Chapter Four

Speeding Away

It took Jasper eight hours to move. Alice had long gone and he was left staring into that window. He hadn't blinked or breathed. He just lied there. Staring.

The lights dimmed and Bella and Edward eventually left his line of sight but he could imagine them in bed together, him watching her sleep. He was listening the way he was. It was torture, worse than the thousands of vampires he fought in battles, worse than his scars. It was torture and yet he couldn't leave. He felt that it was justified and that it was one in the many payments he would make. All because he fell in love with the wrong girl.

There was no doubt in his mind that she was the right girl (for him) but that didn't negate that she was wrong in every other way. She was human. She was his brother's. They had no right to love each other and they did and they couldn't stop. Too late. It was too late the moment they laid eyes on the other.

Eight pitiful hours... It was six in the morning, he saw the sun shining down on him, making him glitter. It was going to be a rare sunny day. Edward would have to stay inside and Bella would likely stay with him.

That was all he could take. He pushed himself off the ground but the new sound made him froze.

"Jasper," Bella called out in the dead of her sleep.

No, he thought. Worry and elation swept through him. He wondered if he should have gone inside. Instead he stole a few minutes to hear what happened next.

Bella woke, the springs of the bed creaking. There was a pause that she broke. "Edward, what's the matter?"

"You said Jasper's name."

"Oh..."

Was that the best she could do? She had done so well yesterday, better than anyone could've expected from her. He contemplated whether he should walk in, make it known, get it over with. Then she spoke again.

"I was dreaming about newborns... That story he told me about his life? I was dreaming about that."

"A nightmare," he corrected gently.

"Yes."

Jasper could hear her gulp and he thanked the skies above that she was able to lie efficiently under pressure. He cleared his mind and went into the garage where five of their vehicles were parked, including his bike.

He thought about his silver motorcycle, lustrous and expeditious. It was originally supposed to be Bella's but when Edward found that she would only travel with Jacob that way he gave it to Jasper. He wondered -

Robert Allen, Frederick Tracy Dent, Alfred W. Ellet, John McNeil, Richard Delafield, he thought listing off the Union generals of the Civil War. It was too obvious as it was what he did every time he hid something from Edward but it was only meant to divert him. He turned his mind over to something else, flitting from where he would go on his bike to how long he would be gone.

"What would you like to eat, Bella? We could go out or I could bring it back to you?"

"I'd like to take a shower..."

"Anything you're hungry for?"

"That Italian place."

Jasper smiled. She picked the furthest restaurant from them that was not unreasonable.

"Okay, I'll be back soon."

Jasper bent and unnecessarily checked the tires, the engine. He waited as he had been waiting since he stepped into -

John W. Phelps, William A. Pile, Elliot Warren Rice, James Nagle, Isaac Stevens...

Edward came in. He scrutinized Jasper as if inspecting him for lies, as if the answer to all the peculiar thoughts would be there on his face. Before he got in his car he said, "we'll talk later, Jazz."

We will, he thought as Edward pulled out of the drive. He waited thirty-two seconds before he raced out of the garage and into the house, up the stairs, and right into Edward's room. There wasn't a second thought in his decision. There was a steel line drawing them together.

On the bed dressed in faded jeans and a baggy blue shirt was Bella, curled up over the covers. She looked undeniably... Sexy. It was quickly gone from his mind though when he was punched by her despair. It was nearly crippling.

Through her flowing tears she looked to him. "I'm sorry," she cried.

He left human pace behind and went to her instantly, sitting by her side. He took her hand and let her feel the force of his silent lullaby. "What's wrong, darling?" He had to ask, but deep down, he feared her answer.

She sniffed. "I... Edward... I didn't want to... What if we hurt him?"

He squeezed her hand a minuscule amount careful to not break her. Constantly careful. "He'll get through it. He'll be fine." He knew that to be certain. Edward would accept it eventually as long as Bella was happy. That was all that mattered to both of them. It didn't mean it was going to be simple, that he wouldn't fight...

"He's done so much for me."

He held his rumbling growl inside. If he resented himself for anything it was Edward saving her life when he wasn't able. He saved her life from him no less. Never would he forgive himself for that day... He should've controlled himself, shouldn't have been weak, should've talked to Bella before him. He should have done a lot of things in his life. It could've been him that went out to get her breakfast, be his bed that she was lying in, and he would be sure that she wasn't shedding any tears. She might not have been lying in at all, she may have been like him already...

"Bella, darling, listen to me. Listen well, okay? Being with him because you feel that you owe him will do more harm to him. It's not fair to either of you. I understand that I'm not good for you. I'm the most dangerous for you to be with. I could kill you. I would be all too easy for me."

She shook from new sobs. "You don't want me?"

He was taken so off guard by her question that he laughed. It wasn't funny, it was actually quite sad. He held Edward accountable for leaving her all those months ago - the months that he buried himself in college courses so he wouldn't get on a plane and go to her. He came so close so many times. He regretted that decision too, especially when their break-up was his fault. He as good as hurt her himself and he wanted to take it away, to take her from it.

"I will never leave you," he vowed. "You will never lose me."

She calmed but doubt remained and for added measure he pressed a kiss to her forehead. She smiled. "I didn't want to hurt you -"

"You do what you have to. Play it out."

She nodded wiping her tears away, they had splattered across her cheeks and onto the pillow. She sniffed but the smile stayed.

How he wished to have the whole day with her. He thought about his bike... "Lets go for a ride."

"Where?"

"Anywhere. I just want time with you before he returns."

"We'll be back in time?"

"Yes." He wasn't confident but he wasn't going to tell her that. He would try to be back in time but that didn't mean much, not when he dreadfully wanted her to himself. He couldn't wait for the next time Edward left on his hunting trip.

Eagerly she rolled off the bed and he grinned satisfied. He swooped her up and carried her down to the garage. She gasped at the quickness as he stopped next to his bike and set her slowly to the floor. He took the jacket he used on the days he went out into the sunlight along with the black gloves and hat. There was just enough sun that would - should have kept him indoors but he wore a long sleeved shirt popping the collars over his neck and he pulled on the hat to give him shade on his face. He pulled on the gloves and gave the jacket to Bella.

She looked at it curiously. "Wind-burn," he answered to her silent question and climbed on the bike.

She tugged the jacket on and slid in behind him wrapping him in her warmth. He kicked and sped out of there and was not persuaded to ever return.

***

Bella cried over the betrayal she felt when she touched and kissed Edward, and it was with every fiber of her being that she didn't break down. She had to remain strong, for Jasper, for Edward. If they only had time maybe their plan - whatever it would be - would make up for what they were doing. Maybe it would take Edward less time to heal. If he didn't perhaps he would understand that his pain was because of their love for him, that they meant well.

It was wrong... Love should never cause such pain.

Edward's touch, grazes, and kisses, everything that made her scream with guilt on the inside disappeared with Jasper. She saw the jealousy spark in his eyes and she could easily fathom the hurt he was going through because she going through it too, but together they were whole, they would forget for a while the parts they would have to play when they went back.

She laid her head on his back, locking her arms securely around his waist. She felt the smoothness of the ride, how it curved to the road perfectly. She laughed, letting it ring out into the air. She felt him shake with laughter too, hearing the peeling low bass of his chords.

The Cullen home was far behind them, a thin strip of road flying beneath them with a blur of green and brown flying past them. Then suddenly he turned into the forest, the terrain jerking them but she held tight and managed not to be bucked off her seat. It also might've had to do with Jasper keeping one arm over hers. The trees were coming at them fast, but he missed every single one, and stopped when they were miles in.

The silence pressed in on them after the roaring and loud way they had intruded in on the forest. Jasper rubbed her hand.

"Bella? Darling?"

She sucked in a breath that she'd been holding. "Why?"

"I didn't want our time to consist of just driving on my motorcycle." He unhooked her arms and slipped effortlessly off the vehicle and lifted her up and down to the ground. "I didn't mean to frighten you."

She nodded. She knew that. There was nothing to say that he didn't know so she stood on her toes to reach his lips and he still had to bend down. Every kiss sent fireworks through her, an electrical charge through her veins. Nothing could've been better. There was nothing in the world that compared or even came close to him. Time was irrelevant, it didn't exist while she was in his arms. Nothing existed.

Minutes, hours, or days? She had no idea, but when they broke apart there was ache in the air. How long had they been gone? Was Edward home? She looked at her watch and fear crept over her.

"We're late."

"You wanted fresh air is all," he said giving her the lie that would be their way out of any and all questions that Edward would have.

"Fresh air," she agreed sucking in a lungful of it, tasting the greenery of the trees, the ions.

He touched her cheek, kissed her forehead, his face steely and ready. He got on the bike turning to help her on, and they drove back home, to his brother, to her boyfriend, to the inquiries they would face.

Like sand through her fingers, she could feel the time they were losing. They weren't ready. She felt that they weren't no where close to the verge of telling Edward.

Their lies were just beginning…