Flashback

12 Years ago

He was a fine mess, a beautiful disaster, a dazzling catastrophe. He was like a car accident that I could not look away from. I knew that it would end badly but still I stayed.

He was hypnotist, I knew something was wrong the moment I said see you tomorrow but by then I was already hypnotized.

He was a fascinating dull person like a new classic. He always acted like he was alone in a crowd

He was an impossibly and utterly an oxymoron.

Everything he did was a contradiction to himself. The dull boring person he showed to the rest of the world was not the person he showed to me

And I liked that.

I liked the fact that I could see a side that no one else saw. It was like my own secret garden, something that no one else could enjoy but me.

That should of told me something was wrong. I should of noticed something was not right when I could see how easily he changed personas, how easily he lied.

But I tried to deceive myself by thinking he was just like that, that he actually cared for me.

How wrong I was.

DAY 3

"So you're telling me you hate coffee?" William asks with a sly smile in his face.

"Yes I find the taste disgusting, to bitter for my taste. I think that life is too short to be wasting your time and taste buds in things that don't brighten up your day. I don't want to eat or drink things that remind me that the world is bitter and dark." I say taking a sip out of my hot chocolate, "I prefer drinking things that remind me of sweetness and winter nights spent over the fireplace." I say holding up my hot chocolate to him so he could see it.

"You are one peculiar person Elizabeth." William says leaning back in his chair. I can feel him studying me with his intense icy blue eyes. I try not to fidget under his gaze, which is much more difficult then said.

I've spent the last two days with William. After our first encounter in Starbucks two days ago we've had this unspoken arrangement of coming at the same time every day and sitting in the same table. I have come to look forward to these 30 minutes of the day with him. The first time I met him I found him to be a very shy awkward person. People would think that he would be more outspoken and cocky because of his good looks. But the strange thing about William is that he's not conscious of his good looks or the way every woman in this café looks at him.

I look around and sure enough almost every woman in the packed café is looking at us some with envy and some with curiosity. Obviously curious to know how a woman like me could be sitting in front of a guy like him.

I'm even curious myself to know why he's sitting with me. And also I would love to know how the hell he always finds this table empty. This place is always packed but somehow he's always sitting in this particular table. Weird.

I take this time to study William as he drinks his tea. His black hair is cut short and he's wearing a simple white t-shirt with jeans. Very different from the attire he was wearing when I first met him. Maybe he was going to have a job interview and had to dress up, which would explain why he's not dressed up anymore.

But of course I'm not going to ask him that. We've also developed this unspoken arrangement to not talk about anything personal. Ever since I joked with him that giving out last names was dangerous because they could steal social security numbers he hasn't asked for my last name and I haven't asked his. And I like it like that; I like the fact that I can be someone else with him, someone totally different then what people expect of me when they hear Bennet. He doesn't know about beautiful Jane or my crazy mother or my gothic sister.

He only knows me. Elizabeth.

I can be myself with him. I can be Elizabeth, just Elizabeth. Not Elizabeth Bennet.

I can act like I want to without my mother yelling at me that my actions will have repercussions in the family's image.

My eyes flick back to him and he's still looking at me. I study his eyes, such an impossible color. Even when he squints his eye color still pops. Such a rare complexion -dark hair with super icy blue eyes- He must have some very good genes.

"So what do you think?" he says.

I snap back into attention, "think about what?" I ask embarrassed he caught me distracted.

"You weren't paying attention to what I was saying were you?" he asks his eyes full of humor.

"Not my fault your eyes are distracting!" I blurt out and immediately want to curse myself and my no brain filter.

William looks confused. Like if he has no idea why his eyes would make someone distracted.

"My eyes?" He asks confused

I roll my eyes at this. Surly he should know why his eyes would make me forget there's a world outside.

"Yeah there beautiful, not even Crayola could invent such a beautiful color like that, your eyes hypnotize. You could very well work in Vegas in a magic show….but you would have to wear spanx… I think…. I don't know if they still do wear spanx…do they still wear spanx?" I laugh of the thought of William wearing spanx "you have beautiful eyes, there your best attribute. Not that I'm saying you ugly. Because…" I point to his whole body "your just….wow, it's like if you walked out of some fashion magazine. Your parents must really know how to create babies….not that I'm saying I'm imagining your parents doing it….I mean surely they must have done it to make you….oh my god stop me now" I say hiding my face in embarrassment due to my rambling

William shifts uncomfortably in his chair looking everywhere except at me. Good job Elizabeth you made the only person you have met in England feel uncomfortable with you. Knowing him and his shy tendencies he must be ready to run from you.

"Well….that was…." I see his brain working trying to find a word for my most embarrassing ramble "informative?"

"Owls are the only birds in the world that can see the color blue." I blurt out

William finally looks up at me with this. He has no expression in his face. Wow good job Lizzie you're scarring him with your nervous tick of blurting out random facts.

Stupid stupid stupid

Then his face breaks into a smile and then laughter. I start laughing too, more because I'm relieved then nothing.

"Well you do have beautiful eyes so why hide the fact from you? I think that it's good to express what's in your mind not hide it. For example if I think someone is good looking I think it's better if I tell them, it doesn't mean I will sleep with them, it just means that I find them attractive. I appreciate good genes when I see them. Which by the way I think your attractive and I think the rest of the woman here find you attractive too," I say nodding my head at the rest of the people around the café "and I think even other men find you cute too." I say with a grin as I catch some men from the other table looking at him

He blushes at this. I can tell he's not used to being called attractive, or maybe he has been called attractive but hasn't believed it. Which leads me to think either he was either a very ugly child and isn't used to being called beautiful or he had an even more beautiful sibling who must of stolen all the attention and beauty away from him. Just like what happened with Jane and me. I'm not ugly but when I was with Jane I felt like the ugly duckling, of course all the oohs and awes went to Jane and her beauty and everyone forgot about me. It was when I wasn't with Jane that people noticed that I wasn't that ugly as they thought.

"You're really outspoken you know that?" William says

I grin at him "I know."

He shakes his head and smiles, "and you're also very weird."

I laugh at this, "wow you sure know how to woo a woman." I say, "but what was it you were asking me?"

He begins to shift again, something that I've noticed he does a lot when he's nervous. "Well….I…you see..." he stops, his eyebrows squeezing together as he's deep in concentration as he figures out a way to tell me what he wants to say. "I don't have nothing to do this week, I'm in vacation you could say, so I was wondering if I could spend it with you." He says looking hopeful at me, "I could show you around London."

I repress an urge to yell 'hell yeah' and look like a total desperate women. There is so much I can tolerate of being around my ten year old cousin whose a know it all and my baby cousins. "Your boss wouldn't mind you taking this week off?" I ask making sure he won't get in trouble.

I can tell he wants to laugh at something, I don't know what though, "yeah you can say that." He says smiling.

Awe so he is unemployed, maybe that's what he found so funny.

"Well then suit boy prepare to get the funnest week you've ever experienced!" I stop and look at him and smile a mischief smile, "the America way." I say standing up and offering him my hand.

"Should I be worried?" He says taking my hand.

"Well let's just say we Americans don't get embarrassed that easily as you English people." I say laughing at his worried look.

DAY 5

"Get down!" I yell tackling William to the floor as a paintball fly's and hits the tree behind us. I stand up quickly and quickly shoot the person who shot at us.

"What the hell!" William sputters underneath me his face red from the exertion of running around in the forest as people fire at us with paintball guns. "How did you learn to shoot?"

"My mom's from the south, every time I would visit my aunt and uncle over there my uncle would take me hunting, it was until I got a little older that I noticed I was killing defenseless animals." I say.

William nods in understanding.

"I don't know how you convinced me to do this, this is not fun at all." He says growling as he stands up.

"Awe stop whining." I say trying to tame my curly hair in place, "it makes you look ugly."

He scowls at this.

"This is way more fun than walking around looking at paintings." I say, "don't get me wrong it was nice the first hour, but after the women in front of us in the tour started asking questions about what was the difference between vintage paintings and classic paintings I seriously was considering to volunteer my ears and eyes to the science community." I add quickly when his smile starts falling.

The idea of going to an art museum was his idea. I mean I love museums but I tend to get a little restless after some time walking around trying to find the meaning of some painting that looks nothing more like splattered paint.

This is the 5th day I've known William.

"You're so dramatic Elizabeth." He says laughing.

I glare at him. "You're mocking me!"

He continues to laugh as he walks away giving me a good look at his sculpted back and perfect butt.

Damn that man is fine.

"The way to the flag is this way." I yell pointing to the other direction William is walking towards.

William turns around, "I knew that, I just wanted to see if you were paying attention."

"Of course you where" I say smiling and rolling my eyes.

It takes us about 15 minutes to get to where the flag is at. We decide that I'm going to go and take it and William is going to cover me from behind a tree. Once I get to where the flag is at a tall scrawny teenager pops up from behind a tree.

"Hi beautiful." He slurs looking at me in a perverted way.

Great a hormonal teenager. Just what I needed.

"You want the flag don't you?" He asks.

"No I came here to watch the grass grow, of course I came here for the flag you idiot!" I yell.

"Oh you're feisty, I like that"

I roll my eyes; I don't have time for this. "Look get out of my way or I'll shoot you in your balls." I say aiming my gun at him.

"I'll give you the flag." He says offering me the flag. I look at him skeptically.

"But first I want you to show me your boobs." He says heaving.

I laugh at this, "nope, I choose shooting at your balls." I say aiming my gun down at him, but he quickly grabs my gun with one hand and with the other he grabs my wrist.

Wow for someone so lanky he's strong. Must be because he plays video games so much. Can Pushing buttons strengthen a person? I'm about to kick him when I get hit with a paintball.

What the hell!? Who shot me?

Tall and lanky gets scared and runs off with the flag shooting blindly to whomever shot me. Just great.

"Elizabeth are you all right?" William comes running towards me worry written across his face.

"I'm all right," I say standing up from where I fell in the floor, "did you see who shot me?" I ask him.

He blushes at this and looks at the floor, "yeah that was me" he says sheepishly. "I was aiming for the guy who attacked you but I don't have a good aim."

I finally look at him and he has paint splattered in his chest, apparently one of tall and lanky blind shots found William. I don't know why this makes me laugh so much and before I know it me and William are in the grass floor laughing like crazy.

"I guess we lost." William says looking at me.

"I guess so," I say laughing.

DAY 6

"Sorry but were out of Mountain Dew is Sprite okay?"The waitress asks William.

He scrunches up his face, "no that's all right I'll get water instead." He replies to the waitress.

She snaps back into attention when William closes his menu, apparently the eye color is memorizing to the whole population of women.

"Your drinks will be here shortly." She says smiling at William completely ignoring me.

William of course and his social awkwardness does not realize that the waitress is ogling him.

"She wants you." I tell William after the waitress has gone.

He looks up at me startled by this. I still don't comprehend how a man who looks like him does not realize the effect he has on the opposite sex. I want to tease him about this, but I know William enough to know he hates to be teased. In another occasion I will tease him.

This is the sixth day that I know William. We decided after going window shopping that we should eat somewhere. He told me we should try this fancy restaurant, but I explained to him that I hate fancy restaurants. The people in there are just judging everyone, even the waitresses' judge! I told him that there was this family restaurant that I had gone the first day I was here in London that served really good food.

So that's what we're doing right now.

"Why don't you like Sprite? It taste the same as Mountain Dew." I ask after a minute of silence.

He gasps, "Sprite does not taste the same! I'm offended." His face is expressionless; I feel the need to apologize until I see a smile breaking into his face.

"Ha ha ha you're so funny." I reply as the waitress puts down our drinks in front of us.

"Do you know what you want to order?" She says smiling at William and addressing only him. I want to tell her that her attitude will only get her a lower tip. But of course I get interrupted by William and his order. She then looks at me waiting for my order.

"I'll get a bowl of vanilla ice-cream and some brownies, after that I'll get the supreme burger."

She looks at me curiously but doesn't ask any questions. At least she has manners.

I turn to see William who has an eyebrow raised.

"What?"

"You eat your desert first?" He asks curiously.

"Yeah and?"

"Don't you think that's weird?" He asks.

I shrug, "I don't care what people think about me, the way I see it all the rest of the people who eat their food first and then desert are wrong." I say drinking my soda.

"Oh please do explain. Enlighten me, now you've left me wondering. And it would be really rude of your part to leave me in expectation." He says leaning against his chair with a humor in his eyes.

That bastard.

He's laughing at me.

"The way I see it," I say putting my drink down. "I want to enjoy life at its fullest. Society thinks that you should eat dinner first and then desert but since I was a child I've always loved deserts and always looked forward to it when I finished my dinner. But by the time I had finished dinner I was too full and thus didn't enjoy my desert. That's why I think desert should be eaten first and then dinner. So that we can enjoy the taste of desert to its fullest."

"Well that's quite a theory Elizabeth, but many can fight with you and tell you your little arrangement can bring many consequences to the health getting full on just sweets would bring down your health." Williams says still with a smirk in his face.

"Well William," I say putting a lot of emphasis in his name. "I never said that I would get full on just sweets I did order dinner, didn't I?"

He laughs, "well I can't argue with that argument."

"Well I do try to enjoy life." I say laughing.

"Always? Don't you think that there are moments where you have to be responsible and do your duty?" He asks.

"Of course there are moments where you have to be responsible, but the way I see it our whole life revolves in the past. We've lived all these years and everything we've lived through are memories the only thing we have is now. The present. These seconds that right now are our present, and it's up to us to enjoy them. To make these seconds these minutes a memory we can come back to when we have problems or difficulties. And that's what I think enjoying life is all about. Making memories worth staying up at night thinking about."

His eyes gaze deep into me. Analyzing me. I'm afraid to look away, I don't know what his trying to find. But I won't coward down to him.

"You're unlike any other woman I have met Elizabeth." He finally says.

"I know," I laugh "oooh I love this song!" I tell William as a song plays as background music in the restaurant. "Me and my dad have this tradition that whenever this song plays him and I have to dance to it, wherever we're at." I stand up, "come on." I say to William extending my hand to him.

"What are you doing?" He asks.

"Were going to dance!"

"Here?" He asks looking around at the packed restaurant.

"Of course!"

He looks up at me for a minute, I can see his hesitation. He's not used to doing these kinds of random things. He finally takes my hand and stands up.

"Come on." I whisper, "let's go make some memories!"

DAY 7

"Come on." I say to William who doesn't want to jump the gate.

"I don't think this is a good idea." He says, I see his silhouette in the night and he's shifting uncomfortably in his feet. He's nervous.

"This place is abandoned; no one will know were here. Come on it will be fun!" I exclaim trying to encourage him to jump the gate.

I found an abandoned hotel two days ago and I've wanted to explore it. So this is what we're doing tonight or better yet what I might do since William is too much of a coward to trespass in private property.

He exhales, "fine." He mutters and quickly climbs over the gate. I squeal in happiness. At least if I get caught and go to prison I won't be alone. I know, selfish of my part.

"Come on!" I say grabbing his arm and tugging him to the hotel.

A window is broken so that's where we enter from. The hotel is huge; it looks like if it was a beautiful in its time. It kind of reminds me of a palace. A beautiful palace.

"Isn't it beautiful?" I ask in awe.

"I find it creepy and dirty." William responds.

"I feel like if I just stepped into an 18th century novel." I say with a courtesy, then before I know what I'm doing I start singing and twirling.

"Dancing bears, painted wings, things I almost remember and a song someone sings once upon a December." I sing twirling and dancing across the lobby of the abandoned hotel, I feel like if I just stepped into a whole new world. I grab William and start dancing with him, or better yet I dance and he stands stiffly.

"Someone holds me safe and warm horses prance through a silver storm figures dancing gracefully across my memory." I start humming and twirling loosing myself in the song.

"What are you doing?" William says stopping me from my dancing.

"Have you ever seen the movie Anastasia?" I ask him.

He shakes his head.

"Then you don't understand what I'm doing, there's a scene in the movie where she enters an abandoned palace that reminds me of this hotel and she starts singing and dancing." I tell him, "I was obsessed with that movie; I think I watched it every day, I watched it a million times just for that scene…. I found it magical." I say in a whisper remembering the movie I start humming the song again as I twirl again.

"Far away long ago glowing dim as an ember things my heart use to know, things it yearns to remember, and a song someone sings….once upon a December." I finish dropping myself to the floor like I remember the girl in the movie did.

I stop when I see William staring at me attentively.

"You should watch it, it's beautiful." I say standing up cleaning my jeans from the dirt it collected.

"I think I will." He says expressionless.

We stand there awkwardly for I don't know how long until I remember why I brought him here.

"Come on," I say grabbing his hand again and taking him up the stairs until we find the roof.

"This is what I wanted to show you." I tell him.

"A roof?"

I roll my eyes, "no you smart ass." I say taking some blankets from my bag and laying them in the ground, "come on." I say motioning him to sit beside me in the blankets.

He hesitates before sitting beside me.

"So what did you want to show me?"

I push him down so he's lying in the blanket and I quickly do the same thing and lye beside him.

"That." I say pointing to the night sky.

"Elizabeth, if you wanted to star gaze I'm sorry to tell you but this is London. We can't see the stars due to light pollution."

I laugh at this, "that is why I came prepared." I say grabbing my bag and taking flashlights and papers from it, "we have the same problem in Manhattan. I have a little sister who is obsessed with star gazing but since we can't see the stars we do the next best thing." I say handing him a paper and flashlight.

He looks at me curiously before looking down at the paper. I remember the first time Mary showed me how to do this. I thought it was a little crazy but afterwards I liked the idea. But then I remember the unspoken rule about not talking about nothing personal. I look up at him to see if he realized my mishap.

"So you have a little sister?" He asks.

I nod my head, not correcting him and telling him that I actually have three younger sisters.

"I also have a younger sister. But she's not into star gazing. When she was little she used to make me play with her." He says looking up at the night sky. "She had this doll she loved a lot, made me name her."

My jaw drops, William played with his little sister? That has to be the cutest thing ever! "What did you name the doll?" I ask him trying to take back my composure.

"I called her Olivia but my sister hated that name so she used to call her Olive." He shrugs, "I guess you were right about making memories you can think about at night." He says smiling at me, he has an amazing smile, he should smile more often.

"This is a star map." He says looking down at the paper.

"Yep." I answer trying to remember what was the reason I brought him here, "the thing we do is that we look down at the paper and see the stars and then look at the sky and imagine them there, for example that's the big dipper." I say pointing at stars in the paper, "and they would be there." I say pointing at a spot in the night sky. "The big dipper is my favorite by the way."

"Why?" William asks.

I curse myself for telling William that I like the Big Dipper.

"Did you know why the big dipper is called that?" I say changing his question; I don't want to tell him my reason for liking that specific constellation.

"Why do you like the Big Dipper Elizabeth?" He asks me, not dropping the subject. He turns to his side to look at me his icy blue eyes still visible even in the darkness.

"Its called the Big Dipper because the major stars can be seen to follow the rough outline of a large ladle or dipper."

He takes my cheek and cups it with his hand, "why do you like the Big Dipper Elizabeth?" He asks again but this time in a soft voice.

"In the 19th century, runaway slaves would follow the Big Dipper to the north with hopes of freedom." I say ignoring his question.

He exhales and finally turns away from me laying back in the blanket.

I don't know if I should tell William my reason. I barley know him, yes I've spent almost all my waking hours of this week with him but can I tell him this?

"The Native Americans had the Big Dipper as a bear. A momma bear followed by her three cubs. And I don't know but I've always liked that story better. I just think how protective the mother bear is and the love for her three cubs she must have." I look at William and I don't know what he must think, I know he must know that this story hurts me because I must have some problem with my own mother.

"And that's why I like the Big Dipper because like the Native Americans said it's actually a momma bear protecting its three cubs." I say looking at the sky where I know the Big Dipper should be.

I look at William again and his eyes have become darker then what they were some minutes ago.

"Are you o-" But I'm interrupted of what I'm going to ask him when I feel Williams lips pressed against my own. I don't move to shocked about whats happening.

William is kissing me. William is kissing me.

William. Is. Kissing. Me.

His lips are soft and warm and shy like if he doesn't know if he should be doing this. I know if I asked him right now he would stop. But do I want him to stop? I don't know. Before I decide what to do William is retreating from me.

"Sorry I just had to do that, I've been asking myself how it would feel to kiss you." He says starring at his hands. He's shifting nervously again and blushing profoundly even in the darkness I can see his blush.

He looks adorable.

And before I know what I'm doing I reach for him and kiss him. It's supposed to be a short kiss reassuring him that everything is fine, that we can still be friends. Nothing more can happen. We're just friends. I just met this guy a week ago, that would just be too easy of my part if I let this continue. But what started off as soft and delicate has become passionate and rough with hunger.

Raw hunger.

I've had boyfriends before and I've kissed them before but I've never experienced this feeling of not wanting to stop. Before I know it I'm lying in my back and William is on top of me. I don't know where my shirt went or his for the matter. All I know is that there's too much clothes between us and I want them off.

"I've never done this before." I whisper to him.

He just grunts.

"Did you know," I say between kisses,"that every three minutes someone in America reports seeing a UFO?"

"You're weird." He responds.

"And you're awkward." I laugh.

I wonder how old he is, I just turned eighteen 3 months ago. He looks like he's in his mid 20's.

But all I know is that I don't want him to stop and I know we won't stop.

DAY 8

My eyes flutter open when I feel the sunlight in my eyes. I have the blanket in top of my naked body. William must have put it there. I turn around to look at William but I don't find him there. I look around but he's not here.

He left.

Don't worry Lizzie he must have gone to get something to eat. He didn't leave you. I quickly get up and put my clothes on. I sit there waiting for him for what must have been hours but he never comes. Maybe he had an emergency I think as I climb over the gate of the abandoned hotel.

Yeah that's it, he had an emergency maybe he will be at the café like every day today waiting for you, I tell myself.

I walk quickly to the café to wait for him not caring I'm wearing yesterday's clothes. I don't care if I'm walking the walk of shame; all I want is to see William again.

I stay in the café till dark.

William never came.

"Miss, we're about to close." The barista says standing beside me. I look up at her; it's the same young woman who always works here when William and I are here. She looks down at me with pity.

She must know what happened, if yesterdays close didn't give her the hint then my jaw tight with anger will.

The walk back to Uncle Gardiner's house is humiliating. The ache between my legs is the only sign that William ever existed.

Aunt Gardiner must be sick with worry, I didn't even call to tell her that I wouldn't be home all day. How irresponsible am I?

Tears unconsciously start falling down my cheeks as I walk the crowded streets of London. William used me. He used me. He only wanted one thing, and he must have thought the 'Weird-Crazy-American-Girl' would be easy.

How wrong I was about him.

He lied to me all this time.

I'm so stupid.

Stupid, stupid girl.

I walk into my uncle and aunt's house, my aunts yelling at me for not calling, her worry is evident in her voice. She's crying. I don't know what she's saying. I'm in a haze. All I know is that I feel dirty, I need to take a shower. I need to get his kisses and touches off of my skin. I need him out of me.

I run into my bathroom and lock the door. I get into the shower not worrying to take my clothes off. I just sit there crying my eyes out, letting the water mix with my tears.

I won't cry for you William. These will be the last tears I will shed for you. You're not worth it. You played with my feelings but I won't let you play with my feelings anymore.

Damn you William.

Damn you.

But what Elizabeth never noticed was a note beside her when she woke up in neat handwriting.

Dear Elizabeth,

I'm sorry I couldn't wake up beside you, I just got a call from my job and their was an emergency. You looked to cute to wake up. I might be stuck at the office the whole day but I would love for you to come visit me at the office. My number is in the back of the paper. Please call me, I can't wait to see you.

From,

The awkward human being who is falling in love with you,

William Darcy

P.s I know we aren't supposed to tell each other's our last names or anything personal but I think we can drop that after last night.

A/N: Ok guys don't kill me. I know this was supposed to be the chapter when Elizabeth finally sees Darcy again, but so many people wanted a flashback that I decided to make one. I was actually going to make it short like someone suggested and just continue on with the story. But like I said I just get carried away writing.