Rachel sighed leaving the theatre, it was her day off but she had to go in to get her costume refit. Her phone lit up with Kurt's picture, and Happy Days Are Here Again sang out of her phone.
"Hi Kurt, I just left the theatre," Rachel told her best friend. "She had to take out the hips and the chest a bit," Rachel giggled. It had been a month since Finns graduation. She has had a small bump on her abdomen for a few weeks and her breast had grown quite a bit. When she got back to New York, she made herself a doctor's appointment, in which the doctor confirmed her pregnancy and gave her a few nice pictures as proof. She had her second appointment was today, she was meeting with Kurt for lunch and he was going to accompany her this time. Her family had been very supportive but no-one outside the family and Rachel's best (girl) friend knew, well and the producers of Wicked, Rachel smiled as Kurt was rambling about something. A few weeks ago she had to sit down and talk to the producers, her performance had brought a lot of attention to the show, which she used to her advantage as a leveraging tool. They promised her a leave once she got too big to preform, and then a month after the baby was born. "Kurt I'm walking into the café now," Rachel told him hanging up the phone and looked around for her best friend. She found him, and sat down.
"Hello Love," Kurt sang song. "So we knew they would comment on the chest, but I did not expect the hips,"
"Yeah they said that I had about an extra inch and a half on my hips." Rachel told him.
"Hmm, you excited?" Kurt asked referring to her appointment.
"Yeah, I skyped with Finn last night, he and Carole were both very excited by the bump." Rachel said, since his lease was up Finn had officially moved back in with his parents last week. Rachel and Kurt ate their food and talked about various things. Once they left, they took a taxi to Rachel's doctor's office.
"I've never been to a lady doctor." Kurt teased, "Are you going have to put your legs in those horse things"
"Kurt you read Cosmo enough to know they're called stirrups," Rachel shot back. They made their way into the build and took the elevator up to her Doctors floor. Rachel signed in, and she and Kurt found seats near the back. Kurt leaned into her and whispered
"Do you think that's how Finn looked" he said pointing to the nervous 17 year old boy sitting next his very pregnant what Rachel assumed was his girlfriend. "You know when he took Quinn."
Especially now it was a sore subject for Rachel "Yeah sure," she mumbled. She hated that he took Quinn to appointments for a baby that wasn't even his but could not be here with her.
"I'm sorry I did not mean to upset you," Kurt said sympathetically. Rachel's hormones were most certainly off.
"It's fine Kurt" she snapped.
Rachel, Dr. Riley is ready for you.
"Come on Kurt" she said grabbing his arm. They followed the nurse in her mid-forties wearing tweetie bird scrubs.
"You need to change into a gown and the doctor will be right with you." The nurse told her inside the examining room.
When she came back out gripping the back of her gown, Kurt was playing with the stirrups attached to the examining table. "Cosmo was right, they do look like some sort of torture device" Kurt mumbled.
"Kurt stop playing with things, or I'll just bring Lacie with me next time." Rachel said annoyed. Kurt gasped at this. Kurt loved Lacie but he was often jealous of her because Rachel shared with her just as much as she shared with Kurt if not more. Rachel loved Kurt but there were some things Rachel did not feel comfortable sharing with Kurt, especially extremely intimate details, because after all Kurt was still Finn's brother. He snorted and sat down in the chair as Rachel slid up on the table. The doctor arrived shortly afterwards.
"Hello Rachel," the chipper older woman smiled as she entered the room. "How are we today?"
"Great" Rachel replied, "this is my friend Kurt, he is also my fiancé's step-brother" Kurt shook hands with Dr. Riley.
"Nice to meet you," she said, "So Rachel tell be how things are."
"Well the nausea is not as bad, but I had to get refitted for my costume today, which was already overdue it had been getting tight for about two weeks, she had to take out the waist and the chest." Rachel sighed.
"Not to mention the hormones," Kurt butted in and Rachel shot him a look.
"No it is okay, that's why I like having someone close to you at appointments. Sometimes they notice things you don't," she told Rachel, "You two live together?" she questioned.
"Yeah, with Kurt's boyfriend," Rachel told her.
"Is Kurt how you met your fiancé?" Dr. Reilly questioned.
"No, Finn and I met in high school." Rachel told her.
"Oh yes I remember you telling me that," she responded. "Ok, Rachel why don't you lay back and we'll get this show on the road." Rachel followed instructions, as the doctor lifted up the gown and placed a blanket over Rachel's lower half. She rubbed the jelly for the ultrasound machine on her stomach. She switched the machine on and moved the controller around until she focused on the tiny splotch in the middle.
"That is your baby Rachel." Rachel and Kurt were staring at the screen, it had been a while and Dr. Riley had been moving the controller to different locations silently.
"Is everything ok?" Rachel dared to ask. Dr. Riley took a deep breathe.
"I cannot find a heartbeat," she said still searching and staring at the screen.
"What does that mean?" Rachel said frantically.
"Well it could be a number of things, the heartbeat could be low. Which we can treat with medicine, but it could also be a miscarriage." Dr. Riley told her. "I'm going to go get the other machine that we used last time, the one that gets a heartbeat from inside you."
Kurt and Rachel sat in silence and the doctor returned with the machine and the nurse from earlier. "Rachel why don't you put your legs there," Rachel followed the instructions, "ok very good, Heather is going to look on the ultrasound more. While I do this," Dr. Riley said sitting in between Rachel's legs. She felt the cool instrument enter her, the room was silent including the instrument that was supposed to make the reassuring noise that everything was ok." Rachel closed her eyes and bit her lip. The doctor and the nurse were discussing something about development, Rachel wasn't really listening. But she did hear "Rachel I'm So Sorry." That's when the sob that had been building in her chest escaped her lips.
Kurt and Rachel walked silently into the apartment. Her eyes were puffy but she was not crying at the moment. Blaine jumped up from his spot on their couch. "Rachel I got your favorite kind of ice cream." Blaine offered.
"I'm just going to go to my room" rejecting his offer. Kurt had texted him on the way home. They let her go, Kurt sank into the couch, feeling helpless.
"I don't know what I'm supposed to do" he told Blaine. "I just sat there rubbing her back."
"I think that's all you can do," Blaine said. "Did she tell Finn?"
"No, he keeps calling he knows she had an appointment. He must be freaking out." Kurt sighed, when a load crash came from Rachel's bedroom followed by a quieter thud. Kurt sighed and made his way to her room. Blaine followed behind.
"Rachel?" Kurt said making his way into the room, she was laying in her bed wrapped in her blankets, Kurt looked down to the causes of the noise, lying next to the wall were a picture frame containing the sonogram picture she got at her first appointment, and her cell phone which was blacked out with the screen shattered, the phone had actually put a hole in the pale pink painted drywall. Kurt sighed her knew that picture had previously rested next to her bed right beside the one of her and Finn.
"Sorry," she mumbled. "The picture was pissing me off, and Finn won't stop calling."
"Rachel you need to talk to him, he knew you had an appointment, he must be thinking the worst." Kurt tried to reason with her.
"What do you mean the worst? Is there something worse than the fact that for the past two weeks, our baby has been floating around dead in my stomach? The fact that there was something wrong that caused it to just stop developing and die?" Rachel looked at him, staring in his eyes. "If there is than he's wrong, but if there isn't then there is no reason to call him because according to your theory he already knows."
"Rachel this isn't fair, this wasn't supposed to happen to you, but it did. Finn has a right to know, he is your fiancé, the father of your baby." Kurt said pleading with her.
"What baby Kurt, tell me what baby." She screamed "Because as far as I'm concerned Finn is the father of no baby, the only baby I'm aware of is gone." Kurt stared at her and got up and left without saying another word. "Go run off to your boyfriend," she directed at Blaine. "I'm just the insensitive bitch. This is probably better, I'd be a horrible mother, wouldn't I. Kurt is just trying to help me, and all I can do is yell at him." She sobbed; Blaine wrapped his arms around her.
"Do you honestly think that? Blaine asked her. "That you'd be a horrible mother and this is a good thing? You're wrong Rachel this is a horrible thing that shouldn't have happened. You've been like a sister to me for years. I've seen you around babies, and kids. You're amazing Rachel. Kurt sure he's a pain in the ass sometimes, but you and I both know he's right." Rachel nodded and sobbed into Blaine's chest.
Kurt was pouting in his bedroom. His phone rang and he looked down to see his brother on caller ID. He was surprised it took him this long to call him. "Hello," he answered.
"Kurt what the fuck is going on, Rachel's appointment was two hours ago," Finn's panicked voice came out of the receiver. "She's ignoring my calls, and now it goes straight to voicemail, did I do something wrong? Is…"
"Rachel lost the baby," Kurt blurted, cutting Finn off mid thought. The line went silent.
"What do you mean lost the baby?" Finn asked.
"Something went wrong developmentally. The doctor thinks the baby stopped developing about two weeks ago." Kurt explained to his brother.
"Wait I thought that when you lose the baby, you like bleed out all over the place?" Finn asked, remembering back to an episode of Grey's Anatomy Rachel made him sit through.
"They call is a missed miscarriage, the baby stopped developing but normally you naturally pass all the blood and fluid and stuff like a really, really heavy period, and she still could. But she is going to go back to the doctor Wednesday to get it all removed for her." Kurt said. Finn was crying he wouldn't admit it to Kurt, but Kurt could tell he was trying to hide it.
"Where is Rachel now?" Finn asked "Why are my calls going straight to voicemail now and now ringing first."
"She is in her room, Blaine's with her." Kurt responded, "She sorta threw her phone into the wall, she shattered the screen and put a hole in the wall. She doesn't know I'm talking to you."
"Can I talk to her?" Finn asked.
"Sure, but if she breaks my phone you are buying me a new one." Kurt said walking into Rachel's room. "Rachel" he said softly handing her the phone. She already knew who it was.
"Yeah" she said into the phone, "I know" … "Yes Finn I know" … "Why does everyone keep saying that?" … "I'm fine Finn. You don't need to come out. I'm f-f-fiiinnne" she sobbed into the phone. "Ok," she said calming a little. "No you don't need too"… "Just don't ok." … "I love you too" she sighed, hanging up the phone, sinking back down on her bed.
"Can I just go to sleep," Rachel asked quietly.
"Sweetie you can do anything you want, but Blaine and I are not going to leave." Rachel sighed again, rolling on her stomach as Blaine and Kurt lay on either side of her.
The next morning the sun shone through Rachel's floor to ceiling window's, and one of the three lumps in her bed began to stir. Kurt sat up rubbing his eyes. Rachel was not one of these three lumps; the other was Lacie, who had joined the trio later that night after receiving a text from Kurt. "Blaine? Lacie?" he said waking them up. "Where is Rachel?" he said looking around.
"I'm right here," she said walking out of her bathroom, fully dressed and ready for the day.
"What are you doing Rachel?" Kurt asked.
"I have to go to work," she said nonchalantly.
"Rachel we went over this last night they are giving you a two week leave." Kurt notified Rachel.
"I have to go Kurt, there is no reason not too, I cannot work tomorrow and Thursday I might as well go on today, and then go back on Friday." Rachel told him.
"We all took the day off." Kurt said motioning to his boyfriend and Rachel's best friend.
"Well you shouldn't have," Rachel snapped at him. "I'm not helpless you know. I have a long rehearsal today and a show. I have my procedure tomorrow. The doctor said most woman are back to work a day or two later. If you want to be helpful you will clean up this glass and call someone to fix the hole. God I'm going to have to repaint now. I'll see you when I get home. I'll eat after the show, so don't bother making me anything." Her three friends sat there befuddled as Rachel grabbed her rehearsal bag and left the room, shortly after they heard the door slam shut.
"Should we have gone after her?" Lacie asked getting out of the bed.
"Like that would have helped," Blaine snorted following her suit. "She is putting on a show, she knows Finn probably already has a flight out and thinks we'll call him and tell him she is fine. That he does not need to come out."
"Its 8:30, he got on the plane at 7:45, too late for that." Kurt said.
"Rachel what are you doing here?" She felt like she heard that for the millionth time, this time it was her understudy Lucy.
"I honestly don't understand why people keep asking me that," Rachel said.
"Well they told us what happened, and that you were taking two weeks off," Lucy responded.
"Well everybody is wrong to assume that, I only need you to do tomorrow night, Thursday, and possibly Friday." Rachel snapped at her.
Lucy walked away mumbling something, Rachel unlocked her dressing room with her key, and threw her handbag on the ground and collapsed in one of her armchairs in tears. She stayed like that for a good ten minutes until the speaker came onto to announce that the full cast rehearsal would start in five minutes. She changed into her rehearsal clothes, fixed her self-up and made her way to rehearsal.
Two hours later Rachel was on a break from rehearsal, these rehearsals killed her they ran it straight through, for the most part there was no stage changes or anything, the director says it focus on pure raw talent, not hiding how much you suck behind acting and props.
Rachel was ready to collapse, everyone kept checking on her and it was really pissing her off, she just wanted to lock herself in her dressing room. She opened the door, to reveal Finn asleep in her arm chair. She threw a flip flop at his face, and sat down in front of her mirror, burying her hands in her face.
"What the hell," she heard Finn say behind her.
"I told you not to come," Rachel mumbled
Finn snorted, "Like that would've worked."
"I don't know what you're expecting to accomplish." Rachel told him looking at him through the reflection in the mirror.
"Maybe I just thought we should be together," he countered. "Maybe, just maybe Rach I thought someone other than my gay brother and his boyfriend should be in your bed every night while you cry."
"Well your wrong," Rachel snapped (god she was snappy today) turning to look at him. "Sure last night was hard. But I'm fine."
"God Rachel cut the shit I've known you long enough to know, no matter how many stupid theatre arts degrees you'll ever have when you're lying through your teeth." Finn shot back. "You don't need to put some act on for me, or Kurt, or anyone just so you look like you've got this all together. Just because everyone expects you to be some wreck you want to prove them wrong when the truth is your dying, the truth is if I wasn't here that door would be locked, and you would be sitting her alone sobbing, when at home you could've had three people who love you there with you." Finn finished looking at Rachel directly in the eye the pain in his eyes resembling the look in Rachel's. A sob escaped her lips, at Finn got up to comfort her, she collapsed into his arms.
"It's not fair Finn, it's not fair." Rachel sobbed into his chest.
"No baby it's not, not at all," a few tears fell from Finn's looking at the state of his fiancé. "Come on let's get you home, I sure everybody will understand" Finn gathered Rachel's bag and took her home.
This chapter killed me but flowed so naturally out of me, I cannot believe I got 7 word pages out of this. Thanks for the reviews, alerts and favorites. P.S the next chapter is shorter. Sorry it took longer to update my overbearing best friend was over, and I got no writing done. I'll try to update again before I go to camp Saturday but no promises.
Mady