A/N - Hey again! Glad to have you back! Thank you so much to all of you who favorited, followed, and/or reviewed this story! It really means a lot to me! I hope you guys enjoy the latest chapter to this tale. I know it's a little late, but hopefully I'll be able to upload more regularly from now on.
Big shout-out to Twistedpremise, who helped me polish this chapter, and gave me some solid advice as to where to take the plot! If you still haven't read his story Raven's Howl, I strongly urge you to do so. Without a doubt, one of the best stories I've read, and a must read for BBxRae fans everywhere!
Also, for constant updates and sneak peeks at the making of this story, follow me on Twitter! at Word_SPark, where I'll be updating any progress on this and other stories, and sharing any interesting news I hear about our favorite fandom!
But enough ramblings, time to read!
"Star?"
Starfire's head popped up from behind the couch, donning a wide smile and a sparkle in her emerald eyes. She floated off the couch and before he could react, she was hovering inches away from Beast Boy himself, eye to eye.
"Oh, hello Beast Boy! The boys and I were wondering what was taking you so long to do the apologizing. Is everything alright now?" Starfire inclined her head innocently, clearly awaiting his response.
Beast Boy swallowed audibly. He'd had a lucky break seeing as how neither Cyborg nor Robin were anywhere in sight, but he didn't trust his luck to hold out. And the alien princess before him might not understand everything… Or anything for that matter. As he backed away a few inches from Starfire's inquisitive face, he mentally kicked himself and his plan. But there was no going back now.
"Um, yeah, about that…"
Starfire's brow creased, as she cast her trademarked disapproving frown upon him. Yep, already things weren't going well. Although maybe he'd at least get the chance to explain. He instinctively held the book tighter across his chest, perhaps subconsciously hoping it would act as a shield against his friend's glare
"Beast Boy." Starfire voice rose a few decibels, "You did apologize to friend Raven, did you not?" Her question was emphasized by her own movements, floating closer to Beast Boy, and lifting herself higher to look down at him. In all honesty, Beast Boy felt even more of a blush come to his face. Leave it to Starfire to make things even more uncomfortable.
"Star, listen to me for a sec, would ya? I went to Raven's room, but she wasn't there."
"Oh?" Starfire seemed to relax exponentially, floating back down to face Beast Boy at eye level (for which he was extremely grateful, yet a tad disappointed), and her usual innocent, curious look adorning her face once again. "Where was she, then?"
Uh-oh…
Beast Boy really hadn't put much thought into how to explain Raven's whereabouts. If he'd had this conversation with Cyborg, awkwardness aside, he knew Cy would've understood. But he couldn't exactly lie to Starfire, nor could he waste time explaining the complexities of Raven's mirror and its inner workings.
"She, um, she went to another dimension… Or something like that… to meditate…" He cringed as the words left his mouth, knowing just how weak a cover up he was offering. Technically, he guessed it was pretty close to the truth, far-fetched as it sounded. But for once, he was glad for Starfire's naivety. She just nodded and kept looking at him, apparently expecting him to continue with his narrative. He was happy to oblige.
"Anyways, I… I found this book in Raven's room, just lying on the floor, and, well…"
"Oh, is that not the book friend Raven was reading this morning?" Starfire asked, her eyes now fixed on the object he still clutched to his chest.
"Yeah."
Without explanation, and in the blink of an eye, Starfire grasped the book from his hands and began to examine it from every possible angle, narrowing her eyes. At least she wasn't pressing the issue of him not having apologized yet. Beast Boy stood stock still in surprise, and tried to protest, only for Starfire to interrupt his feeble words.
"Raven has been very protective of this book lately. When I asked her about it, she was rather secretive about it. She only said that it had too much steam for my tastes, I believe. She still appears to enjoy it very much. Despite the steam." Starfire said, her voice becoming more airy, almost breathing out each word. Her furrowed brow added to her confounded expression.
He could have sworn his ears were glowing red by now. He was partially relieved that the conversation had already taken a turn farther away from what he'd hoped to discuss, but the new topic wasn't less awkward. Hoping Starfire's attention would remain on the book, he rubbed his cheeks to try and rid them of their blush.
Beast Boy managed to stutter, "She did? Sh-she does?"
"Oh yes. Raven told me this book was very enjoyable, but that it wasn't… What was the word she used? Suited, I believe, to my innocence. I did not understand, but she would not say any more." Starfire seemed disappointed, apparently the memory was still fresh in her mind. Beast Boy paled, looking at his innocent friend with wide, disbelieving eyes.
"Steam? She said the book had too much… steam?"
Starfire looked at him, this time concern showing on her graceful features, and Beast Boy did his best to appear normal. It didn't do much help, but it was better than nothing. Star attention was now back on him, and he wasn't really enjoying it all that much. His brain was still fuzzy after hearing everything he did, trying to make sure he'd actually heard right. He'd heard a lot of different ways to describe erotic books, but steam was certainly… different.
"Yes," Starfire said, worry clinging to her tone, "I'm sorry Beast Boy, I do not understand your apprehension. Is this a bad thing, for a book to have steam? …You look as though a Loksh'nard had crawled under your covers."
Beast Boy paid no mind to the alien reference, and focused on relieving Star of her concern.
"Yeah, no, I'm fine. No, it's not bad it's just… complicated. I didn't think Raven would be into that sorta stuff. Beast Boy responded with a dismissive wave of his hand, trying to act as casual as his body would allow.
It seemed it was Starfire's turn to blush and look shameful, and he noticed she was now handling the book as if it were filthy, gingerly holding it up with two fingers. In all honesty, it did nothing to settle his own nerves, or stifle his assumptions.
"I have never read the books of steam…" Starfire confessed shyly, as if ashamed for it. "I do not know what they are like, or what they are about, or what makes them steam. Perhaps you could enlighten me, Beast Boy?"
Oh, what a question. It would have been hard enough coming from anyone else, but from Star? And to answer it all the more complicated. How does one explain erotic literature to an alien girl with the innocence of a human four-year-old?
"Oh, I uh, well, um… Y-you know what, why don't you go ahead and ask Raven about that when she gets back. She might be able to explain it better than me."
"Very well!" Starfire said, handing Beast Boy back the dreaded book; the cause of all the scandalous commotion.
Starfire apparently sensed the end of the conversation, and quickly flew back to her place on the couch, as she nestled into the cushions. The latest reality show blared its god-awful theme music as a picture of a wealthy, plastic-looking family flashed on the screen. Her attention was fully on the television, and Beast Boy felt his subconscious kicking him into action. He stepped forward, slowly eliminating the distance between him and the back of the salmon-colored couch.
Okay, keep it casual, cool, uninterested… Kinda like Raven. Beast Boy chuckled inwardly at his own lame joke as he crossed his arms and laid them on the backrest of the couch, just above Starfire's head. He struggled with the contrasting thoughts forming in his mind, screaming to be pronounced, as he looked at Star's upside down face, and offered her a staggered smile.
"Beast Boy? Is something the matter?" She asked, tilting her head slightly to try and gain a better perspective of his face. He just shook his head quickly, and put his plan to action.
"No, nothing major. Just… Star, can I ask you something?" Beast Boy found himself unable to maintain eye-contact as he asked her, his gut beginning to twist into itself in anticipation of the situation he was inevitably placing himself in. Starfire just blinked.
"I believe you just did, friend…"
He stifled a laugh, for her sake. If it had been a joke, coming from her, it was hilarious. If it was more alien naivety, well, might as well try and avoid hurting her feelings. He stretched his arms out, increasing the distance between them, just for comfort's sake.
"No, I mean… can I ask you about something… personal?" Beast Boy felt his heart thumping faster against his ribcage, urging him to speak faster and get this over with. Starfire looked at him with a wary expression, seemingly contemplating the risks of allowing him a question that would possibly become awkward and/or embarrassing. After a few seconds of her scrutinizing glare, and of his sweat beading on his forehead, she seemed to accept his challenge, as she shifted her weight on the couch, and muted the shouting match between two young blondes currently occupying most of the television screen.
Beast Boy simply flashed her another of his toothy grins in thanks, and grabbing the back of the couch firmly, he somersaulted over unto the cushion right next to Star's, landing cross legged, facing the object of his inquiry. He silently thanked Robin for the training, although he also laughed internally, knowing full well he'd never admit that he had actually come to enjoy the physical training their leader put them through.
"Very well," Starfire said, a hint of concern tugging at her voice. "What is the personal question that you wish to ask me?" Beast Boy fiddled with his thumbs, working to look absolutely anywhere but directly in front of him.
"I, um… well, I've kinda been having these weird sorta… feelings…" Starfire seemed to squirm a bit in her place, so he hurried to clarify. "For someone. Feelings for… someone…" He sighed as a significant weight lifted from his shoulders, but immediately regretted it as the same weight seemed to settle into his stomach. Glancing sideways though, he thought that the queasiness he now felt might have been because of the glowing purple concoction that was Starfire's snack sitting on the coffee table, releasing a strong, tangy scent.
"Uh-huh. And are these feeling of the romance?"
Beast Boy could only gulp in response and bob his head half-heartedly. He considered turning into a kitten and performing the face, if only to wipe the almost evil smirk playing on Starfire's lips at that moment.
"Very well. And you wish to know how to express these feelings to the someone?" She asked mischievously.
"No!" He said, albeit a bit too loud for his own taste, his vocal chords fueled by a sudden panic. "No, I don't need any help expressing these feelings. It's just that…"
"Just what?"
He sighed, feeling depressed and defeated, cornered into a near-confession. He leaned back and slammed his head down against the plush armrest, closing his eyes against the bright sunlight streaming through the window.
"I don't think this person feels the same way. Actually, I'm pretty sure she doesn't, and probably wouldn't. Ever. And I don't know what to do anymore."
He felt himself welling up, and it took all his strength to think of something, anything else, to hold back the emotions he was currently choking down. This was embarrassing enough. He didn't need to cry on top of everything. He shook it off with a small groan, and rubbed his palms hard against his eyes, at least creating an excuse for his red eyes.
He almost jumped as a warm, comforting hand landed on his knee, and offered a gentle squeeze.
"Beast Boy, you should not be feeling so down. I am certain you are doing the overreacting, as friend Cyborg says."
He sat up, using his abdominals to propel himself back to a sitting position, and looked at Starfire incredulously.
"Are you kidding? Someone like her would never even dream about a guy like me in that way! I'm way under her league, and she knows it. She's probably got hundreds of other suitors, and I'm pretty sure most of them aren't fanged, pointy-eared, green-skinned freaks!"
Starfire looked a bit taken aback by his outburst, and the intensity of his words had surprised even him. He panted, trying to catch a breath he hadn't realized he'd lost, as Starfire looked at him with sympathy and apprehension; a dangerous combination if ever there was one.
"Friend, you are much too hard on yourself…"
"Yeah, sure…" He interrupted her, rolling his eyes for added measure.
"I am serious." Starfire spoke with new confidence in her voice. A tone that demanded to be listened to. "You are a kind, generous friend, who has always been there for us whenever we needed you. You help bring joy to our lives, and are there to cheer us up whenever we are feeling the blue. And you have always selflessly put others before you. You are a hero, no matter what you look like, Beast Boy. So I will not allow you to do the beating up of yourself."
Beast Boy rubbed the back of his neck and simply stared at his friend. Someone he'd always considered the most innocent and naïve of the group, and yet somehow had a pretty clear view of the world around her. He felt as though he'd been praised and chastised all at once, and figured she was probably one of the two people who would ever manage to do that.
"Wow… I… I don't know what to say… Thanks, Star…"
"And I think your pointy ears are the cute." She added with a sincere smile.
This brought a blush to his face, and his ears drooped in embarrassment, apparently very apprehensive towards the comment aimed at them.
"Gee, thanks." He chuckled, and began to once more feel more relaxed as he sat in front of his long-time friend. He had to admit, he'd never really talked all that much with Starfire, but he'd always felt there was something of a bond between them. They never seemed to feel awkward or nervous around each other, and he figured it was because of the childlike innocence playfulness that they both seemed to share. Over the years, their friendship had grown, but most of their encounters had been superficial, yet still just as significant. As far as he knew, this was the first time he'd actually opened up to anyone on the team about his emotions. And he realized that there really was no one better suited for the job.
"Do not worry, Beast Boy. I am sure that this person that you have the feelings for will surprise you. She may very well feel the same way!" Starfire's cheery tone did nothing to ease the fluttering in his stomach as he was once again reminded of the cause of the conversation.
"Unlikely." Beast Boy said, his shoulders instinctively slumping. "She's never treated me as more than just a friend. And barely even that. I've tried everything to make her see how I feel about her. I've even backed down to see if that would at least make her friendlier. But nothing! I don't know what else to do."
Starfire smiled a strange smile, and he noticed a sparkle in her jade-green eyes that he knew all too well. He'd seen it plenty of times from Cyborg's human eye just before pulling one of his deadly pranks, or in Robin just before announcing his latest plan to bring down the current baddy. Coming from Starfire, it sent a chill running down his spine.
"Have you tried doing the sharing of your feelings with this girl?"
Beast Boy just snorted.
"Oh yeah, sure, right before I put on my sundress and had a tea party with Brother Blood and the guys from Hive."
Starfire seemed confused for a few seconds, and he figured she was probably imagining the scenario. He saved her the trouble.
"Sarcasm, Star. We went over this, remember?"
"Right." Star said, sheepishly. A dash of pink grazing her cheeks as she looked slightly away. He chuckled at her discomfort, which honestly, helped him feel more at ease. Still, he fought back a twinge of guilt, knowing how sensitive she was about the whole language barrier deal.
She seemed to get over her minor slip-up fairly quickly, and was back to assaulting him in a matter of seconds. "Why do you not speak of your feelings with… this girl? I am sure it would help your relationship. She might not know that your feelings are of romantic intent. Is it not possible that she might have misinterpreted your actions towards her?"
"Uh-uh. No way. She's not exactly the… talkative type, if you catch my drift. Or the sentimental type. It would probably end up with me heartbroken, and tossed into the nearest dumpster." He shuddered at the thought. He thought of rejection, and pain, and tried thinking of anything else to settle his mind. Not surprisingly, his mind once more wandered towards thoughts of Raven.
"You are thinking in the negative again Beast Boy. You wanted my advice on what to do with these feelings, did you not?" She adopted a strange, haughty position, chin tilted upwards, looking down at him with a serious expression, although her eyes shone with evident amusement. That, and he was pretty sure she was fighting back a huge grin.
He couldn't help it. Her bubbly, playfully optimistic attitude was incredibly contagious, and he found himself fighting back a smile as well. He nodded in consent.
"Well then, my advice is for you to talk to this girl. Be yourself, and be the honest."
"Star, I can't just go up to her and say, 'Hey, remember me? Yeah, we met a few years back, I've been crushing on you ever since, just wondering if you felt the same way?'!" Despite his desperate tone, there was a hint of amusement he couldn't hold back. He blamed Starfire.
Oddly enough, she surprised him with her own bout of chuckling, her hair bouncing around as if laughing along with her. "That would be a most unfortunate thing to say, indeed!" She looked at him, this time a large smile plastered across her face, while his own uncertain little smile grew.
"I said you must talk to this girl. I did not say you had to confess to her." She continued. "Simply speak with her, about anything, but not being the goofy. Try having a serious conversation, and be sincere with your intentions. Do not worry about your reputation, or how you may look to others. She might then be more willing to, as you say, open up more." She ended with a graceful smile.
He didn't buy it for one second. It seemed way to smart, way to wise for Starfire. He'd expected her to recommend the boiling of some traditional Tamaranean stew of unrequited love or something.
"Where'd you get that lime of a speech?"
Starfire lifted her shoulders in a non-committal shrug. "Oprah."
He laughed out loud at that one, and Starfire soon joined him. In a matter of seconds, he found tears in his eyes, and an ache running up his sides. It wasn't even that particularly funny. Amusing, sure, but it wasn't roll-on-the-floor-laughing hilarious. Still, he blamed his current, vulnerable emotional state, and besides, a good laugh for no good reason always helped his mood.
A few minutes had passed while they settled down, al the awkwardness and gloom that had shrouded the conversation, dissipated in that small bout of laughter. Wiping a stray tear from his eye, he turned to watch Starfire looking at him with a heart-warming smile.
"You know, we're gonna have to talk to Robin about your TV habits."
Starfire gave a small chuckle. "Hmm, very well. But please tell me, will you do as I suggested? Will you speak with this girl? And will you not hide your feelings?"
It sounded like a perfect plan, and thinking back, he never really tried the 'direct' approach. It was obvious as to why. And that small detail came forth now as a flaw in Star's advice.
"Is that what you did with Robin?" He watched her smile slowly disappear, and her brow crease as the bitter memories of her own lengthy crush on the Boy Wonder came forth. He hated having to make her think back to all those awkward moments spent together, but it was the best comparison he could think of. It was the flaw in her plan.
"Well, no…" She admitted hesitantly. "I did not. I was new to this planet, and human emotions were very strange to me. They still are sometimes."
"So you kept your feelings a secret, right? Because you were afraid that he might not have felt the same." He pressed on, despite the bitterness sketched on her face. He hated pushing her, but it was causing him more pain than it was her. Besides, he reasoned, it all worked out for her in the end.
She shivered a bit, and the way she'd tucked herself into a tight ball, he thought she might have been just a sniveling toddler caught with her hand in the cookie jar.
"I was not sure if Robin would feel the same…"
"So you said nothing. What if you had said something, and he'd rejected you? How would you have felt?" His voice was raising, and he was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed with all the emotions playing in his head. Starfire, on the other hand, seemed close to tears, yet maintained a sympathetic expression, which could almost have been confused with pity.
"I… I would have felt terrible, yes. But he did not say such a thing. He did have feelings for me, and now I regret not having spoken of my feelings with him much earlier. That is why I think you should do the same."
Beast Boy just scoffed. "Star, you and Robin were made for each other. It's like somebody designed you as a couple. Things aren't that simple for other people… Especially in my case."
A bitter silence settled between them, and stayed there for a few long minutes, as they each processed the conversation. Beast Boy felt awful, and particularly guilty about taking out his frustrations on Starfire. She was looking down at her hands, clasped tightly on her lap, her eyes lost, deep in thought. He didn't remember standing up, but he found himself looming over Starfire's form on the couch, with his fists tightly clenched against his sides, and a lump in his throat.
He sighed. "Star, I'm sorry… I'm just…"
"It is alright." She interrupted, looking up at him with a small smile. "I understand how you feel. The thought of your feelings not being returned is frightening, I know. But at least consider this. You knew all along that I liked friend Robin, did you not?"
"Um, yeah? So…?"
"As did everyone else, no?"
He nodded. Beast Boy wasn't sure where she was going with this, but her smile was slowly getting wider, and her eyes had that sparkle about them once more.
"I tried to hide my feelings from everyone, yet it just made them that much more apparent. I can tell you right now, Beast Boy, that these feelings will not just disappear. And they will become evident sooner or later. Is it not better that she find out how you feel directly from you, and not from others' assumptions?"
She had him there. The tension around Starfire and Robin back when they were still in denial was thick enough to scoop up with a spoon. And everybody had known that there was something between them. But there was no spark between Raven and him. Was there?
Doubt once more settled into his heart as he considered the possibilities. He lived with a cybernetic 'Big Brother' with a processor that could outmatch a Russian supercomputer. And a detective prodigy trained by the master of the craft, Batman himself. Surely, they'd pick up on the way he tensed when he was around her, or how he'd sometimes find himself staring at her for just a bit too long over breakfast. And once they did, they'd put two and two together, and then…
He gulped. Starfire was right. They'd figure it out eventually. And Raven… Well, Raven was an empath. He wasn't sure how she hadn't picked up on his feelings earlier. Which was just another thing to further convince him that she wasn't interested.
All in all, he suddenly felt much too exposed. Sure, his spandex suit didn't really leave too much to the imagination, but the feeling of his insides, his most personal details being obvious to everyone on the team was truly frightening.
"Beast Boy?" Starfire's voice derailed his train of thought, and he did his best to come up with a smile.
"Yeah, you're right Star. I'll, uh… I'll think about it…"
He turned to leave, grabbing the book from the corner of the couch cushion where he'd left it, and began making his way back towards Raven's room. Starfire's voice was barely audible over the million thoughts floating around in his head.
"I really hope you do friend… For your own benefit…"
He disappeared back into the cold hallway leading to their respective rooms, the heavy book in his hand dangling lifelessly and bumping into his leg with every step. A constant reminder of the shame and embarrassment that plagued him since the earlier unfortunate events at breakfast.
His mind was on overdrive. His body was on autopilot. He didn't think about walking down the hallway, or heading towards Raven's room. He just did; his brain had more important things to figure out. Like figuring out Starfire's advice.
The more he thought about it, the more it made sense. Everything had changed. They had grown up, and now he realized that his feelings had grown alongside him. So maybe it was time his tactics mature as well. And bottling up his feelings and trying to maintain the status quo was starting to look like the worst idea of the century. The last thing he needed was to end up like Robin back when he wouldn't accept his feelings for Star. Locked up in a dark room, obsessing over some one-eyed freak. Maybe, just maybe, if he reached out, let her know how he felt…
He fought off the little voice in his head that kept screaming to just give up already; to let go of the fantasy that their twisted little relationship would ever be more than what it already was: An apathetic tolerance on her part, and a childish appreciation from him.
There had to be more. He was sure of it. It had taken who knew how many jokes, and blunders from his part to finally get her to crack a smile. And he still hadn't heard her outright laugh out loud with any vigor. There was still much to accomplish, and there was no way he was going to give up just yet.
He renewed his steps, walking with new-found motivation towards Raven's room. There was still loads more to do. If it had taken a million jokes to get her to smile, then he'd come up with a million more if that was what it took. He'd keep going, hanging on to the tiniest bit of hope in his heart that said that it could work. Heck, it worked out for Robin and Star. Sure, he didn't have Robin's looks, or his wit, or his fancy little utility belt… But he figured with hard work, perseverance, and his trademark smile, he just might get through to her. Even if he had to get thrown out the window another hundred times. It would be worth it.
Maybe he'd start small, some small talk, ask about her day, how she was feeling. Of course, he could picture it going several ways, and most were utterly embarrassing, or ended with a quick toss into the bay. But one mental picture stood out among the rest, and he smiled as he thought of what it would be like to actually talk to a Raven who cared about the conversation. A Raven who might smile, and laugh, and share her feelings with him. And even though the image only flickered for a second behind his closed eyes, he felt his heart flutter with hope.
Raven's door came all too soon, and his brain seemed to stop working, as it sometimes tended to do. The door was just as ominous and threatening as always, but now for entirely different reasons. Mainly, because he knew the person behind it could never be as ominous or threatening, no matter how hard she tried. She was intimidating still, but for new reasons. For better reasons; reasons that were worthwhile.
With a silly, love-struck grin, he pressed on the button to open the door, and stepped inside with new-found purpose. He had a book to return.
With a quick flick from the remote sitting next to her, the common room was once again filled with the sounds of a "typical American family" as they fought over whose turn it was to drive the Porsche. Starfire, for once, found herself ignoring most of what was going on in the screen before her. Her eyes were fixed on something beyond anything in plain sight, and her mind has filled with ideas, each more enticing than the last.
She held back a giggle as she shifted her position once again, ending up with her head hanging off the couch, upside down, sitting on the backrest with her legs hanging over the top. Her hair draped down towards the floor, and she laid her arms lazily over her exposed stomach. A tingling of anticipation ran through her body as she continued to think of ways to help Beast Boy.
Of course, she realized, he wouldn't consider it much help. But she knew he wasn't prepared to handle someone like Raven on his own, quite yet. She would undoubtedly still be in denial, conflicted about her feelings, and he wouldn't make much headway while she was so utterly confused. But she could think of more than a few ways to help clear up that particular situation, each more enticing than the last.
She smirked maliciously. She'd had no trouble putting two and two together and figuring out who the concerned changeling was referring too. Aside from the fact that he really spent very little time outside the tower, and that talks with Cyborg had revealed that Beast Boy had very few relationships with girls that lasted more than a few hours (And in some instances, minutes), Starfire had suspected that he had feelings for Raven ever since they'd first formed as a group.
Thinking back, she realized that her own preoccupation and slight obsession with Robin had pushed that matter to the back of her mind. The casual glances, the constant attempts at making her laugh, the way he constantly seemed to watch her back in battles (and vice-versa). It was painfully obvious, and she tasted the irony as she was reminded of how her friends had all taken their time to say the same about her own feelings towards Robin, and his own for her.
She smiled as she remembered Raven's own opinion on the matter, during one of their rare, but very-much-cherished, "girl talks"
"The only people who didn't see this coming were you two. You were so caught up in your own feelings, you didn't see the way Robin always acted around you. I think the phrase 'Love is blind' is especially applicable in your situation. Still, I'm glad that's over with. It was starting to become just plain annoying watching you two dance around the matter."
"Oh, how turned are the tables." Starfire whispered to no one in particular. The empath she so brazenly called her best friend, the same one who'd constantly insisted that she had no feelings to share, was now caught in a very similar situation. And even though Starfire herself had no actual sense of empathy, she had a very strong intuition, and it was rarely wrong.
She'd noticed the subtle changes in Raven over time, especially when she was around Beast Boy. She seemed to relax and fall easily into his taunting jibes, and for a good while, she was pretty sure Raven had even smiled as they mock-fought. Eventually, Raven seemed to retract, and had fallen back into old habits of shutting everyone and everything out.
That had sealed her suspicions. Starfire recognized her behavior. She was nervous. Specifically, when she was around Beast Boy. Of course, she'd never admit it, and Starfire had the suspicion that Raven herself might not have figured it out just yet. But she was going to make sure things would become crystal clear soon enough.
She drummed on her belly with her fingers, as several low, dirty, tricky situations came to her mind, fueled by years of witnessing pranking at its finest, courtesy of Cyborg, and admittedly, sometimes Beast Boy himself. He had his moments now and then.
She'd never had the change to do the making of matches, as she'd often seen on some of her favorite sitcoms. But now, a perfect opportunity presented itself in the form of a confused Beast Boy, and a Raven in denial. It was as if they were begging for her to interfere! And there was so much to do, so many ways to get the two of them together.
And the first step in her plan was as plain as the Cheshire smile on her face. The girl-talks she and Raven had shared had been few and in-between, and they seldom talked about Raven at all. But there was a first time for everything, and this particular first would be exceptionally juicy. By the time she had fleshed out her plan, her excitement and joy had become so great, she noticed for the first time as her toes bumped into the ceiling, just how excited she was. Starfire found herself floating a good ten feet off the couch, but she paid it no mind. There was only one thing she could think of at that moment.
"This will indeed be a most interesting girl-talk."
Raven sighed. She knew just what was coming, but she'd done her best the past few years to try and avoid any confrontations with her wayward emotion. She wasn't as harmful as Rage, or as embarrassing as Rude, but nonetheless, she was one of her least favorite. This particular emotion of hers had the tendency to be reckless, bull-headed, bipolar, and nauseatingly nice. She also happened to be the cause of most of the problems she'd had over the past few years. And of course she was behind this one as well.
The bleak atmosphere became hazy, the scenery around her rippling as if it were simply shifting as she walked, transforming the starry night sky and austere rocks around her into an entirely new scene. As always, she did her best to hold back a gasp, and keep her jaw shut as she took in the breathtaking sight. And as always, she failed miserably.
A warm, tingling sensation spread from her core, to the very tips of her fingers, as she watched the two suns setting behind a glimmering array of towering spires and domes. She walked out unto a balcony, welcoming the telltale, dry summer breeze of her home, and breathed in the smoky smells of a thousand varieties of incenses and oils. As much as she feared Love, she had to admit, her little corner of her mind was probably the most pleasing of all. There was nothing quite as blissful as home.
"Hello again, Raven. It's been too long."
Her heart dropped as she turned around, getting a clear look at the source of the sultry voice. She provided her best glare, free of charge, and partially wished looks could kill. Love merely smiled, and walked out from behind the silken curtains that draped around the entrance to the tower behind her.
"Not long enough." Raven said, her monotone cracking with a hint of grief striking at her throat. She turned away briskly, partly to watch the sunset, and partly to keep the bush tinting her cheeks to herself. Really, why Love insisted on wearing that ridiculous get-up was beyond her. The smooth cobalt dress hugged her svelte body much too close for her own comfort, and only managed to cover her front and back. Her sides were exposed to the elements, along with everything else. She was at least thankful for the large ruby-encrusted gold belt that kept the fabric close to her waist, and stopped the draping garb from fluttering with the wind. The last thing she needed was a free peep show.
"I've been trying to speak with you for some time now, but you keep shutting me out. Haven't you learned the dangers of suppressing your emotions?" Love said as she stepped out to join her against the marble banister. Raven almost gagged at the seductive tone in her voice. She always talked like that, even when discussing the most mundane things. It was uncomfortable, to say the least, hearing her voice altered so. Full of sticky, warm sentiment.
"It's easier this way. Last time, things didn't turn out too well..." She turned her back toward her emotion, and crossed her arms. She wanted it clear that the past mistakes were still fresh in her memory, and not keen on leaving just yet.
"I know. That's part of why I called to you. I just need you to listen to me, at least one more time, before you make any more rash decisions."
Raven didn't make any attempt at a response, verbal or otherwise. Love took the hint, and began her speech, staring out towards the horizon.
"I know we've made mistakes, and I know how much we've suffered in the past for them. I am the weakest part of you, the most vulnerable. But we have the potential to be so much more. You just have to give me a chance to surface."
When all Love received was an indifferent silence, she continued, her voice much softer.
"I haven't always led you to make the right choices. I know that. But there's never any way to know what the right choice is. That's what Love is. Taking chances. Throwing yourself off the edge of the world, and just praying that someone will catch you…"
"I really hope you're going somewhere with this, and fast. It's bad enough having to listen to you get all sentimental."
Raven glanced at Love out of the corner of her eye, and saw something she never thought possible. Her breath caught in her throat, but she held back any sign of shock or worry. Love on the other hand, apparently wasn't having the same luck holding back her tears.
"I brought you here to apologize, Raven. To each other. For the mistakes we've both made. And for the mistakes you'll make soon enough."
"What are you talking about?"
The wondrous scenery suddenly lost its appeal, and Raven focused only on Love's unnecessarily cryptic discourse. Love simply smiled, a stunning contrast to the small, glittering tears making their way down her smooth cheeks.
"Raven, you've kept me quiet for too long, and I can't bear it any longer. I cannot watch you shun the one person that's constantly shown you unconditional kindness, without making myself heard at the very least. That's why I brought you here. That's why I gave you that dream."
"You?! You're the one that came up with that… with that… Ugh!"
She felt rage bubbling up, almost threatening to overcome her. Leave it to Love to put her silly quest for attention in action in such a personal, embarrassing way. She felt herself rising in the air, and thick, rolling clouds thundered overhead where seconds before the first stars had begun to flash.
"Raven, I had to."
"Why? Why did you have to? It was embarrassing enough reading about it, but picturing myself doing it? With him of all people?" Love simply gazed at her from below, giving her a small, sad smile.
"He is the only one you could have dreamed of doing that with."
Raven closed her eyes and struggled with her boiling emotions to find her center once more. As she did so, the raging storm above her slowly dispersed, and she floated back down towards the balcony, cloak fluttering serenely around her as the billowing winds died down.
Love waited patiently, her eyes never leaving Raven's, until they both stood stock still, facing each other as mirror images, their clothing and facial expressions the only thing setting them apart at the moment.
"You've been watching all this time, Raven, but you still have trouble seeing what is right in front of you."
"There's nothing to see. What's all this about seeing anything?" Raven huffed, reminded of Knowledge's own strange comment.
"You want to see it, but you're afraid. And that's alright. I know it hurts, and it could blow up in your face. But refusing to see it is not the same as not being able to see it."
"This is really getting irritating. What are you talking about? What am I supposed to see?"
Love simply smiled again, and wiping a tear from her cheek, she disappeared, her figure seemingly fading into the surrounding air. Raven caught her breath, fighting back the shock of her sudden disappearance. That was when she felt a soft tap on the back of her shoulder. She nearly jumped out of her skin, and turned around violently, instinctively assuming a defensive position.
However, as soon as she had seen who her presumed attacked was, her arms fell limp at her sides, practically joining her jaw on the floor.
"B-Beast Boy?" Raven asked incredulously. She blinked. Twice, just to make sure this wasn't an apparition. Then she blinked again.
Yet everything told her that it was indeed Beast Boy, casually standing on a high balcony overlooking Azarath, deep within the confines of her own mind, staring at her with his goofy, lopsided grin, and a sparkle in his eyes. Not that she really noticed the sparkle. She was still trying to process how he'd managed to sneak up on her.
"Hey, Rae." Beast Boy said, looking up at her with the same silly smile, and the same high-pitched, raspy voice she'd always avoided.
Raven took two steps forward, clenching her fists to try and keep them away from his face, despite the temptation. She could feel her entire body trembling in pure, unbridled rage. Except this time, she didn't have to float into the air to tower over her victim. Her eyes burned into his as she spoke through gritted teeth.
"Beast Boy, what the hell do you think you're doing here?! I thought we'd been over this before! How dare you invade the privacy of my room, and most importantly, disregard every warning about touching. My. Mirror!"
Beast Boy didn't react. He didn't flinch, or cringe, or cry, or run away screaming at the top of his lungs. Any of these reactions would have been expected. The one thing she had never expected, was for Beast Boy to stand his ground, still grinning up at her like an idiot. The only thing she'd managed to do with her belligerent screams was tousle his messy green hair, a few flecks falling over one of his eyes.
"He didn't invade your privacy Raven."
At the sound of her voice, all concerns regarding Beast Boy vanished, and Raven once again turned to face Love's little sad smile.
"What?"
"That's not Beast Boy." Love stated matter-of-factly. Raven suddenly found herself at a loss of words. She turned her head, and looked back and forth between the Beast Boy who wasn't Beast Boy, standing behind her, to the ever-confusion emotion, still smiling and wearing that blush-inducing outfit. After a few seconds of her head spinning, she gave up.
"Alright, I am now officially lost. What's going on? How is he not Beast Boy?"
"This is all just a way of making you see. All of your emotions, even the most logical and apathetic, are tired of you denying the obvious." Love pointed a delicate finger towards Beast Boy. "He is simply a projection of Beast Boy's presence within your mind. Look at him, and tell me what you see."
Skeptical was one word to describe what she felt about her current situation. Worried was a close second. Hesitating ever so slightly, she turned once more to face the imaginary Beast Boy, who was now leaning against the banister, propping himself up on his elbow.
She looked at him, carefully, trying to see whatever it was that Love was talking about. She didn't get what was so complicated about Beast Boy. He looked like the scrawny, green-skinned, vertically-challenged, pointy-eared, fanged vegetarian she'd known for some six years. He had the same messy green hair, the same, pointy little fang protruding from his lower jaw, the same, big jade eyes. She simply couldn't find anything strange about him. She turned to answer Love, her cloak swishing around and passing right through Beast Boy, who promptly vanished much in the same way Love had.
"I see Beast Boy. Just like I've always seen Beast Boy. I don't get it, what else was I supposed to see?"
Love's smile slowly grew a little bit wider, until Raven could barely make out a sliver of white, shining teeth. For some reason, this only made her even more nervous, and just a bit queasy.
"You just answered your own question. You see Beast Boy just as you've always seen Beast Boy. Short, gangly, immature, and messy. But he's changed, just like you have. You've just been too afraid to see him for what he is now."
"Afraid? Why would I be afraid of Beast Boy?"
Before Love could reply, Raven saw a swish of movement just behind her emotion, as the air seemingly concentrated and created a solid shape. A solid, green, shape. Love was unfazed by the sudden apparition, and spoke directly to Raven once more.
"Because he is everything you never thought he'd be."
With that simple phrase, the thing behind Love finally assumed a well-defined form, and stepped from behind her. A tall, green-skinned man suddenly stood next to Love, smiling a smile that was much too familiar, looking at her with eyes that were far too observant, and donning a spandex suit that was way too tight.
"Hey, Rae." His voice was deep; her name rolled off his tongue like honey, and the way it echoed in his throat made it sound sultry and forbidden.
Raven felt her heart beat fast and hard against her ribcage, battling her lungs over who could be the most frenzied. She felt blood rush to her cheeks as she looked at the Beast Boy that stood before her. No longer did she tower over him, and she looked up to see a now well-defined jaw-line, a larger, but duller fang still sticking out from his lower lips, and the same emerald eyes that now held a sparkle in them that she wasn't sure she recognized. It seemed less playful and innocent. His eyes looked wise, piercing, and almost dangerous.
Her blush only intensified when she looked down from his face, across a body sculpted by years of physical training under Robin's strict regimen. His vegetarian diet had left him with a svelte figure, well-toned but not too bulky. She was reminded of a panther, or a leopard, his form very much like one of those sleek predators, seemingly always ready to pounce. She glanced over his abdomen, rippling with his every breath, and she had to swallow back a gasp as her eyes trailed below his waist.
"Raven?" Love said, interrupting her increasingly-dirty thoughts. For once though, she was thankful. The last thing she needed were more fantasies in her head. She'd gotten enough of those from Rude.
Shaking her head free of the distraction, she looked back towards her emotional counterpart, and spoke once more in a dead monotone.
"That's not Beast Boy."
Love just blinked, her smile never fading.
"Why would you say that?"
"I think I would have noticed if Beast Boy suddenly grew seven inches and started looming over me. That's one detail. And if he really looked like that, I doubt we'd ever hear the end of his endless supply of fangirls." She couldn't help but sound a bit indignant as she said the word 'fangirls', and the same blush from before started to ease back unto her cheeks.
Love chuckled, a rather unsettling noise, and Raven literally felt her eyes grow wide as she heard Love's own chuckle echoed in Beast Boy's own throat. Albeit, it was much deeper, throaty, and was providing a particularly tingling feeling that seemed to snake its way up her legs.
"You're right. This is not Beast Boy, but he is what you want Beast Boy to be. When you return, look at him, but for the first time, try to see him as he is. You'll soon see which Beast Boy he more closely resembles." Love said, looking perfectly amused. "That is what we want you to realize, Raven. You have no reason to not have feelings for Beast Boy. He is kind and caring; he cares for your happiness. And he doesn't look half-bad with his shirt off."
At this, the imaginary Beast Boy's spandex uniform disappeared, leaving him in only his boxers, something for which Raven wasn't sure if she should have been grateful for or not.
Still, the sight of a half-naked Beast Boy did nothing to ease her nerves, or her queasiness, and Raven found herself looking away. She covered her eyes with a trembling hand, at the same time checking her own temperature, half-hoping that this was all just a feverish dream.
"How did that image even get into my head?" She groaned. Love gave another hearty chuckle.
"That was courtesy of Lust. She's been busy as of late. She was particularly helpful with that dream, you know?"
Raven shuddered. She had almost forgotten about the dream. Of course, her mind had been mainly preoccupied with the Beast Boy in her head, but still, it was better than that dream. Much better, she realized.
"Enough games, Love." Raven snapped, her patience quickly fading. "Just tell me what I'm supposed to do… please…" Raven sighed in defeat, slumping dejectedly against the banister, trying to count the endless blinking lights of the city below. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do… I don't know what I'm supposed to feel… I'm just… scared. I don't want to be hurt again…"
She felt the presence of her emotion glide up beside her, and put a comforting arm around her shoulder. She usually hated physical contact, but for some reason, this simple touch spread a familiar warmth through her body, and she felt her body relax bit by bit.
"I can't tell you what to do. I can't tell you what to feel. Nor can I tell you that you won't be hurt again. What I can tell you is that I, we, know that there are risks worth taking. You know there's something, otherwise we wouldn't be where we are now. Whether you act upon your emotions is up to you. But be warned, until you finally settle your feelings towards Beast Boy, we cannot be at peace." Love said, her voice warm and nurturing, like that of a mother she couldn't remember. "Things will get worse before they get better, but that's to be expected. That's part of what love is."
With a sigh, Raven pried herself away from the banister, and away from Love's clingy arm. She'd entered her mind hoping to find a simple answer as to why her dream had featured Beast Boy, and now, she found herself thinking about their entire relationship. Was there even a relationship to think about? They were friends, sure, but was there more to that? Could there be more to that? She wasn't sure if she could ever feel that way towards Beast Boy. Physical attraction aside. And even if she did, why should he feel the same? He had no reason to. She had nothing to offer aside from a heart made of ice and a tongue dripping with venom.
She felt a shiver as Love rested a warm hand against her arm, and she looked at the deep, purple eyes of her emotion, framed by thick, fluttering lashes.
"Stop. Now is not the time or place to think of such things. Return to your room, and try to relax."
"Right… thanks…" Raven said, hesitantly, and she began making her way towards the door to the tower, which she knew would lead her back to the tower and her own room.
"Your lack of faith in yourself is troubling Raven. You should love yourself, before you try loving others."
Raven smirked. "Yeah, and you really should consider a cloak. That thing leaves too little to the imagination."
"I wish you'd wear it more often. At least to remember me, and nothing else." Love replied softly. Raven heard her voice, nonetheless, and as she looked back, she was almost sure she saw Arella standing where Love had been just seconds before. The same dress accentuating her figure, but casting a strange glow about her, radiating beauty. Her breath hitched in her chest as she looked at the smiling face of her mother. The blackness whirled around her, dragging her back to her room in the physical plane, and gave Raven little more than a split second to utter a ragged,
"I'm sorry."
A/N - Well, how do you like dem apples? This was a really difficult chapter for me personally, but I hope you all enjoyed it! As always, I'd love to hear what you thought, what you liked or disliked, or what you suspect is going to happen! That's always fun for me, and a real motivation! Write up a review (the longer the better!) or drop me a PM, or contact me via Twitter at Word_SPark, and I'll get back to you ASAP! Promise!
Once more, a huge thank you to twistedpremise for all the help with this chapter, and once more, I must insist, that those of you who have not yet read Raven's Howl, go do so immediately. You won't soon regret it!
Cheers! Until next time!