Premise: Team 7 all dealt with Sasuke's betrayal and death in different ways. Naruto became Konoha's best and somehow hardest working Hokage, Kakashi nurses a drink every night at the bar and Sakura has resorted to breaking other peoples hearts. KakaSaku

Chapter Four: Memories for the Missing

He would never admit it to anyone because he was sure Sakura would yell at him or even worse, give him those eyes before she would take it all away from him just so that he wouldn't hurt anymore. But he couldn't help it, just like none of them could help it. Once in a while he bathed himself in the pain and it allowed him to breathe. Moments like this, moments when he was reading through these kinds of reports were like Kakashi's hangovers the morning after or Sakura's empty bed after a night between the sheets.

The only one who probably had a semblance of a clue of what was going through his head was probably Sai, and that was probably the weirdest part of it all. It was only probably because Sai was Sai that he had the ability to see like no other. It was a bonus though, that Sai didn't tend to understand. Naruto was just happy that the man was considerate enough not to talk. Or he would categorize it as consideration because it put his friend in a better light and Naruto always liked putting people in better lights than they sometimes deserved. He just wasn't sure if Sai was really one of those people who truly deserved it. So far it seemed like he was… more so than… but that was a whole different story all together.

Naruto scanned the file again and sighed. The artist looked up from his painting in response to the sound, looked down at the file, nodded and then went right back to where he had left off as though the Hokage hadn't just made a sound of complaint. Sakura's reaction had been even better; she hadn't even looked up from what she had been reading. She didn't need to, they had created a bond from their past that surpassed all others. It wasn't apathy that kept her from looking; it was from acceptance.

Naruto set the file down and reached for another one. When he sighed again the scariest female in the history of the Fire Country snatched the file out of his hand and whacked it over his head. "S-Sakura-chan… that was really mean…"

"If it sucks so much, stop looking at them," Sakura muttered as she whacked him over the head again, just for good measure, with said file before setting it back in his hands. The Hokage knew why his brain has screamed 'runnnnn' the moment the file had been wrestled out of his hands. 'Scary, scary Sakura who could make a mission folder into a dangerous blunt weapon.' Well any shinobi worth their name could, but only Sakura would attack a Hokage with something so ridiculous.

Naruto recovered from the sudden attack with a shake of his head and traced his fingers down the spine of the file. Sakura marched back over to her old spot on the couch beside Sai and continued to watch him paint, as was now her daily past time. Sai smiled at her in all his creepish glory and she smiled back at him. Naruto wouldn't say that it was creepy, although that was the exact word for it, but he also had the ability to connect with Sai, so that was beside the point. Calling Sai creepy would be just calling himself creepy and a whole lot of other adjectives that he didn't need associated with him.

Naruto grinned from his spot and flipped the file back open. He had lied many mornings, afternoons and nights ago when he had said constantly and insistently that he had hated the D-rank missions that he was looking over. They were actually his favorite in the most morbid way possible. If he had truly hated them he would have delegated them to some poor soul, because he was the Hokage and he could do that, but again, he didn't hate them. It was more of a love/hate relationship that he had with them, morbidity and all. Plus, he hadn't once delegated anything to anyone. Izumo and Kotetsu had been lost for the first couple of months Naruto had been in office. Sakura had taken care of that somehow, Naruto didn't have a clue how, but girls could always find something for guys to do no matter how menial.

As Naruto had noted before, D-rank missions never changed. It had been thirteen years since he had first become a genin and all the missions were still exactly the same. A different pet gone missing, a different color for the fence, but in essence it was all still the same. This meant that instead of putting the three genin whose names were in the report in the place of the mission as he would imagine it progressing, he could put himself next to Sasuke and Sakura.

He lowered the report down to his lap and flipped the page. The genin team had been successful in painting the fence. Not like you could fail something like that anyways and that was what Naruto counted on every… single… time. The genin team had finished that D-rank mission just like Team 7 had and just reading these reports could fill his thoughts with everything that he had lost.

He looked up at Sakura who was motioning at Sai's painting with enthusiasm and laughing like there was no tomorrow. Everything they had lost.

"Naruto, are you asleep?" Sakura questioned as she stared at him with her large green eyes.

The Rokudaime Hokage just grinned at her and shook his head, "No, but I feel like I'm going to." Lies of course, but she didn't need to know that over working didn't mean working to him, it meant living in the past that none of them could ever escape. It hurt so much to do that, but he feared that it would hurt even more if he were to ever let it go.

"I think you need to eat Dickless," Sai replied as he dipped his paintbrush into the black ink and moved his hand so fluidly over the paper that it was almost like he was painting on air. On occasion Sai actually did, but that was beside the point.

"Are you offering to pay for me?" Naruto grinned as he set the folder of memories down on his desk.

"No," Sai replied quickly knowing just how much money went into Ichiraku Ramen every week.

"Make use of the funds you threw away when you decided to live in the apartment," Sakura replied, "They'll feed you for at least a month."

Naruto chuckled, he'd have to eat a hundred bowls of ramen an hour for some money spending like that. "You know that money is going back to the restoration of the village." Sakura already knew of course, she had taken care of many of the contracts. Those didn't appeal to Naruto like mission reports did and it wasn't really delegation when she stole them right from under his nose anyways. She just liked to hear Naruto being responsible. Some changes, although the circumstances were less than desirable, had a positive outcome. It was one of the things that kept her grounded to the present, because if hell Naruto had been Hokage material in the past.

Sakura smiled brightly, "I know. Sai, stay here with Naruto, I'll go pick up the food."

"Yes, Ugly."

Sakura smacked him over the head the moment that his brush left the paper before walking out of the door. Sai shrugged and continued on with his painting with a smile tugging at his lips. She only ever hit him when his paintings weren't in danger, he only removed the brush from the paper when he was with her. Some people thought his understanding of affection was skewed but he loved his friends in his own way.

"It's almost like you like being hit by her or something."

"It's the same as you looking at those reports," Sai replied swiftly as his brush traced a high arc over the parchment. Not the same, but close enough. He was so monotonous that Naruto almost didn't catch the fact that Sai was being sentimental about something.

Naruto frowned, "It's not the same."

"It's the same for me," Sai replied before dipping his paintbrush again, "As those reports bring you back to a time before now, Ugly hitting me on the head brings me back to a time where she didn't look so sad and was constantly angry. Though I have no idea why it does so and why I want to be brought back to such a time."

"Right…" Naruto leaned back on his chair and observed Sai with crossed arms and a raised eyebrow, "You're suffering too."

"I have never been a part of Team 7."

Naruto frowned, "But you've always been a part of Team Kakashi."

"Yes, but it is not the same."

"You don't want it to be."

"I do not," Sai replied, "But sometimes when I look at you and Ugly, I feel the pain too."

Naruto smiled slightly, "You've become a really good guy Sai."

"Thank you Dickless."

Silence ensued before Naruto rustled through the pile of folders and pulled out another one from the stack. He opened it slowly and smiled at the picture of the frenzied kitten that belonged to the daughter of the same women who had employed him all those years ago. They looked similar enough for contemplation, so that was what Naruto did.

"Tell me about it Dickless."

Naruto looked up at the artist with a start, "What?"

"Tell me about the mission." Sai was staring at him unblinkingly with his look of discovery plastered all over his face.

"You want to know?" Naruto chuckled. Sai was still learning after all this time and it was pleasant that some things never changed.

"I…" Sai looked up and tapped his chin with the end of his paintbrush, "don't understand what I am feeling and because I don't understand what I am feeling, I don't know what I should do about it. So, instead of trying to understand how I feel, I want to know why I feel the way I do. Ugly burned a whole stack of my books anyhow. I don't know how she expects me to act 'correctly' if I no longer have my books. I need to go buy more later, but knowing 'why' this instant intrigues me."

"Is that so?" So that hadn't been a bonfire the other night… Naruto contemplated issuing a restriction against Sai to all of the bookstores just to complete Sakura's job well done. When had she been able to outsmart an ex-ROOT agent any way? That was a hopeless idea though, less creepy or not, Sai had been bred by ROOT. Restrictions wouldn't stop Sai from getting what he wanted even if Sakura could.

"Ugly isn't here right now, you don't have to worry about her. I'll stop you before she enters."

"I can sense her before you can," Naruto argued.

"Not when you're reading those. Now tell me," Sai demanded in his own emotionless and cheery way.

Naruto rolled his eyes before he peered at the words on the file. "The person who had hired us was named Madame Shijimi and she really loved this cat named Tora who hated her guts…"

Sai watched as Naruto immersed himself in his memories once again. It happened often, but usually Sai wasn't able to hear it himself. Usually he only gazed upon his friend as emotions flashed in Naruto's eyes and a story was told by the expressions on the Hokage's face, but now he was actually hearing it for himself and for some reason Sai's chest was burning.

He watched as his best friend nearly cried at the mention of the late Uchiha and laughed at how much he had adored Sakura and how much Sakura had in turn, adored Sasuke. Naruto chuckled even harder at how much Kakashi had hated all of them for being so ridiculously childish.

Sai registered the fact that the man in mention was standing outside of the Hokage's window, wishing to be detected by the artist rather than be apprehended when he was discovered, but Naruto was still too immersed in his story to even notice that his former sensei was sighing at the exact same heartfelt words as well. Sai's chest hurt again and he still really didn't understand why. He cursed Ugly for burning his books. They were useful despite what anyone said. The books had been the ones to dictate him in giving out those splendid nicknames he called his comrades and now look, everyone accepted them happily and almost expectantly. "It took you that long to find a cat, Dickless?"

Naruto snapped his head back to Sai as the images of his past were broken apart by a sound that was in his present. Kakashi had seemed to drop out of his memories as well since the man was once again undetectable although Sai knew that he was still standing outside. Kakashi stood there often, it was his way of making sure that he wouldn't lose another one of them; from the window you could also see Ichiraku Ramen and the pink haired head that had been bobbing along on the street.

"Tora's a very hard cat to find."

"It's a feline, you are a ninja."

"Just because I was once an idiot."

"You," Sai gave him a smile, "Are still an idiot." The pain in his chest released as he saw the awkward happiness that sparkled in Naruto's eyes. Naruto never looked right unless he was happy. Naruto hadn't been looking right for the past few years.

Naruto's face scrunched up all funny, just the way that Sai remembered it from his own past and he felt something like relief flood into his veins. Although Sai had wanted to know why he was feeling the way he was because of the people that he cared about more than anything, including his art, he had felt as though Naruto and Sakura were slipping away from him once again. It happened often and it unnerved him unlike any battle with death. "I am not an idiot. I am the Rokudaime Hokage, show me some respect!"

"Oh, quiet down Naruto, you're going to wake up the heads of the former Hokage with how loud you're being," Sakura chirped as she kicked open the office door while carrying a stack of steaming bowls of ramen in her hands. The fact that Sakura could carry nearly ten bowls of ramen without letting them drop was the only reason she was always on food duty.

"But Sakura-chan, Sai was being…"

"Sai?"

Naruto pouted, "Yes."

"Shocking, really," Sakura giggled as she set the bowls down on the desk and handed one to Sai, "I got you your favorite."

"Thank you Ugly." Sai hadn't known when he had chosen a favorite flavor of ramen, but after the first time Sakura had told him that she had gotten his 'favorite' he had tried every other flavor and had found that he had indeed enjoyed the flavor that she had chosen the most.

"Kakashi-senpai, I have some for you too. You don't have to worry about paying the bill!"

Naruto blinked, "Kakashi's here?"

Sakura grinned, "I saw him while I was walking back."

"Uh…" Naruto muttered as he looked around the room where he swore there were only three people present including himself.

"Outside the window you idiot," Sakura muttered and rolled her eyes, but she couldn't blame her best friend, no one could find Kakashi when he truly didn't want to be found.

"Uh… Hi Kakashi?" Naruto still couldn't sense him and he scrunched up his nose at the idea that the Rokudaime still couldn't find the old copy nin.

The silver haired man pushed open the window with an eye crease. "Yo."

"Get your ramen before it's cold," Sakura chirped as she handed him a bowl and a pair of disposable chopsticks.

"Thank you Sakura," Kakashi replied and took his spot in a chair that sat beside the couch. His spot.

Sakura organized the remaining seven bowls in the way Naruto liked them on his desk and grinned at the man, "Eat."

"Thank you Sakura-chan," Naruto beamed as he watched Sakura take her own bowl from the pile and a pair of chopstick. Before she had the chance to walk away her eyes glided over the desk and came face to face with a folder.

Sakura blinked slowly as her hand reached out to turn the folder so that the content faced her. Naruto's eyes widened as Sakura's eyes canned the page. "Is this… Is this Madame Shijimi's daughter?"

"Uh yah…"

"It runs in the family then," Sakura murmured as she turned away from the picture of the cat with the pink bow that was held in the arms of a plump looking child and walked to the spot that had been left for her on the couch next to Sai and beside Kakashi. Sai blinked at her oddly as she leaned back and snapped the cover off of the bowl. "You know… that brings back a lot of memories."

"Yah," Naruto replied as he sighed with relief, knowing that she hadn't caught on to the fact that, that was why he always took the time to read through the D-rank mission reports until it was two in the morning.

"We were such kids back then," Sakura murmured.

"I was a grown man," Kakashi replied as he pulled his mask down and shoved noodles into his mouth.

"You're still not a grown man Kakashi-senpai," Sakura teased, "You're just old."

"That's mean Sakura-chan."

"Oh, don't go pulling that again."

"She's right Kakashi!"

"Not you too Naruto."

"Forty, forty!"

"You used to respect me."

"Nope, never."

Sakura smiled, "I wonder what ever happened to Tora."

"Probably happy to be six feet under," Kakashi replied with a scoff. He didn't like cats; he was a dog person.

Sai ate from his bowl of ramen as the talk once again reverted back to the days of Team 7. His heart clenched as the noodles slid down his throat and his favorite flavor didn't light up anything like it usually did. He had never completed a D rank mission in his life. Since he could remember, ROOT and then Anbu was all that he was a part of, that and Team Kakashi. He couldn't relate to their conversation, couldn't put himself in that place or even talk about a stupid cat with an even stupider pink bow.

"No, that was not the funniest thing ever," Sakura challenged.

"What could have been funnier than that?"

Sakura grinned, "Meeting Sai for the first time."

Naruto blinked, "You're right."

"I wasn't there for that," Kakashi mumbled.

"We all met him at different times, didn't we Sai?" Sakura smiled.

Sai looked up at her green eyes and watched as they sparkled in earnest. She hadn't even tried to turn the conversation to a place where he was more comfortable; she hadn't even tried to give him a favorite something and she had. The ramen in his hands suddenly tasted a whole lot better.

They all had changed him; these people were the people that had changed him for the better, had given him the chance that he now held dear to his heart. "You were ugly from the moment I saw you," Sai praised. Naruto choked on his ramen while trying to laugh loudly and Kakashi couldn't hide the smile that appeared on his lips and through his mask.

Sakura's eyes turned dark, "I remember that."

Sometimes being hit by a scary woman never felt so good.

When Sai could finally figure it out, he would do everything within his power to take away the pain that tormented those that meant the most to him.

First though, he needed to buy new books.

I need a beta reader for this story... like seriously XD. The job won't be hard, I promise... ish.

So... a little insight into Naruto's pain... gasp.