Und part four! Aaaand..\ I lied.. this is so not going to be five chapters. Ten is looking more realistic at the mo.
Thanks to all the reviewers - anons and registered - your support is really awesome :) So please, if you've favourited or followed, please just drop me a review! (yes this is a guilt trip) Even a 'you is shit at writing eat dung' is better than nothing... I think. GIVE ME SOME CHRISTMAS LOVE!
And So the Plot... Gets Damn Complicated
And so Marlene found out.
Ten minutes after Lily had entered it the brunette stepped cautiously into the sixth year dormitory. At this point the redhead was lying in her bed, fully dressed with the covers up to her chin, numb with disbelief that her mouth could betray her in such an epic fashion. Every now and again she'd let out a little groan and tug the covers higher. Soon they were approaching her hairline.
'Oh, for a Time Turner,' Marlene heard Lily moan as she shut the door quietly behind her.
'Nah,' the newcomer said, coming over to sit on the bed. 'I don't think you need one.'
Lily cracked open one watering eye. 'How the ruddy hell did you work that one out? Where you even watching that, Mar? Merlin.' She scrunched up her eyes again and fished a hand out from under the quilt to cover her face. 'Put me out of my misery. Avada me here and now.'
'That's a controversial and possibly insensitive statement, given the current social and political climate,' Marlene said lightly, leaning back against her friend's legs.
Lily sighed and amended wryly, 'You always help me put things into perspective, Marlene. Just keep me stupefied for a few years, then. Hire someone to sit my N.E. and then I'll pay you back when their stellar results get me some tremendously high-paying Ministry job.'
Marlene agreed that it was a good idea, but she had left her wand down in the common room, so Lily would have to wait for the moment. Lily would have offered her own wand, but before she could, the other witch said, 'Anyway, it really wasn't that bad. Black thought it was mighty strange, and though he's incredibly thick most of the time, I think he'll figure it out sooner rather than later, but Potter… he didn't…' She paused, frowning. 'He looked astounded, that's for sure – it was a rather telling outburst-' Lily groaned even more loudly than before '-but… I dunno…' Marlene trailed off again, puzzled.
There was silence for a few more minutes as she stared out the window. Just when Lily thought she'd never finish the thought, the girl said, very quietly and cautiously, 'I honestly don't think he'll let himself believe it.' She had an uncommonly sombre look on her face.
'Believe what?' Lily asked, tentatively, after a pause.
'That you could possibly fancy him,' Marlene answered, turning suddenly to pin the redhead with an interrogatory look. There was a calculated purpose for this look: to assess Lily's reaction to the statement.
And react she did.
'What? No!' She clenched the blankets under her chin with an iron grip. 'No – I'm confused and jealous, because – because – hey, don't look at me like that! Let me explain –'
'Listen to yourself, Lil!' Marlene laughed, amusement clear on her face. She looked amazed at the revelation, though. 'I'd never have thought it. You are so far gone.' Instead of replying to that, Lily scrunched her eyes up and groaned long and loud.
'James went off to bed soon after you left,' Marlene continued. 'Said he was tired, too. Sirius followed him after trying to bully information out of Dorcas. She was like a bloody fortress, though, Lil – didn't give anything up.' Marlene pretended to tear up with pride. 'Anyway-' now a frown slipped onto her face '-she explained this lark about you being all jealous over Potter to me. Apparently it's been going on for months and I had no idea! I had to hear it from fun-is-bad-Dorcas! I feel genuinely hurt by that, Evans.'
Marlene wasn't one to hide what she thought – if she felt it, she let everyone present know immediately – so Lily felt quite guilty at that admission. 'Mar... I'm sorry. But it's for that exact reason that Dorcas is the best one to tell these things! She won't have fun with your secrets. Honestly, how long could you have kept it quiet?' That last part wasn't entirely necessary but Lily felt the need to defend herself. 'You'd have gone on about this fancying business, like you are now!'
'No!' Marlene said, her brown eyes flashing. 'I would have slapped this jealousy nonsense out of you! Dorcas'll let you be, but that's not what you need right now. Denial doesn't become you, Lily Evans.'
Lily bit her tongue to keep from retorting angrily. Her fat mouth had done enough damage for tonight. And too much of what Marlene said hit home; she didn't know how to defend herself against those charges. For a few tense minutes both witches stared frostily ahead.
Then Marlene sighed. 'I know-' She stopped short and frowned, picking at the stitching in Lily's quilt. 'I know that this must be hard, Lil. I know. I don't want you to think that I think it's simple and it's- it's 'just a crush', you know?' She bit her lip and the other witch watched, entranced, as Marlene McKinnon had one of the most deeply serious moments she had ever witnessed. 'Not saying you love him or anything -' Lily gagged '-but I know that in your head – in your mad head especially – it'll be much more than a simple fancying situation. I mean, you loathed the lad for four years!' Lily winced. 'Publicly humiliated him time and time again with scathing rejections!' Staring reflectively out of the window, Marlene finished with, 'That's got to be a tad confusing.'
'I really wish you told me,' she admitted, staring at Lily's quilt again. The redhead felt her heart contract painfully.
It took her a while, but she eventually gulped, 'that I- I… fancy him?' The admission cost her so much it was almost an apology in itself. Marlene smiled widely at it – 'good work! Lilykins: one, denial: zero!' – but Lily still needed to say, 'I'm sorry, McKinnon.'
The girls hugged and made up, and soon Marlene trotted off to bed as well, but Lily lay awake for a long time, trying valiantly not to vomit with nerves at the thought that she most probably fancied James Potter.
As Marlene had warned her that Sirius might figure out what the strange events in front of the common room fire might mean, Lily planned to avoid him like dragon pox for the time being. Well, really, her plan was to avoid him ever after, but it seemed as if it was working for the first two days.
At dinner she hid herself on the Hufflepuff table. After dinner she went straight to bed and did her homework happily snuggled in her four poster. If she saw Sirius in the corridor she'd literally run in the other direction. Every attempt at evasion seemed to work, but it was also obvious that as actively as she was avoiding him, he was just as actively seeking her out.
Frustrated beyond belief that Lily had managed to 'take ten steps back' from her progress after The Incident, Marlene refused to help her avoid him. 'It's bloody unhealthy,' she insisted. Dorcas and Emmeline – who had been informed about The Incident by a gleeful Marlene – didn't say anything, but Lily could see that they both agreed with Marlene. Annoyed at this betrayal, she determinedly carried out the covert avoidance on her own.
But by the third day it became obvious that the plan to avoid Sirius forever was simply impractical, as he was looking for her with as much determination as she was evading him. And so, when he successfully cornered her after Charms – she had been just a second too late in packing her things when the bell rang – she felt almost relieved. It had been like a to-the-death game of cat and mouse: adrenaline-inducing but terrifying, as the mouse knows that it will be caught eventually. She'd never admit it, not if someone crucio-ed it out of her, but Sirius was a formidable cat when he decided that he wanted the mouse dead. And he wanted to talk with Lily, which, in her eyes, was a little like dying.
'Si-Sirius,' she said, her eyes flicking around for an escape. 'Hi.'
Sirius regally inclined his head. 'Evans.' He was standing in front of her desk, arms folded over his chest. There was plenty of room for her to dart away, but Lily had finally accepted the inevitability of this conversation. After a moment's panic, she stiffened her spine and stood still. Chin thrust forward and books clasped to her chest, she said coolly, 'I believe that is my title.'
Grinning, Sirius took a step back. 'Aren't you a picture,' he drawled, sitting on the desk in front of hers. 'Pink cheeks, school books, heels together, prim little braid: you're the perfect square, Evans.' He laughed. 'A cute little square.'
Picking disdainfully at the pilling on her jumper, the square said casually, 'better a square than Azkaban-bound, wouldn't you say?'
Laughing with genuine enjoyment, Sirius admitted, 'you may have a point.' But the laughter was short-lived: he slid off the desk and, slinging an arm around Lily's shoulders, said in a deep American accent, 'Let's take a walk, Evans.'
Acquiescing only after she had shrugged his arm off, Lily followed him out of the classroom. 'Is that a thing? What is that? The accent and– and taking a walk?' Sirius didn't reply.
He led her out into the corridor, which was completely and suspiciously empty: it was usually full of students moving between classes at this time of day. Lily didn't have to comment on this anomaly, though, because Sirius stopped in the middle of the hallway and turned to face her. All traces of amusement were gone now. He surveyed her like a war captain might a suspected traitor. She felt frustratingly vulnerable in the empty corridor. Outwardly, though, she held her ground and met his hard stare full-force.
'You fancy James, then,' he said after a long pause, his eyes slightly narrowed, but the rest of his face blank. 'I'm not sure how I feel about that.'
The judgment in his tone caused Lily to fire up immediately. 'I didn't set out to do it!' she said vehemently, glaring at him. 'Fancy him, I mean. Bloody hell, Black, this is no walk in the park for me, I assure you! I have never been more confused and petrified and, frankly, disturbed-' she shook her head incredulously '-in the entirety of my short and admittedly uneventful life!' She pinned him with a glare. 'Plus, I don't really care how you feel about it, honestly. If you're upset I'm twenty million times more upset. Merlin.'
'Are you really arguing with me about who's more upset about this?' Sirius asked, a grudging smile appearing on his lips. 'Some things never change,' he muttered. The smile fell again from his lips, his face changing in another mercurial shift of emotions. He sighed deeply and scrunched up his forehead. 'Poor timing, Evans,' he said, scrubbing his hand through his hair in what was, Lily noted with a blush, a very James-like show of frustration. 'Appalling timing. This really could have been last year. Or three years ago, to be honest.'
An acerbic retort was on the tip of Lily's tongue, but it was only then that she noticed how grim Sirius had become. He was pacing the corridor in front of her, staring at the flagstones. Like a litany, or a stream of consciousness, he began to speak.
'You don't know what you were to him, Evans. You were everything. Everything he upheld; all that he thought was beautiful and good and true-' he snorted at the flowery prose and shook his head '-he saw in you. You couldn't change your jumper without it being reported. He had this– this Lily-radar and he'd start twitching like mad if he couldn't sense you on it.' Clearly caught by a fond memory, Sirius chuckled. Again, he quickly sobered.
'But you couldn't stand him, Evans. You'd frequently speak about skinning him with this freakish excitement in your eyes! Think you feel confused now? Upset?' He pinned her with an accusatory glare. 'Imagine what it does to you having the girl of your dreams think you're not worth the dragon dung in Hagrid's pumpkin patch.'
Her pride wouldn't let her quail under his stare, but Lily knew that her shame was written clearly on her face. She quickly tried to mask it, but Sirius had seen it and his tone became a little gentler. 'I think he really began to take it to heart, Evans. He started measuring his worth by what you thought of him.'
The odd feeling that had been building in Lily's stomach during the speech – a nauseating mixture of regret and guilt and misery – was purged in a fit of self-righteousness. 'And too right!' she interjected passionately. At the look of amazement on Sirius's face, she amended guiltily, 'alright, not that, but he was a bully! I might have gotten carried away sometimes–' she staunchly ignored the pointed look on Sirius's face '- but it was all true! He needed to be told that by someone! He was arrogant and he didn't– he always– he made me feel–' Face reddening in anger when Sirius motioned with a finger for her to spit it out, Lily blurted, 'Mocked.' It came out much more loudly than she had expected. More quietly, she said, 'I always thought he was taking the mickey.'
There was absolute silence in the corridor for a good ten seconds. She stared at the tapestry to his right with great intensity. ''Lily Evans, the square,'' she said. ''Let's get her to snap.''
'Evans…' she heard Sirius say, but she wouldn't look at him. 'It wasn't…' He sighed. 'It was never like that. Never. You've got to know that. Surely–' his voice went hoarse with disbelief '-surely you know that.'
Chin in the air and trembling furiously, Lily clenched ber teeth hard against the warning glands in her jaw and stared stubbornly at the tapestry. She shook her head once, jerkily.
There was a good deal of silence before the final admission. 'He loved you, Lily.'
She thrust her chin up higher and forcibly gulped back tears. He - I... what?
There was silence for a good minute. It would be fair to say that Lily was in a state of profound shock, but Sirius was Sirius and he had exhausted his supply of sensitivity for the day. Anger blooming again on his face, he resumed pacing; each step a caged, frustrated movement. 'He loved you! And he finally gets over you after four years – four years!' his eyes widened in incredulity as he swung around to stare at her again. He shook his hands in the air and made a wild noise. 'Four years of relentless infatuation and repeated kicks when he was down! Each time he put himself out there for you, Evans – you might have thought he was taking the mick, but he was putting his- his bloody heart out there for you! – he was crushed!'
Overcome by anger, or some other intense emotion, Sirius swivelled so that his back was to Lily - still battling tears with everything in her - and became suddenly still. He clasped his forehead with a hand and exhaled loudly. After two more deep breaths in and out, he began again more quietly, still facing away from her.
'Abbott might not be you, Evans, but James seems finally… alright... again. For the first time in four years. She's funny, she's pretty and she may not be you, but she's an alright bird and she genuinely likes him, Evans.'
Lily's throat was aching so terribly that it would have been bliss to let it go, but she couldn't – just stared at Sirius's back, and, in her mind, watched James's face fall after each rejection. All one hundred and thirty seven of them. Merlin.
'And you know what's the worst part?' Sirius swung around and pinned her with a fierce look that she struggled to meet. 'Prongs came to me the day Daisy asked him out and said – and I'll never forget the amazement in his voice, Evans – 'she really likes me.' He just kept saying it. He was beside himself. He couldn't believe that Abbott genuinely liked him.' Sirius railed her with a glare that could have shaken Dumbledore.
But then the Fat Mouth of Lily Evans struck again. And it looked fatal.
'She asked him out?'
It was out before she could stop it – an incredulous thought so strong it seemed automatically vocalized.
'Holy shit, Evans!' Sirius growled, furious. 'Is that all you heard?'
Lily screwed her eyes shut. 'I didn't mean that. I mean I–'
But Sirius wouldn't hear any of it. Fury blazing across his features, he spat, 'All of a sudden he pulls his head in and Lily Evans is a convert, huh? Or was it when he stopped mooning over you like an idiot? What was it, Evans? Which one?'
Angry now, Lily fired back, 'It was not, you git! He grew up – about bloody time, by the way! – and I found that- that I liked who he'd become! Not because he- because he-' She was so incensed by the accusation that she couldn't get the words out.
They stood, a meter apart in the empty corridor, staring at each other with pure venom in their eyes.
Then, quite suddenly and extremely unexpectedly, the anger dissolved from Sirius's face. 'Wait a minute.' He stared at her with a face empty of expression for a few moments.
His eyes left Lily's and wandered blankly up the wall behind her. 'Last term – Marlene's – I'd forgotten…' The words were disjointed and Lily, absolutely baffled by the extreme about-turn the argument had taken, stood, staring in absolute disbelief as Sirius Black appeared to have an epiphany.
A frown grew on his face. 'Then this means…' His eyes slid to Lily, back in focus all of a sudden. 'This means…'
As he stared at her, very slowly, the frown became a disbelieving grin. With an ecstatic hoot, he grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her from head to toe.
'What– Black-'
'When your honey and your vinegar are both failing to do the job, you ignore the wild horse for a little while, am I right?' His grin was positively victorious.
He might as well have confounded her. Lily babbled hysterically, 'What? What are you on about? Wild horse?'
Completely ignoring her, Sirius clapped his hands together. 'Oh, ho ho, Evans!' he boomed gleefully. 'Give 'em a bit of honey and then walk away. Nine times out of ten the wild horse will follow!'
'That is not the saying.' It sounded a bit too triumphant for poor Lily's liking, and there was reason for this, because, ignoring her completely, the next thing he said was, 'You've been broken, Lily Evans!'
So profound was her shock at this statement, she could do nothing but gape at him for a good ten seconds. Then, 'What?' she spluttered.
'Do you remember Marlene's party last year?' he asked, grabbing her shoulders again, his eyes flicking quickly over her face. 'He had given up on you – he had decided to put you away – but he wasn't over you; not really. So that was his plan. Leave you alone. Leave you alone and maybe, just maybe, you'd come to him.'
He stared at her in silence with wide eyes for a good five seconds. Then his hands dropped to his sides. 'And it worked. You came.' But the excitement had gone out of him as quickly as it had come; the victory was obviously a little hollower than he'd originally seen. 'But he's with Abbott, Evans.' He took a step back and put his hands in his pockets, now looking at her with a mistrust that chilled Lily to the bone. 'You don't– you don't know how this will mess him up. You can ruin him, Evans. You call and he comes running.'
An emptiness that she'd never experienced before now filled Lily. It was a bit like hopelessness, she thought, and it started in her stomach and crept slowly outwards, numbing her limbs. Wordlessly, the fight gone from her completely, she nodded. She felt hollow.
Then Sirius nodded and with one final look at her, walked away.
Things suddenly looked a little more complicated than she'd anticipated.
Dear me.
