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Kaien has been pacing back and forth for awhile now , his emotions scattered all over the place .
He felt so down , guilty , and worried no matter how much he'd prepared himself for that day .
The pain of losing people was not something new to him . but the same could not be said for zero . the poor child was still too young to be dealing with such agony . he must be feeling alone now , painfully so .
Shaking his head , the chairman felt his eyebrows knitting as he let out a sigh full of despair .
There was nothing he could do , other than trying his best to fill the growing void in Zero's heart . Even if he could not replace his parents , which was never in his plans , he still had to try .
It was going to be difficult though , especially because Zero was not the kind of person to open up that easily .
It would take a lot of time , maybe even years , to get the distant child to warm up to him . But he was not going to give up .
He vowed to protect Zero and Yuki till the last breath ..
The thought made his heart clench .
Seemed like he was fated to look after children with such tragic pasts .
If only he had the power to go back in time and change their fates ..
Inhaling deeply , he found himself standing still in the middle of the living room , not even realizing when he'd stopped pacing around .
Before he could mope around some more , however , he sensed two familiar auras approaching the house .
Confused and worried , he wasted no time rushing to the door and swaying it open before they had a chance to knock , eyes widening when he saw Kaname carrying a sleeping Zero in his arms .
" What happened ? " He'd asked in a whisper as if he feared the answer and , in a way , that was true .
The pureblood gave him a look that confirmed his suspicions . He really wasn't going to like what he was about to hear .
The chairman barely had time to prepare himself before Kaname revealed in a grave tone " He threw himself from the roof . "
Kaien could have sworn his heart stopped at that . His blood ran cold and eyebrows knitted too much he knew it was going to give him a nasty headache . Though he couldn't be bothered with that at the moment .
Zero .. Zero had really wanted to end his life ? And he could have , if it weren't for Kaname interfering .
It was all his fault . he shouldn't have been so confident the child would take it well . He should have been more careful . He should have accompanied him .. he should have kept an eye on him .
He couldn't even begin to imagine what would have become of him if Zero did really succeed . He would have never been able to forgive himself .
It wasn't that difficult knowing what dark thoughts ran in the retired hunter's head and Kaname felt like he had to say something to stop him from thinking of the worst .
" It's a good thing I was heading back to the moon dorms . But I still suggest you keep a close eye on him from now on , even though I doubt he would do it again . "
Kaien could do nothing but nod , agreeing , feeling his eyebrows waver at the effort it took to regain his composure .
He reached forward to take the child into his arms , too distracted and wistful to notice the fleeting hesitance on Kaname's part .
The pureblood , as strange as it may sound , felt his arms tighten protectively around kiryuu , reluctant to give him back to his legal guardian . But it only lasted for a moment before he dismissed that emotion and handed the child to Cross , registering a dull pang of emptiness fill his being when the innocent warmth left his arms .
Still , he didn't think much of it and , with grace , his arms fell back to his sides as he gave the chairman a sympathetic look before wishing him a good night and leaving , already missing the way it felt having that mysterious child pressed against his chest .
He'd only ever felt like that when it had to do with Yuki .
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Back in his room , Kaname relaxed on bed , leaning on the headboard , indulging in the comfort of his midnight blue satin blanket , thoughts wandering to a certain silverette .
He'd just realized something .
If the child had been born mute then he had to be deaf , which he wasn't .
Learning to talk is a result of hearing speech and imitating it . if you can't hear since birth , then you would naturally be mute .
So , Kiryuu couldn't have been born mute . he must have lost his ability to talk because of a trauma , an accident , or a disease . whatever the cause , it couldn't have been the best feeling in the world .
For a six years old child , it seemed like a lot had gone wrong in his life . His inability to talk , the death of his parents .. Definitely not a fate to be envied for .
What does he feel like when everything tumbles down on him like dead weight ? What does he feel like when he wants to scream in frustration or yell to vent his pent up emotions ?
What does it feel like to be deprived of the right to express himself .. When he wants to whisper or shout .. When he wants to sound playful , or sarcastic , or hurt , or any other emotion ?
How can a child possibly cope with such tragic life ?
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The next time Zero opened his eyes , he realized he was back in his room
, sleeping on his bed , though much to his annoyance , he wasn't the only one occupying it .
Chairman cross was practically squeezing the life out of him . Zero tried to squirm his way out of the vice like grip but in vain . Damn the idiot wasn't even budging the slightest .
After a couple of failed attempts , the silverette gave up , letting out a frustrated sigh before closing his eyes and feeling his tense muscles start to relax as he snuggled to the elder , unconsciously craving warmth and protection .
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The next time Zero woke up , he was alone .
Cross must have recently woke up , the child thought as he placed a palm on the unoccupied part of the bed and found it warm .
Oddly enough , he still found himself wanting to sleep.
His eyelids felt like lead , everything seemed like a dream or an illusion .. Is that what it feels like to be disoriented ? He wondered vaguely before closing his eyes and lamenting .
Life took his voice away .
Life took his parents .. It even took his right to end it all , as if to say he didn't even deserve to rest in peace .
Violet eyes fluttered open a moment later , staring ahead aimlessly .
He watched , with distant eyes , as the gentle beam of sunlight caressed every inch it could reach , announcing a new day , as if his pain meant absolutely nothing .
All he could do was curl into fetal position and bring a pillow close to his chest as grief pelted down his face , with no sign of stopping .
It's a minute later that Cross stepped inside the room and witnessed such sight .
Feeling his heart bleed at the child's misery , the ash blonde hunter got closer to the bed and sat on it , gently placing his hand on Zero's shoulder before calling him .
The silver haired little boy sniffed in response , further burying his face in the pillows , trying to muffle his rising cries.
kaien felt his face contort in pain at that and despite having decided he wouldn't scold the child for his actions the night before , he found himself bringing that topic in particular up .
" what were you thinking , Zero ? " he'd asked whilst stroking those silver strands , his concerned gaze watching for any sort of reaction from the said boy .
His tone had been gentle and far from accusing . If zero didn't know what the elder implied , he would have never realized he was being reprimanded .
He did appreciate the way cross treated him .. But no amount of kindness could make him feel better or even regret what he'd wanted to do the night before . Nothing could heal the pain of losing his parents .. Nothing and noone .
It shouldn't be that difficult to understand his feeling .. And
Yet Cross just had to ask that , as if he'd done something unbelievable ..
What was I thinking ?
I wasn't . For a moment , I just wanted to be with them .
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3 Dec , 2017
short update , seeing as how the writer in me is not in the best of moods .