Cassie had enough with wondering. That was all she did lately, ask questions and hope to find an answer. Well she didn't want to search anymore she just wanted answers. As she marched over to Jakes house she replayed her entire conversation with Diana. There had been so much tension and uncertainty surrounding the circle ever since she arrived. It was driving her insane. She knew there were things she would learn about over time like her dark magic and her father, but she could at least know where she stood with everyone, particularly Jake. As she got to the front door she thought Jake would have to start keeping his door locked with the amount of unexpected visits she had been making lately. None the less she walked inside and up the stairs until she reached his room. Her adrenaline pumping through her body ready to declare everything she'd been hiding from him, she flung the door open.
"Cassie?" he questioned. "What's wrong?" he looked startled.
Before she could even comprehend what she was doing she launched into the dozens of things she'd rehearsed saying to him over and over in her head. "Why did you leave?" she asked. "I told you how I felt. I was honest. I said that there was something here, that I wanted there to be something here. I talked about you with Diana, I dealt with the hell of Faye, I shut down Adam time and time again because of you. And then you just left?" she starred at him, he looked pained, like he didn't know where to begin so she decided to keep going. "I turned down Adam time and time again for you, and then out of no where you're back and you've given me everything I've ever wanted to know for my entire life," she swallowed refusing not to let him see her even close to tears. "And I hate you for it because I hate you for all the things you've done. And all I want to do is be mad at you and never speak to you again." She laughed at herself slightly loosing her composure as she threw her arms in the air, "but here I am. In your room again, trying to figure out how I'm supposed to be able to not want anything more than to just give in to everything we had before." She stopped slowly realizing all of the things she just said. Her mind was willing her to turn around walk right out the door and force herself to never think about Jake Armstrong again. But as she starred at his face, so sad, so lost, so confused she found she was unable to move from the spot she was standing.
"Cassie," he closed his eyes and took one small step towards her. She couldn't get over the look on his face. It was the same look she hadn't been able to turn away from as the boat sailed away, the night everything went wrong. "You have no idea, how much I regret everything I've done in my life. I spent so long being tortured by the idea that magic could be so consuming it could destroy so many peoples lives. I spent forever hating myself, what I thought I could be. What I thought would be inevitably. And then Nick died and it was like any shred of compassion I had in me just drained." He ran his fingers through his hair and for once Cassie saw that there was no trace of his usual confidence on his face. Instead it was just desperation. "Being a witch hunter was the only thing that gave me a purpose. A reason to live." Cassie swallowed starring at him. She was at a complete loss for words this time. No part of her was screaming at her to say something. She just starred at him until he continued. Ever so slightly a smile formed at his lips, "but then I met you. And it was like you just knew. Knew that I was so lost in trying to be everything I refused to allow myself to become that somewhere along the way I lost sight of any of the things I had ever known." He smiled at her again, "do you remember what you said at the wake after Adam and I fought? About finding something?" He starred at her with those eyes, he was so young but they already had so much pain in them she thought. He looked at her for a minute, "Well I did Cassie," he said slowly ever so slightly nodding his head as he defined his words. "I found you."
Cassie starred at him haunted by how easily she had always been able to tell him things. Everything he had just told her was so honest. She could tell just by the way he spoke he had never opened up to anyone like that, let alone a girl. She found herself again torn, part of her wanting to take the few strides needed to connect with him and pick up exactly where they had left off the night of the gala. The other part of her was so overwhelmed and bewildered she needed time and space to think. "Jake," she began.
"You don't have to say anything Cassie," he looked at the floor continuing. "I get it, there are certain things that just can't be forgiven. And certain things you just can't help." He looked at her and for the first time she was confused. What was he talking about? "Your without a doubt the most beautiful person I've ever known Cassie," he starred at her and she couldn't help but notice that his voice seemed to be caught in his throat. "And Adam," he continued looking at her, "is a much more honorable person than I will ever be." At this he turned around and faced the wall. Cassie realized he was referring to the kiss he saw. She didn't know what to do. How could she tell him that there was nothing there with Adam, but that didn't necessarily mean that there was something there for them. She stepped forward and reached her arm around his body and placed her hand on his chest and her head on his back. "What you saw with Adam," she began glad not to be looking at his face for this part of the conversation. "We had to know what was between us. If there was any truth to this written in the stars idea." She swallowed realizing none of this was probably helpful. "But there was a lot of reasons why we both decided that isn't something that needs to be determined right now." She pulled him around so he could see the sincerity in her face as she said this. "And a big part of that was because of you." She finished. He was starring at her now with longing instead of pain. Ever fiber in her being was telling her to close the space between them. But the foolish side of her remembered the last time she had kissed him without warning and he had pulled away. Breaking her from her thoughts Jake ever so gradually reached his hand to her face and she couldn't help but to allow herself to fall into his touch.
"Cassie," he whispered, "please do not misinterpret what I'm about to say." She swallowed fearing the words that could come out of his mouth. "You know what I want." He said starring at her as if looking straight into her soul to see if he could determine if she wanted the same. "I came back for you. And I'll always be here for you." His mouth stretched slightly up his face in a screwed position, like he was fighting the words he was about to say. "But you, you have to decide if that's what you want. I can't choose for you." He choked out stroking her cheek. She starred up at his perfect face. Even though she was sure she would instantly feel better if she were to collapse in his arms and remain there, she knew he was right. Finally unable to will herself any longer she felt the hot prickle of silent tears fall down her face.
Reaching up and gripping his face she whispered to him, "I forgave you the second you left Jake." She looked at up at him, "Whether I wanted to or not the minute you were out of my sight I wanted you to come back." She smiled sadly. "But you're right," she whispered up at him. "I want to be fair to you, and to myself, and to us." She said slowly. "Because despite anything you might think you are a good person Jake. And you deserve to be with someone who can commit in everyway to you." She said becoming more and more emotional with each word. Jake was wiping away all the tears pouring down her face. At each movement she only got more and more upset with herself.
Jake wrapped his arms around her shoulders rubbing her back. "Shh Cassie stop its alright." He whispered. "It's not like your never going to see me again." He soothed. She silently cried into his chest thankful for the reassurance this time he wouldn't be going anywhere. He backed away from her slowly keeping his arms loosely wrapped around her. "I'll be right here waiting." He smiled at her, his eyes full of something she'd never seen in them, hope.
She wiped her face and gained her composure attempting to regain her strength. She placed both her hands on his chest and leaned her head forward for a minute. Then all too quickly looked up at him, "I won't keep you waiting long." She promised.
Jake smiled at her and slowly bent is head down to kiss her forehead. "Take as long as you want," he muttered against her skin. Pulling back and looking into her eyes he smiled slowly releasing her from his grasp. "I'll be here." He concluded looking at her.
She starred at him amazed by everything he'd said to her tonight. She hadn't expected to get this much out of him. She smiled at him releasing his hands and slowly turning around she walked out the door. Turning back once, "Jake?" she questioned.
He looked at her dazily, "Yea?" He answered.
She smiled at him, "thank you."
He looked back at her in confusion, "Don't you get it yet?" he asked. "I'm the one whose thankful." He starred. "You saved me Cassie."
"I know," she replied slowly, "but you saved me too." She finished starring at him. This time turning and walking down the stairs and out of Jakes house into the fresh air. Slowly she breathed in and smiled. Realizing for the first time something she'd never known before. How can Adam be my destiny when Jake makes me feel like that? Her relationship with Jake no longer had to do with Adam, but only with herself. Walking home she knew there was one thing she was sure of after tonight. Yes, she could absolutely trust Jake the way she had before. Now all she needed to decide was if she was ready to.
Wow! Thank you so much to all of the beautiful reviews! I appreciate each and every one of them. Quickly a few things. A few reviews have wondered why there isn't as much about the magic or Cassie's father in the story yet. Firstly, because as I've mentioned before I do not have a plan for this story I am writing as I go, and to properly incorporate some of those storylines I need to do some planning to keep things making sense. Secondly, yes I'm sure as I continue magical elements will become a larger part. However, my main focus is to write about the relationships within the circle. In up coming chapters I promise there will be much more about the other members of the circle. I'd also like to just clarify that this story is in no way sticking to the episodes as anyone who reads spoilers will know. Also I had one pm who thought that the story had the potential to be evolving into a Cassie/Adam pairing. Absolutely not. Without offending anyone, I personally am not at all a fan of either characters together and their interactions will be very limited. Eventually however, the story will evolve to include Adam and Diana, likely as a couple. Sorry for the long message but I just wanted to clear things up before I continued! Thanks again so much for all the reviews, any feedback is appreciated. Until next time, xo.