22:22

I had got in my metallic grey Mazda 2 with a little more than a grand with me. I split it up into smaller wads and kept them in different pockets. I even tucked a couple hundred into my boots.

I had a few blood bags to keep in the trunk.

When I sped into London, I drove and parked the car in Wembley on the quietest and nearest road; one most familiar with me and the one that was the least ghetto. With one bag of blood stuffed in my pocket, I headed towards Asylum again.

On a Saturday night, I knew the streets would be alive with people. I knew the clubs and restaurants and all the buildings catering for nightlife would be packed with pulses and vibes.

Scents of blood poked at me, even though I wasn't starving. I was always thirsty, actually, and it constantly ached. But this is how it will probably be for the rest of my life.

Any sort of alley or empty street I came across was where I took a swig of the satisfyingly warm AB negative. This way, I could at least remember the main reason I was here instead of being distracted by my thirst.

When I came across another empty alley between two office buildings, I leaped back and forth up against the two walls. My feet finally landed on the dingy, narrow rooftop.

I made the layers of air whip around me, and I reeled the rough ground beneath my feet. The world raced around me. The gaps between buildings weren't anything but potholes in tarmac, and as long as I kept away from human sight, I was running as fast as I liked.

22:50

We were in one of the big, warm rooms at the back of the club, owned by Alcide's godson.

He didn't have to be on the doors tonight, but he sometimes stayed around to help out with the bar or with anything else. I think that meant he was always here.

Alcide's default mood, I discovered, was quiet and naturally frustrated, and I was learning that he's kind of a weird character. Then again, I'm fluent in Na'vi, so I can't really say anything.

He was leaning against a table, sipping some kind of garden tea with a splash of whiskey. Odd-ball, like I said.

I wondered which question to ask first and where to start.

"Got something to say, Sam?"

My eyes snapped up to his, his tone had too much of an edge, so I had to lick away the taste of venom from my fangs.

The corner of his mouth pulled up. "You're not a calm person, are you?"

"I need to know something."

"About…"

I couldn't mess about now; I didn't care what I said or how I sounded or if it pissed him off.

"How did you know I was a vampire?"

A muscle in his jaw twitched but his face remained neutral. "You told me."

"And you accepted it straight away. Why?"

Over these fang-years, I was learning to read faces better. So I think the look on Alcide's face meant that he was trying to decide what to give away – whether he needed to say everything or nothing at all.

I suppose we were both lucky that he chose to just be straight with me, as he grunted and pulled out a chair to sit. "I'm not going to give you any personal shit so don't expect it."

"Whatever."

"Mike is the same thing as you."

In my defence, I've never met his godson, and we obviously never spoke about him. Even if I had met him, were there telltale signs of a vampire? I couldn't see my own reflection, so I didn't know what I looked like to others. I didn't know what people saw to be so attracted or repulsed by me.

Alcide's godson is a vampire?

"How come you never mentioned that?"

"You never asked."

I could have flipped out, but I think this was called progress. "So how many vampires are around?" His response was obvious as soon as he was about to say it. "I mean are there any other vampires around?"

"Not a lot."

"So just your godson..."

"And his friends."

I slid down into the couch. "Shit, is that all?"

Alcide shot me a confused look. "Well I don't know every vampire here, Sam. I'm saying there are five that I've seen."

My masculine urge seized me for a second. "Any girls?"

"No girls." He rolled his eyes.

By the way Alcide spoke about him; I could tell that his godson was sort of a big shot.

After a few long seconds of silence, I spoke again. "It's been two years."

"Yeah, Sam, so you keep saying."

"And I, uh, don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Kill people and sleep around?"

"No, Alcide, I mean I don't know what to do now -"

He interrupted with, "Just keep doing what you're doing."

"No, I really don't know what to do, in the future."

It looked like he was thinking for a second. "Take up dancing." My fangs grated against my teeth. "Or start up a vampire business."

"Alcide, stop doing that. You don't fucking get it, you don't get shit." Without realising I had sprinted to the other side of the room, my hand gripping the tarnishing door knob, and it was bending beneath the touch of my fingers. Alcide's head whipped around for a second, looking for me. He didn't move when his eyes locked onto mine.

"What's wrong?" His voice was so cool, it infuriated me. My anger is what made me let go of the handle, somehow. "Sam, I'm trying to…what is it you want from me?"

I couldn't admit it to myself all this time. "I need help, Al."

"I know." There wasn't the same frustrated tone in his words now – he was being real. "I don't know vampire habits, Sam. You're kinda right, I don't know shit." He was being honest and calm, but now I realised that his voice was just a permanent growl. "But I do know you. You might not want to accept that but I don't really care." I moved, at a normal pace, to the table to stand opposite him. "You feel alone, and you don't like it. You need to do something about it."

"No shit, Sherlock." But the first part of what he said, about being alone, was true.

He shook his head. "Hm. I wonder why you didn't drink from that girl last night."

"No. I've drank from people without killing them before. I've slept with girls without killing them."

"Do you usually spend so much quality time with all of your drinks like yesterday? Do you usually feel 'different' after screwing them?"

I didn't say anything for a while, just stared him down. "I don't like her."

"I believe you."

He didn't sound like he did. "This was a waste of time."

I heard him shift before his heavy feet carried him round the table. Anticipating this, I shifted too. We faced each other with a wide berth between us.

The provoking tone was right back into his words. "Do you want me to tell you why you feel stuck?"

"Yeah, help me out."

"All you do is run back and forth like a lost dog. All you ever do is fuck girls and drink and kill. That's it. You just do all the bad stuff that you probably wanted to when you were human." He crossed his massive arms over his massive chest, and his voice started to rumble. This was how he acted when he gave drunks or misbehaving dickheads a warning. "You fucking swear all the time, just because no one will say anything about it. And you treat people like they're just insects on the ground. You just need to toughen the fuck up a bit, Sammy."

I was hearing every word he was saying. I was ignoring his tone. And I was accepting his point. I didn't care about what I've done or how I've acted but I did want to do something about it right now to make my vampire life more bearable, and still exciting.

Becoming a vampire gave me the chance to abandon all my old ideas and rules – I wasn't human anymore.

Everything was new and open to me: it just didn't mean I was ready to consider why I kept looking at Alcide's mouth, why I wanted to stand sort of closer to him.. I hated noticing his strong arms and chest and legs, how ripped he was and how his skin was naturally tanned.

I hoped to fuck that this was just a temporary vampire symptom.

"You need a little vampire friend. Maybe a couple."

"Like your godson?"
"No. I don't know him that well, you know. You need to go to places, meet some new people."

"I can't -"

"You fucking can. But, obviously, you need to stop biting them and sleeping with them, first."

"I can't hang with humans, Alcide."

"You count humans as vampire friends?"

I was silent, because I didn't actually know what the hell he was talking about.

"Find yourself another vampire."

And I heard what else he was trying to say. Make a vampire for yourself.

Although it only felt like two weeks, in the past two years, I've never thought about anyone else apart from myself. It didn't cross my mind that I'd want a friend to do things with.

"How am I supposed to find another one?"

"Mike. He owns some other clubs, and I think one of them has a lot of fangs in there."

"Yeah?"

"Maybe you could branch out."

"On my own?"

"Well, find someone. Take that girl you're with, you didn't tell me her name." He shrugged into his navy coat, put down his glass in the sink and looked into a small mirror to comb his fingers through his brown hair.

"I get you, even if does sound like bullshit. Where should I start?"

"I'm not sure. Go to see her again. Or go home. Maybe then you'll know what you need to do. Call me, and I'll talk to Mike."

"Uh, yeah. Sure."

"Are you hanging around here?"

"I don't know." I still didn't know anything. "Thinking about it, you haven't fucking helped me at all. Not right for right now, anyway."

"Not for right now," he repeated. He pulled the door open, and turned back to say "come back here Tuesday, alright?"

"Whatever."

"See you later."

The air whipped around me, and Alcide was one black spot in my vision as I sprinted past him. I was outside now, standing behind the club in a cramped passageway. It didn't take long to figure out what I wanted to do right now.

Maybe Alcide had a point

That was it: I needed to see my dad. Maybe I'd go see my mum too, if I was sure I wouldn't end up ripping her throat out.

I knew I had to see Mercedes, though I didn't know why.

My dad was first, though. It would be the middle of the night by the time I got there, kinda late to stop by even if he wasn't sleeping.

But I would try anyway.

Yes, and then I will intrude back into Mercedes's life for one more night.

23:34

I ran on as many empty streets and rooftops and canal ways and alleys as possible to get back to my car. The speed I used to run to Birmingham yesterday was what I doubled now – so I knew for sure that I couldn't be seen by human eyes.

My dad had moved to Wolverhampton a little while before I vamped away. He hadn't seen me since I turned, but I stopped by the house a few times; for no actual purpose.

I had thrown in the remaining four packs of blood into the passenger side, and I drank each one as I drove. It just wasn't as satisfying as drinking it fresh from a hot, human body. Nothing was as good as that; it was more than a million times better than drinking it from medical plastic.

But there was something utterly and completely wrong about feeding off someone before seeing my dad.

I tore down the motorway, straight towards him.

Sunday

01:30

Stupid, damn, fucking karma – it caught up with me already, too quickly. Now, I knew why the world wasn't on my side. I knew why my dad's about to die: because I'm getting everything I've given out.

I had pulled up a few houses away. There were three signs that told me my dad wasn't there: the lone light switched on in the front room, the front door left ajar and the absence of my father's smell replaced by an unfamiliar human scent of antiseptic and of fresh water and old blood. It was repulsing.

Actually, there were four signs – the white car parked in the drive. It had the words Bright Hospice stencilled on the doors.

The house went completely dim. When I was about to drive and head towards the hospice, a woman stepped out of my dad's house holding a white plastic box, and double locked the door. I remembered that I didn't know where this hospice was. I felt my fangs extend, but I didn't want to drink from her. This was the first time I've been scared since I had turned into a vampire and being scared meant I needed to be on guard.

Swinging out of the car, I slammed the door shut to catch her attention. She looked towards me.

She was trying to remain calm and polite, but I saw the keys and the box tighten beneath her grip. My distracted mind meant I didn't try to look less dangerous, so I spoke to calm her. "Where's my dad?"

The woman was pretty, and looked Hispanic or Asian.. "Sorry?" She relaxed a bit.

I knew my teeth had blunted again, I could feel them. I gestured towards the house. "My dad. Dwight."

Her wide eyes softened, and I saw tears prick her eyes.

Can I cry? Can vampires cry?

"You're Sam?"

I nodded.

"My name's Luna. Um, I'm your father's nurse. Well, one of them." I. Am. Those small words held my composure, my hope. She extended her hand out towards me.

I touched the sleeve of her thick grey hoodie instead, and looked right at her. "Why are you crying?" I withdrew my hand, as one tear streamed down her skin.

"He mentioned you, just as I left."

"What's wrong with him?"

Both of her hands held the box now. "You should go to see him."

"I won't be able to come back until tomorrow night."

"Visit him now."

"It's too late to visit." When I said the words, I knew she meant that he might be gone by tomorrow. I nearly choked on the thought. "Really?" It was her turn to nod. "I don't know where it is. Will you direct me if I drive your car?" I gazed at her, looking into her eyes as I asked. Yeah, I was using my glamour in case she said no.

"Of course." I took my father's box from her, placed it on the back seat and slid into the driver's side. She would take too long to drive, and I couldn't really drive her back in my car, in the daytime.

She got in, and our only conversation at first was her instructions to turn left or right.

At one point, we travelled down a straight road, and she asked me when the last time I saw my dad was. I answered with the question I asked earlier: "what's wrong with him?"

She brushed tangled wisps of hair back towards her ponytail. "He has an aggressive form of cancer. Of the lungs." It was obvious she had said this many times.

"When?"

"He was diagnosed in early November last year, and came to the hospice in August. The garden was blooming like crazy, it brightened the whole place." I didn't care how sunny it was or how happy everyone felt. Nothing's happy about that building, in my mind. "The next two lefts and we're there," she said.

"If he's been on his own this entire time, no wonder he gave up."

Her eyes flashed in the passing lights. "Although your mother hardly visited, he has many friends. He was never been alone for long. And gave up? No, he said he was fighting the fight."

"That's a stupid thing to say."

I could hear her fingernails scratch against the plastic box. "I want to ask you something, and you can tell me if I'm out of order…"

"What?"

Luna cleared her throat, before asking me why I couldn't be contacted, why I never came back.

"Those are two different questions. Which one do you want me to answer?"

And neither of us spoke again until we reached the Bright Hospice.

01:46

The hospice was comfortable and small, made of two other squat buildings joined to the main semi-circle.

It was a big deception, really – this wasn't home, and there was nothing comfortable about waiting to die.

And there was nothing comfortable or bright about the senior nurse, Sue, either. Even the name and her hard, lined face just made me want to turn away.

But my dad was inside, so using a glamour with her would take no longer than a second.

Her wrinkled mouth opened to say, "Luna, I don't even want to hear an explanation." She gestured behind the desk.

I was expecting Luna to hurry along. "He's here for his dad, Dwight Evans."

That slowed Sue for only one moment. "I wish -"

As cautiously as I could, I walked up to the desk and donned a glamour. "I need to see my dad, right now. Don't blame Luna for this." In fact, if it wasn't for Luna, I would have forcefully used a glamour for Sue – maybe with my hand around her throat.

"Luna," she said, too calmly, "could you -"

"Nurse Sue!"

She blinked, and hurried down the hall. I followed after her, and I heard Luna's footsteps too.

One other nurse stood at my dad's side.

It was only then that I worried if my sudden presence would shock him, and kill him off.

"Dwight was asking for you." A small, thin man spoke.

Dad. There he was, lying in the bed. He was dangerously thin, and his once flushed skin was now sunken and pale. His greying hair was just prickles on his head.

When he saw me, though, life flooded his eyes, and his chest grew stronger. There was nothing weak about his smile.

Luna was correct with her implications, that my father needed to see me and he was hoping I'd come. The male carer was wrong; he wasn't really calling for Sue. My dad's eyebrows lifted; it was what he did when expecting an explanation. I guess he was wondering why I looked so supernatural, with my very sharp-looking teeth.

My heart was dead, just a lump of cold dead cells. But if I could only ever feel it beat once in my vampire life, it would have beat then; the first time making eye contact with my dad in two years.

He took in a breath, about to speak. The painful ache inside me was being soothed by the balm of my dad's unspoken happiness at seeing me. I strode over to his sid.

Then his eyes closed. He didn't speak when I got to him. My dad's chest didn't rise or fall again. He was as dead as I was – but his death was peaceful, human and perfect.

I was just the opposite: monstrous.

"Sam," Luna whispered. She wasn't comforting me, she was talking to me. I met her eyes, and she handed me the plastic box. "It's for you, from your dad."

I took the box from her, holding it under my arm. He was gone. He didn't really have a son since I left him and now, I have no dad.

I kissed his warm hand, the only gesture I felt I was entitled to, before backing out of the room and the building.

There was no care in me right now, so I ran at my unnatural speed back to the car. I knew my dad's road and remembered Luna's directions.

Carefully, I placed the box on the back seat of my car.

I wanted to cry and scream and rip someone's fucking throat out – just because they didn't die, and my father did.

I wanted to die, if it meant Dad got to stay alive another hour. The only reason I couldn't shed tears was because I was a damn vampire..

The absence of tears clawed me from the inside. My ears were ringing, my fangs were piercing the inside of my lip and the surge of venom made everything in the world awful and bitter. The pain was tearing me, and I wanted to yank out my frozen heart. Maybe the emptiness would be better than the angry grief circling me.

Now I'm a fatherless, stupid, vampire boy. A cruel imperfection in the world.

Dad, come back, please, I'll go if you stay.

It was too early in the night to go to sleep; there was not the tiniest bit of light in the sky.

It was too late in the night to go back to London, to spend time there and make it back home.

The urge to go back was too strong.

And I didn't care.

Forget the time.

Screw the sun.

Fuck the risk and idiocy of what I wanted to do.

I wanted to leave the pain and grief here, at the Bright Hospice.

Dismiss any remaining humanness, because that's what made me come back to watch my dad die. It's what makes me want to scream and sob and destroy myself. But I'm not allowed to do those things.

I will ignore the world.

I don't care anymore. Not about anyone.

So, that's not true. I just don't care about what I do or what I feel because I don't care what happens to me.

02:18

The air and earth shot me along the motorway like a bullet from a gun. The easiness of the run was killing me because my thoughts were still torturing me.

The thoughts and pain were silently killing me on the inside.

Fuck it, though. I will get to spend the remaining hours of my life with a girl I am attracted to. I saw, with my own extra-sensitive eyes, that my dad was glad to see my face, no matter how much it had changed.

Mercedes' house was fresh in my head, so I knew where to go when the lights of London crashed over me.

Being hungry around Mercedes…could I trust myself?

No, I knew what I was doing; I was hiding the sadness clawing me from the inside with an my thirst for blood.

Blood wasn't the reason why I was here. Not technically.

For those who don't know, Na'vi is the language spoken by the blue people in Avatar. Sam's a hardcore fan. I don't own any of that, btw.

Had to create a little tragedy before Samcedes finally come in - in chapter 5. So, if you read it, review it please. Would like some help with it =]