How to Escape Your Life
Chapter 3:
The Hangover (NOT THAT ONE)
Fox woke the next day in the bedroom of the hotel feeling like he had reentered the atmosphere from the Great Fox head first. The meager ray of light poking through the curtains was too much for him to stand. He got to his feet and almost collapsed to the floor. It was more difficult to stand than he thought. It was obvious that whatever it was he had done last night, it was probably going to have some severe repercussions in his life. He couldn't remember anything that had happened after he got to the ceremony. That was probably not good for his reputation. He stumbled for a moment before gingerly making his way to that god awful thing called a window. His head ache was throbbing as he looked out onto the streets around his hotel for a brief moment. Then he lost his breath, his eyes went wide, and he drew the curtains shut as fast as he could. The sudden motion made him dizzy.
"Falco!" yelled Fox, squinting at his own voice. "Falco, get up! You'll wanna see this!"
"You're waking up more than just him Fox." grunted a groggy green toad. "We're all in the same room remember? Now keep it down, I've got a head ache from last night."
"Jesus Fox," moaned Falco. "Raise the dead, why dontcha. I'm right here, whaddya want?"
"Look. Out. Side." stated the vulpine very slowly.
Falco rolled his eyes and walked over to the window. Slippy followed him slowly. They both drew back the shades a little bit before they had the same reaction Fox had had. Falco turned around with his eyelids so spread, Fox could barely see the red outline. Slippy was pointing at the window and trying to say one word over and over again.
"Re! Repo! REPORTERS!" he squealed. "They must be here to interview us about the party last night!"
"Oooohhh. That's the reason I'm hung over. I forgot about our "plan". Well it seems to have backfired. Now they want even more of us." Fox sighed resignedly.
They all stood there taking in the size of the trial waiting for them at the bottom of the hotel they were in. The demons had lined the streets with cameras and microphones. There was no hope of escape for the team.
Don't worry Fox. I'm pretty sure we don't have to worry about them right now.
Fox looked up from the floor as the bathroom door swung open and Krystal stepped out in her flight suit and dripping hair. She seemed very refreshed and well rested, which was odd for someone who had gotten as drunk as all of them.
"After all, no one is allowed in here until Peppy has talked to us." she continued.
"Peppy's coming? Well great. We get chewed out and more famous. Just perfect." said Falco, kicking a waste basket can over. "We need to get out of here. I say we get to the roof and signal ROB for a pick up."
"I'm for that plan." said Fox happily as he made his way to the door.
"Fox, I wouldn't," was all Krystal could say before Fox turned the handle and was face to face with a smirking Wolf.
"Hey pup. I'm gonna need you to close the door, turn around, and calm down. Think you can do that? Great. Get to it." the lupine said smugly, and with that he reached out and grabbed the handle on the door before sneaking in a "Have a nice day." and shutting the door.
Fox stood there in front of the door without moving. He was so confused right now that his hang over had doubled in size. He was having trouble completing full thoughts. Slippy looked over Falco's shoulder half expecting to see sparks and smoke come out of Fox's ear before he would short circuit and collapse. Falco turned to glare at Krystal.
"What the fuck are they doing here?" he asked lividly.
"Security detail." she explained without looking away from her hand, which she was now turning over, as if inspecting for some flaw. "They're here to make sure we don't leave, and the press doesn't come in. Don't worry. Wolf is the only one up here. Leon and Panther are down at the lobby holding the reporters outside. They decided that now that their names were clear, they didn't want to soil that record just yet. So calm down and take a seat Falco. We don't have long to wait. And Fox? Close your jaw please, it isn't quite that shocking yet."
Fox turned around and eyed the blue vixen sitting on the bed suspiciously.
"You seem to be pretty calm for someone who's hungover. If I recall, you should have the worst headache out of all of us. You drank way more than the rest of us." Krystal just looked up at him and grinned.
"Yeah, I did drink more than the rest of you. What of it?" she batted her eyelashes at Fox causing him to blush and Falco to laugh.
"I'm sorry dude, but that's too funny not to laugh at."
At that moment, Peppy opened the door to their room and strode in. He looked like he had just eaten the hottest pepper he could find. His face was as read as the feathers around Falco's eyes and his paws were balled into fists. At this sight, Falco's laughter died.
"And here comes the fun part…" he sighed.
"Fun part? As I hear it, you already had quite a 'fun part' last night Falco!" accused the hare. "I hear that last night, all four of you were so drunk and offensive that the ceremony you want to last night had to call a security detail to have you escorted out! I hear about public intoxication, violence, offensive language, ruined reputations, and nudity! I can not believe that Star Wolf is the one setting Star Fox straight this time! This is humiliating enough as it is without me having to pay them a hefty check! I have reporters up my ass asking me how it is that your standards have fallen so low!" He started pacing as he continued his rant. Fox started to say something but was silenced by a quick glare from the aging General.
"Not a goddamn word Fox! I am ashamed of you especially for this! How could you let your team do all of this? You're the leader here! You're the one who has to be responsible! You're the one the people look up to! But now when they look up to you, they see this!" Peppy pulled out his communicator and switched on a series of video files. "These were all over the internet!"
A brief moment later Fox and Falco were on the screen singing into a microphone and dancing like idiots. Then Fox was football hustling through a crowd in order to reach a lampshade. Krystal was beating Slippy to death with his own Skull bottle. Then finally, they were all running topless towards a convenience store.
"Oh bloody hell, I was really hoping that last one wouldn't go anywhere." muttered Krystal. As she said this, the whole team turned to look at her. Fox was blushing, Falco was holding both his hands up in a "what the FUCK was that?" kind of look, and Slippy was struggling to figure out where he was in this scene. Peppy just sighed and closed his eyes when he looked at her.
"Krystal, I'm not mad so much as I am confused with you. Well, scratch that. I am mad and confused. I pulled some medical information on you in case you needed to go to the hospital for help when I heard you blew a .21 half way through the party. I knew you'd be even further along the road by the time security got there."
"YOU DID WHAT?" screamed Fox. Falco's look changed to a more kind of "ZOMG!" kind of look as he clapped both of his hands onto his head and started to look around the room franticly.
"She blew a .21. She probably would have gone to a .27 had she been tested towards the end. But what I saw in your medical files Krystal, was that, as a Cerinian, you cannot get drunk. Your liver is much more developed than any other Lylatian's alive today. I suspect that this is because, with all the poisonous plants on Cerinia, you needed to be able to break down these poisons much more easily, so alcohol is no problem for your body."
"Well that explains the lack of a hang over." said Fox.
"Aww Peppy, you ruined all the fun." she said slightly disappointed.
"Well anyways, I am sorry to say that all of the dignitaries hosting all future events heard of this. They have sent their congratulations for the war through the mail, saying that some form of "business" has come up, preventing you from ever going to another celebration like this for a good long time. I really hope you're proud of yourselves. What do you say to that? I mean, really!" he said, his frustration building towards the end.
The team stood and stared. They looked at Peppy, then at each other, and then slowly a grin formed on each of their faces as a look of sadness took shape on Peppy's.
"Oh no, you guys didn't. Did you? Please tell me you-"
"YEAH!" shouted Fox as he high fived Falco. Krystal pulled the whole team into a group hug until Slippy got out and hugged Peppy.
"We did it!" cried the mechanic. "It actually worked!"
"This was the whole plan Pep." smirked Fox.
"We were kind of tired of going to all those stuffy parties with no time to ourselves. We're sorry Peppy." said Krystal apologetically.
"You may be Blue, but I ain't." laughed Falco. "No more lame ass dinners! We're finally free!"
The Rabbit just sighed. This group was just adding to the white hairs on his head. He knew he'd regret letting them off the hook, but at the same time, he couldn't help but laugh at the cleverness of the whole plan.
"Alright, alright. I can see you guys want to just get away from it all for awhile. How about I send you on a "mission" to some resort and tell all civilians that you are there to investigate a bomb threat for a week or so. Then you can stay there with the whole place to yourselves. I'll have ROB come by to lift you off the roof." He lifted a finger. "BUT, I am going to make you compensate for this. Someone is going to have to stay behind and do some community service for the first two days. Who broke the vase?"
Immediately Fox, Falco and Krystal bolted out of the room and headed towards the roof, leaving the poor toad alone with the general.
"B-but! But I!" he stammered.
"Don't worry boy. You're just hanging around with me in my office. Your job is officially my paper assistant, but mostly, I just feel like talking to someone. Being General can be kind of boring sometimes."
Fox stood on the rooftop waiting for the Great Fox to come by and take them off towards a week of relaxation. This was going to be a fun trip.
"I don't know about you," Falco said, leaning in to Fox's ear. "But this is the most excited I've ever been for a "mission".'
Fox nodded. He definitely agreed with his friend. It would be the best thing that had happened to them for a long time.
"Still, I bet you're a little disappointed, eh Foxy?"
"Huh? About what?"
"Come on. A show like that and you were to drunk to remember it? I even had a hard time lookin' away from that picture. Don't tell Katt though, she'll kill me."
"Hey man, I am not that much like Panther. I understand that she had no control over what she was doing that night."
"But you're forgetting Fox, that she did. She knew exactly what she was doing. Cerinians can't get drunk remember?"
Then it dawned on Fox that everything the vixen had done last night she had done knowing entirely of her own free will. It was weird to think that she would have it in her to go half streaking across a public road while sober.
Don't worry Fox. I'm sure that isn't the last time you'll see that.
Fox's face reddened considerably when he heard that thought. He was grateful when ROB showed up with his ship.
"Well, well, step three of our plan complete. Let's get outta here." He climbed up an extended ladder into the docking bay of the ship and waited for the others. He helped them both up before heading off to the bridge to set a course for their next event. One that he would have total control over, and he didn't plan on having any long boring speeches.
A/N: Hi there. I'm here to tell you all to REVIEW! PLEASE! It's like a drought of rain here, but of reviews! (cause it has in fact been raining here in Michigan). Anyways, I hope you liked this story. It was pretty good I think. But, I know that this was a comedy sort of thing. I'm now working on something much different. My next story will be much more serious.
I would like to thank all of the people who DID review. You told me what you thought, I listened, the result is the above. I would like to especially thank Cpt. Fox for Beta reading this story. Without that, I wouldn't have had most of this posted at all. If you get a chance, check out his stories "Our Escape" and "For Her". This story was actually based off of the same idea as the beginning of "Our Escape", so yeah, if you liked this, you'll like that. And if you didn't like this, you'll like that.
-800M23.