Not Your Mistake
Previously on Not your mistake : Beckett breaks up with Josh when she finds out he had a fight with castle. Then she confronts Castle about it which leads to an argument. In the midst of all of Castle's self blaming saga, Beckett confesses that she loves him too. Now, further…
Authors Note: Thank you for all the follow, favorite and reviews. The response really is overwhelming. Hope this chapter lives up to your expectations.
Disclaimer: Nope, still don't own em!
Chapter 4
"Because I love you too." She said, relief and warmth spreading through her as she admitted what she knew out loud.
She expected him to scream in joy, or jump around, or go running down the corridors to buy enough fireworks to wake the city. Something Richard Castle-ish. But instead, all she heard was a gasp.
"Castle, aren't you gonna say something?" She asked apprehensively.
What is with the silence? Didn't he hear me? of course he did! Why else would he be silent, I mean the man never shut up for crying out loud. But why isn't he answering? He does love me right? He did confess it mere hours ago! Wait, oh god no… please don't make it one of those stupid death bed confessions which are declared null and void as soon as the person on the receiving end is out of danger. Not when I finally woke up and smelled the coffee!
"Rick!" she tried again, wondering if his first name would finally snap him out of his reverie. It did. His head shot up faster than a rocket. But a second later, she wished it didn't.
"You shouldn't" he said, his voice so low, she would have missed it if she hadn't been waiting for it.
"What?" she asked confused.
"You shouldn't love me." he made sure he was a little more audible this time, his eyes fixed on the floor as if he was trying to memorize the pattern of the tiles.
Did he just! Ok, that's enough. No one tells me what I'm supposed to do. Not my parents and not even a goddamn ruggedly handsome writer boy.
Writer MAN. Her mind tried to correct her. Oh shut up and get out of the gutter she admonished it.
"What do you mean I shouldn't Castle" she said, automatically slipping back to the second name. well he pissed me off! She defended herself.
"You shouldn't love me Kate. Not now, not after everything that happened. Its not safe for you. I'm not safe for you. You already saw what could happen when I shadow you. And this, when I'm just your partner. I don't even want to imagine what could happen if love got in the way."
She waited patiently for him to finish his monologue. Katherine Beckett doesn't usually set her heart upon something, and when she does, there is no going back.
"Can you hear yourself Rick? You sound like the male lead of some pathetic sitcom. Love doesn't get it the way rick. It just makes you act a little more sensible. And god knows I need some sensibility right about now." She tried to be nonchalant about it.
It had worked for them earlier hadn't it? It better work now, because letting her heartache get in the middle of this situation was definitely not going to help things. Worse case scenario, he would blame himself for the pain too.
"Kate you don't understand" he said, his voice a little desperate now.
"Tell me something rick, you meant it right?" she cut him off hurriedly. She needed answers and she needed them now.
"What?" he asked, confused.
"When you told me you loved me, you meant it right? Or was it one of those deathbed confessions. Did you do it because you were so sure I wouldn't live to question you about it?" she asked, her voice pleading. Her heart monitor beeped, betraying the emotions she tried so hard to keep in check. And ofcourse he noticed.
"Kate! Please calm down. Look, your heart is really weak right now. You cannot get excited. Please" he said jumping up from his chair and hurrying to her side.
"The hell it isn't! How can you expect my heart not to be weak when you are crushing it with your silence castle. Just answer my damn question. Whatever it is, spit it out." She said, grasping his hands that came to caress her cheekbone with her own.
"Of course I meant it! How could you even think I didn't Kate? After everything we have been through in the past 4 years. Of course I love you, more than I have ever loved anyone else, more than I ever loved myself. I just don't want to put you in danger anymore." He said, gripping her face a little tighter.
"Then that's all that matters. I don't care about the danger I may be in Castle, I have already made peace with it when I signed up for this job. I would be risking my life, every single time I walk out of my door. But knowing that I have you to come back home to gives me an incentive to be more careful."
She knew she was pouring her heart out to him, and honestly she couldn't be more eager. His face was concerned, determined and loving. He was taking in every word that spilled past her lips. She knew that if she couldn't convince him now, then she would lose him forever.
"I love you rick. I have been in love with you for longer than you actually think. But I was scared to admit it to you. Scared by the sheer intensity of your love for me. And scared that if I let you close to my heart and then lost you, it would hurt more than my mother's death did. But lying there on the grass and bleeding out with your arms around me, I couldn't think of a better way to go. It's a little morbid, I know. I was scared of dying Rick, but I was more scared of dying without getting a chance to give you an answer. Which is what gave me the strength to pull through this. Because you deserve better than a one sided deathbed confession. You deserve the world Richard Castle. Please, give me a chance to try and gift it to you, piece by fragile piece."
By the time she finished, she was sobbing openly. But she didn't bother hiding them. She wanted to let him know her, the good, the bad and the ugly. She was sick of hiding, from him, from them. Now all she wanted was to snap on the blinders and run right at it.
He was crying too. That was one of the things she loved about him. He never hesitated to show his emotions. He wasn't one of those guys who thought crying was a feminine gesture. To him, tears were a way to let your eyes speak when your words failed you.
"And here I was thinking I'm a wordsmith. You, Katherine Beckett could give me a run for my money. But there is one thing I have to say before you kick my butt to bankruptcy." He said, wiping away his tears and taking a dramatic pause. She knew what he was going to say, but she nodded anyway, letting him have this moment.
"I am ridiculously in love with you. Despite your constant threats to shoot me and your eye-rolling at me brilliantly awesome theories. I love you Katherine Beckett. Always have, and always will."
And with that, he bent down and captured her lips with his own. The kiss was gentle, tender and filled with love to the brim. He kept it light, knowing what it could do to her already erratic heartbeat. He knew it since that night in the alley when they were trying to save Ryan and Esposito's ass. She can deny it as much as she wants, but he knew the kiss was anything but undercover.
Pulling away slightly, he placed a kiss on her forehead before looking into her eyes.
"That's what I thought." She answered, smile on her lips and love in her eyes.
"Richard Castle!What the hell do you think you are doing? Look at the monitor. What part of 'no excitement for Kate' was lost in translation?" a stern voice broke them both out of their little bubble of sappiness.
And they both recognized it immediately. But the way they acknowledged it was as different as could be.
"Lanie!" Kate said it with relief while Castle said it in the same tone you used for holy crap!