, and leaning close to her ear, he whispered, "You are everything, darlin'. You are all I need."
She turned to him, and kissed him, trying to somehow communicate everything inside a kiss. Breaking away from him, she rested her forehead against his, for a long moment, and then sat back facing him.
"I, uh," He paused, clearing his throat, but still a tear rolled down his rugged cheek. "I'm real sorry for being such a pig-headed mule and running off, again. I left you all alone and . . ."
"Adam, you left me with six brothers. I wasn't alone."
"Yeah, well," He struggled again and she held tightly to his hands, waiting, ever patient. "Listen, darlin', that barn . . . uh . . . my grandaddy built it, and I wish. . ." But he couldn't speak and she pulled him against her shoulder, keeping her arms right around him as he wept.
***7***
"So," Ben Gunn said, leaning back against the chair. "Things are pretty bleak."
"Yeah." Daniel agreed.
He glanced around the table. It was late, the cafe closed. The table was filled with his parents oldest friends. Ben Gunn, Caroline Adams, Patty Baxter, Marie and her husband Ed. The only ones missing from The Counsel were Mike and Marlene who had moved away years ago. But Marie stood at the counter, a phone in her hand - Marlene, his mother's best friend since grade school on the other end of the line.
The Counsel had been formed the night his parents died. A small determined cluster of individuals who wanted to ensure that the legacy of Adam and Katie McFadden didn't die with them. They stepped in and helped, watching Guthrie until he was old enough for school so that Brian could finish high school; picking up where their father had left off - teaching Adam the ins and outs of running a ranch, making sure the boys had plenty of food and clean clothes - making sure the family stayed together.
"The insurance isn't gonna be enough." Daniel explained. "I mean it's dumb. We are being punished for trying to save it."
"I saw Brian barreling through town. I imagine he'll be gone a bit." Ed said leaning back.
Marie spoke into the phone. "Marlene, you know he's reckless. He'd tell you that himself. And it wouldn't be the end of the world as we know it, if he broke away for a bit. He's being fighting that shadow his whole life!" She glanced at the table. "She's cursing again."
Ben grinned, "That sweet woman, and that mouth!"
Caroline Adams, reached across the table holding onto his hand, and Daniel could picture himself a first grader in her classroom all over again. "Listen, Daniel. I am so glad that you came to us. You know, Hannah will manage Adam, and Brian needs some time away. Crane is just feeling hopeless - like you. But we are gonna figure something out."
"Maybe it would be better to sell." Daniel said thoughtfully. "Crane and me can take care of ourselves, and Evan's just dying to get on the rodeo circuit. Adam and Hannah could have a life for themselves. Ford's gonna graduate and Guthrie's not far behind. It wouldn't be the worst thing, would it? Daddy'd understand, wouldn't he? Or would he be mad?"
"Your Dad was a pretty simple man, Danny." Ed told him. "He loved your mama and you boys. The ranch was important too, but it in the balance of things, you boys would win out by a landslide every damn time."
"He's right, Daniel." Marie said. She held the phone out to him. "Here, Marlene's got something to say."
Sighing he crossed the room, and accepted the phone.
"Yes, ma'am." He said.
"Oh, good Lord! If Mike hadn't just had surgery, I'd already be there Danny! You are saying 'yes, ma'am'? Either that wife of your brother's actually beat some manners into you boys, are things are pretty bleak."
"Marlene, don't . . ."
"You listen to me, mister, McFadden's are strong as hell. Ranch or no ranch. Sunshine or rain. You aren't gonna break."
"Things are really bad." He tried to keep the whine out of his voice, but the familiar, maternal sound of her voice, threw him backwards in time.
"Things have gone to shit." She told him. "I get that. I do. Adam's being, well, Adam. And Brian's finally gonna try and make some move for himself. And now I'm gonna tell you same damn thing I told Adam years ago."
"Marlene, I can't just . . ."
"Those boys are NOT your responsibility."
He was completely shocked by her statement. "Wha . . . wha . . . what?" He stammered.
"You heard me right. I told Adam the same thing. Listen to me, and listen good. The last thing your Mamma and Daddy would've wanted was you boys burned down with their dreams. You gotta do what's right for you - so if that is selling the ranch and taking that McFadden drive to the corners of the earth - then so be it. Go! Go with our blessing, and their blessing too. This is not your weight and you don't have to carry it."
Daniel was completely stunned. "But . . . but Adam . . ."
"When has Junior ever done what he was told?" She sighed. "Oh, Danny, I wish I was there right now. Listen, everything is going to be okay. You boys already survived the worst there ever was - an old building burning to the ground - that's nothing. Starting over again? That's easy. You already did it."
He felt himself exhaling slowly for the first time in days. He couldn't fight the tears that feel. Drawing in a deep breath he said, "Marlene, I love you with all my heart."
"'Daniel Robert McFadden, you are just antagonizing me, now. You know I can't leave Mike!"
He laughed at this. "Alright then," He told her, brushing the tears out of his eyes. "I take it back. You are a pain in the ass."
"That's my good boy."
Blushing he handed the phone back to Marie, who was crying. He made his way back to the table. Ed reached out to squeeze his shoulder as he plopped back in the chair.
"Hey, Marie," Patty said. "Bring us something stronger than coffee, would you? We can't make huge decisions with only caffeine fueling us!" She winked at Daniel who was trying to process Guthrie's sweet Sunday school teacher calling out for alcohol.
He ran a hand through his hair, trying to process everything. "Y'all are pushing me too close to the edge. Miss Patty is calling out for whiskey and Marlene's telling me that you tried to convince Adam to let the ranch go . . . I can't manage much more."
"Well, this is the perfect time to tell him about the secret bank account, then." Ben said with a grin.
***7***
"We should go up to the house," Adam said, sitting back and wiping his face with his hands. "It's cold."
"I'm warm." She told him.
"I don't . . ." He looked down at his hands.
"We go back there and you know, we both are gonna be focused on the boys." She added softly.
"We spent enough time on me."
She laughed out loud at this, and kissed his forehead. "Adam Jackson, you are right. Three minutes of mourning is about your average."
"Hannah, I can't . . ."
"When you were seventeen, you couldn't. You had the boys and the ranch. I get that. I really, really do. But hon, you aren't seventeen anymore and you aren't alone, and they are grown."
He said nothing for the longest time, but reached out, his running back and forth over her stomach. It was the smallest bump, tiny. The boys hadn't noticed it, and they wanted to keep it to themselves as long as possible. The last baby had brought all of them so much heartbreak, and neither of them was willing to risk having the whole family facing that hurt again. And it was theirs. A tiny, hopeful secret. Something private just to them.
"Do you . . ." He asked in a whisper. "Do you think I can be a good, Dad?"
She dropped her head, her whole body shaking with sudden tears. It took her a good five minutes before she could speak, but finally, she lifted her head and facing him with eyes full of tears, she said, "Oh, sweetheart. You are already the best father I've ever known."
He nodded, ducking his head again. "I've tried pretty damn hard, girl, but Daddy he was so . . ."
She exhaled slowly and leaning in close to him, she finally asked the question that had hung in the air between them since the day he'd brought her to his father's house, "Why don't you tell me about him?"
***7***
Author's Note
So, I've reappeared. I know some of you got frustrated with this unfinished piece. Maybe you gave up. Maybe you didn't care! Ha! I got stuck for a bit, and then got swamped by actual life. I apologize for the crazy, long absence! Hopefully, this chapter, and the ones that follow will soothe any hard feelings between us.