The Face of Love: Chapter Four

"So it's true, when all is said and done, grief is the price we pay for love."

― E.A. Bucchianer

After Hotch and Violet left, Emily quickly withdrew her phone from her leather jacket and texted the number that had been sending her all those text messages that made her skin crawl and chased her dreams.

"We need to talk."

She then grabbed her purse and headed out of the house, driving around in circles unable to decide where she was going. It wasn't until almost one hour later that she finally stopped at a coffee shop on the outskirts of town. She sat down at once at the patio tables knowing full-well he would eventually appear. But, she didn't remember how long she was waiting, she only knew she was cold, tired and exhausted from everything going on in her life.

She nearly jumped when she felt a hand touch her arm from behind, she attempted to calm herself and not look as terrified as she was. He sat in front of her smiling and watching her carefully, she had been having nightmares about this moment each of them ending just as tragic as the other one.

"Hello Lauren...or should I say Emily Hotchner?" He smirked then he took a seat right in front of her. "Oh wait, you don't go by Hotchner anymore, do you?" He added with a satisfied grin on his face.

"Hello, Ian." Emily answered, clenching her teeth with adrenaline rushing through her body while feeling her heart jumping.

"How are you, Darling? For sure, you're more beautiful with each passing day." Ian stated. Emily hated that she couldn't really read his eyes.

"I wasn't sure you were going to come." She responded when she was able to regain her composure.

"You said you wanted to talk, so talk!" Ian said, which made Emily remember the real reason she had asked to meet with him.

"If you ever come near her again, if you even consider coming near any of them, I will kill you with my bare hands!" She barked with fire on her eyes. Ian just chuckled.

"Relax, Love, anger doesn't become you." He watched her, and for a minute, he could really see a hint of Lauren Reynolds on her face.

"You promised you would leave them out of this, Ian." She glared at him as her voice began to quiver.

"I just wanted you to experience a bit of what I felt when you hurt my son." Ian stated as a matter of fact. His answer angered Emily who unclasped her gun from her hip and deactivated the safety under the table.

"Put your gun away, Emily, we both know you would never make it back to your car if you shot me." Ian stated as he settled back in his chair. Emily took a few deep breaths to calm herself; her hands were shaking, and she thought he might kill her right there.

"What do you want Ian, I can't do this much longer, please just tell me what you want." She begged.

"You already know what I want...I want YOU, Love..." He added with a grin that made Emily shiver.

"Then take me now, but please leave them alone." She begged. "It's me you want to hurt, please leave my daughter alone."

"There she is, the "Lauren" I fell in love with, fierce and willing to do anything in the name of love."

"I can't change what happened, I was doing my job." Emily just shook her head while looking away; she wasn't sure how much longer she could play this game.

"You know, when I first saw you six months ago, I wanted to end you right then and there; I could have just taken you and kill you then." There was a strange spark in his blue eyes, something Emily had never seen.

"Why didn't you? Why are you putting me through this? Why are you torturing me?" She said as her eyes started glistening.

"Oh, Love, don't say that, I'm not torturing you, why would I?" He inquired, reaching to grab her hand from across the table where they sat…she quickly snatched her hand back, so he couldn't hold it.

"I love you, Emily." He said simply, looking away as if the admission was something he truly regretted.

"What?" She asked in shock. "You have been doing all this…blackmailing and torturing me as a demented declaration of love?" Emily couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"I can't deny I was angry with you at first…I hated you…and all I wanted to do was destroy you." His voice was filled with anger, and Emily's heart started beating rapidly again, she still could not believe what she was hearing.

"But then, I realized I really did still love you; I've been watching you. I've seen you around Hotchner and around Violet, then I remembered the way you used to be with Declan, maybe Lauren Reynolds isn't truly death after all."

"You are deranged…you have no idea what love is!" She uttered, closing her eyes as tears filled her eyes.

"And you do? If I remember correctly, you used love in the most profane way; how does that make you better than me." Ian questioned, and for once in very long time, Emily couldn't form an answer, she just sat there looking at him feeling emptier than she ever had.

"I am exhausted, Ian, I'm tired of this game, if you're going to kill me, just do it." She begged, at her wits end.

"Oh, Love, but maybe I don't want to kill you anymore." He confessed with a combination of anger and emotion in his voice.

"Then what, Ian?" She shouted, she was so tired of this game, of running away and hiding things.

"Maybe I just want you back, maybe I can forgive you if you're are mine again." Emily's mouth dropped open, after everything he had put her through, she simply didn't understand.

"I can't be Lauren anymore, Ian." She confessed with fear.

"It's okay, Emily, there really isn't a difference anyway, is there; I just want you whoever you are."

"At what price, Ian?"

"That is a decision you're going to have to make, Love…is it me, or is it their lives?" He queried, standing up and leaving before Emily was able to respond.

Emily just sat there in the cold night unable to understand or come to terms with what had happened. For six months, she had been terrified that, at any second, Ian would come and kill her, Aaron, or their children in revenge for what he considered she had done to him, only to learn he truly was still obsessed with her and wanted her back in his life, alive, no matter the price.

Emily drove back to the city with her mind going a mile a minute. She drummed her fingers on the steering wheel as she waited at the red light. What if Ian Doyle was only playing games with her and this was just another way to trick her only to end up killing her anyway. She knew very well Doyle got off on power and control, but this was way beyond his level of "sociopath". Did he really want her back in his life? And what did that exactly mean? Was she going to have to spend the rest of her life next to him pretending to love him just so he didn't kill her? If it was really the only way she knew to keep Violet, Jack and Aaron alive, she would do it. But what was the guarantee that he wasn't going to kill her anyway? After all, he wanted revenge and to hurt her for taking Declan away from him. Is that what he really wanted…for her to be away from Violet so she could suffer the way he said he had when Declan disappeared from his life?

She parked her car again outside of JJ's house, wiping away her tears and eyeliner that had smeared beneath her lashes. She reapplied a little more mascara and lipstick, and she hoped her friends wouldn't really read her and realize she wasn't okay. She rang JJ's doorbell and a very happy and chirpy Penelope Garcia greeted her; it appeared as she had already been drinking.

"There you are, my raven-haired sweetness...I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up!" Garcia loudly proclaimed as she hugged her friend.

"I would never bail out on you, Pen, you know that!" Emily smiled genuinely she truly did love time with her friends. Penelope and JJ were the closest thing she ever had to sisters.

"Look what I have found?" Penelope sang in a tone that confirmed Emily's earlier guess that her friend was, indeed, already drunk, at the very least, tipsy. JJ laughed from across the kitchen island where she was preparing dinner.

"See, when I said we should hang out, I actually meant really hang out, not just have you come for a few minutes right before bedtime."

"It's barely eight," Emily laughingly said, hugging the blonde.

"I have two children in case you forgot." JJ pointed out waving her spatula toward her friend. "Eight o'clock is usually late for me after running after two boys all day long."

Both Emily and Penelope giggled as Emily sat on the stool at the counter next to the analyst who was now filling a glass of wine for Emily.

"Yeah, I have kids, too, eight is usually around the time I am chasing after Violet to get her to shower." she smirked.

"Where is my little vanilla cupcake by the way?" Penelope suddenly asked as she had just now realized Emily was alone.

"You need to be cut off, Pen." Emily just shook her head while laughing. "Violet is with Aaron tonight."

"Wasn't today your weekend with her?" JJ asked, still unable to believe her two friends had divorced.

"Yeah, it is, but Jack had a soccer game tonight, and Aaron really wanted Vi to go with them." The brunette responded as she took a sip of her wine.

"I can't blame him, Will said the team is getting so good, I am sure all the kids will have a great time." JJ's children, Lucas and Henry, were also in one of the soccer teams Aaron, David and Will coached. Jack and Henry were only a few years apart, but they still played on the same team. Lucas was still learning, but the guys had decided to create another team for the little kids. That way they could all have something to do with the children during the weekends.

"They are really enjoying teaching the kids, aren't they" Penelope stated. "Maybe I should make shirts for all of them, so they'll match." She suddenly got excited about making the shirts.

"Yeah, good luck getting David to put one on." Said Emily, smirking.

"Or Morgan." JJ added. "Hell, I don't even think you could talk Hotch into wearing one."

"Actually, I don't really think Aaron would oppose the idea." Emily thoughtfully stated. "He truly loves the time he spends around the kids, and he literally would do anything to make them happy." She added sadly. JJ narrowed her eyes at her friend, but Emily quickly looked away from her scrutinizing look.

"I can see that, even with Violet, he has gone so soft it's almost funny." The blonde commented, and Emily's face only reflected more sadness. Even Penelope was aware of the sadness in her friend's eyes.

"You still love our boss man, don't you?" She asked as she touched her friend's arm softly. The brunette took a bit too long to respond.

"Oh, Em, then why are you doing this?" JJ dropped the spatula she had in her hand and moved closer to her friend reaching for her hand.

"I'm not doing anything, we really separated because, I don't know, I guess we just grew out of love." She wanted to sound so convincing.

"Emily, he hasn't stopped loving you and you know that." JJ said as she crossed her arms on her chest; she knew Emily was hiding something and hated that she couldn't confide in her…weren't they best friends, after all.

"JJ, I really don't want to talk about this right now." Emily iterated, closing her eyes.

"Then when, Emily? You've been avoiding this for six months now, we're your friends, we can help." JJ said, exasperated.

"Em, she's right, we're here for you, just tell us what's wrong."

"Nothing!" Emily finally snapped. "Why can't you guys leave this alone?" She said, irritated.

"Because we are your friends, we love you, and we know you didn't divorce Hotch because you don't love him, something is going on and you won't tell us."

"Oh really, Jennifer? Because you know exactly how love works, you have been with Will all these years knowing full well you are in love with someone else…that's very hypocritical of you." Emily regretted the words even before they flew out of their mouth, the look of hurt in her friend's eyes broke her heart, and she just stood there looking at JJ's eyes full of tears; it wasn't a secret to her friends that she and Will had been in a rough patch for a long time. Even before Lucas was born, the only reason why they had stayed together was because of the kids. Emily had always suspected JJ was in love with David Rossi, they had been friends for so long, and it was Dave who had helped her go through the most difficult times of her life.

Of course, it wasn't as simple to just leave Will and be with Dave because she didn't want to hurt the children, and Dave himself came with a whole new set of complications. JJ, indeed, had feelings for Dave, feelings she had been denying for a while, and having her best friend throw it in her face like that truly broke her heart. The blonde shook her head wiping her eyes as she turned to look away from Emily. As mad as she was, she knew full well that Emily's angered words were just the result of whatever was going on in her life that had her so mortified.

"Em, come on, you know we really are just trying to help you." Penelope said, reaching to touch her hand. However, Emily withdrew her hand and stood up from the stool where she was sitting, picking up her jacket and purse.

"Emily, come on, don't leave." The analyst begged which made the blonde turn around and face her best friend of eight years.

"Emily, just please...stay, I'm just worried about you." JJ said, fighting the evident tears in her eyes.

"Don't be, I don't need you to worry about me, and I definitely don't need your pity." Emily stated, and before anyone could say anything else, Emily was gone.

JJ and Penelope stood in the kitchen watching the door their best friend had just disappeared through. It wasn't like Emily to behave like this and say those hurtful things; in the eight years they had known her, they had never argued like this. They always had their disagreements, but they were so close they usually just talked everything through and ended up laughing about it later. JJ knew that something really bad must be going on in Emily's life for her to be behaving like this.

"I'm so sorry, Jayje." Penelope said and came to hug her. Just like JJ, the analyst didn't believe Emily would purposely hurt JJ and her; she, too, was worried and now more so.

"It's okay, I don't know what's wrong with her. I hardly recognize her." JJ said truthfully, still looking at the doors Emily had walked through.

"Do you think it's about Hotch? I mean, she obviously still loves him, we can all see that; and Hotch, have you seen him? He's a mess since she left him."

"I know, he has been on a roll between him and Cruz. I don't know how much longer I can deal with the testosterone at work." The blonde said, taking a seat on one of the stools, sipping her wine.

"Cruz?" Penelope asked confused. "Oh my God, wait!?" She said covering her mouth. "You don't think Emily and Cruz are..., do you?" Penelope could barely form the words.

"No, of course not!" JJ said, looking away. She had forgotten that Penelope didn't really know what had happened between the brunette and the Deputy Director years ago.

As Emily drove home with tears running down her cheeks attempting to remain calm. She knew she had deeply hurt JJ, and it pained her so much. They had been friends for so long and, JJ was, no doubt, the best friend she had ever had. Emily hadn't meant to hurt her friend that way, she just felt pressured and was beginning to lose her compartmentalization skills.

When she arrived home, she quickly spotted the Lincoln SUV parked in the driveway of her house. For a minute, her heart skipped a beat, but she knew if Ian was there to kill her, he would not park outside her house for everyone to see. So, she pulled in the garage and walked out to the driveway where a blonde, good-looking man stepped out of the SUV smiling at her.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, she knew he would show up at some point.

"Hello, Darlin', it's nice to see you, too." He sarcastically stated as he walked closer to her.

"Cut the bullshit, Clyde, what are you doing here?" She was so irritated at his suave attitude.

"You know why I'm here, Emily, what the hell is the matter with you!?" Clyde queried as Emily opened the front door of her house letting the British man in, not having any other choice.

"Have you been talking to Cruz? Did he put you up to this?" Emily asked, walking into the kitchen and grabbing the kettle from the stove.

"Darlin', how many times do I have to tell you I don't take orders from others?" Clyde smiled taking a seat at her kitchen counter.

Emily just smiled sardonically shaking her head, digging through the cabinets for teabags then pouring two mugs of hot tea. Turning around to hand one to Clyde and holding the other one in her own hands, while the hot liquid warming her hands gave her little to no comfort.

"No, let's get to the real order of business." Clyde amended taking a small sip from the tea and scrunching his nose…he would never understand why the brunette liked these stupid teas so much.

"What were you doing talking to him today? Are you out of your mind!" He asked, as he couldn't comprehend she would even think of talking to Doyle, let alone see him.

"Are you following me?" She asked, irritated.

"I wouldn't have to follow you if you were fucking honest." He barked. "What the hell were you thinking meeting him like that? Do you want to fucking die?"

"I needed to talk to him, and he's not going to kill me." She told him as a matter of fact.

"Emily, he's a sociopath; you don't know what he wants and what he's capable of." Clyde said aggravated. "Do I need to remind you the man wants revenge for what we did to him?"

"He wants me, Clyde, I'm the one who put him away." She reminded him, frustrated.

"He wants all of us, he wants to wipe out the entire team that put him away!" He barked, banging his fist on the kitchen counter. "Goddammit, Emily, how can you be so stupid to risk everything meeting him like that?"

"He doesn't want to hurt anyone else, Clyde, his beef is with me." She iterated as her eyes filled with tears.

"He already blackmailed you into divorcing Hotchner! How in the hell do you not know he will kill you and all of us…He is a murderer, Emily?"

"He is not going to kill anyone!" Emily shouted, "He only wants me back, that is all."

"He wants you back? What is that supposed...". But he stopped talking, looking at her unable to believe what he was hearing.

"NO! Absolutely no!" Clyde warned. "Are you out of your fucking mind?"

"It's the only way he will leave everyone alone." Emily said almost in a whisper as tears rolled down her cheeks.

"...the wounds of the past and the scars of the present don't disfigure me in your eyes - because you know the price I pay for loving you ..."

― John Geddes,