A/N: Sooo sorry for the delay! I was going to put this up DAYS ago, but my computer was being all ick. And today was a really eye-opening ego-deflating day. Urgh. Aah, well, we can't all be good at everything, no matter how much we think we are. Especially when we're frozen from the shoulder down.
Anyway, there's a whole Mob scene in her just for my lovely reviewers -kisses-
And the next chapter is almost done, and I like it... I hope you like it. Okay, I won't hold you up anymore:
"E-Esme, what have you done?!" Rosalie choked, looking fearful for the first time since Bella had met her.
Esme smiled at them condescendingly, looking around at the batter-splattered walls and the flour that covered every inch of the floor. There were misshapen cupcake and cookie trays littering the once spotless floor, and a blazing fire in the background could only be what had been a toaster.
Esme saw Bella eyeing the burning toaster and smiled at her warmly before she pulled a fire extinguisher from who knows where and sprayed at the flames viciously.
Carlisle recovered from his shock first and coughed quietly, hiding a smile. "Well, Esme, I see you retained your cooking skills from your human life."
The Cullen family- and Bella burst into fits of fake coughing, all hiding smiles behind their hacks.
"Bella, go ahead." Esme said, shoving a large yellow blob into Bella's mouth.
It was mushy, undercooked, and covered with green icing which actually turned out to be blended broccoli.
Edward watched his girlfriend apprehensively as her face turned a pale shade of green and she clutched at her stomach, finally pushing the disgusting treat down her throat and pulling in a few breaths.
Esme's smile faded and she looked quite sad. Bella attempted to smile, trying to make it seem as if she had enjoyed the treat, but she failed miserably and ended up with a grimace as another wave of nausea crashed over her.
"I'm sorry Esme, I suppose I am a picky eater, you know?"
Esme nodded sullenly before she glided, with slumped shoulders, from the kitchen, her mixing spoon hanging limply in one hand.
Another short silence later, Jasper stood up tall. "So, my turn right? Don't worry Bella, you'll love what I have planned." He smiled mischievously and Bella blanched.
"Now, now, no need to be worried. I'd say that I am a master chef. I had to find a way to cook all those rats when we were abandoned during the war, didn't I? Now out, Shoo!" Jasper waved a hand at them, dismissive, as he turned around and began to shuffle around the kitchen.
The Cullens- and Bella, minus Esme & Jasper, walked back into the living room where they saw their loving mother figure.
Esme glowered at them all from her hermit corner.
"Really, Esme," Rosalie started haughtily as they entered the room, "I thought you said you could cook. Bella looked about ready to hack that green thing back up at you."
Everyone turned fearfully to look at Esme who was gritting her teeth in irritation. "It's all Martha Stuart's fault!!!" she finally growled.
Eyebrows furrowed simultaneously.
"I got the recipe from her television show. Darn Martha Stuart!" Esme finished just as Jasper yelled for them to come in.
Bella hesitated, frightened at what she was going to find. Edward gave her a little nudge, but she refused to budge.
He ended up half carrying, half dragging her to the kitchen.
They all gaped in momentary surprise. The messy Esme kitchen was now absolutely spotless! The steel counters gleamed and the floor sparkled. The citrus tang of disinfectant and melted chocolate reached their nostrils.
Bella let out a small moan of relief and her stomach grumbled loudly.
"Shh…" she said, patting the hungry beast. She ran to the counter in the middle of the kitchen and the smell grew stronger.
There was a hint of vanilla and some unidentifiable smell. But before she could reach the counter, she ran into Jasper.
"Whoa, whoa!" he cried, holding her back from the delicious chocolate heart shaped muffins sitting in the middle of the kitchen. "Where's the fire?!?!"
"Fire!" Esme cried, pulling out her fire extinguisher from who-knows-where again and brandishing it.
"Esme, there's no fire, dear." Carlisle said, placing a comforting hand on her arm.
She blinked confusedly, but the fire extinguisher disappeared.
Jasper grinned wickedly. "This is my creation!" he called to the heavens above and then handed Bella one of the scrumptious muffins.
She let out a squeal of delight as her stomach grumbled again, and stuffed it in her mouth.
Chew, chew, chew, "Mmmmm…theef awe weewee goul." Chew, chew, chew, "Fou crunfy!" Chew, crunch, chew, swallow, "Delicious! What did you put in there Jasper?"
Jasper gave her a proud smile and looked mockingly at Esme before responding. "Well, there were some eggs, flour, a little milk, some vanilla extract, chocolate chips…oh and Escargot!"
Bella's face turned green and Edward rushed over to grab her as she swayed on the spot.
"Escargot?!?!?!" she cried, placing a hand on her stomach and one on her mouth as she felt the muffins rushing back the other way.
Jasper pouted, "We used to eat them all the time in the army! Well, I used to watch the people eat them, but it was the same thing! I thought you would enjoy them and it's an easy way to get rid of all those little snails in pantry!!!"
He cried defensively.
Alice let out a little giggle and Edward turned to glare at her.
"Oh, Jazz, you're so silly." She cooed, dancing over to give him a small peck on the cheek.
Bella moaned, "You lose Jasper. YOU LOOOOOOOSEE!!!!" she cried as she ran to the rarely used bathroom down the hall.
"Wait Bella, come back!" Edward cried, running after her.
Jasper blinked in shock, his eyes slowly turning black and his jaw muscles tightening. "Yes, Bella, come back so I can…BITE YOU! I BITE YEEWWWWW!"
He flapped his arms in the RainxxChimes mating dance and let out a "Ca-Cawww. Ca-Cawww." Before he ran after Edward and Bella.
A COUPLE CAT SCREECHES LATER
Edward, Bella, and Jasper returned, all in one piece.
The remaining Cullens let out a sigh and Esme smiled widely at Jasper.
"Escargot, hah!" she screeched in delight.
Jasper shot her the: Evil Death Glare of …DEATH!
"Hem, hem. I think it was…Rosalie who went next?" Carlisle said calmly.
Rosalie smiled and danced into the kitchen, shoving them all out of it.
Minutes later, Rosalie called them in.
Bella entered the kitchen slowly hiding behind Edward, not at all excited to taste another Cullen treat.
"Don't be silly, Bella dear!" Rosalie said, pushing through the other Cullens to grab Bella's arm. She dragged her into the middle of the kitchen and the human girl's mouth fell open.
There, stacked upon the spotless kitchen counter, were about two dozen cupcakes and three large pink cakes. A number of red and white candles lined the edges of the counter.
Rosalie smiled wickedly. "Dig in Bella, it's all for you!"
Bella didn't need any other encouragement. All thoughts of previous Cullen cooking encounters fled her mind as she reached out and stuffed three cupcakes in her mouth simultaneously. Frosting smeared across her face as she grabbed handfuls of cake and shoved them in as well.
A few minutes later, Bella was full as she could be as she lay on the floor, leaning against the counter and groaning.
"Rosalie wins." She mumbled, licking her frosting covered hands.
"Tchah!" Rosalie said in triumph as she 'pumped her fist' in the air victoriously.
"That's not fair! She hasn't even tasted my cooking!" Emmett cried and Alice and Edward nodded in agreement.
"Mmmmm…" Bella mumbled, "No more…"
Jasper was glaring evilly at Rosalie from across the room, his eyes once again dark like midnight. He scanned the room and then broke into a wide smile.
"You forgot to hide the evidence, Rosalie, sweet sister." He said crossing the kitchen in three large strides and picking up a…
Large pink box of cuteness!
The Cullens let out audible gasps of awe. Rosalie shifted uncomfortably. Bella groaned.
Jasper paced in front of the group of Cullens- and Bella (who was on the floor clutching her stomach), much like a testi-whoozit at court.
"Rosalie, where were you in the few minutes while we were waiting for you to present your baked goods?"
The beautiful blonde vampire gulped, and whispered something inaudible even to the vampire ears, but sounded quite a bit like mimblewumble.
"Louder, if you will." Jasper smiled.
"I said, 'I went to the market!'." Rosalie very nearly yelled.
Jasper Smiley Face.
The Cullens gasped again, this time in utter surprise.
Edward pointed at Rosalie, "A cheater amongst us!"
"Huzzah!" The Cullens cried, pulling their handy dandy pitchforks from their back pockets and lighting their torches.
Bella pulled out her evil rabid toothpick wanting to join in the fun, but Edward plucked it from her hand.
"We don't want you to get too carried away." He said, throwing the dangerous piece of minuscule wood into the nearest trash can.
The Cullens spent the next few minutes chasing Rosalie around the house and throwing Esme's leftover squishy cakes at her…
Then the Bake-Off continued!
A/N: Yaay! Excitement! The last line was kind of cheesy. Aah well, that's my middle name... okay that was just dumb.
Mmmhmm... Well, 10 reviews and I shall, most definitely, have another chapter posted