Sorry for the slight lateness of this chapter, but at least it is here ^^ This is the last, but definitely also the grandest. I am actually quite cruel to the cold, German males in this story, and where the last chapters concerned Gil and Roddy this goes for Vash. As you all waited for. And damn he is a tough nut to crack.
Disclaimer: Look in first chapter
Warnings: Look in first chapter
And finally I will once more remind you to give Malentia on Deviant Art credit for this as well. This sprouted from our RP, and the last part in this is the exact words and actions used in it copy-pasted into this story with me making sure it all continued to make sense and stay together with small sentenses in between. She is a part of this chapter, playing the role of Liechtenstein and Prussia.
Compared to the fact that two of the three people traveling were Hungary and Prussia the trip was peaceful. A few snarky remarks and some hits and grumbling, but there was no actual argument that could end in a fight involved. The both of them were considering the worried girl with them.
Said worried girl had spent the trip incredibly quiet, staring out the window of Prussia's very fast, overly expensive car. She felt the difference immediately after they passed the border to Switzerland – the familiarity and safety that tried to dull the pain. She just begged that her Bruder really did still want to keep her safe, and that he wanted to keep her as his family.
How they ever ended up as brother and sister she often wondered. He was so distant and different from her in the beginning, so how their bond could have grown she didn't understand. He was still different and distant, but she had picked up many of his ways and habits over time. It didn't answer her question, though… on the other hand, how couldn't you bond with a person who took care of every single one of your needs?
That only left the question of why he had even done that in the first place.
The car stopped in front of his house and for a moment all three of them waited, expecting the man to get out of the house, waving his rifle at them to scare them off. For a moment they waited, not worrying. It was only when all of them realized he wouldn't be coming that the other two really understood things might be more wrong than anticipated.
The first who got out after the first caution showed unnecessary was Liechtenstein, and she did so without waiting for the others. She moved towards the front of the house, to the place where they usually would eat, but stopped in her tracks right there. The dinner table… it was tumbled over. The food they had never eaten was scattered there, meat, vegetables and bread and pots, even the cheese, having been soaked through and cleaned by the falling rain. He had… he had…
He had never eaten. The food… He had left the food… how could he leave the food?!
Something clenched in her stomach, as though this was a bad omen, a sign of just how much she had hurt him. The other two had reached her now and gave the scene before them a look. They did not seem to understand the symbolism, though they could obviously see it was a sign of strong emotion – but it was anger, and anger no one doubted Switzerland felt.
Hungary moved on as the Prussian stood beside her, his head cocked to the side as he looked at the fallen table, the bird sitting atop his head. Then he turned his gaze to her, and sneakily he moved his hand into hers and dragged her on, feeling quite smug that he had managed to do it without her noticing. It did end, though, when they got closer and Liechtenstein came back to the present.
Then a blush spread over her face and she looked away, taking her hand to herself. The Prussian looked at the girl with a smile, and the slightest flush found his cheeks as he watched her.
Once more it didn't take long, for the door opened and they were met with a Switzerland. For a moment he simply looked at the Hungarian, his face blank and hard. She was one of the few he didn't really have to look upwards to look into the eyes, meeting her firm, green gaze with his own, sharp, deeper green, unblinking eyes.
No signs of tears told that he might have cried, making both of the older intruders keep their guards up high, a bit more suspicious of him. If anything he looked even more hostile than usually, the eyes a bit harder, his posture a little stiffer, the usual, cold aura more inhuman. "What do you want?" he asked, a slight sign of emptiness lingering in the tone. It made Hungary shiver, and unconsciously Prussia took a step forward to protect the girl. As if he'd attack without warning.
The man's movement, however, brought the Swiss' eyes to fall to the side, finding first the red ones. A flash of fury came over them, red and dangerous, and Prussia changed his stance slightly, knowing he didn't go under the 'I-have-to-keep-neutral-so-I-can't-hit-him' category. "We came here to talk," Hungary said, trying to regain the man's attention.
She didn't manage. Instead he looked even further on, finding Lily. The fury disappeared, yes, but his gaze didn't get any warmer. If anything, it grew colder, harder. "Not interested," he then said, the door suddenly falling shut in front of them as he closed it. Then the sound of a lock. There was a moment of total silence, a vague feeling of disbelief hovering in the air.
"What will we do now?" Prussia then questioned.
A hard look spread over the Hungarian's face then, stubbornness and anger growing. "No way in hell I'm letting him off that easily," she growled, lifted the dress a little with her hands as she positioned herself in front of the door and then found the balance on one leg. The kick hit. It looked as though the whole of the old house shivered.
"What the hell?!" a voice sounded from within, surprised and endlessly displeased.
But Prussia had picked it up, and a smirk spread on his face. "I agree with you, weird, freaky lady," he told the Hungarian and lifted his own foot as well, kicking hard right along with her. Utterly flabbergasted they would dare treat her Bruder's house like this Liechtenstein opened her mouth to protest, but neither of the two looked eager to listen. They didn't even have to count to lift their feet at the same time and slam them against the door together. It came perfectly natural.
"Stop that right now!" the voice within demanded. The door groaned deeply at the next kick. Not caring for the Liechtensteiner behind them or the Swiss within they kicked one more time. "I'll fucking shoo-" And then the door slammed down into the ground. The Swiss man stood inside, panting, looking furious and apparently had jumped back only just in time to not get hurt.
Yet the aura around him was still the same, and soon he had calmed down enough to simply stare at them with an expression that was a Nordic worthy. Cold, hard, with just the right amount of emptiness. It was far worse than his usual anger. "You owe me a new door," he said tonelessly.
This wasn't what Hungary had wanted to hear, and even if she had gotten to kick down a door she was still angry and more than ready to start a fight. So she jumped forward, grabbing the front of his uniform and pulled him nose to nose with herself, staring into his hard eyes. "Now you stop with your cold-assed-ness and invite us inside, you little shit! We have something to talk about!"
A handgun was pressed against the soft skin under her chin. She had yet to really threaten him, but she had nearly made physical contact enough to give him an excuse. The gun clicked, getting ready, and suddenly all the color faltered from her face. Not the determination, not the anger, but she felt a threat she hadn't felt before and now experienced something weird.
Her heart beat faster. Sweat began forming on her face. Her knees felt weak.
She was scared.
"Leave my house," the Swiss demanded, his voice toneless and cold. That emptiness was still filling him, the eyes and the voice, as she held on to his clothes. But even if she was scared she wasn't going to back down and she held on tighter, daring him to shoot and, deep down, knowing he would do it. But rather die fighting than flee back like a coward.
Had Prussia not interfered she would probably have been shot. The former nation's hand flew forward to hit away the hand holding the gun against her head, forcing it to the side. A shot sounded and the floor got a fine, new hole. Switzerland turned his head to give the Prussian the shortest look of anger, the only warning that he had just given the other an excuse to kill him off.
Like Hungary the Prussian refused to step back and he tightened his grip on the shooting arm. Then Switzerland moved, his free hand grabbing onto the one holding him. Within a second his arm was free and the other's caught and he wrenched it around, getting the man to nearly scream in pain as the shoulder was inches from popping out of its socket.
Hungary decided to move, still caught close to him and holding his shirt, and she lifted her knee to hit him where it'd hurt. The Swiss didn't let her, seeming to nearly detect her attack before she did herself, and he twisted his body around so his hip and shoulder pointed towards her rather than his chest. Prussia had to hold back a new howl, kicking for him. Instead of Hungary hitting him between the legs she passed by him by mere centimeters, and Prussia barely graced his shin.
Within a second Vash had realized that she had her leg lifted, his former action instinctual and unconscious but something he was internally grateful for as he knew she packed a punch. His mind told him that she was thereby off balance and he found a new action to do. In a swift movement he had put his one foot forward beneath the raised leg, still holding Prussia, and he sneaked it around the knee which supported her, forcing it to bent and her to fall.
Her hands didn't let go of him and his uniform, trying to drag him down with her. That he couldn't allow, for she knew it was her last chance – to keep him on the same level as her, not letting him get out on top. And so he put Prussia of good use, pulling him backwards and on top of the woman the very second he realized what she was about to do.
Blinded by the albino her hands finally loosened, and a loud groan of pain was heard from her when she hit the floor, burdened by his weight as well. Prussia whimpered, holding his hand to the wounded shoulder – the same that Hungary had tortured earlier, making it particularly bad.
It had all taken less than three seconds.
The woman managed to push the albino aside, though with trouble, and she was once more met with the gun. It wasn't pointed at her, though the target was still in too much pain from the little fight to notice. Prussia. The look in Switzerland's eyes was filled with murder, his breathing unsteady as he clenched a little tighter around his precious handgun.
"No, Bruder, please!" Lily hadn't moved from the doorway, standing just behind the fallen door, and her hands were pressed against her chest, clenching each other in fear. There were new tears in her eyes as she looked at him, begging him to stop. For a long moment he looked at her, with those cold, near empty eyes, his gun not wavering as Prussia realized what was going on. "P-please…"
The Swiss looked back down, his eyes filled with a strong emotion that one couldn't even call hate, before it changed. Gave away for something else, something shapeless… His lips moved, the first real movement of his face since they came in, and the movement brought the corners of his mouth downwards as he looked back up to stare at Lily…
It happened in a blur. Suddenly he was there, standing over them. The next moment he had turned and was marching down the hall, the flash of actual pain in his features clinging to the inner eyes of everyone left in the room. It seemed surreal, and the fact that they had only seen it in a tiny fraction of a second made it feel even more like a dream. But there was no mistaking it.
It was actual hurt. Actual pain. Real agony that had slipped past his mask in a second's weakness.
The door to his room had only just been slammed when Liechtenstein came running, her heart beating frightened and fast. Seeing him in person had for a second made her belief that he really had been crying falter for a moment due to his frozen state. He had been so cold.
Only it was a mask, and she was certain of it now. Bruder… her Bruder was hiding.
She skidded to a halt by his door. It was all her fault, the pain of her brother was all her fault, and now she had to fix it. Fix everything. Yet it felt wrong to intrude his room, as the whole house had seemed slightly strange to her after she arrived. It was certain that whatever she would find in there was more personal than anything Lily had been allowed to see of him before.
But she knew she had to. It was… necessary. So she opened the door, her eyes closed at first as she stepped inside. She didn't know what to expect, honestly, for everything could hide in there. The man could be loading his rifle, wanting to use that instead of the hand gun to kill the intruders, or he could be in the process of hanging himself. The truth was much less extreme than her fears.
At first she couldn't see him. When she opened her eyes he didn't reveal himself for her in some form of dangerous scene. The room seemed empty… "Leave." The voice was cracked, hoarse, and she noticed now the rugged breathing to her left, just beside the door. And so she turned.
While it was not nearly that extreme, this might just hurt more than most of what she had otherwise feared. Just three meters left of the door he sat, collapsed. He had caught himself and scrambled himself to sit, now holding his legs tightly against his chest as if to create a wall between himself and the world. His eyes were distant, staring into the nothingness.
There were still no tears on his cheeks. Neither in his eyes. But that didn't matter.
She could still see them. The tears that didn't fall physically fell from his soul, the look in his eyes one of sadness drenched with the small, vulnerable drops. The only thing keeping them from the physical world was the stubbornness also holding on to his face. Stubbornness also trying to rid the pain from him, hide it away. As though shedding those tears and showing that pain was lethal.
"Oh, Vash," she whispered, moving to him without a moment of hesitation. He didn't look at her – actually he didn't change position at all. The Swiss seemed frozen, like a statue, his eyes set deeply into the air in front of him. She positioned herself in front of him, crouching not unlike the way Prussia did for her not long ago. "I'm so…"
Her hand moved forward, making to touch his hair, get it out of his face. He let her do it, his eyes closing as he did. "I-I…" His mouth barely moved when he spoke. "I told you to… to leave." When he was like this his words could barely hurt her. The sadness he showed right now brought more pain that anything he had put her through in the last day. She… she just wanted him to be happy.
"I won't," she said, her voice soft as she moved her hand down to his knees, trying to get him to move them, to loosen his grip on them so she could lay them down. Trying to break down the wall.
As though her words were knives he flinched away as she spoke them, then shook his head in denial. It was clear he didn't believe her, and as she stared at his closed eyes she saw the water slowly form in the corners. Tears. "I-I told you to… to go away. Just… just go away." His fingers tightened around his knees, as though responding to her attempt at removing them.
Now tears formed in her eyes as well. But still it wasn't from what he said. Right now no words could hurt her as much as the sight in front of her did. "And I told you…" For a moment her voice shook, but she couldn't allow herself to be vulnerable. Not when her brother needed her. Letting go of his hands and knees she leaned forward beside him, and leaned over the wall. "I told you I wouldn't." And there she took her arms forward, around his body. She hugged him.
For a moment he was completely still. She felt a shiver go through his body then, and wondered if she had done something wrong. Finally his hands moved, and she waited to be pushed away, knowing he hated when people got too close to his person.
His hands got to her sides, sitting there for a moment, and she felt a slight press against her body, as if he would push her away any second. Another shiver got through his body, and he shook his head, as if fighting his own thoughts and mind, and grabbed her. Moved his arms around her chest, holding on to her like a lifeline. Still no tears fell. "I-I told you to leave," he whispered, but while his words were dismissive his body seemed to never want to let go ever again.
"Please let me stay. I love you, Bruder. I love you." The words passed her lips so easily, for she knew it was true. She loved him. Loved him so much. He had saved her and changed her and protected her. He was her big brother, the man who would die for her – and she would die for.
"I-if it makes you feel better I will do anything… anything you say. Just let me stay with you and make you happy… I want to see you smile. You are… you are my brother, and I don't want to leave." Tears came into her eyes, but her voice didn't become weaker. She had to be strong. Her brother was vulnerable, so she had to be strong.
"I really, truly love you, Bruder."
The tears fell from her eyes then, trickling silently down her cheeks as she held him. Once more he shivered, and she felt his head snap to the side in half a denying shake. But she just held him, begging that he would understand how she meant everything. And still his arms were around her, holding her as though she would disappear into sand in a moment. "… I don't want you to…"
Her eyes closed, and he shivered again. "You asked me if I liked him… loved him… I don't know. But I know I love you. I want to stay with you. Forever, if you let me. Even if I do love him, Vash… I will always choose you over him."
It was as if she was saying the wrong things. He still held her dearly and nearly painfully, but the more she said the further away he was leaning from her. "I… I don't understand you, Bruder…" she whispered honestly, holding him and slowly rocking him, ignoring his legs between them. "Please speak to me… so I can understand. Tell me what you think." Her fingers moved over his hair, trying to give him comfort.
The man she held only shook his head again and tried to lean away while he held her tighter, making her so very sad. She didn't understand his actions, but she knew that he was suffering, and that the emotions he felt had to be contradictory. She was trying to find something to tell him, something that could prove she was honest. All her mind could give her was her earlier conversation with Austria… when they spoke of him…
Austria hadn't said much. He really hadn't. "I don't know what Mr. Austria did to your, Vash…" But what he had said slowly began making sense to her. For the simple mention of his name made the Swiss flinch violently. "I don't know how he hurt you…" As she spoke she realized she was slowly beginning to understand… if anything, then at least a little bit. "I won't hurt you. Please… we are not the same. Don't think we are. Please don't compare us." He was her father, but not her.
His body squirmed in her arms, twisting slightly. His fingers dug into her back, causing pain, but she couldn't care. Under her his lips were quivering, but as she held him she couldn't see it. And then she felt his body shutter and a choked sound followed it, revealing it as a sob. "I-I can't…"
Finally he voiced something able to hurt her and her eyes fell a bit, somehow saddened by his revelation. Yet she could… she could manage. She wanted to manage. If it could make him happy she could manage being a replacement of another person. "Then… I don't mind." She closed her eyes, stroking his hair again. "I have lived so many places… with Prussia when Germany was still small… and with Austria and Hungary… But they weren't home. This is home."
Her eyes moved around the house, but she realized… it felt foreign. And then she understood she had just told him a lie. "No… No, Vash… You are my home." Without you I'm homeless. "I want to stay with you. It hurts not to stay with you."
The man beneath her seemed to only be in even more pain as she spoke, and she had no idea just what she did wrong. His breathing got even more troubled and she was ready to feel the fabric of her dress go damp… but it didn't. That was not what happened. Vash didn't cry – he refused to.
And suddenly his hands stopped holding her, stopped pressing her into him as if losing her would break him. He pushed her away instead, making her disappear from him. "We can't." His voice was empty again, cold. Even if he still seemed affected the signs of pain were disappearing, slowly getting buried once more. "I don't want it."
Compared to Austria and Prussia… Vash was hard to crack open. Maybe even impossible. He looked at her again, for just a moment, looking at her with eyes slowly losing their humanity. And then he turned away, two single tears actually falling then as the last proof he had even been affected by her words and confessions.
He disappeared so suddenly, his warm body leaving only cold behind. Spreading cold that went into her heart, a cold fueled by the words he had just said. It hurt… so much… he didn't want it? For a moment she felt hopeless, nearly unable to believe things would ever work out again.
But when she turned and saw those single tears getting dried away her hopelessness changed into anger. He was a hard one to crack, his shell deep and as effective as his self-defense – for it was a part of that self-defense. So she concluded she just had to hit a little bit harder.
She didn't think when she moved and suddenly she stood in his way. He was about to tell her to get out of the way. It was instinctual as she lifted her hand, and suddenly the sound of a slap filled the room. "You are so stubborn!" she yelled at him as his head snapped to the side. "Why can't you understand that you are the weak one?! I at least tell you how I feel!" Her actions left her furious, sad and shocked, tears falling again. She… she had just slapped him.
His head was lowered as he stood there, shock filling his features. His hand slowly lifted to his cheek where a red mark was forming. "You…" He looked and sounded just as surprised as she was feeling. The green eyes were wide when they turned to look at her, and there was no anger in his mind as he looked at her. "You just slapped me."
For another moment they just stood there, looking shocked with Lily holding frustration and anger in her eyes at well. Then it seemed the surprise began to leave his body, taking all the anger and emptiness and all the other things that shielded him with it. Once more tears began growing.
He looked away from her as though trying to hide what his mask could no longer keep hidden and he shook his head violently, as though attempting to get away the emotions he was slowly losing control over. "I can't… It's just…" He looked up at her again. New emotions were shown on his face. The hurt was no longer half-hidden but exposed. Sadness shone from his eyes, the sharp eyes now looking distant and unfocused. And there was a last thing. It was fear.
No. No, it wasn't fear. That gleam in his eyes… it wasn't fear. It was fright. Angst. Anxiety in an amount that it began pushing away the other emotions as his feelings got more and more out of control. It was panic, though not the immediate, normal kind. It was the flat kind that hid in your heart, constantly ready to jump you and take over you.
And he was looking at her, begging, as though she could stop it. As though she could make sure he wouldn't have to do this. "I… I can't." His voice, always hard and alert, was shaking. "Don't… Don't make me do this…" It is only when you feel that you are hurt.
A hand came again, hitting his other cheek, tears spilling into his eyes then as he stood. If it hadn't been her he wouldn't have cried. He would have hit back. He would do what he was best at and fought them, making sure they would never get in his way.
The girl in front of him now, though, was different. "Why is crying so bad?!" She was yelling at him. It was the first time she actually yelled at him. She actually stood up against him and directly said a point that was more important in life. Her arms were hanging down her body, no longer going to hit him. What she showed now was something hard… something strong.
But she was of the German blood, after all. She couldn't just be weak and fragile when she had Germany and Prussia as cousins… or when she had Vash as her teacher. "I've been crying my whole life! I've been alone my whole life, when I lived by all the others!" Her hands folded in front of her chest, as if she was the one begging. "I don't want to be alone, but that doesn't make me weak, Vash, it makes me strong! It shows I can trust and believe in people, and that I respect myself enough to show weakness and ask for help!"
His eyes were closed as he took everything she threw at him. The only person in the world he couldn't hit… or one of the two people he could never lay a hand on. He wasn't usually a man of words, he couldn't talk back at her. Still he couldn't really cry. The tears were like caught in his eyes. "I… Lily…" His voice was shaking, weak. It was nothing but a whisper.
"I can't do this again."
Once more her eyes softened. "You will…" His voice caught in his throat, stopping him from speaking. "You will leave. You will leave me." She was about to shake her head and tell him no, that she would never… but at this point she had understood it would take a lot more to convince him of anything. So she watched the tears sometimes fall over his face as tears fell over hers.
"You might not want it, but… you will leave. We are countries, and it's not our wishes that mean anything. It's our people's, our bosses, they… they force us in the directions we move." His voice was near inaudible, but no one but he was speaking. "If it's not now then… a hundred years? Two hundred? It… It will happen." If not now, with Prussia, then it would be later.
The look on his face told he barely realized what he was saying. He hugged himself, looking far off to the side. He was too caught in his words and his pain to really realize she was present. But… no doubt he would see her leaving. No doubt he would see it if she chose to go out the door and abandon him to his own. "I… I cannot be weak."
He hugged himself tighter, and Lily just wanted to hug him, too. She wanted to show him she was just as able to protect him as he was to protect her. But she was afraid to. She was afraid of how he would react. He might… he might become violent or be afraid. Or… or worse… he might go back to what he was before. To a man that showed people nothing but the shell he had created. The mask he had made to keep them at bay.
"I-I'm not strong…"
You are. You are the strongest and kindest person I know. You have just… experienced something else. And your strength and stubbornness went against you.
But even though she still believed him to be strong, stronger than her, stronger than anyone, he didn't look it right now. He looked so… so small. So fragile. He had never been of big composure, but he had never looked so thin and hurt and so much like a wounded, wild animal. Hunched down as he hugged his chest, avoiding eye contact. "I'm not strong, Lily …"
His fingers dug into his sides as he said that. "I have never been strong or great. I don't want to be strong and great and someone who is remembered eternally in the books of history… I just… don't want to be weak…" His eyes kept on the floor as he spoke, tears still falling. He took a step back, as though he tried to flee from her. "I just don't want to be weak… I don't want my people to suffer because I can't find a way to survive or because I have to suffer the presence of a ruler in the form of a greater country. I can't…"
He took another step back and ended up going into the bed, hitting his knees against it and making him sit down upon it. A sob shook his body as tears finally fell freely, him no longer able to hold them back. "I c-can't cry," he sobbed, his face falling into his hands as he sat there, his whole body shaking, his shoulders quivering.
The girl in front of him finally moved forward. Still she wanted to hug him and still she held back her wish – for it was her wish, not his. "Tears make us stronger, Bruder. They make us grow." She laid her hand on his shoulder gently, once more feeling the way he instinctually leant back as well as pushed forward. That… contradictory reaction that she couldn't make out. "If being a country makes me have to leave you I don't want to be a country anymore."
The person that had hit him just moments before was gone, slipped away to be the same, gentle person he had unconsciously taught her to be. The crying man in front of her had taught her everything she was, to be hard and soft, to be caring and loving. He has saved her from not only death, but also an artificial, sophisticated life of falseness that trapped her father.
Yet while he had done so he was now pulling away. Even though he had made her a real person rather than a façade he now seemed no longer to want her. Instead he wanted her gone, that sobbing form in front of her had told her to leave. Somewhere deep inside of her she wondered if it might be better if she followed orders. It was so obvious her presence and love was nothing but pain to him.
"I'm sorry, Bruder," she whispered to him, and then she couldn't stop herself anymore. With arms wide open she embraced him, his legs no longer between them and the arms covering his head falling, and his face leaned against her chest under her chin. "I'm so sorry." She was hurting him. She had hurt him even more than she had dared to imagine by her revelation of Prussia.
As though the hug was all he needed he no longer held back. His body didn't lean away. Instead the sobs were uncontrolled now, raking his body and shaking him as though he hadn't cried for centuries. He'd never cried when he climbed trees as a kid and fell from five meters. He hadn't cried for Roderich even if he wanted to and the tears were in his eyes. He hadn't cried when he had been alone for hundreds of years with that pain in his heart.
Switzerland didn't cry.
And yet he did. Now he did. And his mouth opened, trying to break the sobs and speak and only managing to make them even worse. Instead of only crying for her, he now cried for everything. All he had ever held back. Regret, betrayal, loneliness, fears. The endless paranoia that had only grown worse when Roderich betrayed his trust. Oh, yeah. That as well. The trust issues.
It took two more tries before he finally managed to form a word. "I-I…" And then the sobs took over. The face of the smaller nation was one of silent hurt as she finally heard the pain she had suspected ever since she got to know him a little bit better. The coldness he had presented the world really was a part of his great, apparently not only physical, defense.
"I-I… I… I just… I'm," he tried again, leaning against her chest. The front of her dress was getting soaked when the stream of tears grew bigger. "I-I don't wa-want to lose you." It was obvious the very words were against him, not wanting him to speak at all. "I'm so… s-so… so…" He was stammering. The voice was faint.
Outside the Hungarian and Prussian stood, finally having collected themselves from the floor. They could hear them, the words, every single one of them. It was so… so odd. To hear a man like that break down through a door of heavy wood. Even Prussia was silent for the time being. Hungary knew they shouldn't be here. They should go. But somehow… somehow she couldn't.
"I'm so scared." It was a whisper, but with the sudden silence as the sobs quieted for a moment the words were clear still. Hearing him say such a thing… confess such a thing… It made her feel cold, icy fingers clenching the heart he was leaning against. "Th-the more I lo- I c-cared for you, th-the more I-I wanted to… to push away. The closer y-you got… the more di-distance I wanted. I-I… I'm so scared. Th-that… that you'd…"
"Br-bruder…" Her voice caught in her throat for a moment. Then she had caught it for herself again and she held him tighter. The tears were forming in her eyes again as she held him. "I love you. I will only leave you the day I die." She let him go then, kneeling down in front of him, and she wiped away his tears. "I want to stay with you till the end. Please… please let me do so."
Still shaking with more suppressed sobs he looked down at her, looking down upon her with tears flowing from his eyes. His lips quivered, as though he was about to break down again, but he was catching himself. And as his mouth opened, the thing he said was a thing only he could. "I-it shouldn't… be like this." And she knew what he meant. He shouldn't be the one to be protected. He didn't believe he should be the one taken care of. "B-but… I… I-I lo-"
As before he was cut off, the words cut short by a sob, and he looked down and shook his head, regret showing clearly in his eyes. Words… how could words be so hard to speak? His eyes were closed, tears still falling. "I… I can't…" A sob shook him again. "I c-can't say-"
"You don't have to," she interrupted him, and a smile moved onto her face. "You don't have to tell me. I already know." It was no lie. The man really didn't have to, for she really knew, but the fact that he even tried made her happy. Even with the former fear that he might hate her she now knew he really did love her. Despite everything. He had taken her in when he had already starved, and he had given her everything he could since then. "I want to stay with you. If I may…"
Once more she apparently managed to hurt him. His body flinched back, his eyes fell to the side and his jaw clenched together, tears no longer falling. "Wh-why do you even want to, anyway?" he asked, staring at the floor while his hands were curled into fists. "I… I hurt you, didn't I?"
Her smile only widened as he said it, even though it was so very true. Was it possible to love someone even more after they had shattered your heart? For she did. Maybe it was because he showed true remorse now. Because he seemed to be physically hurt from what he had done. "Yes you did, Bruder, but it doesn't matter. For I hurt you too." Far more than you hurt me. "Please forgive me." Somehow she knew if she had the same kind of stubbornness as he then they wouldn't be here, and somehow that knowledge hurt. She was so happy only he was stubborn like that.
The green eyes turned back to look at her. Slowly the sharpness came into them again, and her smile became even wider as she crouched in front of her, knowing he wasn't broken. He was still Vash even though he had shed now dry tears. His fingers moved up to her hair, finding where the bow had been for less than a day ago. Where he still… didn't know if it should be.
"I'm… so scared," he whispered once more, his fingers touching the strands, then moving down to her face. "I… I can't be angry. I'm not angry with you… I… would never be able to hate you." His fingers moved over her face. This was usually something he did when she was crying. Otherwise he so rarely touched her. "No matter what you did. I… you… Ever since you came here…"
Once more words failed him, and once more tears came to his eyes. It made him close his lids, try to hold them back, for his mind still told him not to cry. "You became my…" He stopped, like he didn't know what to say. What could he say? Liechtenstein just watched him as his fingers lingered by her hair and face, looking at his closed eyes with gentle patience. The words moved her, touched and warmed her, but she wasn't prepared for the next he said. How deep his words, words passing over those rarely speaking lips, could be.
"You have been my… my star." Apparently the thing seemed stupid in his mind and he flinched. "The only one in the starless sky… You were the only light... are the only light I see. But… I…" His eyes were still closed, those sharp, green orbs still hidden, when his fingertips passed her forehead again, taking a strand away. "I can't reach you." His voice was incredibly steady when he said it. That didn't stop them from being laced with pain, of course. How devastated his eyes had to look if he showed them to her again… Lily dared not even think about it.
"I can't touch you. I'm…" He hesitated only to swallow some excess spit in his mouth, his fingers still holding on to her face. Still… still touching her, as he said he couldn't. "I'm too afraid to fall if I reach so far and stretch too long. I'm too afraid I slip upon the steps when I raise myself up and lift my hand to hold on to you. I…" A spasm of hurt passed his face. "I don't even dare trying."
All Liechtenstein could do was sit there, partly filled with disbelief. The rest of her was filled with contend that he… that he spoke to her. He never did that to anyone. And either speaking so little of so few things made you speak more, or he had just a lot to say, for the words were not finished coming. "And at the same time I'm… just waiting. For my star to turn away and find someone else to shine on. Someone better, someone greater. And leave me in that darkness that… that I… That I know so well."
There it was. Right there. The root of everything that had happened between them within the last day. He was just waiting for her to go, and in his eyes it seemed Prussia could so easily be one to turn to. So when she told him who she was beginning to see the only solution for him, the only reason for her to see another, was because she would turn to someone 'better'.
For most of it Liechtenstein had a hard time wrapping herself around it. Was she really the only one in his world? Was she really his star? She could barely believe what he was saying, and even if his eyes were still closed and hiding the sorrow she could feel so well, she couldn't help it as tears of joy fell over her face. She leaned in and kissed his forehead, smiling even with him being like that and ignoring the surprised look at his eyes widened open.
Her arms found his waist as well and she held him close. Her brother was being stupid right now, and she was so happy to actually hear that she meant as much to him as he did to her. And so she clung on to him, trying so hard not to laugh at his stupidity. For of course she would never… she would never… "I will catch you if you fall, Bruder, and I will never turn away."
The surprise of her kiss and hug faded and was replaced by a rare smile. A rare smile on a face never stained with tears. There was still a slight look of discomfort, as if the situation was odd and new to him. And obviously it was. For this time he wasn't the one taking care of another. "Then… I won't extinguish your light. If you want me to." She looked at him in confusion for a moment. Then she understood he was talking about the albino. That he was ready to let her go, now, after all they had done. Instead of being overprotective of her.
Then she smiled, wide. Happy. And the man no longer looked sad, broken, as he had just a few moments ago. Instead he seemed back to normal… no. It was more than that. As she let him go he held his head a little higher and his shoulders a little laxer. His body seemed lighter. He was even smiling. She had done what she had wished for and only rarely achieved ever since she met him back during the depression. She had made him smile. "Do you mean that, Bruder?" she whispered.
The answer from the male blond was just upon his still smiling lips, and he only made half a nod when the albino himself decided to destroy everything. "Oi, Lily! You know you can't fuck your Bruder, so you should totally come with zhe awesome me!" The voice cut through not only the door, but the mood in the room as well.
The Swiss' face grew hard as the eyes went sharp and cold all over again. A deep blush arrived as well, but it was impossible to say if it was from anger or embarrassment – even if it probably held a lot of both. "Give me a moment." His voice was low, deadly, as he slowly got her hands to let go of him. On his feet again he slowly stepped closer to the door.
"But," he continued, his hand seeking for the gun in his belt, "if you really mean that you want to be with that cursed idiot," loading in silently and weighing it in his hand, his eyes cold as he watched her – but she wasn't the reason he was cold, "then you are allowed to after I kill him. Is that a deal?" With a shy smile the little girl nodded just as Vash slammed the door open, pointing the gun directly in front of Prussia's nose. "You have two seconds to start running. One…"
It took a moment for Prussia to realize how things had evolved and he was still laughing when the weapon got in his face. Then he realized what had happened, his face paled and off he was, sprinting down the halls. "… two!" the Swiss shouted, and then he bolted after the albino, moving with the gun in his hand. Until he heard a snort of mixed amusement and worry and he skidded to a halt a few steps down, pointing his gun at the woman. "You still owe me a door, and you are gonna pay!"
There was murder in his eyes and Hungary, now with a paling face, moved her hands up to cover her mouth. And though her heart had moved to her throat and she truly feared the man was going to shoot her it was as much to cover her smile as well as her fear. She as well as Prussia had heard every word the siblings had exchanged, and she had come to a realization she hadn't known before.
Vash was just as human as the rest of them.
Just as capable of feeling pain as the rest of them.
He wasn't just the emotionless mass of anger and cold that he showed to the outside world.
He was the man Lily had claimed him to be and Austria never spoke of.
It had been a shock for her, and she had seen it on Gilbert's face as well just before he decided to ruin everything – either out of his usual boredom or because the emotional atmosphere had become too much for his German mind. No matter which it was he had effectively ruined the moment, but not Hungary's memory. She couldn't help herself from whispering out of the corner of her covered mouth to Liechtenstein, the hidden smile in her voice:
"I guess everything is back to normal, isn't it?"
The smaller female had to contain her giggle before she took the few steps forward needed to reach her brother and placed a hand on his gun, making him lower it slightly – now it was Hungary's feet which were the targets rather than her heart. "Relax, Bruder, I can pay for the door. Please, calm down." Her other hand moved to his shoulder. Though her face showed no smile it shone out of her eyes. The sincere emotion made a smile move onto his face until the moment he remembered Hungary's presence, and it disappeared again, hiding from the outsider's knowledge.
The hand on the gun moved to brush through her hair, passing the still missing bow. And that hand brought his attention towards that very place. His words telling her that the door wasn't her responsibility or something she should waste her money on got caught in his throat. Cold moved into him, froze his bones and quenched his fury for the moment. Instead fear, the slightest, faintest fear, moved over his face.
It was still in the drawer. He hadn't touched it, hadn't allowed himself to think about it, ever since he had put it away. Giving it back to her… it meant… it meant he trusted her. That he would allow her to come back. Could he do that? After this… could he… would she… was she truly going to stay with him? Dared her… dared her let her come back? With the risk of losing it brought him?
He couldn't be afraid. It wasn't allowed to be afraid. And for her to be a part of his life… for her to agree to put up with his faults and for her to come back to him even after what he had done… having her in his life was a blessing he would be stupid to deny. A blessing he didn't deserve.
Without his knowing one hand had moved, and it brushed past hers as it passed the place where his dearest gift to her, cheap as it had been, was supposed to sit. Then, without a word, he left the hall and went into the room, crouching by the chest of drawers by the very precious one. "Bruder?" the younger nation's voice asked as both women stared at him. Liechtenstein had moved to her friend, holding her hand to express her happiness to someone. But she didn't dare ask what he was doing.
Neither did. They simply watched as he sat there, making sure his body hid the extra room in which amulet and bow was hidden with lips tightly pressed together. His eyes passed over the dented metal plate again, his face forced into stone as his fingers grabbed the soft band and after resettling the false bottom he turned back towards them, passed through the doorway made of old wood and into the hallway dressed with old furniture.
He reached her as she stood beside the Hungarian, for a moment not focusing on the Swiss but looking up at the taller woman. She felt him touch her hair, felt the well-known tugs as he folded the silky fabric and then the ends of the bow fell down the side of her head, tickling her cheek for a moment. The head was turned to watch him, and before he knew it she had pulled him into a hug, bright eyes staring up at him. His whole body stiffened at the touch, but it took only a moment to relax when he saw the naïve hope in her face.
"Does that mean I can stay?" The words were a mix of a plea and a thank you. For she already knew the answer.
He looked at her with soft eyes and finally his arms wrapped around her and a real smile moved over his face. Despite the presence of the Hungarian he showed, for once, the true devotion he held towards her, and he moved his own arms to hug her close. "Yes," he mumbled and closed his eyes, stroking the hair that once more held the bow. "Yes it does."
They stood like that for a moment long enough to make Hungary shift uncomfortable, feeling she was intruding in things she had nothing to do with. The moment she was about to move away and say goodbye was the moment Switzerland finally let go, his hands resting on his sister's shoulders as he looked at her again.
Then the magic happened, and the face for once soft grew hard and cold again. Prussia. He had to remember that cursed Prussian. "Excuse me," he said, his hands falling to the gun he had placed in his belt again. He turned away, his feet snapping against the wooden floors as he started a hunt he already knew he was too late to be successful for – but that wasn't going to stop him.
Both women had to hide their slight smiles even though worry was in both of their eyes. If they still were within the Swiss border when Switzerland found the Prussian the blond was allowed to shoot with the excuse of invading his property. The sudden thought passed over Hungary's mind as well, and a waterfall of ice flowed down her back. "I think I… I'm leaving," she said.
Liechtenstein just gave a nod, knowing what the other was thinking. "Take care," she advised, and Hungary gave a nod as she moved fast down the hall and left the house Liechtenstein had shared with her brother ever since she had been taken under his care. It was hard to describe the bubbling feeling in her chest, even with her worry for the Prussian.
Her eyes moved to her brother's room again, and her head tilted slightly as she found the drawer in which her bow was hidden still open. He had forgotten to close it.
As the good little sister she was she moved into his room and made sure to do what he had forgotten. Finding the drawer seemingly empty she wondered for a moment if he ever used it, or if it had only been saved for… no. She wouldn't believe that. Pushing that thought away she pushed the drawer closed and stood again.
For a moment she paused and looked back at the wooden furniture. Had she just heard something? The sound of clinking metal? Hitting the back of a wooden surface?
For that moment she stood, wondering exactly what that empty drawer was for. Then she shrugged, blaming her imagination, and walked out of her brother's room, closing the door carefully.
Far away, on the other side of the Swiss border, a man was standing with a cup of coffee, staring out to the west. His face was unreadable as he looked towards his old friend and his beautiful daughter. He was wondering how it was going. If the quest they had tried to go on without his notice had succeeded. If the two could be siblings again, be as happy as they had been before.
A part of him hoped for everything in the world it would be okay.
Another part of him, a selfish part, hoped they would fail.
And that was the end of the story. I would love it if you actually took your time to go in and send Malentia a comment on her profile, for that conversation could never have happened without her. I hope you liked it ^^ I hope you enjoyed reading as much as I enjoyed making it. And I hope you will read more of my stuff, and read some of her comics, for really, she is an awesome person.
And finally there is only one thing to say:
Enjoy in joy ^^