Chapter 4

The next two days passed by with Jane and Maura exchanging their hellos and goodbyes, but nothing much in between. The thought of Maura's new mystery man had given Jane two sleepless nights. To add to the misery, Angela wanted to talk about Maura and her own theories of mystery man. Jane regretted telling her mother the moment the words left her mouth.

"You know, Jane, if Maura has a new love interest, we should be happy for her. I don't know why the long face from you. She has spent too much of her life alone. It's not healthy. I know I struggle with it since your father left me" Angela said as she cleaned up Jane's kitchen counter absentmindedly.

"What? No! I mean, yes…I mean I'm not exactly happy, no. Ma, stop cleaning…or I will throw you out!" Jane said as she grabbed the cleaning rag from her mother. How on earth could she be happy for Maura finding someone else? It just wasn't possible.

"Well, you don't have to snap at me. Maybe you are right. She seems to be happy especially when you two are together. I think you are good for each other. I think we need to be supportive of her no matter what. I know I am. There's not much she could say to change my opinion of her. I am just happy she is in your life and ours." Angela went over to the sink and started rinsing some cups.

Jane sat there flabbergasted at her mother's words again. "She seems to be happy especially when you two are together." Her mother had a way of driving Jane crazy without realizing it. Again, everyone could see the connection between the two friends. Jane rubbed her eyebrows together in frustration. "Look, Ma. You are obviously not going to stop cleaning and I have to get to the office. I'll see you later, ok?" Jane got up and headed out the door before her mother could argue.

The promising leads from the recent interview on the Benson case had managed to keep Jane busy, but not too busy for their usual Wednesday drinks at the Dirty Robber. Truth be known, Jane just wanted to see Maura. She didn't care about her new love interest. She just wanted to sit next to her, smell her intoxicating scent, listen to the music of her voice and admire Maura's hair. She didn't care if they had nothing to say, as long as she was with her in the same room. She felt extra perky as 5pm arrived that afternoon and it wasn't often that perky was the proper adjective to describe Jane.

"Ok, boys. I think we have worked hard enough to deserve some brews, huh?" Jane exclaimed. She grabbed her jacket and said, "I'll catch up, I am going to grab Maura."

As Jane turned to leave, Korsak touched Jane's arm. "Don't bother Jane. Maura isn't coming today or Friday" he explained. At the sound of those words, Jane felt herself deflate. The air in her lungs seemed to disappear and leave her weak and with shaky legs. Jane had no choice but to sit back down, unable to visibly hide her disappointment.

Korsak and Frost gave each other a knowing look. Something was up between Jane and Maura. At the beginning, they had often fantasized about Jane and Maura being together. It was the typical male fantasy and even more so when it involved two beautiful women. As time had gone on, however, each one individually had realized that Jane and Maura were perfect for each other for so many other reasons besides the obvious physical one.

"I'm sorry, Jane, but I happen to bump into Maura earlier and she told me to let you know" Korsak said. Jane sat there with a blank stare. Before she knew what she was doing, she put her face in her hands and rubbed her forehead. She had an instant headache, just like earlier with her mother in the kitchen. However this time, Jane realized it wasn't a headache at all, it was more like a soul ache. Her soul longed for it's other half. She needed Maura and needed her badly. The ache inside of her would be eased by nothing short of being with her. Somewhere far away, she heard Korsak clear his throat.

Jane looked up to find Korsak next to her desk. "Jane, why don't you give her a phone call, maybe she'll change her mind?" Korsak was doing his best to be supportive of Jane since he could see her visible distress. Jane stood up and said, "Thanks Vince. You know, I'm sure she has something better to do. I will just catch up with her later. In fact, I am not feeling so good after all, so you boys go on without me. I will see you both tomorrow."

Jane steadied herself and walked out. She headed home in a daze and before she knew it, she was sitting on her couch with a beer in one hand and Jo in the other. She had to try to figure something out. She sat there for quite a while in silence. Her reasoning ability was not functioning. Her brain tried to tell her what to do, but her heart would hear known of it. Her head told her that Maura could never love her back in that way. Jane convinced herself that she just wasn't good enough for her. But, her heart wanted Maura…period. Jane felt exhausted with the internal battle. She needed rest from the turmoil and before she knew it, she was fast asleep.

For the rest of the week, Jane went through the actions of her job. She was on auto pilot and she knew it. Luckily for her, Frost could tell something was up and had silently taken the lead in the Benson case. He knew they didn't need Cavanaugh asking any questions about the case, or what the hang up was on finding the murderer. Jane saw Maura every day and the hellos and goodbyes continued on schedule, but nothing more. She just couldn't bring herself to approach Maura. She didn't know what to say. Besides the obvious love sickness, she was truly hurt that Maura had not confided in her about her new mystery man. It was Ian all over again. At that time, Jane had found out from Angela. Now, even Angela was in the dark.

Days turned into weeks and things continued similarly. Frost and Jane eventually cracked the Benson case and with that difficult case behind her, Jane decided that she could no longer stand the voluntary silence between herself and Maura. She needed to know about this new man for Maura. She needed to be able to accept it and at the very least run his background like Ian. He had turned out to be a wanted felon, so Jane felt the need to clear her new man. With the usual Friday drink time approaching, Jane decided to take a walk down to the crime lab to catch Maura and invite her personally to the Dirty Robber. She decided not to say anything to Korsak or Frost since she had already shown too much weakness whenever Maura was involved. They didn't need to know all her vulnerabilities.

As the elevator doors opened, Jane stepped out and saw that Maura's office light was on. Encouraged, Jane walked over and leaned on the door frame, crossing her legs. She had one hand in her pocket in typical fashion. Maura was the picture of perfection sitting at her desk. Jane cleared her throat to catch Maura's attention.

As Maura looked up, she felt her own pang of desire hit her chest violently as she saw her own picture of perfection. Jane was standing in her doorway. She was the most beautiful woman that Maura had ever seen. Jane was strong, brave, loyal and radiated a warmth that Maura loved. Maura took a breath and felt a bit dizzy by Jane's presence. She had missed seeing her, touching her subtly and hearing the sexiness that was Jane's raspy voice. She was all that Maura had ever wanted and she was standing in her doorway, looking at her shyly.

"Hey, Maur" Jane said timidly. "I was hoping to catch you early so we could talk" Jane continued, finding it difficult to speak as her mouth went dry, "I…I mean. It's just that I…" The words wouldn't come to Jane as she looked at Maura. Honestly, she didn't want to say anything. She wanted to walk over and just take Maura in her arms. She wanted to embrace and hold her forever.

Seeing Jane's hesitation, Maura stood and took control. "Hello, Jane. I know things have been a little awkward lately. I agree we should sit down and talk about…some issues between us. But, unfortunately, I am headed out of town for a long weekend. In fact, I was just sending the last of my emails and logging out of the system." Maura found that she had to lean on her desk for support. She took a deep breath and headed around her desk towards Jane. Jane watched as Maura approached her. A deep desire within her hoped that Maura would make things easy for her and have Maura make the first move. However, life was difficult and that was not to be. Instead, Maura grabbed a bag that Jane had not noticed on Maura's expensive chair. She put the bag and her purse on her shoulder and headed to the doorway where Jane was standing.

"I hate to leave under these circumstances, but I have a flight to catch Jane." In that instant, a few seconds and no more…Maura looked deeply into Jane's eyes. Jane could not speak or breathe. She was lost in Maura. So many unspoken things seemed to pass between the two women. The heat between them was palpable. The air was full of their combined denied lust. The world seemed to stand still in that moment. Maura suddenly reached over and touched Jane's forearm. "I will see you when I get back and we can talk then, ok?"

Jane's arm was instantly on fire where Maura had touched her. She walked on past Jane, leaving behind the loveliest Maura scent and pushed the elevator button. Jane could not move. The love of her life was walking away and Jane could not move. With one last glance, Maura walked onto the elevator and the doors closed silently behind her.