CHAPTER FOUR

TAYLOR

The following night, I am nervously watching April's match from backstage. I'm still really worried about her. Tenille calmed me down, but I couldn't tell her what happened. I'm going insane wondering if the monster that hurt my friend is lurking in the shadows waiting to strike again. Since I can't know for sure, I decide I'm going to stay as close to April as possible from now on.

Things are okay for a short time before Nikki goes way off-script and attacks April. I watch in horror as she hits her head hard pretty much exactly where it was hurt yesterday. I want to run out there and help her, but I obviously can't. Luckily, Bryan is back for the night, and he gets involved. I see him tell the referee to call the match, but Brie steals the win at Nikki's insistence.

I can hardly believe she pulled that! As April is helped backstage, I rush to her. "She hit her head yesterday," I tell the trainers because they need to know. "Nikki caught the same spot." I'm starting to panic as I watch April in obvious pain.

Paul makes everyone back up as Stephanie demands answers from Brie who denies planning this with Nikki. April suddenly panics and starts fighting against the trainers. My heart breaks for her. I want to help, but Colby and Dean beat me to it and calm her down. It's so hard to watch her freak out like this. I've never felt this helpless in my life. All I want to do is fix this and make sure no one ever hurts her again, but I can't even do that. I have no idea who hurt her. I don't even know how to begin to help.

I'm terrified that the injury is bad. I know how bad she was yesterday. What if Nikki did real damage? April shouldn't have been out there tonight. She needs help, but I let her talk me out of telling anyone, and now she's hurt badly.

They decide it's a concussion but that she should be okay in a couple of days. I realize I'm crying slightly. Get a grip, Taylor, I scold myself. She's going to be okay. I discretely wipe away a tear and volunteer to stay with April during Colby's match.

When we are alone, I hug her and say, "April, I'm sorry..."

"For what?" She asks.

"For not being able to help... Watching you freak out... April, you need help. You can't just keep this bottled up. You'll snap."

She leans against me. "Taylor, I appreciate you looking out for me, but I'm okay. I just had a really bad head injury and I confused time. I'm okay now."

"You can talk to me if you need to," I say gently. "You don't have to tell me details, or even who it was, but you can vent to me if you're scared. You don't have to do this alone, April." I may not be able to fix this, but at least I can let her know she's not alone. People should know that kind of thing. I can't do much for her, but I can be here for her. I can be a friend.

She looks like she might cry as she pulls me into a hug. "That means a lot to me."

I hold her for a bit until Dean and Colby come back. They shower in shifts. While Dean is with us, Phil calls. I can hear they are having a fight. Dean finally gets fed up, takes the phone, and curses Phil out. I can't say I blame him. When Colby returns, he takes April back to his room and I'm alone.

I realize I'm shaking. I have a million thoughts racing through my head and can't slow any of them down, so I text Win. I need you is all I send him. He appears backstage a minute later. Win takes one look at my face and drops the Bray Wyatt persona immediately.

"What happened?" He asks me.

"I just... I don't want to be alone right now," I say, feeling pathetic.

"Sorry, boys," he calls over his shoulder. "I'm not coming tonight."

I see his storyline minions standing nearby. They don't argue. "I'm sorry," I say quickly. "If you have plans, I can just-"

"It's nothing that can't wait, Taylor," he insists. "You're more important."

I feel bad. I can see in his eyes that he's scared. I know he's flashing back on a day neither of us will likely forget, even though I wish I could. I was sixteen and hurting. My depression had gotten so bad, I'd decided I couldn't take it anymore. I took a knife from the kitchen and went up to my room. I remember thinking that would make a mess that my poor mother would be stuck cleaning up, so after I made a fairly bad cut, I wrapped my wrist in a sweatshirt, applying pressure so I didn't bleed all over the carpet, and I went into my dad's room. He had tons of painkillers I figured might do the trick. I swallowed half a bottle before Win came barging into the room. He'd immediately sprung into action, grabbing the pills from me. He dragged me to the bathroom and forced me to throw up.

I remember him rubbing my back and telling me everything would be okay. He was crying. That scared me. Win never cries, but I'd freaked him out that badly. He couldn't understand why I'd done it. I puked for what felt like hours and then Win unwrapped my wrist. The sweatshirt was destroyed, so he threw it away. He did his best to disinfect the nasty gash before taking our mom's sewing kit and stitching it closed himself. I guess I was lucky he'd had first aid training.

He made me swear I'd never try to do that again, that I'd always call him if I needed help. I promised him I'd try, although I wasn't sure I could bring myself to do it. I begged him not to tell our parents and he never did, but I know it still haunts him. Part of him is scared I'll do it again. Part of me is afraid of that sometimes, too.

I let him take me back to his hotel room. He insists I crash in his bed and he sits on the couch. I know he won't sleep. He never does when he's worried about me. I hate being such a burden.

You have to stop doing this, I tell myself. Life is good. You don't have any reason to be depressed. That's been drilled into me by my father since I was thirteen and I told him I thought I might be depressed. My dad is great, but he's old school, and in his mind, only weak men get depressed for "no reason." I learned to hide it from him after a while, and eventually I hid it from everyone, always smiling and staying super positive and upbeat.

Maybe if I say I'm okay enough times, I'll start to believe it... Or at least Bo-lieve it. If I live my gimmick like Win lives his, maybe I'll be okay.

TENILLE

I am super excited that Rosa's invited me to her slumber party to cheer up April. I haven't been to a slumber party in ages! Poor April has a concussion because of Evil Nikki Bella and can't work, so she definitely needs her friends. Romantic comedies are (tragically) banned, but it's going to be a Harry Potter marathon instead, and I'm excited about that. I love all the magic in the films and I watch intently.

We're all having a splendid night. Eventually, we drift off to sleep. I dream of a land of pixies and I'm dancing amongst them. In fact, I start teaching them the dance for my entrance music, and they're actually quite good at it. My little friends flap their tiny wings eagerly and giggle excitedly as they dance along. One dangles from my fingers as I move my hand through the air. She seems to be enjoying herself as much as I am and we smile at each other.

Suddenly, a scream invades my dream. The pixies pause in alarm, then fade away as I wake up. April is thrashing in her sleep and screaming.

Foxy is stirring as I stand up. Rosa looks terrified. Saraya leaps up and has a baseball bat in her hands. She looks ready to attack (or play ball) and I wonder how none of us noticed the bat under her pillow. She slips it back underneath when she realizes no one is actually under attack.

"April, wake up!" Rosa calls. I suspect she knows what April is dreaming about from the look on her face.

April finally does and she stares at us in confusion. "You were screaming in your sleep," Saraya explains.

"I've had some wicked nightmares, but this seemed pretty bad," I say.

"Are you okay?" Foxy asks her.

"I'm sorry," April says quickly.

"Don't apologize," Rosa says.

April launches into an explanation. She tells us she was molested as a kid and I'm horrified. All I want to do is hug her. Saraya curses, which also seems like a good reaction, but I go with my first instinct and hug her as I tell her how sorry I am she went through that.

The story is heartbreaking. She was so young... Foxy and Saraya are furious. I think we all are, but they don't try to hide it. I just keep trying to comfort her. Rosa decides to put on another movie and none of us try to sleep after that.

I want so badly to help April. This happened years ago, but it's clear she's haunted by it. I really hope she'll be alright as the sun comes up. I wish I could bring her into my dreams of the land of pixies, where she'd be happy and safe. Maybe someday, she'll find her own happy place, but I'd be happy to lend her mine if I could.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Sorry for the delay! I have a bunch of fics going at once right now and it's hard to keep up. I'll try to do better. Thanks for being patient!