Chapter IV- I Must Be Emo

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters you recognize here.

By Antonio a.k.a. Pimp Kuja

Kurama was sitting in his garden, thinking about the one-day only sale at Macy's. He remembered being disgusted by everything at Macy's and deciding to go to Victoria's Secret instead. They had some extremely revealing lingerie that he thought would look perfect on his new love, Inuyasha.

"I think I'll go pick Inuyasha up something skanky for tonight." Kurama thought to himself as he planted his 700th flower of the day. "But to go to Victoria's Secret, I have to go through the bad part of town. I just hope I don't run into my almost baby daddy, Hiei. He never really did get over the fact that I dumped him for this flower pot."

Kurama got into his psychedelic car and went to the bad part of town. There was a detour on the road to Victoria's Secret, and somehow, Kurama ended up in Hiei's house. "Well, that's the last time I smoke my own weed. I forgot I make that bootleg shit, not the authentic shit from some Spanish country that I don't know the name of."

Kurama heard something going on in the bedroom. The yelping noises coming from there sounded oddly familiar. Kurama thought it sounded like the yelping noises made by Inuyasha when they did the do. He entered the room, and found a hungry puppy trying to open a can of discount Purona Dog Chow. It was really sad. Just then, Inuyasha came out of one of the bedrooms with Hiei behind him.

"OMG!! SHOES!!!" said Kurama, astonished at their really ugly footwear.

"Kurama?!" Hiei and Inuyasha said at the same time, simultaneously.

"How could you do this Inuyasha? Wearing red pumps with a green robe. That's just really really tacky. I thought I knew you better than this!" Kurama burst out.

"You have to understand! Macy's just totally sucks. They don't have a catchy jingle like TJ Maxx! I mean, 'way to shop'? What the hell does that mean?"

"And to think I was going to buy you some sluttish underwear and a push up bra so I could see your badonkadonk!"

"Kurama wait! I still love you!"

"Then why are you humping Hiei's leg? I hate my life! I'm gonna go cut myself and paint my hair a slightly darker red than it already is, while writing dark poetry and listening to Simple Plan!"

Inuyasha hadn't realized that he'd been humping Hiei's leg for the past 20 minutes. Kurama began to cry at the sight of this and ran off into the night.

Kagome and Yusuke searched around town trying to find Inuyasha. They looked in all his usual hiding places: The gay bar downtown, the rainbow café by their house, even the sex toy shop by the bank that he didn't go to anymore because they put a picture of Wenonah Ryder on the window. They had just about given up, when they saw a red haired boy frantically running towards them. Yusuke seemed to be a bit scared of him, but Kagome got in his way and looked at him angrily.

"Hold it! I've seen you with my boo Inuyasha before! You know where he is, don't you. Talk, damn it! The power of Christ compels you!" Kagome said as she sprayed holy water (which she took from the small puddle on the floor and 'blessed it') on him.

"What?! Inuyasha goes out with you too? WAAAAHHHH! I hate my life! Nobody understands me! I'm going to go put on extremely heavy eye shadow and let it run so it looks really messy and bad for no apparent reason while repeatedly plucking a rubber band on my wrist!" Kurama yelled out in frustration.

"Just who are you anyway?" Kagome asked him.

When she said this, a character no one knew appeared from off screen and answered, "I'm Nabeshin." Kagome unleashed her frustration on this character, and knocked him back off screen to whence he came.

She again turned to the crying boy and asked whom he was. Kurama explained about the night at the Holiday Inn and how he and Inuyasha had watched Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights in the room while they were getting their freak on. Kagome and Yusuke accompanied Kurama home and waited for him to change into all black clothes and dye his hair the same color it already was before setting out to look for Inuyasha again. It was dusk now, and the streetlights were coming on. Kagome looked around and saw Kuwabara playing with the same butterfly from before. The butterfly led him to a wall, where he hit his head and fell unconscious.

The butterfly went up to Kurama and told him a wolf had been looking for Inuyasha earlier. Kagome looked surprised when she heard this, and decided to resort to drastic measures. She went into the house and took out a box of Wishbone and stepped outside to shake them.

Meanwhile Kurama had managed to find his way into Kuwabara's upstairs bathroom and was in the process of taking pictures of himself. He held the camera high above his head while looking down. His hair was split at the side and covering half his face, from which fake black tears ran. He snapped about a dozen pictures of the toilet and only managed to get half of his face in all of them. To him, the worse they were, the better they looked.

Outside, Kagome began shaking the box. As soon as the treats moved against each other, Kagome heard a loud rumbling noise approaching from the northeast. A cloud of dust overtook the city in that direction. Kagome smirked, and then began to laugh wildly, like some type of wild, crazy lady. She positioned the box of Wishbone dog bones in the center of the street and she went and stood by Kuwabara's unconscious body. There was a great red ball moving towards the house from the cloud of dust.

Yusuke came out of the house after changing, and mistook the box of dog treats for some Lucky Charms. Yusuke approached the box in the center of the road, disregarding the approaching menace.

"Mmmmm! Yusuke loves Lucky Charms. Yusuke will eat this all by Yusuke's self, just like some fat person who is not skinny. Yusuke looka good!" he said as he opened the box of treats. Just as the seal on the box was broken, Yusuke was pushed 17.5 meters away by the force of the red ball. It turns out, the ball was Inuyasha, who'd been trained by Kagome in the feudal era to come whenever he heard the sound of Wishbone brand dog treats. This ability came in handy when Inuyasha would run off for days and come back with no clothes on for some strange reason.

Kagome paid no attention to the fact that Yusuke had been blown away by Inuyasha, and made her way up to him. She had to be careful, because he became very violent when he was eating. One time, Jack Hannah had found Inuyasha eating some Wishbone brand dog treats in a bush, and he was never seen again for about five hours. Kagome made her way up close enough for him to hear her say "SIT SIT SIT SIT SIT YA DUMB BICH! SIT NOW!! HOW DARE YOU RUN AWAY FROM ME?! YOU SIT FO EVA!!! SIIITT!!!"

Inuyasha's eyes were swirly from the repetitive sit commands. He was unable to move and had broken the paving and landed somewhere in the sewers. It appeared that the roots from the thousands of plants Kurama had planted that morning had caught him. Kurama saw this from the window in the bathroom, but didn't really care, because he was too busy trying to find a pencil sharp enough to cut through his skin.

Kagome reached down to help Inuyasha, but fell into the hole as well. It seemed that they were both stuck in a hole, like MC Hammer after he lost all his money and was millions of dollars in debt. Just then, they heard a voice from up above ground.

"Hey?! Anyone down there?" asked the mysterious stranger. Both Inuyasha and Kagome immediately recognized the voice. Kagome would rather be saved by a tribe of really short midgets with herpes than to be saved by him. Inuyasha, on the other hand, was ecstatic. It had been so long since he'd seen his almost baby daddy. Inuyasha yelped out with joy, "Kouga! Yay! You're here to save me and take me away from the crazy lady!"

Kagome became very irritated at Inuyasha, but decided that she's rather live to sit him later, than die and sit him now. Kouga helped the two out of the hole in the ground, and proceeded to knock Kagome unconscious. He then passionately kissed Inuyasha, just as Kurama and someone else were leaving Kuwabara's house.

TBC…