I'm Trying - Chapter 4

Disclaimer: : I don't own any of the characters from Rizzoli and Isles - the credit goes to Tess Gerritsen and TNT. I'm merely borrowing them for a fan fiction idea. Thank you to all who have reviewed and set this story into your alerts and favorite alerts - it is very appreciated! Thanks! rutgers

A/N - Total guesses on pretty much all the crime stuff!

Jane could feel herself starting to break out in a cold sweat as the elevator doors opened on the morgue floor. She began to feel dizzy and walked slowly toward the morgue. Just outside the doors, she leaned against the wall for support. She closed her eyes.

"Jane?"

She opened her eyes to see Maura.

"Yeah. Korsak and Frost couldn't come down, so you got me," Jane said, still leaning against the wall and making no apparent effort to move from her position.

"What is it, do you feel sick?" Maura asked, taking note of Jane's grey pallor.

Jane looked up at the ceiling, swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "I can't. I can't go in there, Maura, I can't," she said, her emotions gripping her tightly, tears streaming down her face as she started to slide down the wall.

Maura was confused for a minute until it dawned on her - Jane would be walking into the room where she last saw Frankie alive before she was dragged out to the street by Marino.

"Oh, God. Jane, it's okay. It's okay," she murmured, kneeling down to embrace Jane. "You don't have to, okay? You don't have to."

She sobbed like a baby in her best friend's arms, pulling her closer to her and burying her face in her shoulder. All Jane wanted to do right now was hide from the world.

Maura was grateful it wasn't a well-traveled hallway at this time, she knew Jane would not want anyone feeling sorry for her and wouldn't want to see the expressions of pity on people's faces. She wouldn't want anyone to see Jane like that because she knew how uncomfortable it would be for her. Maura was rocking Jane in her arms just trying to soothe her.

"Okay, come on, Sweetie - let's get you to the bathroom to clean up a little bit. You don't have to be here, okay? Come on," Maura said softly, helping Jane up and to the private bathroom in the hall.

Jane braced herself against the sink with both arms, her head down, the tears still coming. Maura swallowed hard, trying to contain her own emotions at seeing her friend so upset. She came up behind Jane, gently rubbing her back. She felt Jane stiffen in almost the same way she had when Maura touched her shoulder in the hospital on that awful Saturday afternoon when she blamed her for Frankie's death. But almost instantaneously her body relaxed and she took a few deep breaths, putting her hand up to let Maura know to back off just a little bit.

"Please, just give me a minute," Jane said, turning on the water.

"Here, take this?" Maura said, handing her the scrunchy she had around her wrist in preparation to tie her hair back before starting the autopsy.

Jane gratefully took it, putting her hair up and splashing her face several times with water.

"God, I look like complete and utter shit," Jane said, looking in the mirror, still trying to collect her emotions.

"Not even on your worst day, my friend."

Jane gave her a slight smile while looking in the mirror. "I can't go in there."

"I know. It's okay, Jane. You don't have to, okay? Everything will be in my report and we can meet later to go over it all."

"Thanks."

"You should probably get going on it. I'll be okay. I'm just going to freshen up a bit more before heading back upstairs, though Korsak will probably call me out for looking like hell," Jane said, taking Maura's scrunchy out of her hair and handing it back.

"Dinner tonight, okay? We can discuss the findings," Maura asked, hopefully.

Jane nodded. Maura gave her a quick smile and headed out, sensing she needed to be alone. Two minutes later, another quick knock on the door. "Occupied," Jane shouted.

"It's me. Here, take these," Maura said, handing Jane two slices of cold cucumber. "Put them on your eyes, it will take away the puffiness."

Jane looked at them for a minute then shot a glance at Maura.

Maura sighed, rolled her eyes and smiled. "Jane, cold air is cold air, how many times do we need to have this discussion? But for your information they are from the good fridge," she said, putting air quotes around `good'.

Jane laughed and shook her head. "Thanks. Now go on so I can lock this door so no one barges in here and sees me looking like hell with these things on my face."

Maura turned and headed back to the autopsy room.

...

After five minutes of feeling like a class A jerk while she waited with the cucumber on her eyes, Jane headed back upstairs - but not before looking in the mirror. "I'll be damned, that actually does work," she said aloud, before leaving the bathroom and heading back up to her desk.

As she turned the corner into the bullpen, she was surprised to see her mother sitting at her desk, waiting for her. "Great," she said to herself. "So much for not wanting anyone to know I was bawling my eyes out."

...

Maura made quick work of the autopsy. It really was just a single sniper shot that killed Jack Harrington but the bullet had done a lot of damage to the head and the body hadn't been found for so long that the decomposition made things look a lot more complicated than they actually were. Her original assessment was right in the trajectory of the bullet and the angle it had entered the head and brain, seeming it was more than likely the shot had come from the suspected tree across the street.

As she closed up the body, she thought back to Jane and she felt sadness.

...

Jane and Angela sat in the coffee shop downstairs.

"You've been crying, Sweetie," Angela said, sipping her coffee.

Jane debated even trying to lie as she swigged her own cup of joe. "Yeah, I had a spell downstairs. It hits me every now and then, sometimes when I least expect it. I know I haven't been to the house in a week, but I'll come this weekend, I promise. How are you guys doing?"

"We go day by day too, Janie. It's been hard. Your father has thrown himself into work. I know he'd love it if you came around a little more often. I would too."

"I know, Ma. I'm sorry. You know, you guys could come to my place for Sunday dinner," Jane suggested.

"You'd cook?"

Jane laughed. "No. You could use my kitchen."

Angela reached out and took Jane's hand. "I know our first Sunday dinner without Frankie will be so difficult," she said, her voice breaking. "We've all been putting it off."

"Ma, please. Don't. Don't do this. You know he'd want us to continue to have them," Jane said.

Angela's tears starting falling. Jane came around the table, sat next to her mother and wrapped her in a hug. "Damnit, Ma, stop or I'll need to get more cucumber!"

Angela stopped sobbing for a minute and looked at Jane. "What?"

Jane started laughing and soon, Angela was too, though she wasn't really sure why exactly.

After a few minutes, Jane looked at the clock. "Ma, I gotta get back up to the pen. Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes, Honey, I will. You go. Oh, why don't you invite Maura on Sunday?"

Jane smiled. "That's a good idea. You know, she doesn't have a lot of family and her parents are far away, and - " but Angela cut her off.

"You don't have to tell me why it's a good idea, Janie. We consider her a part of our family."

"Me too."

TBC