A/N: I will try to get another one or two chapters up during the next two days. There won't be any updates after that until end of next week as I will be out of the country. ^_^ Well, do enjoy this chapter. I have to admit that I rushed this out, so it may not be exactly that great. Sorry. =.=

Chapter 4: Silent Breaking

Iruka slammed the door shut and leaned against it, as he tried to get his ragging breath under control.

He clutched his chest, as the ability to stay breathing seems to elude him. The pain was overwhelming and there was nothing he could do to alleviate it.

His mind was in turmoil. He couldn't even begin to comprehend just what had happened. The only thing he knew was that one moment, he had been at Mizuki's house, ready to head for home and the next, he was pinned to the ground, listening to his friend's confession and the kiss after that had shocked him out of his senses.

He couldn't even remember how he had freed himself from the bruising hold Mizuki had held him in, or how he had gotten home. The only thing running through his mind was the kiss, almost tender and hesitant at first, before it grew wilder, more demanding.

Tears rolled down his cheeks as fear and grief gripped him. He felt the guilt hit him square in the chest as the events came crashing through his mind.

He had almost succumbed to the tempting offer. Had almost accepted Mizuki out of a desperate attempt to get his thoughts away from Kakashi. He had almost given in to the proposition in order to curb the pain that threatens to engulf him every time Kakashi comes close to him, but could never offer the intimacy that Iruka longs for.

He had almost allowed himself to dishonour his feelings for the copy nin and tried to take the easy way out.

But at the last moment, just as things had gotten heated, and one of Mizuki's free hands had been roaming his body, Iruka's sensibility had hit him hard and images of Kakashi had came crashing through.

He remembered the warm smiles, the soft tone of encouragements, the affectionate little gestures and the care and concern that the older man often emanates. Every little thing that Kakashi had ever done for him had rang so clear that it was screaming out a warning to him that he can't just seek out another solace if he still wants to be worthy of Kakashi's concern.

Even though the jounin knew nothing of his affections, Iruka knows he will never be able to forgive himself if he allows his feelings for Kakashi to be trampled on by such a flippant confession.

Iruka drew his knees up to his chest and buried his face in between them, crying brokenly.

He had almost caused irreparable hurts to so many people because of his moment of folly. He could have hurt Mizuki, knowing he will never love the chunin or even give his heart wholly to him. He could have hurt Tsubaki, who had considered him a friend and yet, he had almost torn her and Mizuki apart. He could have hurt himself, knowing that he was living in a delusion, a lie that he had woven himself. And most of all, he could hurt Kakashi, if he ever comes to the knowledge that his concern for Iruka had been for nothing.

He pressed the back of his hand to his eyes as the hot tears came spilling through. The wretched sobs tore from his throat as he condemned his own weakness, his own frivolousness and his unworthiness of the jounin's friendship. What had gotten into him that he could decide so casually at that moment in time to throw away whatever he has for Kakashi?

Perhaps the heavens had been right in not giving in to his desires. If he could be so flippant about his feelings, then he really does not deserve to have Kakashi return anything.

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Kakashi stood outside the door in stunned silence. Did he really hear the sobs that were coming through that thick wooden door?

Ha masked his chakra and stepped closer, leaning against the door.

There was no mistaking it. He had heard those whimpering too many times during his younger years to not recognise it.

He felt his heart clenched. Had something happened to Iruka? What had gotten him so upset? As far as he knew, the chunin hadn't shed a tear in the last few years. Iruka had grown stronger, physically and emotionally. He couldn't quite comprehend what it was that had tore the chunin apart and made him bawl like the ten-year-old so many years ago.

He stared at the door, knowing that Iruka is no longer the kid that he knew and would definitely not be in favour of the idea of having the copy nin sees him in his moment of weakness. But Kakashi knew he couldn't leave the chunin to just break like this.

Torn between his own dilemmas, Kakashi raked his hand through his hair in frustration as he contemplated his options. When another broken wail tore into the silence, the jounin clenched his fist and steeled himself for a moment. Then he raised his hand and knocked lightly.

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Iruka froze when he heard the knocking on the door and the familiar voice after that.

"Iruka."

There was a momentary silence. He held back the sobs in his throat, trying to mask his presence, hoping that the older man would leave him alone if he got no response in return.

"Open the door, Iruka."

He shook his head desperately and his frame trembled. He couldn't bear it. Couldn't bear having Kakashi so close now. He would lose it. He knew he would.

He swallowed hard and tried to keep his voice composed as he spoke pass the agony lodged in his throat. "Leave me alone, senpai."

He could feel the spike in chakra in the other man. Kakashi was getting frustrated. He buried his face in his arms, trying to block out the voice of the jounin. He heard an audible sigh and Kakashi spoke in a soft, placating voice.

"What is it, Iruka? Open the door and we can talk."

The concern amplified the pain in his heart. He didn't deserve them. Didn't deserve the soothing words, or the affection that Kakashi gives him. "Just leave me, senpai. I'm not worthy of your time."

He knew it wasn't like him to put himself down. But right now, all he wanted was to be left alone, to wallow in his own misery and push his emotions back to the furthest of his mind before anyone else find out.

"Iruka, if you don't open the door, I'm going to break it down."

Iruka bit his lips as the tears rolled down his eyes. Why did Kakashi have to make it so difficult for him? So difficult for him to forget, to let go. A harsh sob hitched from his throat and his heart clenched tighter the worry in the jounin's voice became evident as he called out for the younger man.

He stood shakily from his position by the door and hesitated. He knew Kakashi will not leave just like that. Taking a deep breath, he unlocked the door and left it to swing open as he turned towards the direction of his bedroom.

He could feel Kakashi's eye on him as the older man stepped into the apartment, watching his slumped posture and the out of character defeated look.

Kakashi studied his friend quietly; unsure of what turn of events had led to the chunin's state of dejection. He closed the door behind him and strode purposefully towards the younger man. He stopped a few steps behind him and raked his hand through his hair in frustration.

"What's wrong, Iruka?"

The chunin did not say anything. He merely shook his head in response as he placed his hand on the door knob, ready to enter the room.

His eyes widened when a pale hand enclosed over his own, halting all movements. He immediately jerked away and took two steps back, eyeing the older man uncertainly before averting his gaze quickly.

But Kakashi had caught the lost look on his face. Saw the red-rimmed eyes and the tear-streaked cheeks. The jounin stepped forward and held his shoulder in a firm but gentle grip.

"What happened, Iruka? What got you so upset?"

Iruka reached up a hand, pushing weakly at the older man's, trying to free himself from the grasp. He couldn't stand having the person who had stolen his heart unknowingly being in such close proximity with him. He wouldn't be able to hold back and he would break completely.

"It's nothing. Nothing worth worrying."

"I don't think so." Kakashi's eye narrowed at the chunin's futile attempts in trying to push him off. He could feel the edge in the younger man and the irregularity in the chakra, signalling the level of stress that Iruka was under.

Finally, after a brief struggle, Iruka's shoulders slumped in defeat and he gave up any resistance. He pressed his palm over an eye as he shook his head. "I don't deserve this, senpai. I don't deserve having you so concerned about me."

Kakashi stared at him in bewilderment. "What Iruka? What are you talking about?"

The younger man's control broke and he went slack in the copy nin's grip, as the tortured sobs tore from his throat. Kakashi was quick to react, pulling Iruka against him, to support his weight before the chunin crumbles to the floor.

"Iruka, please. I can't do anything if you don't tell me." The jounin said quietly as he rubbed Iruka's back soothingly. Then his eye darkened, as he remembered who the last person the chunin was with before this breakdown.

"Tell me, Iruka. Is it Mizuki? What did he say to you? Or did he do anything?"

Iruka shook his head as he pressed his face against the jounin's vest, letting the tears flow from his eyes. For a moment, he felt like the child again. The ten-year-old who sought comfort in the young ANBU's arms after the Kyuubi attack and who clung on to his silver-haired caretaker's shirt without reservations.

For a moment, he wished things had never changed.

Kakashi sighed as he held the distraught younger man. He wished there was something more he can do for Iruka, to soothe whatever hurts he is feeling. But he knew there's only so much he can do and there are certain boundaries that he should never cross.

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Iruka turned slightly in his bed as he tried to open his eyes, only to realise something was placed over them. Reaching up, he came in contact with a cold towel. He fumbled for a moment as he slowly removed the cloth, trying not to drop the ice pack that was wrapped inside it. He blinked a few times as his eyes opened and he tried to adjust to the darkness in the room.

He shifted slightly and looked out of the window. It was night. He sat up in his bed as he shook his head, trying to clear it. The clock at the bedside table read eight in the evening.

The events earlier on in the day came crashing through and he felt a lump rising up in his throat. He buried his face in his hands as he tried to keep the thoughts out of his mind and his emotions at bay.

He had no idea when he had fallen asleep. But the fatigue from the mental stress had been enough to wear him down. The only thing he remembered last was the warm body of Kakashi and the soothing words as the jounin tried to calm him down.

He studied the room quietly and noted that the jounin was nowhere in sight. But as he reached over to flick the bedside lamp on, he found a note neatly placed beside it. Picking it up, he scanned through the message quickly and a small smile found its way to his lips as he read the short note from Kakashi telling him that he had gone to pick up dinner and would be back shortly.

He sighed and placed the paper back where he had found it and shifted himself out of bed. He had gotten the older man worried earlier on and he didn't want to put any more stress on Kakashi. It would be best for him to just put that usual cheerful smile back in place to let the jounin know that he was alright. Would be alright. And that what happened earlier on was just an unusual case of breakdown from stress.

It would be fine. He knew it. As long as he can carry on with the act, Kakashi won't have to find out anything.

=-=-=-=

Kakashi gave the ramen stall owner a wave as he picked up his take-outs. He stepped out away from the counter, heading for Iruka's home. As he turned the corner, he spotted Mizuki walking a distance ahead of him. He frowned darkly as his single eye followed the path of the other man.

Glancing around, he decided on his path of travel and quietly, he leapt up onto a nearby roof and sped on ahead.

=-=-=-=

Mizuki shoved his hands into his pocket as he trudged down the road, his fists clenched in anger. He just couldn't understand it. He knew he was good enough for Iruka. In the last few years since they had been friends, he had worked hard to gain the younger man's trust. Why couldn't Iruka just give them a chance to try out their relationship?

His eyes darkened as he recalled how in a moment of daze, Iruka had muttered Kakashi's name, and how the younger chunin had pushed him off and bolted out of his apartment shortly after.

He seethed, silently contemplating on thoughts of how to break up the friendship between Iruka and Kakashi. The two were getting too close for his liking and it is interfering with his plans of making Iruka his.

He did not notice the silent figure approaching him; neither did he note the killing intent that the other person was unleashing.

That is until he is a mere three steps away.

"Mizuki-san."

The chunin startled a little before regaining his composure quickly. His eyes narrowed visibly when he finally noticed the other man in front of him.

"Kakashi-san, how may I help you?" Mizuki managed to plaster a smile on his face.

The jounin snorted as he eyed the white-haired man. Finally, after a moment of silence, he returned his gaze to meet the eyes of the other man, his voice dangerously low as he spoke.

"If you are Iruka's friend, then treat him with respect. If I ever find out that your words or actions are causing him distress again, trust me. I will personally make you regret it." Kakashi turned around as he prepared to head off. "And rest assure that I keep to my every word."

Mizuki tensed as the words rolled out smoothly from the copy nin and each sentence was layered with a warning. Had Iruka told Kakashi what had went on that afternoon? He had thought Iruka would be too dazed to register anything. He gritted his teeth as he watched the jounin stalked off.

Kakashi is the barrier between him and Iruka. If he wants to win this game, he has to divert Iruka's attention from the jounin. And he will do whatever he can to succeed.

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