I was sitting on the couch watching re-runs of Bewitched with Alice and Rosalie. We had designated tonight as "Operation Relaxation." There was to be no talk of work, school or any other topic that could be deemed stressful.

Alice and Rosalie were discussing the differences between nail polish brands. Currently the agreement between Rose and Alice was that OPI was far superior to any other brand of nail polish on the market. Unfortunately, Rose had wavered in her decision on OPI and was currently leaning towards an "enemy brand" as Alice liked to call it. Sitting on the end of the couch with a bag of Cheetos, I alternated between listening to the dialogue between the two of them and that of the Samantha on the LCD television.

"Dammit Rosalie, how the hell can you think Rimmel is better than OPI? Are you effin' nuts?"

I rolled my eyes and snorted. I swear, those two were the best of friends until they got into a dispute over fashion.

Rosalie tossed her blond hair over one shoulder and began examing her nails before looking back up at Alice, her head cocked to the side. "No Alice, I'm not effin' nuts. I'm practical. Rimmel is much less expensive than OPI and just as durable if not more so."

Alice's mouth popped open and she prepared her retort. "You know what, whatever Rose. At least OPI isnt' hyped up by a coked out former supermodel and ew! Have you even seen her nail beds?"

I saw Rose's lips purse together in concentration. Then I saw her brow wrinkle. When I saw the left side of her mouth start the formation of a grin and her head fall forward, I knew Alice had one this battle. I zoned out as they started comparing MAC and NARS lipgloss.

Before I knew what was happening, I drifted off. My eyes snapped back open when I realized I could no longer hear Rose and Alice. The room was completely dark and I no longer felt the comfort of our plush couch under me. Muted sounds could be heard all around me and when I tried to move I realized something was holding me down.

I closed my eyes like a coward hoping that whatever was happening would be over when I reopened them. I internally tried to rationalize the situation by telling myself that my sense of foreboding dread was caused by my frequent paranoia.

"1…2…3.." I opened my eyes and stopped breathing.

"No." It came out as a whisper and my body broke into a cold sweat.

There was no way I was back in the van. James was not in front of me. He wasn't.

That was the last thought I was able to process before he pounced, pinning me to the hard floor of the van. No! This was not happening again. I got away!

I laid beneath him paralyzed in fear desperately willing my arms to move. He had one hand gripping my throat while the other worked unfastening my jeans. Finally, my body started thrashing against him.

He increased the hold on my throat and I wheezed desperate for oxygen, desperate for escape.

I heard my name being called and my shoulder's being shook.

"Bella, wake up. It's ok. C'mon wake up. Your safe now, wake up."

My eyes popped opened and I gasped for air. A white crackled ceiling was the first thing I saw. My head turned slowly to the left and there was Alice. She was curled up in the bed with me; her head was resting on the same pillow under my head. She looked exhausted. Her normally bright eyes were rimmed with red.

We stared at each other for an undetermined amount of time, not saying a word. Suddenly, her hand reached out to brush my cheek and ragged breath escaped her mouth. "I'm so sorry."

A single tear crept down her cheek followed by another then another

I held her gaze unsure of how to handle this. I went with the most generic answer.

"Al I'm ok." It came out as a croak but I felt the need to reassure her nonetheless.

My heart broke as I saw her face crumple before bringing her hands up to hide it from me.

I pursed my lips not knowing what to say to calm her down. Instead of mumbling through words of comfort, which I'm sure she wouldn't believe anyway, I raised my right hand to stroke her exposed mop of messy black hair.

"Alice, please. Please stop crying." My tongue darted out to wet my dry lips as I tried to think of a way to calm her down.

I knew I couldn't force her to stop crying and if I was being absolutely honest, I didn't have the strength to talk her through it. I didn't have the strength to talk myself through it. So I continued to lay there next to her massaging her head and waited for her to calm down.

The sunlight shining through the hospital room window was blinding but I welcomed it. I squinted against it but it was comforting. I was out of the dark. I really was safe.

A few minutes later, her body stopped jerking from the sobs and I felt her breathing slow down.

Slowly her hands came down from her face, lips still quivering. She wouldn't look me in the eyes. "You're not really ok are you?"

I think we both knew the answer to that. Most of the time, I was pretty good at putting up a front for people but not now. I wanted to lie to her again, tell her that I was fine. I wanted to hide behind humor and sarcasm. I wanted to protect my friend from my pain. But I knew I couldn't. Not when she raised her eyes to mine. Not when she wanted to know the truth.

Closing my eyes, I gave it to her straight. "I'm not ok Alice. Not right now. But I will be." That was all I could offer her at this point. I hoped it was enough. I opened my eyes again to gauge her reaction.

The bottom lip started quivering again but she nodded and settled her head back on the pillow. Then one of her tiny arms wrapped around my waist and she closed her eyes. I closed mine too but wanted to open them as soon as my lids shut. It was dark behind my eyelids, just like it was dark in the parking lot, just like it was dark in his van.

Staring up at the popcorn ceiling of this sterile room, I think I started breaking down. Words came out like vomit from my mouth before I could even edit myself. "I'm afraid of the dark now. Every time I close my eyes it's dark ya' know? When it's dark, I'm there again and I can't get away."

She didn't say anything. I'm not sure anything she said was going to help at that moment anyway.

It was quiet for a good long moment before I heard her take another deep ragged breath.

"Go back to sleep Bella. I'm here now. No one is going to hurt you again. We won't let them."

She pulled herself closer to me and until I could feel her peppermint scented breath on my cheek, her hand running soothing light circles on my back willing me to relax.

Exhaling a breath I didn't even realize I was holding, I relaxed into the pillow, held tight to Alice and was able to drift off again.

It didn't seem like I was out for very long but when I awoke again it was to a dark room. My first thought was to scream but then I saw Alice's face fast asleep next to mine. Her arm was still wrapped around my waist. My arm had fallen asleep in my current position so I tried rolling to over onto my right side. The motion was agonizing and although I tried not to, I voiced it.

"Bella?"

Two voices. Who else was in here? A light came on and I turned my head slightly to the right and there standing in front of the chair next to my bed, was Edward Cullen.

My mouth opened and remained gaped open so that I'm sure I resembled a trout.

When did he get here?

He was dressed in the same clothes he was wearing the night of the party…the night he saved me from what would have no doubt been a violent rape.

Alice yawned and removed her arm from around my waist. She and Edward stared at each other for a moment as if they were having a silent conversation. Looking between the two of them, I tried to decipher what was going on. "Bella will you be alright with Edward for a little while? I've got to make a few phone calls and they don't allow cell phones in here?"

I looked from her to him and back again nodding my head.

I nodded. She gave me a quick kiss, unraveled herself from the sheets and left.

Flashbacks of that night played quickly through my muddled mind before he spoke again.

"Bella do you need anything? Are you hungry?"

I laid there staring at him not speaking until my neck got sore from the position. I grimaced again. "Can you help me turn over?"

He was already standing so he took a step closer to my bed and gingerly helped me turn my body around to face him. The back of the gown which was open from the waist up, flapped open.

"Shit, Bella." He cringed shaking his head slightly, a look of confusion on his face as he stared at my back.

"Edward, what…oh." The bruises. I realized there were probably bruises covering my back from being thrown in the van and then falling out of it.

Edward continued staring until he finally reached around me, pulling the flaps together. "I knew they were there…I just hadn't seen them yet."

I nodded slightly then raised my left eyebrow. "I'm going to be fine you know. Thanks to you." My mouth curled into a small smile which I quickly relaxed due to my dry lips cracking.

"Edward, do you have any lip balm. My lips hurt."

Items in his jeans jingled as he dug around his side right pocket, pulling out a tube of Chapstick. When I reached for it he held it back.

"Let me do it ok?"

My brown creased in confusion. "Why?"

His eyes darted to my arms then back to my face. "The IV, the cuts, the bruises on your arms, the sprain…I don't want you moving around too much. Even if it seems like it's a small movement, it might hurt you right now and I don't want to see you in anymore pain."

I nodded silently and watched while he pulled the cap off the tube laying on the table by the bed. Instead of applying it directly to my parched lips, he rubbed a bit on his forefinger. When he saw me looking at him, with a question in my eyes, he grinned at me.

"The heat from fingers will help it absorb better."

"Ah."

He leaned in. "Try to relax your lips."

Then I felt him smearing the ointment on my lips. He rubbed it in gently first on my top lip then my bottom. I kept my eyes on his the entire time, willing him to look at me but he kept his eyes focused on my lips the entire time. Then he pulled away.

"Better?"

I smacked my lips to test. "Yea, their good. Thank you." He sat back down in the chair and reached for my hand lacing his fingers with mine.

I gazed at our interlaced hands curiously before diverting my gaze back to his face. "Edward, I want to thank you again. I'd probably be dead if it weren't for you."

I heard his teeth snap together but couldn't see his face since he would only stare at our hands.

"Bella this is my fault." He spoke so softly that I could barely make it out.

"What? What are you talking about? None of this is in any way your fault. How could you even think that?" The shock was evident in my hoarse voice. I just couldn't believe what came out of his mouth.

Finally raising his eyes to look at me, I saw that there was moisture there. No, this wasn't right at all.

"How could you think that any of this is your fault?"

"Bella, I shouldn't have let you out of my sight."

"You have got to be kidding me!" I was exasperated. Why on earth would he and Alice be blaming themselves? This was James' fault.

"Edward you want to know what would have happened if you didn't find me? James would have found me in the parking lot. He probably would've beaten me again before dragging me back to the goddamn van where he would've finished ripping my clothes off before forcing himself inside me taking something that should never be stolen from anyone. Do you understand me Edward? Do you?"

His jaw wavered but he kept his eyes trained on our hands. Aside from the beeps of the machines, all I could hear was his heavy breathing.

My eyes closed and I took two deep breaths before continuing. "I need for the both of you to stop blaming yourselves for something that was not your fault. I'm gonna tell you the same thing I told Alice. I'm not ok right now but I will be. Alright? This is not going to break me. He has not ruined my life. He hasn't."

The last bit of my speech was more for me than Edward. I needed to believe that I was going to be alright, that he hadn't ruined things for me. I couldn't allow him to have that control over me.

All the while, Edward just held onto my hand, his brow furrowed lips taut.

"How long have you been here anyway?"

"Ah, I never left."

My eyebrows went up in surprise.

"Say what? Dude, I know I've been here all day and night. You didn't have to stay. I know you're probably super busy with school about to start and all..."

"Hey," he interrupted. "I'm told you before, I'm not going anywhere."

"I know, but you said that when I was pretty much out of it. I'm not going to hold you to that ."

"Bella, I want you to hold me to that."