It was another peaceful morning at headquarters. Peaceful, until their supervisor came in. He went straight to Lenalee and hugged her, which was an awkward position because she was eating a muffin.
"LENALEE! I'M SO SORRY I WASN'T THERE TO HELP YOU THROUGH THE DIFFICULT YEARS OF TEENAGE ANGST!" Komui started sobbing into her shoulder.
Lenalee exchanged a glance with Allen Walker, "Nii-san, I'm fine, really." She patted her brother's back.
Komui marched over to Miranda and said, "I appoint you as Lenalee's puberty counsellor. You will guide her through the changed from kid to woman. She will confide in you when she has questions about her period, sexual urges, things like that. "
Miranda chuckled nervously, "She's twenty. I doubt need my help."
"OF COURSE SHE DOES! WHAT IF SHE SUDDENLY WANTS TO HAVE SEX WITH ALLEN?" Komui continued sobbing.
Allen choked on his toast. Lenalee edged away from him slightly.
"See, Miranda? She needs a puberty counsellor."
Miranda said, "Why don't you ask some other person? Cecilia, maybe?" Cecilia shook her head in protest. "Fine. Get one of the female nurses. I'm sure they know more about that stuff than me."
"No! You two know each other pretty well. I need to find someone that Lenalee feels comfortable talking to about her period, growing hair, buying deodorant…" Komui was getting louder and louder.
The people at tables near them turned around to watch the show. Lenalee slumped down in humiliation.
"Nii-san, I don't feel comfortable talking about those things to anyone. Shut up." She hissed at him.
"Lenalee, as a good parent, I must talk to you more. I haven't been giving you enough attention. I'm sorry!"
"You're my brother, not parent! And you're a pretty good one, even though you can be rather pushy at times. You're pretty good at giving me more attention than I need." Of course Komui didn't understand the meaning behind the last sentence. She smiled sweetly at him, hoping he would go away. Surprisingly, he did.
Reever walked by their table, and said to Lenalee, "The supervisor's been reading this book called How to Ensure Your Daughter a Happy Childhood and Teenage Years."
Lenalee had a sudden urge to smash her head, and possibly Komui's as well, against a wall. Why did he assume she was making out with so many people? Really, he had tried to beat up pretty much every male between the ages of 10 and 40 with the suspicion that they were trying to take advantage of her. Unfortunately for him, it wasn't a good idea to try to beat up an Exorcist. His main targets were Allen and Lavi.
Komui came running back with a bag of tampons (I realize that tampons probably weren't invented yet, but if they can make golems, they can make tampons). "Lenaleeeee! Based on a survey, 67% of women think that this is the best tampon brand."
Lenalee didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Why the hell was her brother shopping for tampons? Cecilia and Miranda started laughing. Komui turned to them and offered them a tampon.
"Lenalee, we have to share our feelings with each other more. I feel like I hardly know what's going on in your life."
"Nii-san, it's fine. I've been, ah, going through puberty for years." Lenalee was turning bright red, much to everyone else's amusement. Allen wolfed down the rest of his food and quickly left before Komui could accuse him of making his precious sister "unpure" again. Most of the others Komui had tried to beaten up before left too, not wanting to have to activate their Innocence on the supervisor. Allen,
"Allen! Go destroy that book. Lenalee's life is gonna be miserable if we don't, and so will our lives." His former master was still ordering him around. They went to the science department to look for Reever.
"Where's the book?" Lavi poked the science branch leader.
"Komui's desk. He was reading it this morning. Now it's probably buried under hundreds of pages of paperwork. He put it in a bulletproof book protection case with a lock that requires 2 keys. The book itself is a hardcover, and by that I mean very hard. There's also a lock on it, like a diary." He grinned at the expressions on Allen, Lavi and Cross's face.
After several minutes of digging through paper, they finally found the book.
"So this is why Komui never trust anyone around Lenalee!" Allen said, smashing the case on the floor. It didn't open. His master shot a bullet at it with his Innocence, but it was even more bulletproof than they though.
"Ugh. What's this stuff made of?" Lavi muttered, smashing his hammer on it. It cracked in two, then sealed together again. Komui had put a lot of effort into keeping the book safe. With a shout, all three Exorcists activated their Innocence on that damn book case. It finally broke. Curious, they decided to read it before destroying it.
Lesson one: If your daughter has any signs that she's interested in a boy, make it clear to the boy that she is unavailable in any means necessary. This includes swearing at them, humiliating them in front of everybody, hiring a professional murderer…
The three of them exchanged an exasperated look. So that's where their supervisor got all his ideas.
Lesson two: Make sure your child understands the changes she is going through. Provide her with plenty of knowledge about it.
This was followed by many pages of diagrams and explanations that they didn't really want to look at. Allen felt sorry for Lenalee.
Komui suddenly burst into the room, "DON'T TOUCH HOW TO ENSURE YOUR CHILD A HAPPY CHILDHOOD AND TEENAGE YEARS!"
"Gah!" Lavi dropped his hammer in shock, which landed right on the book. Komui had a murderous look on his face. Lavi grabbed his hammer and ran out of the room, chased by Komui.