A very Merry Christmas to all my readers (and especially my reviewers!). Part of me wants to make a joke about a "Pippin Christmas as well" but see how nobly I'm resisting!
A/N: the sparkly guy was my childish desire to see Edward Cullen (Of Twilight fame) get eaten by the Luggage. It was also an allusion to a previous fanfic a friend and I used to write.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Sam Gamgee: In Mordor. Had to take the ring. Frodo's dead. :(. Day not going v. well.
Sam Gamgee: It doesn't help that I've been hearing "this quest has been appointed to YOU, Frodo" "If you do not find a way. NO-ONE WILL". "YOU were meant to have the ring" since the start of this bloody quest. No-one said "You're meant to have the ring, Frodo, but if you happen to cark it on the road and Sam here doesn't have any other choice but to take the ring for you, when the only alternative is to leave it behind in some spider's lair in Mordor, then maybe he's got a small shot at success too. My confidence is a little undermined right now!
Pippin Took: I'd barely been in the service of the Stewart of Gondor five minutes when he goes mad, sets himself on fire and falls off the bloody city.
Pippin Took: Is this my fault? I'm always being told that I drive people mad.
Faramir: It's OK, Pippin. I BLAME MYSELF TOO
Pippin Took: but what for?
Faramir: oh, you know. Whatever goes down. Things happen. My job is to angst about it.
JRR Tolkien: Faramir, stop this nonsense. You have a job to do! I did not create you to be angsty.
Faramir: sorry, Professor.
Sam Gamgee: He's alive! :)
Sam Gamgee likes this.
Sam Gamgee: He's alive, and I left him to be taken by Orcs... Not your finest hour, Sam Gamgee.
Sam Gamgee just set a rather lower score at Epic!
King Theoden King: Rohan will answer!
Eomer: We're already riding, Uncle.
King Theoden King: We're already riding, Uncle King, if you please.
Eomer wrote on King Theoden King's wall: Uncle King, I feel a bit guilty about Eowyn. Do you really think we should have left her behind, when it's obvious to everyone that we're just afraid of being shown up on the battlefield?
King Theoden King wrote on Eomer's wall: what, are you crazy? Do you really want everyone knowing she can kick your ass?
Dernhelm: is ready to kick some ass.
Master Frodo: Smeagol betrayed me? How unexpected. Never mind, there's probably some reasonable explanation for it.
Master Frodo changed his name to Frodo Baggins
Frodo Baggins: where am I? Ouch.
Aragorn!: dern-DERN dern der-der-DERN!! der der DERN der der DERN der der DERN DERN-DERN.
Gimli Sonofgloin: look, Aragorn. It's one thing to gallop across the country side or leap onto ships while humming your very own theme tune, but to write it as your facebook status? LAME
Aragorn!: DERN..DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin:what is THAT supposed to be?
Aragorn!: it's the theme tune for people who kill my buzz. I call it the Song of Fail. Notice how towards the end it sounds kind of let down and disappointed?Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Aragorn!: It'll cue every time you speak, from now on until I get bored
Gimli Sonofgloin: well, I am glad I am not going to be subject to the strange and immature new laws the destined King of Gondor is sure to pass if he ever gets his bum on the throne...
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Oh ffs
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Aragorn! added EPIC THEME TUNE, SOUNDTRACK TO MY LIFE, and THE SONG OF FAIL to his music.
Sam Gamgee: misses the wise guidance of his ever so wise warrior friends.
Aragorn!: when I am King, I'm going to have people following me around everywhere, providing a soundtrack to my life.
Legolas Greenleaf: you mean like a fanfare? They already do that in courts and stuff, don't they?
Aragorn!: I am going to have an orchestra and also a Welsh men's choir. They will follow me EVERYWHERE. EVERYWHERE!
Gimli Sonofgloin: every bowel movement will be epic.
Aragorn!: Gimli spoke! Quick! Play the song of fail! DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Legolas Greenleaf:wait, now you're annoying Gimli? Can I join in?
Aragorn!: no.
Gimli Sonofgloin: I think he has the potential to be more annoying than you ever were.
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Legolas Greenleaf: My life's work! In ruins!
Gimli Sonofgloin: but you're also less likely to find an axe where your head was, whereas Aragorn! is definitely heading that way.
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Awesome Merry: For the Shire! For my cousins and Sam! For all my friends and for Middle Earth! I will not let them down.
Awesome Merry: Even if I'd quite like to crawl under my bed and stay there.
Aragorn!: Is totally stabbing orcs. You know, for Frodo and stuff.
King Theoden King: now for wrath! And for ruin! And a red dawn!
Awesome Merry: no longer wants to crawl under his bed. Let's do this.
The Riders of Rohan just set a high score in Epic!
Gimli Sonofgloin: seventeen!
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Gimli Sonofgloin: Aragorn, stop it. Everytime I shout a number, you sing that stupid tune, Legolas cracks up, all the orcs stop and stare at him in bemusement, then he kills them all and he wins.
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Dern... dern.
Legolas Greenleaf: Aragorn, please keep singing the fail song! It's hila- AAAARGH!
Gimli Sonfgloin: well, that was always going to happen if you keep stopping to clutch your ribs and laugh in the middle of a battlefield. You're lucky it was only a scratch.
Aragorn!: DERN... DERn... DErn... Der- AAARGH! Gimli, that HURT!
Gimli Sonofgloin: as I said to Legolas, you're lucky it was only a scratch.